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  • P&S Moderators: Xorkoth | Madness

Dreams and interpretation

Hey thanks for the reply, I totally hate when you lose big posts, I've lost some really great ones over the years. I usually type out long posts in a text editor now. And I never Bluelight on my phone, I can't stand phone Internet when it's going to involve typing, give me a real keyboard any day. :)

Anyway, yeah I'm very familiar with the desire for what you don't have... the "grass is greener" complex, humans really seem to have it bad, or some do anyway, I know I do. I'm happy with what I have, it's just something that goes through my mind sometimes. And apparently my subconscious mind.

Good luck with your boyfriend's situation, for both of you. Opiate withdrawal is really hard, I was addicted to opiates for 10 years and I went back and forth so many times. It was hell, I wish you guys strength, it's really hard for him, and I learned from my ex that it's also really hard for the person who's not addicted to watch the whole thing. Addiction is crazy...
 
Xorkoth, in happy to hear about your recovery! We are 8 days in now, still doing well. Weakness and insomnia are the only physical issues left, but mentality he has started to get antsy. It's alot of work on both of us.


I had dejavu today, that had not happened in many years. It was at work about a worker and job situation. It's cool to experience and I always wonder what dejavu realy is and how it takes place.
 
Thanks, it's tough to get past it, but life looks so much better on the other side (so much...)
 
Sounds like you shouldn't be resisting her advances then. ;) How come you feel like you should?
 
ShroomySatori said:
Nothing ended up happening. It's the reason I am suicidal. I can't handle the loneliness anymore and I guess this will be my last post as I am about to rail a full gram of heroin. I usually do around 30mg. I cannot bear the lack of intimacy in my life any longer, and there is simply one way out as I don't understand women and never will. I see EXACTLY how the dream predicted this. I walked by the room with the people fucking in it. My mom wanted me to go back down to where the ghosts and evil spirits were. This woman does not give a flying FUCK about me. Not a FUCK. That is it - I'm done. Women have officially driven me not only to the point of full blown heroin addiction past even the overindulgent self-medication of chronic pain, but to the point of being downright suicidal. And when you have a good amount of heroin laying around for your tolerance, that just isn't a good combination depending on how you look at it. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. NOT AGAIN. Just someone have mercy I cannot take this lonely I CANNOT TAKE IT. Goodbye.
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Shit, I actually have looked forward to your point of view here on BL. I guess the perspective gets clear when you get to the place your at. If you manage to be back here give us self centered addicts a second chance. We need you as much as you need us.
 
Well I hope you find that deep intimacy, in truth that is one of life's universal goals. Regardless of our place we all need that unconditional love at some point. Understanding that intimacy is much more than physical makes this a risk taking venture.

How to find real love without real risk? I guess sometimes we get lucky in life and someone else risks themselves for us, putting it out there and being vulnerable. I got lucky and didn't miss my chance when it happened to me, after so many burns I didn't think I'd ever risk again.

Oh and drugs help. The hardest part is always picking up what is left and shuffling onward. But posting a few all cap BITCH SLAPS helps.

Your posts here I try to read most of the time, despite lacking paragraphs. Your not scared to say how you feel and that makes this board better. I try to always remember I'm just an addict with a haircut, sometimes those hell days really made me stronger. Dreams I know nothing of but the topic seems vitally important to spirituality. Being on MJ medically I don't get too many dreams but they are usually lucid and just about as trippy as shrooms.

Glad to see you are still with us. Sorry if I have avoided posting a few times when I saw some encouragement I could offer. BL can be a harsh board if you are open, a kind word can go a long way, I'll try to leave a few more.
 
The character of the appointments completely changed today. I was shocked. She was nothing but cold. I guess the window of opportunity really is that brief of a time frame. First time she didn't make me take shirt off, she kept door open, like fuck I had my tattoo fuck. It was miserable and I'm a worthless piece of trash for not picking up on that and what could have been such a beautiful thing. She sees me for what I am now: a joke of a man. I believe this is because I didn't respond last time, she completely caught me off guard because she shouldn't be doing that at her fucking job and I guess now I'm fucking worthless to her. So I'm cancelling all the rest of my appointments and she can fuck the fuck off, or at least I am going to be miserable towards her but I don't think I could handle seeing her ever again. Man I can't respond right now because blue light doesn't let me space out my sentences with blank lines anymore. I can just keep it short and say thanks for the encouraging words. I am suffering a lot. In fact, I am in tears right now sobbing over this. Women put me in my suicidal place, I wasn't good enough for them. Anyways, I need some more heroin to keep me sane and I'll be surfing around the site a bit. I wrote out a nicer reply but it all collapsed into one block of words for fucks sake. Have a good one. I can't write for shit as I never enjoyed it choosing a different path. I'm just really sad because I feel left out. I feel like I don't even know the other half of my species and it breaks my heart. I can sense that the end is near. The only constructive thing I've done for BL is opiate tapering support in the dark side. I come here to vent a lot.
 
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^ I am really sorry to hear that ShroomySatori, I hope you are feeling a little better. <3 I wish I had something more meaningful to say, sorry. :(

belligerent drunk said:
Also not too long ago I have read somewhere that all the characters and even the environment in our dreams are representing parts of ourselve, so the dream 'me' interacting with the dream 'other' is really showing a process that takes place within the actual 'me'
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Could you expand on that? Dreams, AFAIK, are scenarios the brain comes up with during sleep for whatever reason. They may be influenced by outside factors such as recent events, but in the end all the job is done by the brain. So yes, it's showing the processes that take place within you, but is that what you meant or something else?
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Yeah I don't quite remember what it was exactly that I read there or where, now that I think of it, it might well just have been about this rather obvious point. But what I was talking about was rather the interpretation of dream material. Some time ago I had a recurring theme in my dreams about being with a group of people, one of which was constantly putting me down and making fun of me to the point where I became very angry, so angry in fact that I came very close to punching them in the face, which is very much out of character for me. At first I thought this was relating to my problems with social anxiety, but what didn't quite fit was the reaction of being angry. Because the line of thought when it comes to social anxiety, at least for me, is more about "They don't like me, and they are probably right to do so because I'm so dumb/boring/whathaveyou" rather than "What you don't like me? Fuck You!" obviously.
But then I thought of this sentence I had read that "we are playing all the roles ourselves" and it suddenly came to me that it makes much more sense to interpret this other person as not representing 'other people' at all, it is really representative of a part of me. It's that nasty inner critic that never leaves a good hair on anything that I do, whom "I" despise equally, reacting just as nasty. So it's like the inner critic says "Oh come on tokezu, why are you being such an idiot again?" and then "I" respond "Fuck you, inner critic, can't you leave me alone just for once damn it?" to which the inner critic replies "Fuck you twice, I am only trying to help you, you piece of shit!" and then "me" "Yeah, yeah, I can do without that kind of help, fuck off will you?"
So essentially it's a big fat circle of me being nasty towards myself. Which also explains why I felt so bad for getting angry in those dreams. Anger might be the appropriate reaction, even when it might not be helpful, when other people are treating you badly. But when it is you who is treating yourself badly, than anger is definitely neither helpful nor appropriate, but instead I guess it's best to be as compassionate with yourself as you can be, because all that nastiness just comes from a place of pain.


Now, trying to actually implement that lesson is a whole other kettle of fish haha. :\
 
My dreams usually involve some sort of violence or catastrophe. I think there's something wrong with me mentally. lol
 
Xorkoth said:
I had an intense dream last night. My ex and I were together in it (no idea why I keep having these dreams where we're still together, it happens with regularity, and we had a very negative relationship, she was quite emotionally abusive, I guess it's just because we were together from age 18 to 30, takes more than 3 years to clear that out
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Funny you should say that. I often have dreams where I'm still with my first boyfriend. Our relationship was very negative too. We were only together for about 4 years (14-17). It's probably partly to do with how conflicted I still feel about him. When it ended he'd been abusive and cheating on me. And I still feel very conflicted about why I didn't end it when things got bad. Abd conflicted about him. He was genuinely a good person when we met and when we first got together. But as we grew up he became more and more of an asshole. Also odd is I rarely think about him in my waking life. I think I still have some unresolved issues and conflicted feelings about the whole thing which is why my mind keeps creating dreams about him trying to work it out.

With my current boyfriend my dreams about him always involve me being separated from him and unable to find him. Which I think are caused by my anxieties and worries about losing him.

Fortunately neither dream is very common. My dreams tend to either be nightmares about my childhood abuse issues which seen to come in episodes. Having them for a few nights then nothing for about a month. Apart from that my dreams tend to be very surreal and abstract. Like having two dreams at once where the first dream doesn't include me at all and I simply experience it from a third person godlike perspective. Controlling that dream as myself in another dream going concurrently. Hard to describe but probably my most common sort of dream.
 
Several years ago I was having sleep paralysis and seeing shadows in my bedroom. I was having the most intense dreams of my life that I perceived to be demonic in nature.

I was not religious at that point in my life but I started going to Christian and Pagan churches and the night terrors stopped.

Anyone else ever had a similar experience?
 
I used to see ghosts as a child. I saw them everywhere at night, they were staticky, blue, and seemed to be on another level of existence. They completely ignored me, and I was never afraid of them. I liked to watch them but I never brought it up, or thought about it much. The were just there, roaming around at night.

Recently I was laying in bed and quickly looked up. There was a woman standing there who definitely did not want to be seen, as when she saw my eyes were slightly open she turned away real quick and disappeared. She was tall, dressed in red and blacked. Seemed pretty demonic.

I definitely think there is a possibility of the existence of spirits. I like to keep a dream journal too, I've been doing this all year. It's a good way to practice dream recall and get into lucid dreaming.

I frequently have apocalyptic zombie-type paranoid dreams, probably from the holes in my brain.
 
Has anyone ever experienced or wondered why you wake up right before either something really good or really bad is about to happen in your dream? Like you dream you're making out with someone but right before you start fucking you wake up? I hate that shit although it's probably better on the bed sheets lol. Or as far as bad shit you dream something like you're about to see someone get hit by a car but wake up right before it happens.
 
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