Hello every one,
Im new to the forum but not new to drugs I'm 28 from as young as 12 I was smoking cannabis mainly hash when I was a kid which progressed to much stronger weed I had a long running love/hate relationship with cocaine when I first tried cocaine I must of been around 20ish can't remember exactly. I do remember my life was what I considered perfect then I came into a nice some of cash when I had accident on the road so I had a lot of money no job and i will remember that period of my life forever let me give you an example of my life then... It was summer I'm like 19/20 cash in the bank I lived then in a nice home I'd just passed my driving test I would wake up maybe walk to the shop get some beers ring up my dealer cop a oz of coke then go get nice bit of weed and stroll Home headphones blaring happy as a pig in shit... It was around the time the Xbox 360 came out I remember buying it and a 32" flat screen when they first came out.
i would stock up on coke and weed beers etc then I would literally wake up smoke a bong have breakfast cup of tea few lines and be online gaming all day I honestly loved it at the time while every one was living in what is known as "reality" for most let's be real it's a boring 9-5 type job they do t enjoy it simply pays the bills right, I was in my own drug induced virtual reality I lived this way for years I wasn't a typical coke head back then I actually joined the gym and took care of myself.. Anyway after a few years the money ran out and I had to go back to a normal life somewhat not much changed my drug intake went down because of financial reasons but I would still binge on coke but it very quickly done the opposite effect it crept into all aspects of my life work etc ruinined friendships and stuff...
Then when I look back to what felt like rock bottom I met this girl and bam I was in love for the first time I still makes my stomach go now thinking about it :/ I'd been with lots of girls but never in love.. I fell hard for this girl and we ended up sharing a house a dog everything I had never been happier in my life I woke up to amazing sex and breakfast instead of drugs my life felt it had a purpose I meen I didn't particularly enjoy my job at the time but how else was I gonna put food on the table and pay the bills for my and my girl right? dam I was so happy back then
a good 3 years went by so fast and Its a long story so I won't bore you and more after I fucked up on a few things eventually she told me it was over. I was crushed beyond belief it's been years and when I think of it, it still hurts.
This was when things seemed to go downhill somewhat I remember I ended up going to the docs and being put on antidepressants i came off after about six months and yeah was still down I started to drink alcohol heavily it became a real problem I was a alcoholic it would just take away the pain numb me I couldn't think straight so it helped me escape...
Then I met another girl man it had been years but it felt like it was happening again I really liked her and I found when I was In a relationships I could drop drugs like a bad habit.. But she lived a hours drive from me and the distance was hurting things I remember it was around Easter not long ago think last year she had arranged a hotel for us and I ended up going out and getting drunk the night before taking ampetamines all night watching porn and basically I was still awake from the speed at 5pm the next day I'd took that much.. she txt me saying she was on the way my heart dropped I couldn't reply I was embarrassed. She txt me she was there and the bastard I am I didn't even reply I made her so upset and myself she didn't want anything to do with me after that rightly so...but a few months passed she messaged saying she can't stop thinking about me and I felt the same this is when things just this year have went from bad to worse for me guys.
in the few months after this I went on some pretty epic binges cocaine alcohol amphetamines diazepam I even smoked ice over in London I had a lot of unprotected sex high and drunk and yeah when I come to my senses I wanted to get back with this girl I thought I will get my self checked out at the clinic it had been a long time I had no symptoms just for peace of mind and to my horror discovered I had contracted HIV I'm on medication now but iv felt suicidal a few times and have never spoke to this beautifull girl again she not gonna want to be with me now no one is!
this happened this year guys 2016 so it's fresh my last time feeling very suicidal I ended up drinking at about 9am week day and walking around the place I used to live in my first relationship mentioned a girl walked past me and said its a bit early for that my reply was its a bit early to throw myself under a train but that's my plan she kept walking but came back 5 mins later asked me what was up I told her about my diagnosis she went on to tell me she was a crack and heroin user.. We bacame friends I'd tried crack once before and told her to cop me some so she did i can't lie it feels good now I'm developing a crack addiction and iv visited a lot of dealers In a short space of time and they all sell both heroin and crack so I copped a small bag and smoked it and was a bit let down to be honest but it scares me that in the last few months iv became suicidal and don't think any girl will want to be with me again.. So my thoughts are purely on getting high at the min I can see this road being messy but I really don't want to be here guys I'm loosing the will to live. Im literally going to cop a small bit of crack and heroin today don't know we're to go or what to do but I feel so alone right now il report back soon guys...
Im new to the forum but not new to drugs I'm 28 from as young as 12 I was smoking cannabis mainly hash when I was a kid which progressed to much stronger weed I had a long running love/hate relationship with cocaine when I first tried cocaine I must of been around 20ish can't remember exactly. I do remember my life was what I considered perfect then I came into a nice some of cash when I had accident on the road so I had a lot of money no job and i will remember that period of my life forever let me give you an example of my life then... It was summer I'm like 19/20 cash in the bank I lived then in a nice home I'd just passed my driving test I would wake up maybe walk to the shop get some beers ring up my dealer cop a oz of coke then go get nice bit of weed and stroll Home headphones blaring happy as a pig in shit... It was around the time the Xbox 360 came out I remember buying it and a 32" flat screen when they first came out.
i would stock up on coke and weed beers etc then I would literally wake up smoke a bong have breakfast cup of tea few lines and be online gaming all day I honestly loved it at the time while every one was living in what is known as "reality" for most let's be real it's a boring 9-5 type job they do t enjoy it simply pays the bills right, I was in my own drug induced virtual reality I lived this way for years I wasn't a typical coke head back then I actually joined the gym and took care of myself.. Anyway after a few years the money ran out and I had to go back to a normal life somewhat not much changed my drug intake went down because of financial reasons but I would still binge on coke but it very quickly done the opposite effect it crept into all aspects of my life work etc ruinined friendships and stuff...
Then when I look back to what felt like rock bottom I met this girl and bam I was in love for the first time I still makes my stomach go now thinking about it :/ I'd been with lots of girls but never in love.. I fell hard for this girl and we ended up sharing a house a dog everything I had never been happier in my life I woke up to amazing sex and breakfast instead of drugs my life felt it had a purpose I meen I didn't particularly enjoy my job at the time but how else was I gonna put food on the table and pay the bills for my and my girl right? dam I was so happy back then
a good 3 years went by so fast and Its a long story so I won't bore you and more after I fucked up on a few things eventually she told me it was over. I was crushed beyond belief it's been years and when I think of it, it still hurts.This was when things seemed to go downhill somewhat I remember I ended up going to the docs and being put on antidepressants i came off after about six months and yeah was still down I started to drink alcohol heavily it became a real problem I was a alcoholic it would just take away the pain numb me I couldn't think straight so it helped me escape...
Then I met another girl man it had been years but it felt like it was happening again I really liked her and I found when I was In a relationships I could drop drugs like a bad habit.. But she lived a hours drive from me and the distance was hurting things I remember it was around Easter not long ago think last year she had arranged a hotel for us and I ended up going out and getting drunk the night before taking ampetamines all night watching porn and basically I was still awake from the speed at 5pm the next day I'd took that much..
she txt me saying she was on the way my heart dropped I couldn't reply I was embarrassed. She txt me she was there and the bastard I am I didn't even reply I made her so upset and myself she didn't want anything to do with me after that rightly so...but a few months passed she messaged saying she can't stop thinking about me and I felt the same this is when things just this year have went from bad to worse for me guys.in the few months after this I went on some pretty epic binges cocaine alcohol amphetamines diazepam I even smoked ice over in London I had a lot of unprotected sex high and drunk and yeah when I come to my senses I wanted to get back with this girl I thought I will get my self checked out at the clinic it had been a long time I had no symptoms just for peace of mind and to my horror discovered I had contracted HIV I'm on medication now but iv felt suicidal a few times and have never spoke to this beautifull girl again
she not gonna want to be with me now no one is!this happened this year guys 2016 so it's fresh my last time feeling very suicidal I ended up drinking at about 9am week day and walking around the place I used to live in my first relationship mentioned a girl walked past me and said its a bit early for that my reply was its a bit early to throw myself under a train but that's my plan she kept walking but came back 5 mins later asked me what was up I told her about my diagnosis she went on to tell me she was a crack and heroin user.. We bacame friends I'd tried crack once before and told her to cop me some so she did i can't lie it feels good now I'm developing a crack addiction and iv visited a lot of dealers In a short space of time and they all sell both heroin and crack so I copped a small bag and smoked it and was a bit let down to be honest but it scares me that in the last few months iv became suicidal and don't think any girl will want to be with me again.. So my thoughts are purely on getting high at the min I can see this road being messy but I really don't want to be here guys I'm loosing the will to live. Im literally going to cop a small bit of crack and heroin today
don't know we're to go or what to do but I feel so alone right now il report back soon guys...