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Beginning of Ascension: Some of my perceptions

iridescentblack

Bluelighter
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Oct 12, 2015
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This thread is going to be of a log of sorts, an account on some of my experiences. Hopefully others can share theirs if they're willing.

So, well after the Dark Night of the Soul... I'm within the period that's referred to as integration - or somewhere between integration and ascension.

My biggest perception so far is kind of arbitrary, though I'm sure some can find some sort of common ground with it:

I found myself staring in the direction of a light but I wasn't focusing on it. I became aware that my imagination was veering off in a whole other direction. Or perhaps it was second sight. Whatever the case, I realized I was seeing the light inside my mind but in a way that was like looking at a light in a vacuum of space. That's when I came to the conclusion that with all my knowledge, understandings, perceptions, and such... my consciousness - or spirit, if you will - is essentially just "a tiny light within a seemingly endless darkness (or void)". Come to think of it, I don't see why it would be all that hard to relate. We are all just transient guests in this bountiful universe ready to learn and grow, discover and incorporate. But what strikes me about this discovery, this realization - is that there is not only so much to discover about what's out there but there is so much to discover within as well. I believe the two coincide. The more we learn about ourselves - our capabilities and limitations - the more we have to uncover scientifically, technilogically, logically, or philosophically.

More posts still to come.
 
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Through the act of seeing, I've been able to produce amazing effects in dreams. But just like one of my favorite authors, Carlos Castaneda, it seems every accomplishment I make doesn't really get me very far, or yield me that much power. It seems my nagual is trying to push through the surface because my tonal is weak. Lately through second sight I've been able to see people's naguals but they are foreign to me as if the Dark Night of the Soul has changed me so much that I no longer recognize auras like they appeared when I was seeing during my kundalini awakening. If anyone has any insights on why that is I would be glad to hear them.

Forget everything you've heard about the tonal and nagual in terms of folklore. It seems the spirit animal stuff and shapeshifting stuff is all bogus... or perhaps they were metaphors.

Some of my thoughts on don Juan in Carlos Castaneda's stories: don Juan seems to have the ability to influence a persons nagual directly. (I've noticed the same jolts and "seizures" that Carlos gets when his nagual is affected directly. This is most noticeable when I try to activate second sight in dreams - for example, looking at my hands in lucid dreams.) Obviously this can only be done to a certain extent, i.e. performing basic rituals on a person like pouring water over them to keep their tonal and nagual from attacking one another. As don Juan suggests, they should be in perfect harmony.

Don Juan's descriptions of the nagual and tonal in Tales of Power were quite confusing at first, but if you can understand it then you have experienced these things within yourself. When seeing it is possible to access information from the nagual and be able to point out truisms about a person. This should be done as a sort of second nature, however. Straining to do this through observation is another thing entirely. E.g. Mentalism. But the warrior's tonal and nagual must be tight in order to put these things out with succession. In the past I have struggled with this when trying to get convince someone that someone in their life, whom I didn't know, was toxic to them, without knowing anything about that person. I didn't get all my words out in time because I felt like my nagual was throttled... perhaps by my tonal. So, yes: "tight". Always tight.

EDIT: Well, by Jove, I've done it! After a bit of trepidation, and over the course of roughly a week of mostly futile attempts, I managed to observe my hands in a lucid dream. However, I don't suppose this is much of an accomplishment as I did not remember the proper steps to take during and after observing my hands. Still, I feel a great sense that my subconscious and conscious minds are connecting and communicating.
 
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I hate to break it to you, but Don Juan never existed. It's common knowledge (and kind of a joke) among Senoran indigenous people that Castaneda's books are works of fiction. A lot of young people have gone down to the Senora Valley seeking out Don Juans over the years. A friend of mine used to do ethnobotanical research in that region for several years and whenever Castaneda came up in conversation people would just roll their eyes.

Not saying that your personal experiences aren't real, but you might benefit from removing the fictional overlay and work with systems based on real traditional knowledge. If the indigenous approach works for you, there are some lineages out there open to the public if you know how to approach them. AFAIK the Senoran traditions are not among them.
 
I've been working on integrating disowned experiences and parts of my psyche for almost a year now. It is very painful. But the rewards for it are more consciousness, less negative energy, and unlocked positive energy. And you become more whole and healthy in general.
 
I hate to break it to you, but Don Juan never existed. It's common knowledge (and kind of a joke) among Senoran indigenous people that Castaneda's books are works of fiction. A lot of young people have gone down to the Senora Valley seeking out Don Juans over the years. A friend of mine used to do ethnobotanical research in that region for several years and whenever Castaneda came up in conversation people would just roll their eyes.

Not saying that your personal experiences aren't real, but you might benefit from removing the fictional overlay and work with systems based on real traditional knowledge. If the indigenous approach works for you, there are some lineages out there open to the public if you know how to approach them. AFAIK the Senoran traditions are not among them.
That might explain why don Juan contradicts himself a lot... and why Carlos is kind of... slow.

I gotta admit, this is pretty embarrassing on my part, though.

I've been scared shitless to try and seek knowledge from any source I didn't know prior to my Dark Night of the Soul. Apparently my particular spiritual path, according to some boddhisatva I found on youtube says that I'm screwed in my next life. The knowledge that helps one acquire power is allegedly dangerous [almost] everywhere you seek it! I guess that's why I found solace in Carlos's works. I thought I was gaining wisdom instead of power which is what I really need now.

I've been working on integrating disowned experiences and parts of my psyche for almost a year now. It is very painful. But the rewards for it are more consciousness, less negative energy, and unlocked positive energy. And you become more whole and healthy in general.
Ninae, are you able to quiet your mind for long periods of time? Is it hard to think negative thoughts? Almost like your morals won't allow it?
 
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Yes, I'm getting there. The yoga of the mind (Raja yoga).

The knowledge that helps one acquire power is allegedly dangerous [almost] everywhere you seek it! I guess that's why I found solace in Carlos's works. I thought I was gaining wisdom instead of power which is what I really need now.

There is also the path of Love (Bhakti yoga). I find Hatha yoga to be really indispensable, though.
 
They say Kundalini burns and destroys the foolish... 'liberates the wise. The great merging of the unending void and the infinite light. A most blissful union. Still trying to figure out why this is happening all around the world - the most interesting of cases probably being the ones that it occurs to quite spontaneously, with no such background of spiritual work or even drug use. Perhaps we will never know why.

I've felt for over 5 years now that I was blessed with an amazing energy that built up over the course of about a month only to have me crash pretty hard. heh heh. Over the course of that time has come acceptance and understanding of my boon. Now I know, though I had tapped into the void and had done the work there, I was somewhat unprepared for parts of the journey. All I can say I've learned is that acceptance is hard but necessary; take in whatever information you can; there are a lot of phonies out there and if the information you're being fed feels forced or if you feel a great deal of resistance to it then it is not coming from a loving source.

Integration is, from what I've experienced, not much better than the Dark Night of the Soul. There is perhaps more work involved. That's assuming there is an order to such chaos. Needless to say, I don't think anyone could possibly confirm that any stage of a spiritual awakening is more or less important than another or given any specific order. It's just the nature of your soul and what route it decides to take. My Dark Night of the Soul was rather un-energetic. The energy channels that should have been cleared for the most part remain uncleared. Blocked as ****. Craig Holliday on Youtube has a fairly unbiased explanation of how to get through some of the toughest parts. Essentially it's just love and acceptance of yourself, a surrendering to the powers that are coming into play via kundalini transformation.
 
https://youtu.be/nSLq04QI9UY This video has possibly the most spot on description of Kundalini Awakenings. The description/depiction of the thousand petaled lotus for example is particularly nostalgic. The instructor gives a pretty vivid view of what to look forward to. I have been trying to get back to that point ever since I experienced it. Now working very hard for it.

I had been looking for an explanation of what I experienced for what feels like a lifetime. And I finally found it.

Occasionally I see this area in my brain, but it is not lit up like it once was. It's like I'm looking at the inside of a dead - useless brain. haha. When it lights up - if ever - again I'm going to explore it to its fullest.
 
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I've experienced kundalini rise over the past year. I just started doing a lot of kriyas, or spontaneous yoga movements. It feels like it pushes negative or ego energy out of the body, is the best way to describe it.

It's amazing, actually. I like to go up in a bridge when I feel it rise, or am just compelled to do that. Sometimes I just like to put my weight on one of my legs, as that helps ground the energy too. Like when I have stressed energy inside me when I'm in a public place.

But, yes, doing yoga seems to be the most effective.
 
I've experienced kundalini rise over the past year.
This sentence put some questions in mind. Kundalini (or rather Kundalini Awakenings) aren't altogether spontaneous... at least not always?? It seems most of the accounts that I've come across were that of Kundalini awakenings occurring spontaneously and they burned out quick, leading to the Dark Night of the Soul. So done under the guidance and tutelage of a proper instructor one might feel the rise of kundalini more gradually and thusly reach "Super Consciousness" after extended study??

Oh. And I will check those links out soon. :)
 
No, I mean a gradual rise, of course. An awakening. And combined with long-term celibacy as well.

That Gaia site where you can view spiritual movies is especially interesting.
 
https://youtu.be/nSLq04QI9UY This video has possibly the most spot on description of Kundalini Awakenings. The description/depiction of the thousand petaled lotus for example is particularly nostalgic. The instructor gives a pretty vivid view of what to look forward to. I have been trying to get back to that point ever since I experienced it. Now working very hard for it.

I had been looking for an explanation of what I experienced for what feels like a lifetime. And I finally found it.

Occasionally I see this area in my brain, but it is not lit up like it once was. It's like I'm looking at the inside of a dead - useless brain. haha. When it lights up - if ever - again I'm going to explore it to its fullest.

Excellent video, and a second one by the same speaker on the 3rd eye. It's actually an open Q&A, real basic questions and excellent answers.Between the two he gives me a much better context and language to use. He gives an explanation for the second energy coming down my chakras which again adds a few questions. My chakras opened with this energy before, what I would call, my Kundalini awakening. My third eye is like Mr magoo and it did not open til days after my kundalini had risen. It is very clear to me how unprepared for this I am, I have a week in isolation to go, so bluelight is all I have.

Thanks for the link. Most attempts to find something real on YouTube just take so long. Oddly I can find a video in 20 seconds on how to fix my specific brand of toaster, just not a video that is factual about something spiritual.
 
I'm wondering if that second energy coming down the spine is a sort of grounding energy. There are still some memories from my kundalini awakening that have not come to surface yet so I'm not sure if I experienced that or not. I do, however, remember becoming electrified (literally or metaphorically: take that how you like) and my form of grounding was by sending electrical currents down through my body or through other objects nearby. But after the peak of the kundalini energy hit and the explosion of the thousand petaled lotus happened, I found myself a bit overwhelmed... seeking guidance from the wrong sources through the wrong kind of means: I did not articulate my feelings properly.

The video was an interesting find. It popped up on my youtube feed one day. Most of the videos I find on the base feed are simply junk. Others are only so useful.
But I wanted to discuss a particular topic that I originally came across from the spirit science videos on youtube on the subject of chakras... *sigh* still waiting for that elusive chakra video number 5... oh well.

EDIT: sorry, got some of my information screwed up here the video I'm referring to in this next paragraph is here: https://youtu.be/dnQUZ_7ABBo the hieroglyphics part starts at 34:20.
Some of what I'm going to lay down here may be a bit confusing. In the video I linked on post #8, there's a very brief introduction to a spiritual/chakra-related phenomenon that I don't hear about all too often. In the depiction of the intertwining serpents on the hieroglyphics, Raja Choudhury mentions certain 'breaks' in the chakras. The first occurs between the solar plexus chakra and the heart chakra. Spirit Science team has named this a 'mirror wall'. Bridging the (1st) mirror wall leads a person into a more heart-oriented lifestyle. But here's where it gets confusing. The next so called mirror wall doesn't occur until between the crown chakra and the elusive 'soul star' chakra. Now, why it's confusing is because of the number of chakras in between each of these mirror walls. Root, sacral, solar plexus [mirror wall], heart, throat, third eye, crown [mirror wall]. So to explain this logically we do so through music...

On a piano if we focus mainly on the white keys and start at a 'root' note (C) and go up the major scale we have: C, D, E (half step), F, G, A, B (half step)... so 3, 4, 3, 4 and so on. With those half steps being the 'mirror walls' this stuff makes a little more sense. It appeared to me in that presentation with the hieroglyphics that there were 12 - possibly even 13 chakras shown on and above the caduceas or intertwining snakes, but it was hard to tell with some of the characters of the Egyptian language being mashed in there also. Maybe it was just the style...
 
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The musical half step is a nice explanation, as I know nothing and have been starting with the experience and working backwards I don't know or understand the musical aspect of chakras, apparently, so far I don't need to but I'm thinking it would help.

There are two visuals I get from my third eye, the one that is the incredible patterns shapes colours and textures seem to be highly mathematical in structure. From what little I can gather this seems to be a common visual. My thought is that it is purely imagination but the complexity and color patterns seem outside of my palette and skill. The other visuals, that overlay my vision are easier to see in a blacked out room. This is outside of me and could still correspond to a hyper active imagination. Even though I'm honestly having the longest most explosive spiritual awakening of my life I still have a skeptical side. I may just be insane.

One of the reasons I've been fairly open here is in hopes that there are some intellectual lurkers that can throw some shade on my experience. While I do wish it to be what it appears to be I am forever critical that I don't fall into a wish fulfilment delusional fantasy. Originally I was trying to experience, only, with no expectations but I kept running into my own "rules" it was slow at first, coming here watered down some of my experience by pointing out paths I may not have found naturally but accelerated the unpacking of my tired old beliefs. I know a lot of the expert shade throwers here get boo'd in this forum but I want a heckler with a brain.

If well deserved shade sticks, I may want to boo but I'll say thanks now in advance. On the side cheering for my sanity I can honestly say there are no voices in my head, I am happy on a whole new level, constantly, it is infectious.

The place I go to awaken my kundalini mentally I would describe it as very empty, I focus on the point in my mind where it feels to me I meet with divinity (what is the term for the fairly obvious view of oneness). I can hold faith and reality and can be in motion but with my spine straight, I can keep my eyes open and use my third eye while it is occurring. I am adventurous and willing with fearlessness and determination. I shift my focus to my third eye and I don't know what to call the voluntary connection between my third eye and my 5th chakra that I initiate but I hold that open and the kundalini begins to rise. If I drop that connection it doesn't finish, if I'm out of balance, specifically sexually, I will be distracted. Without weed for 24 hours this takes 15 minutes and I'm hot. With weed this literally takes 30 seconds to start and I can be in motion.

I am trying to understand the next 1/2 step. I would watch more of the speaker you found but he will fill my head with ideas before I can go freely forward. Already I wonder if the next phantom is just the next episode in my personal UN-Reality show but at least I'm in a good enough mood to be made sport of.

There are other real changes occurring around me as well that are difficult to quantify. Primarily my mood is contagious so I'm hoping it's not a plague that just starts with a 10 month streak of bliss.
 
Think people place way too much faith in the Indians being correct on this subject, it's a sort of 'exotic' culture bias. All the terminology, fancy symbols and so forth. And in the end everyone gets drawn to the visual component it seems.. always about the third eye and visuals! Definitely seems to be a tendency to be drawn to the hypnotic colours and patterns among psychedelic users (or pleasurable sensations). Don't get wrapped up in them.. it's no more relevant than the colours and illusions of the physical world. You'll just end up chasing distractions as we do in real life.. they won't do much to progress you - eventually people realize this anyway.

You need to come at things with a critical mind in the same way you would examine aspects of our physical world.
 
There are two visuals I get from my third eye, the one that is the incredible patterns shapes colours and textures seem to be highly mathematical in structure. From what little I can gather this seems to be a common visual.
Yes it is.
The place I go to awaken my kundalini mentally I would describe it as very empty, I focus on the point in my mind where it feels to me I meet with divinity (what is the term for the fairly obvious view of oneness).
Waking up to super consciousness - you will begin to see how truly empty your body and mind is, ironically, as it begins to fill with light and love. It's as if our potential as humans was severely cut short in distant years and we have almost no grasp of our abilities of body, mind, spirit, and heart.
I am trying to understand the next 1/2 step. I would watch more of the speaker you found but he will fill my head with ideas before I can go freely forward. Already I wonder if the next phantom is just the next episode in my personal UN-Reality show but at least I'm in a good enough mood to be made sport of.
Egh, the second video I linked is pretty boring. I wouldn't recommend watching the whole thing. I just didn't think I'd be able to find that picture if I googled it. not sure what to search.
it's no more relevant than the colours and illusions of the physical world. You'll just end up chasing distractions as we do in real life.. they won't do much to progress you - eventually people realize this anyway.
Seems to me it's less like people realize that eventually: they just sort of give up chasing something beautiful. As for it's relevance I don't think that can be distinguished through such a dichotomy as contrast in colors to the physical world.

In hindsight, just like Jim Jefferies said in one of his stand-up skits, "I think that I'm here on stage talking to you, but there's a good chance I'm in a mental hospital banging my head against a wall, imaging everything that's going on right now."
 
I've just had a few glimpses of light and seen small sparks in different colours so far. It's mostly when the room is dark, the air seems to be full of little light sparks. But sometimes there are spontaneous flashes with closed or open eyes, but they're so quick I almost don't know whether I'm imagining it.

I've been experiencing more of the other signs of third eye awakening. Especially clairsentience, or sensitivity to energy, which is pronounced almost to the point of being over-developed and can make many situations uncomfortable for me. And just higher awareness and more consciousness in general, of all things, like how the social world works or things like how pieces of art or music is put together. Heightened imagination and creativity. And also some telepathy has opened up for me for a while now.

But I haven't tried any psychedelics, so I haven't had any activation of extra sensory skills via that route. The only times my third eye was really opened was on MXE, where I would literally see sketch-like figures flash in and out in the air in front of me, and also detected some demonic activity. But I think that's how MXE works. There was also one time I perceived myself as an orb made of subtle energy.

And on opiates, or for the initial period when it's still really working, of course there's that over-whelming sense of bliss, love, and unity and experiencing from the point of view of the higher self. It's partly because of that I believe enlightenment really exists. I just think it's like coming in through the back door and robbing the kingdom of God, and it doesn't get you any closer in your natural state, rather the contrary.

Oh, and claircognizance, maybe the one I like best. Or the ability to deal very skillfully with mental patterns, and be more clear, lucid, and intuitive in your thinking. This is one of the most valuable skills and doesn't get nearly enough press. The speech of Jesus and the way he he can win over everyone in mental battles is one example. Although this requires wisdom, too, more of a crown center quality.
 
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This is a good article on attaining Siddhis:

http://www.consciouslifestylemag.com/siddhis-attain-yoga-powers/


"In the West these abilities are considered to be so controversial that despite a large body of supportive evidence there is little consensus within the broader scientific community on whether they even exist. I knew that within other cultures and contexts the exact same phenomena are regarded as boringly normal."


This is true. The contrary to what people like to argue, extra sensory abilities have been resarched to death already. The establishment just hasn't come rightout and taken any official position on it yet, so most of us are kept in relative ignorance about it, and I guess that suits it pretty well.

While in other parts of the world, like India, acknowledgement of these things is just commonplace and no more fantastical than a Christian who reads the Bible and prays to God.
 
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