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You Right Now.......

Had my first proper snowball the other day, using labtested gear, .3 of h (bit greedy i know) and .15 of 83% pure coke, felt like i was in an alien atmosphere getting a handjob from god, thought my head was gunna pop and my dick was throbbing, actually gave me a boner :eek:

The last person I would want a hand job from is God (unless he was wearing fishnets of course..)

Phew, that's some fuckin speedball BCF, you're lucky to still be here...
 
When you're so speedy that you forgot that you already made a sandwich and end up finding 4 strewn about the house because you want ~ NEED ~ to do everything at once.
 
When you're so speedy that you forgot that you already made a sandwich and end up finding 4 strewn about the house because you want ~ NEED ~ to do everything at once.

Speed and sandwich in the same sentence is just wrong..
 
^Why do you, out of interest? Just to try and give your body some sustenance?

The only things I think about eating are more drugs. Even then I probably try and get them up my nose.
 
I try and force at least some food down when on stims. Then again I rarely stay up that long so starving to death isn't really a concern, just trying to take care of the shit machine I've been born in.
 
^Why do you, out of interest? Just to try and give your body some sustenance?

The only things I think about eating are more drugs. Even then I probably try and get them up my nose.

Have you never been up a few days up and had to eat? I can remember meeting up with non druggy friends on a Sunday for "lunch' - I had been clubbing from Friday night and was really fucked up - had to go through the motions though for my partner who had been looking forward to it.
 
Had my first proper snowball the other day, using labtested gear, .3 of h (bit greedy i know) and .15 of 83% pure coke, felt like i was in an alien atmosphere getting a handjob from god, thought my head was gunna pop and my dick was throbbing, actually gave me a boner :eek:

Take it easy man, snowballs were where I drew the line / hit a low...but yeah the horniness is to be expected, one of my junky acquaintances at the time would shoot up in toilets in a park and then join other dudes for some debauched hedonism.

Opiates killed my libido like no other. Going through C/T and waking up ejaculating and vomiting at the same time wasn't much fun...
 
My mother thinks Sainsbury's Taste The Difference is too rich for her.

She not only cooked me a cottage pie that was tasteless almost to the point of inedibility (it needed a lot of salt and pepper) last weekend, but then gave me a little one to take home. If you'd put it and a Quorn cottage pie in front of someone for a blind taste trial, they would have preferred the veggie one.

It's all Jess's fault, for introducing me to food that actually tastes of something.

In my mother's defence, though, I will say she cooks a damn fine chip,when she can be bothered to cut up some actual potatoes a.o.t. just putting McCain Oven Chips in the oven. That came from her dad -- he was the finest chip-frier in Staffordshire.
 
Have you never been up a few days up and had to eat? I can remember meeting up with non druggy friends on a Sunday for "lunch' - I had been clubbing from Friday night and was really fucked up - had to go through the motions though for my partner who had been looking forward to it.

Speed totally ruined Sunday dinners with my family. Sitting there pushing a fuckin brussels sprout around my plate for 2 hours whilst choking back the bile and pretending to be a human being, when all I wanted to do was run away and take more drugs, was a crash course in being a twat. I passed with flying colours and now am a grade A cunt...
 
That came from her dad -- he was the finest chip-frier in Staffordshire.

That's quite the impressive accolade :D

It's hard to beat a plate of good home-made chips. It's just a shame if you get a bad sack of praties. You can put a bit of effort in to make crap potatoes taste good but it's near impossible to redeem a bad spud that's destined for chips.
 
Speed totally ruined Sunday dinners with my family. Sitting there pushing a fuckin brussels sprout around my plate for 2 hours whilst choking back the bile and pretending to be a human being, when all I wanted to do was run away and take more drugs, was a crash course in being a twat. I passed with flying colours and now am a grade A cunt...

MMM mashed potato that had been dipped in ground glass, does this taste funny or is it just my mouth that is bleeding. Don't think about it and just chew swallow, but now I have the sweats and can't really remember how to chew properly, do I smile when I'm eating, should I make polite conversation (can I really ask my family where they are from, what have they had, what are their names) - where is that music from, have I chewed, is it really that hot in here.

Mmm Mashed potato dipped in glass.
 
MMM mashed potato that had been dipped in ground glass, does this taste funny or is it just my mouth that is bleeding. Don't think about it and just chew swallow, but now I have the sweats and can't really remember how to chew properly, do I smile when I'm eating, should I make polite conversation (can I really ask my family where they are from, what have they had, what are their names) - where is that music from, have I chewed, is it really that hot in here.

Mmm Mashed potato dipped in glass.

Yep, you've nailed it there Mr Bear...
 
Now try to imagine all the above, with an overwhelming sense that you are in the wrong clothes -- it's as though they fit, but they don't fit. And any time you catch a glimpse of yourself in one of the too-many mirrors that seem to cover every square centimetre of the walls, the reflection looking back at you looks like somebody else. And your eyes just cannot help returning to the mirror in spite of yourself, like your tongue to a tooth cavity or mouth ulcer ..... And you have to bite your tongue when she turns on the telly, and one of the presenters or contestants is wearing something you wish you were wearing, or you don't like ..... I'm not sure about those shoes with that dressv.....

This is, of course, to some extent of my own making. I should get a grip and find a way to broach the subject gently, and not act like such a bloke about it ;) <- [Note the wink! It means I am taking the piss out of myself, and not you.] Maybe I could at least start by showing my mother a picture of a trans person, and gauging her reaction ..... I've got to take baby steps, to get to the point where I can introduce her to a strong, confident woman, comfortable in her own skin, whom any parent would be proud to say was their daughter.
 
When the time is right you will Julie - are you not telling them to protect them or yourself? Are you afraid of rejection or hurting or even the fear of disappointing them?

I know it is non of my business - I'm just curious after thinking the same way about myself for so many years.
 
Me right now....Having a few drinks before the fear sets in from last night.
 
Ah - the dreaded fear. So much worse than the physical hangover.

I've never been on a long drinking bender but I want to know this: At the end of such a bender, do you get multiple fears from each of the days or does it manifest as one almighty fear of Hindenburg proportions?
 
Ah - the dreaded fear. So much worse than the physical hangover.

I've never been on a long drinking bender but I want to know this: At the end of such a bender, do you get multiple fears from each of the days or does it manifest as one almighty fear of Hindenburg proportions?

Nah, not if you carry on drinking...
 
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ah lemmy <3
 
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