Backstory
Two days ago, me and and two friends (A and C) acquired three 125mg capsules of MDMA. These were not lab tested, but acquired from a reputable source in an area known for uncut, potent MDMA. We had planned to go to a party and take them that night, but our plans did not work out. I decided to wait for another good opportunity to take mine (party/rave/festival), B decided not to do it at all, leaving his pill with me and A dropped that very night, at home.
Friend's experience
A is 150 pounds, smokes a lot of weed and has some experience with DXM and shrooms. He reported feeling very energized, music (particularly trap/dubstep/electronic) sounding amazing, sense of touch being very enhanced, and the inability to get an erection. He felt the effects for about 6 hours (they took an hour to kick in) and fell asleep after. The next day he felt a minor afterglow, but not too different. Most of what he said did not surprise me at all, as I had read up on MDMA's effects extensively before buying it, except him noting that he was surprised that it wasn't that intense. He was convinced he would have been able to act normal if he had to, and said it "fucked him up less than a joint would". The day after his drop, I smoked a lot of weed in the morning, and hours later while feeling pretty tired from the weed (could this have contributed?) decided that I was going to take the capsule at home, partially motivated by the fact that A put my worries that the experience could be overwhelming to rest. I invited a different friend (B) over to supervise me during the comeup since I had read they could be rough, and I knew that a 125mg dose was above that of an average first time dose for my weight (130 pounds).
My drop
I swallowed the capsule with a glass of water (and made sure that I had about one glass of water an hour from that point onwards). I felt very anxious and had an increased heartbeat for about forty minutes, but I knew I was just anxiously awaiting and that none of the real effects were yet being experienced. Forty-five minutes in, I started feeling... Pretty good. It started with me being really cold (which, randomly switching with being really hot, continued throughout the roll until 3-4 hours after the drop), then I noticed that the couch felt pretty nice. I first started feeling amazing feelings of compassion, which I expressed to B, and also called A and started talking about this experience. I felt insanely thankful for my friends, like they were each personally the best thing that ever happened to me.
About 55 minutes after the drop, I started feeling an ever-intensifying euphoria, a pure rush. It felt absolutely amazing and I loved the experience at the time, but this was actually when the first negative thoughts manifested. I kept thinking "nothing should feel this good, I could get addicted to this feeling so easily". At this point I was pretty excited to listen to music, maybe take a shower and thought I was fine. About an hour into the roll, I decided that I was all good and B should leave. I walked to my bedroom and sat down with the intention of listening to music, I was feeling purely euphoric at the time but then the feeling of compassion hit again and I ended up calling friend A again instead. After talking to him for a few minutes, I searched up an MDMA music playlist and started listening. (the following ten-twenty minutes I barely remember at all, but I found out what I could about my experience from chat logs with my friends) it felt like the music sounded the same, but just WAS better, at the time I described it as there was an overlay of me, not the sober me that loved the music. I knew that sober me didn't like this kind of music, but that was completely inconsequential to me at the time. I felt utterly consumed by the music, but I loved it. Fifteen or so minutes after I started listening to music, A said he had to go, that he couldn't talk anymore at the time. He hung up, and that is when shit started getting bad.
Madness
I don't remember the exact sequence of events around this time, but I do remember most things that happened. I started to feel overwhelmed, the music was too much. I turned it off. The rush was too much, everything was too much. Something was happening that I could do nothing to stop. I quickly started having irrational paranoid thoughts about the capsule. What if it wasn't MDMA? What if it was fentanyl? I started to think I was dying. I started frantically doing things at this point, many times without my own control. I went to my computer and started frantically Googling "feel like death on molly", opening articles, forum posts, etc, however I was not in a state to understand what any of the information meant. I suddenly remembered that dehydration is a serious issue on MDMA and was about to chug over a liter of water when I remembered that overhydration was an issue as well, and that I had drank a glass of water about 30 minutes ago. I went back to my bedroom, still feeling like I was dying/overwhelmed, at this point when getting up and moving between the rooms in my apartment I felt like a ball of pure energy moving at the speed of light, as if there was zero travel time. I continued messaging A to calm myself down but it wasn't helping. At this point my sense of time evaporated, and actions became mostly uncontrollable. In my continually intensifying paranoia, I logged myself out of Facebook in order to not accidentally send anyone messages without realizing. I felt like I had completely lost control, like every action I took wasn't me, it was someone else.
I suddenly remembered about the second pill and started getting scared that I would tweak out, take it, not realize I had done it and then OD. This seems like an insanely dumb thing to fear now that I am sober, but at the time my death didn't just feel imminent, I was sure it was. I frantically called friend B so he would come take it away, and he came back over within five minutes. I was sitting in my computer chair waiting for him and would look back at the monitor every few seconds and freak out because it would still be displaying the same thing. I felt like I was in limbo, like everything had already happened before. I frantically switched desktop backgrounds every couple of seconds because it didn't feel right otherwise, like an extreme case of OCD (a disorder I don't have). I was biting the inside of my mouth and grinding my teeth so hard I was surprised nothing was bleeding (however I felt no pain from that at all). I would look at my clock every second, feeling like years had passed every time. It was horrifying.
My friend coming back helped everything. He took the pill away, and stayed in another room in my apartment (this felt extremely crucial at the time), all the while talking to me as I rambled. This continued for one and a half hours, although it felt like minutes. Throughout those one and a half hours, I felt constant, intense depersonalization, I clearly remember looking around and not being able to figure out which of the objects in my room was "me", until settling on the "fact" that I was the label on my Grey hoodie. My friends presence felt like the only thing keeping me sane at the time. From the point of the paranoia starting, nothing about the experience felt good, but him being there made it at least bearable at times. I would frequently forget what I was saying as I was saying it, and repeat the same thing over and over again at times.
Comedown
The insanity and depersonalization began calming down around 3 and a half hours after the drop, 4 hours after I felt like I could act sober if need be, and my rambling started calming down. After the horrible experience I had, the come down was actually the best part of the whole thing excluding the first 10 minutes of the rush. I could just sit down mostly relaxed and talk. My sense of time was still gone at this point and the hour from then until 5 hours after the drop felt like it passed in two minutes of conversation with B. I felt normal enough to be alone at this point, and B left.
However, a slew of new, odd effects emerged when I went outside with the intention of taking the metro to C's building. As soon as I stepped outside, I noticed that I felt like a shrunk-down, miniature version of myself, an insignificant speck, however this feeling only persisted for a few minutes. Throughout the next hour, until 6 and a half hours after the drop, I felt intense bouts of deja vu hit me randomly. I would remember that very specific things had already happened/been seen by me, like the pattern of the cars at the traffic lights, or the exact people at the metro station. People didnt freak me out in any way, although I was generally afraid of people thinking I was on meth or something due to my insanely dilated pupils and constant jaw clenching (the clenching still persists now, 24+ hours after the drop). After meeting up with and talking to C for about half an hour, I went home. I ate a sandwich about 7 hours after the drop, the first thing I had eaten in 8+ hours and went to sleep.
The Morning After
I woke up after eight hours of sleep. I definitely did not feel an afterglow, but I didn't feel depressed either, just very off. Like I knew I didn't feel normal, but I didn't know what normal was. I was scrolling through my Facebook feed on my phone and having issues both interpreting what I was seeing and understanding what I would normally be interested in. I reluctantly got out of bed an hour later, ate a small breakfast (appetite still felt diminished), took a shower and hit the gym, at this point my eyes were still dilated and I was having random impulses, like spontaneously moving objects around, etc. Everything just felt very off, I felt like I wasn't a normal person anymore, like I didn't know if I could get back to baseline. Fresh air and weed helped the appetite and personality loss, it's now 26 hours after the roll and I feel much more normal than in the morning, although I am still not completely normal. I've gradually remembered some things through the day, and finding the music I was listening to during my roll helped me remember how good it was at the time. On one hand, I wish I had a good experience like A, but on the other considering how strong and euphoric the rush was I think I would really want to do it again if that was the case, so I am kind of glad in a fucked up way that I had a terrible experience.
My questions are as follows:
1.Is THAT intense of a rush normal with MDMA? Does this description fit pure MDMA?
2.Was my paranoia and loss of control due to simply being overwhelmed, considering this was my first time trying something that gives you a rush and that I took a higher than normal dose for my body weight (125mg/130 pounds), or could I actually have an adverse reaction to MDMA in general?
3.When is the teeth grinding supposed to stop?
4.Could smoking weed (heavy indica) 4+ hours before (I am an experienced smoker) have caused this at all?
5.Is the deja vu normally caused by MDMA?
6.Would I be able to control the roll better/not freak out now that I generally expect what it will feel like? (not planning to roll for at least 3 months)
7.Should I be as scared as I am of getting addicted to the rush?
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_mdma
substancecode_empathogens
explevel_firsttime
exptype_negative
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
Two days ago, me and and two friends (A and C) acquired three 125mg capsules of MDMA. These were not lab tested, but acquired from a reputable source in an area known for uncut, potent MDMA. We had planned to go to a party and take them that night, but our plans did not work out. I decided to wait for another good opportunity to take mine (party/rave/festival), B decided not to do it at all, leaving his pill with me and A dropped that very night, at home.
Friend's experience
A is 150 pounds, smokes a lot of weed and has some experience with DXM and shrooms. He reported feeling very energized, music (particularly trap/dubstep/electronic) sounding amazing, sense of touch being very enhanced, and the inability to get an erection. He felt the effects for about 6 hours (they took an hour to kick in) and fell asleep after. The next day he felt a minor afterglow, but not too different. Most of what he said did not surprise me at all, as I had read up on MDMA's effects extensively before buying it, except him noting that he was surprised that it wasn't that intense. He was convinced he would have been able to act normal if he had to, and said it "fucked him up less than a joint would". The day after his drop, I smoked a lot of weed in the morning, and hours later while feeling pretty tired from the weed (could this have contributed?) decided that I was going to take the capsule at home, partially motivated by the fact that A put my worries that the experience could be overwhelming to rest. I invited a different friend (B) over to supervise me during the comeup since I had read they could be rough, and I knew that a 125mg dose was above that of an average first time dose for my weight (130 pounds).
My drop
I swallowed the capsule with a glass of water (and made sure that I had about one glass of water an hour from that point onwards). I felt very anxious and had an increased heartbeat for about forty minutes, but I knew I was just anxiously awaiting and that none of the real effects were yet being experienced. Forty-five minutes in, I started feeling... Pretty good. It started with me being really cold (which, randomly switching with being really hot, continued throughout the roll until 3-4 hours after the drop), then I noticed that the couch felt pretty nice. I first started feeling amazing feelings of compassion, which I expressed to B, and also called A and started talking about this experience. I felt insanely thankful for my friends, like they were each personally the best thing that ever happened to me.
About 55 minutes after the drop, I started feeling an ever-intensifying euphoria, a pure rush. It felt absolutely amazing and I loved the experience at the time, but this was actually when the first negative thoughts manifested. I kept thinking "nothing should feel this good, I could get addicted to this feeling so easily". At this point I was pretty excited to listen to music, maybe take a shower and thought I was fine. About an hour into the roll, I decided that I was all good and B should leave. I walked to my bedroom and sat down with the intention of listening to music, I was feeling purely euphoric at the time but then the feeling of compassion hit again and I ended up calling friend A again instead. After talking to him for a few minutes, I searched up an MDMA music playlist and started listening. (the following ten-twenty minutes I barely remember at all, but I found out what I could about my experience from chat logs with my friends) it felt like the music sounded the same, but just WAS better, at the time I described it as there was an overlay of me, not the sober me that loved the music. I knew that sober me didn't like this kind of music, but that was completely inconsequential to me at the time. I felt utterly consumed by the music, but I loved it. Fifteen or so minutes after I started listening to music, A said he had to go, that he couldn't talk anymore at the time. He hung up, and that is when shit started getting bad.
Madness
I don't remember the exact sequence of events around this time, but I do remember most things that happened. I started to feel overwhelmed, the music was too much. I turned it off. The rush was too much, everything was too much. Something was happening that I could do nothing to stop. I quickly started having irrational paranoid thoughts about the capsule. What if it wasn't MDMA? What if it was fentanyl? I started to think I was dying. I started frantically doing things at this point, many times without my own control. I went to my computer and started frantically Googling "feel like death on molly", opening articles, forum posts, etc, however I was not in a state to understand what any of the information meant. I suddenly remembered that dehydration is a serious issue on MDMA and was about to chug over a liter of water when I remembered that overhydration was an issue as well, and that I had drank a glass of water about 30 minutes ago. I went back to my bedroom, still feeling like I was dying/overwhelmed, at this point when getting up and moving between the rooms in my apartment I felt like a ball of pure energy moving at the speed of light, as if there was zero travel time. I continued messaging A to calm myself down but it wasn't helping. At this point my sense of time evaporated, and actions became mostly uncontrollable. In my continually intensifying paranoia, I logged myself out of Facebook in order to not accidentally send anyone messages without realizing. I felt like I had completely lost control, like every action I took wasn't me, it was someone else.
I suddenly remembered about the second pill and started getting scared that I would tweak out, take it, not realize I had done it and then OD. This seems like an insanely dumb thing to fear now that I am sober, but at the time my death didn't just feel imminent, I was sure it was. I frantically called friend B so he would come take it away, and he came back over within five minutes. I was sitting in my computer chair waiting for him and would look back at the monitor every few seconds and freak out because it would still be displaying the same thing. I felt like I was in limbo, like everything had already happened before. I frantically switched desktop backgrounds every couple of seconds because it didn't feel right otherwise, like an extreme case of OCD (a disorder I don't have). I was biting the inside of my mouth and grinding my teeth so hard I was surprised nothing was bleeding (however I felt no pain from that at all). I would look at my clock every second, feeling like years had passed every time. It was horrifying.
My friend coming back helped everything. He took the pill away, and stayed in another room in my apartment (this felt extremely crucial at the time), all the while talking to me as I rambled. This continued for one and a half hours, although it felt like minutes. Throughout those one and a half hours, I felt constant, intense depersonalization, I clearly remember looking around and not being able to figure out which of the objects in my room was "me", until settling on the "fact" that I was the label on my Grey hoodie. My friends presence felt like the only thing keeping me sane at the time. From the point of the paranoia starting, nothing about the experience felt good, but him being there made it at least bearable at times. I would frequently forget what I was saying as I was saying it, and repeat the same thing over and over again at times.
Comedown
The insanity and depersonalization began calming down around 3 and a half hours after the drop, 4 hours after I felt like I could act sober if need be, and my rambling started calming down. After the horrible experience I had, the come down was actually the best part of the whole thing excluding the first 10 minutes of the rush. I could just sit down mostly relaxed and talk. My sense of time was still gone at this point and the hour from then until 5 hours after the drop felt like it passed in two minutes of conversation with B. I felt normal enough to be alone at this point, and B left.
However, a slew of new, odd effects emerged when I went outside with the intention of taking the metro to C's building. As soon as I stepped outside, I noticed that I felt like a shrunk-down, miniature version of myself, an insignificant speck, however this feeling only persisted for a few minutes. Throughout the next hour, until 6 and a half hours after the drop, I felt intense bouts of deja vu hit me randomly. I would remember that very specific things had already happened/been seen by me, like the pattern of the cars at the traffic lights, or the exact people at the metro station. People didnt freak me out in any way, although I was generally afraid of people thinking I was on meth or something due to my insanely dilated pupils and constant jaw clenching (the clenching still persists now, 24+ hours after the drop). After meeting up with and talking to C for about half an hour, I went home. I ate a sandwich about 7 hours after the drop, the first thing I had eaten in 8+ hours and went to sleep.
The Morning After
I woke up after eight hours of sleep. I definitely did not feel an afterglow, but I didn't feel depressed either, just very off. Like I knew I didn't feel normal, but I didn't know what normal was. I was scrolling through my Facebook feed on my phone and having issues both interpreting what I was seeing and understanding what I would normally be interested in. I reluctantly got out of bed an hour later, ate a small breakfast (appetite still felt diminished), took a shower and hit the gym, at this point my eyes were still dilated and I was having random impulses, like spontaneously moving objects around, etc. Everything just felt very off, I felt like I wasn't a normal person anymore, like I didn't know if I could get back to baseline. Fresh air and weed helped the appetite and personality loss, it's now 26 hours after the roll and I feel much more normal than in the morning, although I am still not completely normal. I've gradually remembered some things through the day, and finding the music I was listening to during my roll helped me remember how good it was at the time. On one hand, I wish I had a good experience like A, but on the other considering how strong and euphoric the rush was I think I would really want to do it again if that was the case, so I am kind of glad in a fucked up way that I had a terrible experience.
My questions are as follows:
1.Is THAT intense of a rush normal with MDMA? Does this description fit pure MDMA?
2.Was my paranoia and loss of control due to simply being overwhelmed, considering this was my first time trying something that gives you a rush and that I took a higher than normal dose for my body weight (125mg/130 pounds), or could I actually have an adverse reaction to MDMA in general?
3.When is the teeth grinding supposed to stop?
4.Could smoking weed (heavy indica) 4+ hours before (I am an experienced smoker) have caused this at all?
5.Is the deja vu normally caused by MDMA?
6.Would I be able to control the roll better/not freak out now that I generally expect what it will feel like? (not planning to roll for at least 3 months)
7.Should I be as scared as I am of getting addicted to the rush?
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_mdma
substancecode_empathogens
explevel_firsttime
exptype_negative
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
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