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Mental Health Dealing with flashbacks and PTSD from sexual abuse

cj

cj

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Nov 18, 2008
Messages
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I left that shit up on my blog but like what I really need is some advice on how to deal with some of the more disturbing aspects of PTSD. I mean as much as I like eating benzos and god knows I do know its not really helping me keep my life together anymore. I feel like I am ripping apart at the fucking seams. I tell people things I regret. I cut myself really bad last night to the point where I probably need stitches. But its in such an obviously self inflicted way that I cant go to a doctor. I hate to be dramatic but I have real doubts if I can keep this up. I wanted a life of less drug use for my family but it seems like sobriety is tearing my mind apart. Like I just cant cope with real life. I'm in therapy but its just talk you know? Like is there any other stuff that works? My main problem right now is the flashbacks. They are getting very intense.
 
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cj said:
I left that shit up on my blog but like what I really need is some advice on how to deal with some of the more disturbing aspects of PTSD. I mean as much as I like eating benzos and god knows I do know its not really helping me keep my life together anymore. I feel like I am ripping apart at the fucking seams. I tell people things I regret. I cut myself really bad last night to the point where I probably need stitches. But its in such an obviously self inflicted way that I cant go to a doctor. I hate to be dramatic but I have real doubts if I can keep this up. I wanted a life of less drug use for my family but it seems like sobriety is tearing my mind apart. Like I just cant cope with real life. I'm in therapy but its just talk you know? Like is there any other stuff that works? My main problem right now is the flashbacks. They are getting very intense.
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Hey CJ

I am not sure what type of PTSD you have or if it's a MST. I am a fellow PTSD suffer and I agree talking things out with a therapist only upsets and angers me more. If you have a severe case you will need meds. The ones that help me the most are Seroquel and Klonopin, I am prescribed more but I don't think they work. If you can exercise especially lifting weights if possible. I smash boxes and things with a hammer in my garage and why I am sure not the best option it relieves a lot of anger. Better than hurting people and going to jail.

I just saw your PTSD is from sexual trauma, I am sorry you had to go through that. We call it MST in the military, I have PTSD from my military service. If I can be of any help let me know.
Stay strong,
best wishes
 
CJ,
I am also suffering from PTSD mainly from childhood abuse. What has helped me or freed me from nightmares and being triggered from current situations is doing EMDR therapy. You can search for a clinician that has training in EMDR.
It is pretty intense therapy but I go at a pace I am ready to handle. It is pretty cool therapy that has taken so much burden off of me! I am not triggered by certain experience like I use to be. I feel free for the first time. i used to have such high anxiety all the time. I felt I was I. Flight or fight mode continuously. I was totally exhausted but also not able to process any emotion except anger and fear.
Within 3 sessions, I felt happier. I woke up happier. I didn't have these negative thoughts rudimenting in my head. I was freed from the PTSD experiences.
It is so hard to deal with PTSD yourself and this therapy actually helped me reclaim self back.
We deserve a life filled with new memories with a past that doesn't invade our present moments.
Sorry that you have this in your life but their is a way to make it all go bye- bye for good!
 
I had flashbacks from being tortured, after therapy and learning mindfulness It helped, it's all about dragging yourself out of the flashbacks using mindfulness, Kevin my therapist taught me this, mindfulness can be sucking on a lemon sweat and confusing on the taste and staying aware of that, little things like this in mindefullness can help drag you out of a flashback by bringin you back in to the present. It really helped me and also with my anxiety.
 
Get help NOW before it is too late.

Both for the PTSD/trauma from sexual abuse, and your multiple drug addictions.
 
I got alot of therapy for the PTSD. Probably will for the rest of my life. This thread has nothing to do with drugs and you made your position clear in my methadone taper thread in sober living. Please don't bump my old threads if the only thing you have to add is telling me I'm going to die or whatever. It clutter the forum and doesn't create further discussion.

Since its bumped I'll give an update on my PTSD. I ended up doing 16 months of 1 to 1 talk therapy which helped get many things off my chest. I stopped the therapy once I found that the pros of dragging it up every week was being outweighed by the cons. I just felt I said what I had to say and it hasn't been a large issue in the 6 months since I stopped weekly therapy. So overall talk therapy helped but it took a long time and finding the right therapist. I am in a better place then I was when I started this thread.
 
I've been dealing with ptsd and flashbacks for about 7 yrs now and I too self medicate, but it has become such a problem not only for myself but the people I care about, that wouldn't it be easier if Noone had to worry anymore. Hmm. I've had my family tell me that they were scared to open my front door cuz they weren't sure if I was "here" cuz I have in the paSt attacked people and things for no reason and even in my sleep. I've shot, yes shot a gun at people in my house that I could see, hear and talk with, but they weren't really there. But i know for a fact i saw about 10 people park in front of my house get out of there cars then tell me there coming for me and that theyre not gunna kill me, just torture me. WTF! That shit was scary so I tried to protect myself and my puppy, who they also said was gunna get it. luckily I moved to the country or my neighbors might have called the cops on me. I think that when people look at me to long are trying to get me or finish me off. I hate everyone cuz I hate myself. I don't have friends cause I pushed away the good ones and kept the druggies around. So now that I try to get clean, I can't hang out with old friends, and I'm to scared to talk to ones that might have actually cared about me. So I'm stuck with no friends, family that is always worried about me or what they do and say around me so I don't have an episode.
I'm not sure what to do either, just know, you're not alone in the hell.

Thanks,
Mic
 
Mikewashere said:
I've been dealing with ptsd and flashbacks for about 7 yrs now and I too self medicate, but it has become such a problem not only for myself but the people I care about, that wouldn't it be easier if Noone had to worry anymore. Hmm. I've had my family tell me that they were scared to open my front door cuz they weren't sure if I was "here" cuz I have in the paSt attacked people and things for no reason and even in my sleep. I've shot, yes shot a gun at people in my house that I could see, hear and talk with, but they weren't really there. But i know for a fact i saw about 10 people park in front of my house get out of there cars then tell me there coming for me and that theyre not gunna kill me, just torture me. WTF! That shit was scary so I tried to protect myself and my puppy, who they also said was gunna get it. luckily I moved to the country or my neighbors might have called the cops on me. I think that when people look at me to long are trying to get me or finish me off. I hate everyone cuz I hate myself. I don't have friends cause I pushed away the good ones and kept the druggies around. So now that I try to get clean, I can't hang out with old friends, and I'm to scared to talk to ones that might have actually cared about me. So I'm stuck with no friends, family that is always worried about me or what they do and say around me so I don't have an episode.
I'm not sure what to do either, just know, you're not alone in the hell.

Thanks,
Mic
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That's rough man. I really think you should see a professional about those delusions before something bad happens that you can't take back. I still have a lot of problems related to my sexual abuse but talking to someone helped for awhile.
 
Cj, I'm glad to hear therapy helped you. Someone mentioned mindfulness which I learned in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. It was the next step for me after therapy. I've found it really helps me to de-escalate myself in most situations. I guess I shoud state that I too suffer PTSD from childhood abuse and sexual assault.
 
Mikewashere said:
I've been dealing with ptsd and
flashbacks for about 7 yrs now and I too self medicate, but it has become such a problem not only for myself but the people I care about, that wouldn't it be easier if Noone had to worry anymore. Hmm. I've had my family tell me that they were scared to open my front door cuz they weren't sure if I was "here" cuz I have in the paSt attacked people and things for no reason and even in my sleep. I've shot, yes shot a gun at people in my house that I could see, hear and talk with, but they weren't really there. But i know for a fact i saw about 10 people park in front of my house get out of there cars then tell me there coming for me and that theyre not gunna kill me, just torture me. WTF! That shit was scary so I tried to protect myself and my puppy, who they also said was gunna get it. luckily I moved to the country or my neighbors might have called the cops on me. I think that when people look at me to long are trying to get me or finish me off. I hate everyone cuz I hate myself. I don't have friends cause I pushed away the good ones and kept the druggies around. So now that I try to get clean, I can't hang out with old friends, and I'm to scared to talk to ones that might have actually cared about me. So I'm stuck with no friends, family that is always worried about me or what they do and say around me so I don't have an episode.
I'm not sure what to do either, just know, you're not alone in the hell.

Thanks,
Mic
Click to expand...

Wow! You must live life feeling like you are on a ledge! I am still afraid of how I can be when my mental disorders rear their ugly heads. I have worked on myself for 24 years now, both with clean time and without, and the biggest growth I experienced was through Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. I needed to do the group a 2nd time and that really cinched things for me. While I remain anxious that I could flip out and lose it, I have found myself walking away from situations or dealing with things in a level-headed manner. I encourage you to seek help although in Canada a psychiatrist won't see you unless you are 6 weeks clean (or you lie - which won't really help you). I believe if a person knows they have a mental illness that can allow them to hurt others it is that person's responsibility to seek professional help. Best wishes on your journey!
 
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