Hi I just came back from my first outpatient therapy session. It's the SMART kind.
It was a horrible experience I couldn't focus on anything anyone was saying and kept stressing out over when it would be my turn to speak, I was a nervous wreck which ruined the remainder of the session. I was so angry at my inability to keep it cool. I came home angry and just snorted a ritalin and wanna get fucked up.
Funny how something that's supposed to help did the completely opposkte.
Did outpatient therapy help you? How was your experience?
wow bro I saw this and just had to comment, I was the exact same way as you in the outpatient programs that I tried. The way you describe how everyone there is all confident and relieved to be sharing, while people like you and me are so stressed out is spot on. I used to get so nervous come my time to speak I was almost unable to do so, I dreaded speaking so much.
There were 2 outpatient programs I went to, one was very large it had like 70 people maybe, the other only had like 10 at most. You see the bigger one that I went to I failed, whereas the smaller one I did better in. Maybe you should try to look for another program that has MUCH LESS people, I know it easier said than done but just a thought.
At the large out patient I was unable to connect to anyone, couldn't and wouldn't share in the groups, and was angry the entire time. One thing to note, I was first in their inpatient rehab, then put in their outpatient so I had like 45 days clean. I relapsed 2 weeks after the start of outpatient. It was a miserable experience for me and actually made me want to get high to spite all those people in there. My last day before they kicked me out, I shot a few bags in the parking lot after my ride dropped me off and went in there FUCKED UP. People there were very upset.... not for me of course, apparently i was a danger for them.
That smaller outpatient program I mentioned was many years ago, even before the other experience I just described. So I don't remember much, but I did do better there because it was just me and a couple other people in the group. I was able to share and definitely gave it a good try, I did however ended up getting kicked out of there for using also....
best of luck to you man, find another program with less people, or try one on ones... just wanted to let you know there are others like you