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Silence On The Suicide Hotline

ShardHunter

ShardHunter

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 30, 2015
Messages
80
...sometimes I call when I'm truly struggling but sometimes I just need a warm voice. Of the five times I've called, the line has only been answered twice. Has this happened to others and how do you cope??
 
Omg - that's horrible! I haven't had that happen, what number are you calling? I ask because maybe I can give you a different one that is more reliable. You are also welcome to open up here, it's not a warm voice but we care and many of us can relate to feeling that way. I am so sorry you are feeling low right now. Big hugs your way!
 
We have warm, abstract/metaphysical hugs going your way!

I'm sorry that has happened. Never, ever has it happened to me. Maybe we can help you out?
 
I have never heard of such a thing. Is this a local line or a state number?

I second the hugs. If you ever have that happen, PM someone here. I know what you mean about sometimes just needing to hear a voice outside of your own thoughts.((<3))
 
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

And to Moreaux (how the fuck do I tag folk?? It's making me crazy...er) and Nixiam....congratulations. Your warm kindness has opened my eyeballs' floodgates. At least I'm purging toxins, right? haa, haha, haaaa....waaaaaaaah *headdesk*

Christ, I don't know where to begin and even if I did, every fiber in my body is screeching at me to shut the everloving fuck up because of what I've already learned (how I'be been burned?) when I reached out in my naïve past. Even having an "anon" presence here scares every pebble of shit out of the parts of me that haven't even gotten around to digesting yet....
 
I don't want to turn this thread into a "that poor shattered Shard gal!" or anything...(I don't want that sort of attention; I get accused of...well, whatever. I'm sure you get it.) My concern is first with the people reaching out in times of need only to get nothing and more personally, my gorgeous lil goddess of a 15 year old daughter has had the same experience which makes me want to run over people in a tank full of rotted skunk corpses. No. NO. She is so precious, she freakin asks me for PERMISSION to call, by the gods, are you fucking kidding me who does this shit? Most kids today are telling their parents to suck dick because they can't get a Wii for each room in the house. Ok...I'm...just...gonna...drink some water because I'm creeping back into FUCK THIS HORRID BULLSHIT MONSTER WORLD land but since I can' yet afford an island, I need to keep piloting my boat...
 
Unfortunately I don't think we really have a way of tagging users anymore - we did and I loved it but a lot of active users complained as they were getting too many notifications so they deactivated that feature :(

Regarding what you said about attention, I hate when people assume certain behaviours are attention seeking - that's so very damaging. In my experience many of those behaviors arise from someone being in pain and reaching out to get help, so being dismissive or negative to that person just makes the situation worse. People used to say that about me so then I directed my pain inward and now I will never be able to wear short sleeves in public as I would get drunk and cut myself down to the bone so my arms are shredded. Please don't stop talking or reaching out because of ignorant things people have said to you. You are always welcome to share your thoughts and feelings here - most of us can relate and want you to be able to release those feelings.

I am sorry your daughter is motivated to call suicide hotlines - I wish she wasn't having difficulties, but that is so sweet that she asks you. You should pride yourself on your relationship with her as her asking you shows the level of trust she has in you, and that is sacred.

I'm going to sit down tonight and call some suicide numbers I have and "test" drive them to see the quality of the conversation. I will post the numbers of valid ones I have found. I can't tell you how upset I am over your not getting a response from the national suicide hotline - I want to raise hell over that but it is going to take some research to find where I direct my complaints to. Again, you are more than welcome to unload here in this thread or make a new thread, no one here will think you are attention seeking. Keep staying strong!
 
Woah! It isn't natural in TDS to be judgemental or to jump to calling people attention seekers.

This subforum is less that and more this.

Coping, and helping people by submitting human and personable feedback.

Make this thread about you, we're all here to listen.

Your simple acknowledgement of that let's us know you're a deeper person than an attention seeker, Shard.

___

Aside from that, I understand the need for a warm voice.

What's more is the need to be that warm voice.
 
I've never had silence on the hotline (though it can take a minute or two to get someone). When my roommate is home and I can't talk, I've tried going on the suicide chat (only available in my "state" and one other). I have never gotten to chat with anyone and have been "Number 1 in line" for hours. I usually end up crying myself to sleep and wake up still "Number 1 in line". At least I wake up to the message "You're Number 1" :)

Just wanted to say there may be other suicide chats, I know the one I use is only available where I am though and couldn't find a similar resource where I used to live so it's availability I assume is scarce (used to live in a much bigger city though but without the blessing of universal health care).
 
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It's Been Hard...

Wow...you have all brought tears to my eyes. I almost have no idea how to respond...


I have spent so many years with only myself. Even when partnered, I was alone. I have been abused, assaulted, hurt, maligned, slandered…to hear I am in a place where I am allowed - encouraged! - to make it about me triggers so many other emotions. The times I’ve worked up the courage to ask for help, I’ve been burned so brutally…


One example: my child’s therapist (I brought her of my own free will to assist in transition since we’d moved cross country) said I was too well spoken for a woman of my ethnicity and ought to call child services on myself…so I did. They said they didn’t accept self referrals and I should fire her, so I did, and then, naturally, she filed a claim. The woman who came to investigate hit my daughter in front of me and asked, "is that how mommy hits you?" She violated so many more of my rights and finally said I’d benefit from the services her department offered so she was just going to find me guilty. (I refused serviced and was told the charge would remain on file until my YOUNGEST child left the home.)


I get housing assistance and have been lucky enough to find homeowners willing to rent to me. Apartment complexes in my area have 2-5 year waiting lists. Houses cost $200-400 more, but I can usually talk homeowners down by offering to do my own yard work or trash removal. The woman administrating the housing program has now said she doesn’t see why everyone else is living in apartments and I get a fancy house so she won’t let me leave this poisonous, mold filled home unless I agree to go to an apartment…but now I’m on a waiting list. I found a house for hundreds cheaper than any apartment but rather than approve it, she sent a tenant who was willing to pay a few hundred dollars more just to refuse me the right to live there.


This is on top of the chronic pain from the fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, seizures, migraines, unexplained weight loss and severe depression. It’s no wonder I might… now and then….color outside the lines…it’s all I have to keep me from dying of dehydrating myself to death.


Thanks for listening.
 
I'm not sure if my reply worked...BL sometimes chokes on me...let me know if anyone saw this...
 
ShardHunter said:
I'm not sure if my reply worked...BL sometimes chokes on me...let me know if anyone saw this...
Click to expand...

Yes, your 2 posts appear just fine.

I really hope you're doing better, and I can't imagine how hard it would be to raise children with all of your health issues.

I know a couple people who used to volunteer at a crisis centre -- I think they said there are 2 different phone lines, 1 for emergency (suicide hotline) and 1 for non-emergency. The folks at the centre would hesitate a little to pick up the suicide line as it was always a way more difficult call. Keep in mind this is in a big city with a decent number of volunteers. Maybe smaller or rural areas would not have quite the same setup... perhaps only 1-2 volunteers at any given time, hence the busy signal. Is there a better number for you to call?

I live in Canada but an internet search yields this website: http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/massachusetts-suicide-hotlines.html
 
...I was under the impression I was calling a national hotline.
[h=3][/h]
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

http://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org

Just kidding - we don't feel like answering the phone. We are too busy patting ourselves on the back for all our advocacy work. Just go ahead and either hold or kill yourself, as long as it's not in one of our new mental health beds....


From their own website:

"Five years ago, a distraught Midwestern woman whose life was piled high with difficulties that seemed too much to bear recorded in her diary a last-ditch attempt to reach out for help. She dialed 1-800-SUICIDE, but the call went through to a telemarketing company that "hordes" telephone numbers. Two days later, she ended her life.

Contrast that with a June 1999 call to 1-800-SUICIDE placed by a 16-year-old girl from Los Angeles. She had taken an overdose of pills and had slit her wrists, and was losing consciousness. Also in a last-ditch attempt to reach out for help, she dialed 1-800-SUICIDE. Her call was answered by the crisis line staff of the Los Angeles-based Suicide Prevention Center, part of Didi Hirsch Community Mental Health Center. Her call was traced, an ambulance dispatched, and her life was saved."

...perhaps they have forgotten...
 
im sorry to hear all this. i know what its like as i am struggling through severe depression as well.
i ussed to call the hotline but it wouldn't work. i guess it did because im still alive, but i feel like it's better to reach out here

sometimes i wish that people didn't care about me, so i can just kill my self.

we'll get through this.
 
I hope everyone is doing well!

This is a working suicide hotline number:

1-800-273-8255

Here is a link to their site - they have a chat feature as well, though I couldn't test that from my phone:

http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

ETA: I just tried 800 - SUICIDEand was able to get through so it must be working again :/

So the line is automated. A computer answers, gives you the option to select Spanish. It then gives you the option to select 1 for veteran. If you select nothing it puts you on hold while it pings an available line. It doesn't seem to be a centralized fully staffed facility, so I can see where calls may get dropped. I was able to get to a living breathing person within 2 minutes.
 
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Luckily, I'm not in that place anymore, but to answer your question, starting_over: no. I never was able to get through to a person. My daughter was on hold for over 30 minutes but when she did connect, she said it was to a truly magnificent woman so I'm glad she got the help she needed.

BomBayAndChips, I'm glad we do have people who care about us. Being dead may actually be shitty and I mean that literally. I don't know that fertilizing tomatoes is an improvement from any horrid place you or I have been or might find ourselves. Apart from that, my biggest fear is having one of my kids find my body. In any form, plane or incarnation, I could never forgive myself for that damage. And you're right; we WILL get through this. I'm holding out my hand to you and when you hit the rocks, know I'm there. No matter how much sorrow I feel, I'm *always* able to help someone else. That's ...that's what gets me through. What keeps you going?

Moreaux, you are doing a great job. Thank you for following up on this - for me and everyone else who ever comes across this thread. Knowing someone cares enough to look into it...again, my monitor is getting a bit blurry.
 
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ShardHunter said:
BomBayAndChips, I'm glad we do have people who care about us. Being dead may actually be shitty and I mean that literally. I don't know that fertilizing tomatoes is an improvement from any horrid place you or I have been or might find ourselves. Apart from that, my biggest fear is having one of my kids find my body. In any form, plane or incarnation, I could never forgive myself for that damage. And you're right; we WILL get through this. I'm holding out my hand to you and when you hit the rocks, know I'm there. No matter how much sorrow I feel, I'm *always* able to help someone else. That's ...that's what gets me through. What keeps you going?
Click to expand...

This is what makes TDS such a great place. People taking the time to connect with other people despite their own suffering.<3
 
I never thought I'd find such warmth and acceptance here...I was afraid to even create an account. I'm still hesitant to open up but this still feels safer than a lot of places in my daily life.
 
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