Can´t bring myself to try psychs again despite really wanting to...

[K0k0pelli]

Hi guys,
I am a long term lurker (for years actually), but this is my first post. As the title already says I am scared to try psychedelics again. The last time I tripped was 8 years ago (when I was twenty) and up to this time I have tripped about 10 times (all on shrooms). Since then I just could not bring myself to do it again (postponing it for month/years). Now the funny/shitty thing: I´ve been reading about psychs for over ten years now and I know a shitload about them. Besides travelling exotic places psychedelics are the single most interesting thing in life for me. I spent hundreds of hours reading about them and have even grown a lot of shrooms for myself. I even bought some AL-LAD, because I heard about it´s awesomeness, but like the shrooms it is still sitting in the fridge since a long, long time. I just can´t understand how something which interests me so much and I am longing every day to experience again still makes so nervous about it that I always find excuses to "postpone" it. I just can´t bring myself to do it despite having had amazing and life changig trips in the past. But I am quite an anxious person and the come-ups were always really bad for me until I peaked. Weed gives me lots of anxiety, too, and I had literally hundreds of panic reactions while on it, but I still smoke that stuff almost every day. When the weed panic arises (happens sometimes) I am always able to handle myself without freaking out. It feels like hell (or worse sometimes), but usually nobody else would even notice that things are going down for me. Somehow I just don´t trust myself beeing able to handle psychs (despite my good experiences). At the first signs of a trip arriving I get very nervous and I really struggle to just give in and let it take me. Giving up control really scares me and I start having bad thoughts about all the perception changes despite these changes beeing exactely what you want out of a psychedelic experience :/

I guess this all sounds really pathetic and I am kind of embarassed to post this here instead of just taking up my courage and taking the dive...
Has anyone else here experienced something similar? Any tips?
I would really appreciate any suggestions, because I am constantly having the feeling of missing out on a beautiful thing in life
PS: Sorry for bad English, it´s not my first language.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

you've only done shrooms. basically the most anxiety causing "heavy" trip there is. Most on this forum will agree that shrooms are usually the worst in terms of causing anxiety or bad trips.

I would try nbomes first.....no mental high at all...purely visuals basically with some euphoria.

lsd derivatives are pretty positive trips usually...i hate shrooms also for the reasons you discussed....bad trips.

 

[Jonneh]

I agree with LucidSDreamr about mushrooms, but not with the suggestion try nBOMEs first. They can provoke very idiosyncratic reactions, and it would be a shame to reinforce the existing aversion to psychedelics should you, the OP, be one of the unlucky ones.

Controlling panic is a skill, and something you improve at. Your practice with marijuana should translate to psychedelics. Since you once liked shrooms (and what good taste you have!), how about trying a moderate dose of a fun and gentle tryptamine - something like 4-HO-MET, for example? (providing visuals per se don't scare you, of course, in which case that would be a terrible choice).

 

[LucidSDreamr]

2cb i would go for over any tryp

 

[K0k0pelli]

Thanks for the replies, guys

Actually SWIM doesn´t have access to the more exotic stuff, but can get his hands on AL-LAD, ETH-LAD, ALD-52 and 1P-LSD since they are all still legal here. SWIM knows that shrooms tend to be more anxiogenic than other psychs and they were always kind of dark (which he enjoyed!) and spiritual for him. SWIM kind of thinks that all those years of not dosing caused an subconcious attitude shift in regards to psychedelics! SWIM knows that they are not evil and cause no harm (if you respect them), but to him the prospect of dosing is much more intimidating than a thing to look forward to. Even though he wants it so bad. Nuts...isn´t it ?
SWIM remembers when he was 19 and the anticipation of dosing made him happy instead of very worried. He wished so much he could think/feel like this nowadays...

Like SWIM said...He can manage the panic on weed (he is a real lightweight). But it´s not stopping the panic, but rather enduring it, which is very unpleasurable.
By the way...SWIM is a psychology student and knows all the theories behind anxiety and panic and that it is harmless and can´t hurt you etc. ... but even that doesn´t seem to help much. I guess SWIM really needs a POSITIVE experience soon to gain trust again. For that reason he has tried MDMA for the first time some weeks ago. It was fine, but even with MDMA SWIM found it very hard to relax and give into it at the beginning so it took a while before he could even start enjoying it.

PS: Jonneh found the perfect word for it: Aversion. But how can you have an aversion to somethin, which for yourself is fascinating beyond belief ?!

 

[SillyStringer]

I understand what you're saying. I have yet to have a bad trip on any substance. I have recently been experimenting with oral DMT (ayahuasca). I find at lower doses, 9 grams acacia confusa and 3.5 grams Syrian Rue seed, that it is an enjoyable feeling. Not really any visuals other than clearness, there is indeed a nice euphoria to it aswell. The effects it has had on my psyche have only been positive. Either way, I'm refraining from it because I feel like it's not something I'm in need of at the moment. If everything in your life is fine, why continue to work on it? Maybe the the scenario with you. Either way, remember it's like a roller coaster, and as long as you realize in the end it'll return to normal, you'll be fine.

 

[K0k0pelli]

"providing visuals per se don't scare you, of course, in which case that would be a terrible choice"

Visuals themselves do not scare SWIM. So far they were always beyond beautiful. SWIM is more concerned about what he would call intrusive thoughts: Like the ones you can have while standing on top of a tower ("I could jump now") or as the train is coming in into the trainstation ("I could just jump in front of that train").

SWIM is so vigilant about any symptoms arising after having taken something that even small symptoms could lead to intrusive thoughts á la "I´ve taken acid this time...I can feel it coming...now I could freak out at any second". Of course this is utter bullshit and the chance of that happening pretty slim. Happened a lot on weed, but SWIM is very experienced in weed and it´s always reassuring that it will fade within 30min or so whereas e.g. LSD will last for 10 hours and most probably feel like 10 days

It is very hard for SWIM to get rid of these automated thoughts even though he knows they are bullshit...

 

[Jonneh]

SWIM is so vigilant about any symptoms arising after having taken something that even small symptoms could lead to intrusive thoughts á la "I´ve taken acid this time...I can feel it coming...now I could freak out at any second". Of course this is utter bullshit and the chance of that happening pretty slim. Happened a lot on weed, but SWIM is very experienced in weed and it´s always reassuring that it will fade within 30min or so whereas e.g. LSD will last for 10 hours and most probably feel like 10 days

It is very hard for SWIM to get rid of these automated thoughts even though he knows they are bullshit...

I know exactly what you're getting at. In my experience, only practice and repeated exposure leads to the diminution of the fear. I am personally more sensitive to the effects of marijuana than to those of psychedelics (relative to the population norm), and I had a fair few freaky experiences in the early days (not to mention profound - even more so than those on psychedelics).

Your unconscious mind needs to learn that there is no danger, even if the conscious mind already knows it. This comes by observing that nothing that you predicted ever happens - you need to increase the n!

 

[Cream Gravy?]

We don't 'SWIM' here, please edit your posts accordingly. It makes it hard for all of us to read!

Also guys, please refrain from making this a "What should OP take thread". Shrooms are easily the most anxiety inducing psych I've taken though, I agree.

 

[treezy z]

Weed makes me bug out too yet I still smoke it.

The least scary trip is PCP (although many would disagree) it makes me devoid of any fear or worries. Way better than benzos, opiates, you name it. I'll use PCP anywhere other than in front of family because they hate it when I use it. I shine like the stars on that shit. I'm not the best driver on it so try to avoid that.

 

[K0k0pelli]

We don't 'SWIM' here, please edit your posts accordingly. It makes it hard for all of us to read!

Also guys, please refrain from making this a "What should OP take thread". Shrooms are easily the most anxiety inducing psych I've taken though, I agree.

Well...shit :D I had it all written in "I-form" and completely edited everything afterwards, because I thought you have to. I will change it back in my first post.

 

[Solipsis]

I have also grown an aversion to mushrooms, they are spiritual for me but also too crazy / mystifying and anxiogenic.

Can't suggest NBOMe compounds, but yeah many other psychedelics like lysergamides, 2C-X and many tryptamines are great to me, even 4-HO-MET which is very chemically similar to psilocin.

Just combine some good research on various psychedelics with what is available to you and choose your alternative... AL-LAD is great and smoother than LSD, which to me isn't ballbreaking like mushrooms but just neutral these days. Sometimes a bit anxious and challenging but definitely not a dealbreaker.

Keep an eye on your set and setting, something to manage the comedown, and you should be fine.

Sure, if you keep stressing out on the least anxiogenic psychedelics when your setting is perfectly fine then maybe reconsider the whole thing, but before that happens... work on some breathing exercises etc to work through some of the natural anxiety, and some of the natural reactions to e.g. being confronted with potential anxiety or death implicated in some trips. Go through it and come out the other end a new person.

 

[Cudi]

I am the same way! Tripped for the first time two years ago on LSD and had the most absurd/awful experience that I haven't touched a psych since. And as with you, I still continue to read up on them and have read a few books on them and am VERY interested, but I'm postponing my next one. I don't plan to trip anytime soon even though my curiosity is killing me! And when I hear someone say something bad about LSD like "Oh that stuff fries your brain" or something like that, I still defend it like it's my damn girlfriend or something lol stating facts to them like it's not neurotoxic and all that. Which some people may find strange especially since my experience was so terrifying and traumatic that they think I'd want to talk down on it. Not the case, LSD is amazing

 

[K0k0pelli]

I am the same way! Tripped for the first time two years ago on LSD and had the most absurd/awful experience that I haven't touched a psych since. And as with you, I still continue to read up on them and have read a few books on them and am VERY interested, but I'm postponing my next one. I don't plan to trip anytime soon even though my curiosity is killing me! And when I hear someone say something bad about LSD like "Oh that stuff fries your brain" or something like that, I still defend it like it's my damn girlfriend or something lol stating facts to them like it's not neurotoxic and all that. Which some people may find strange especially since my experience was so terrifying and traumatic that they think I'd want to talk down on it. Not the case, LSD is amazing

I really see myself in this post. I have tripped more than once though and the experiences were the most beautiful and life changing I´ve ever experienced. I am travelling a lot and visited awesome and mindblowing places, but I still think a good psychedelic trip is even more impressive and humbling. I didn´t have many bad trips. One was really harsh and two other trips were kind of "meh", but all in all it was quite good. I´ve been reading about psychs for more than ten years now and know a lot about them, but unfortunately haven´t really tripped since 2009 (except a very low dose shroom trip and a roll on MDMA). My curiosity kills me and I kind of think I need these substances in my life. They have sooo much to offer and I really don´t want to miss out on that. Worst thing is that now summer is coming to an end and I didn´t trip despite it was planned to do it in the summer. Now the good/warm weather is slowly fading away and everyday I could kick myself for not making use of the last good days and just trip. So I am putting myself under pressure. Actually I am hugely overthinking I guess, because you can never fully control anything in life. A little bit of healthy naivity in regards to these drugs would be good for me, too, I guess.

@Solipsis: Like I already said: I´m a long time lurker in this forum. I have read so many posts written by you so it is really nice to see you answering in this thread
In some other thread you wrote that one shroom trip caused you some longer lasting problems and I kind of have the same issue. One shroom trip left me with panic attacks (even when sober) for a year. I got rid of them without medication or therapy, but it was a hard fight and left some traces until this day. I am really afraid of that shit coming back. I really don´t want to exacerbate my anxiety long term :-(

PS: It´s weird beeing the guy beeing fascinated by psychs and reading and talking a lot about them, but at the same time not doing them. Makes me feel like an idiot to be honest...

 

[Nicholai]

Nothing wrong with being a drug nerd, Koko. At least if you decide to trip, you'll be informed. As opposed to doing tons of drugs and not being informed, I think that's a good thing!



I took boatloads of acid when I was young, and I'm not really sure why, really. Peer pressure and stupidity? I never got euphoria from LSD, just the 'oooooooooooshit!' mentality. Then I ended up in a bad situation while tripping on a heroic dose so I'll never be taking acid again.

But there are other psychs that I benefit from. Speaking personally(and am not suggesting you take these), I love K and DMT. They're euphoric for me in ways that other psychs are not, and they're short acting, so if shit somehow hit the fan, at least there isn't a long trip ahead of me.

With psychs we're really experimenting with our consciousness, so, really, due caution is needed. Psychs can radically change your outlook and personality, and not always for the better.

If you want enjoyable experiences with psychs, you're going to have to be in a headspace where you aren't afraid of the experience. There is lots of good information in this forum about how to approach the matter.

To me....there is no shame in your game. 'Tis all good!

 

[K0k0pelli]

Nothing wrong with being a drug nerd, Koko.

With psychs we're really experimenting with our consciousness, so, really, due caution is needed. Psychs can radically change your outlook and personality, and not always for the better.
If you want enjoyable experiences with psychs, you're going to have to be in a headspace where you aren't afraid of the experience. There is lots of good information in this forum about how to approach the matter.

Yeah. I have the uttermost respect for psychedelics , because I know how powerful they can be. I had around 10 shroom trips. Changed me forever. Mostly positive
There is not one week since these times where I am not thinking about tripping, but then I get super nervous and postpone it all the time. I read a lot about how to approach the thing. Here on Bluelight and a lot of other forums. But it feels different when people are directly talking to you! I just wonder what I can do to get into the right headspace. Trying meditation now, but it is really hard for me to keep up discipline. I am 28 and I know that the older I will get the less the chacne that I will get into psychs again. And boy...I would miss so fucking much :D

 

[kidklmx]

If you're really sure that you want to try a psychedelic consider taking a lower dose (low-dose shrooms are bloody amazing) to get rid of the anxiety surrounding taking a psychedelic or building yourself a stash of psychedelics for when the time is right.

 

[K0k0pelli]

If you're really sure that you want to try a psychedelic consider taking a lower dose (low-dose shrooms are bloody amazing) to get rid of the anxiety surrounding taking a psychedelic or building yourself a stash of psychedelics for when the time is right.

I guess this is the only way. What kind of dose should I take? Actually I had a small shroom trip a few month ago. Because I ingested some while being a little drunk. Problem was that I got stuck in Limbo. Trip never really started, but I was really close. Was not that comfortable to be honest :D It was a very cold and foggy night and I paced around the block like a madman, because I didn´t expect them to be that strong for such a little dose.

The worst is that all these LSD analogues will be banned soon and there might never be another oppurtunity to try these. I have a bunch of friends who have quite a big stash of them and they are tripping once a month. I am so fucking JEALOUS you can´t imagine. I wished so much to be one of the people who just do it and not overthink it (I am a huge overthinker in everything). They invite me to participate all the time, but I always decline. They are not really close friends and trip in quite big groups (5-10 people). Any my social anxiety is telling me not to do it under these circumstances.

 

[psynce of sound]

I agree with OP. I find that psys can be the most rewarding of all drugs imo. I can't bring myself to take them again though. I had a seriously bad panic attack on DMT not that long ago which was horrific. I can't even try to think about the situation as it causes me to become extremely anxious and start to panic.
Maybe one day I'll mentally be over it and be able to use them again. Until then dissos will have to be my trips of choice.

 

[K0k0pelli]

I agree with OP. I find that psys can be the most rewarding of all drugs imo. I can't bring myself to take them again though. I had a seriously bad panic attack on DMT not that long ago which was horrific. I can't even try to think about the situation as it causes me to become extremely anxious and start to panic.
Maybe one day I'll mentally be over it and be able to use them again. Until then dissos will have to be my trips of choice.

This sounds really terrifying! I hope you´ll get better
You think dissociatives are a lot more managable than psychs ?