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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Hi guys,

First time on here, but my sister turned to a really great program when she decided to tapper. She survived to ODs and when her son was born she decided enough was enough. she turned to workit health.

we are in michigan and just found out they are opening a mobile clinic around here. great program and they prescribe suboxone.
 
G.R.S.H. : Thank you. You're right. I am starting to look at this as a 'one day at a time' situation. When I make long term plans it makes me feel like it's O.K. to cheat on a short term basis. The problem there is that even one day of using extra can reset my tolerance to the higher level and destroy my long term goal. My idea of rebuilding a stash was a huge mistake, and I am no longer thinking about that.
I have a plan for today and I'm going to stick to it if it means I have to spend 1/2 the day in bed wd'ing. I'm going to tell my wife that I must have had some bad Chinese food at lunch if I need an excuse. When I was in the hospital for surgery they wouldn't give me another dose of dilaudid even one minute early, no matter how much pain I was in. I'll have to be that strict with myself with my oxy pills now.
Comments like yours have helped me so much. I really appreciate your encouragement.
 
Welcome crazydiamonwoman.

My life is hell right now. I had a moderate pill habit when I found a regular supply for very pure dope. It has been a while now and my life totally sucks. It's a drag man when you can't get out of bed some days. I'm really trying hard to just stop. I started smoking weed again, something I reserve for habitual use in extremely stressful situations. I have found new strength. It has just gotten so bad, GRSH the 400mg oxy didn't satisfy me either, I need heroin.

It wasn't like this until I found a reliable connect for pure dope. I was quitting last year and doing well. I have fucked myself this past little while and it's going to be even harder now and I deserve it. I am around the 50 hour mark. I'm using low doses every 12 hours but it's not anything like I normally use. If I could taper to that dose and feel comfortable I could probably switch back to meds pretty easily.

Anyways, I have never seen such lows. The withdrawal has taken everything from me. It has made me an unreliable man because I can't function if I don't have it. I'm so fed up. I know when a serious attempt at quitting comes up, and last time it was around September. This lasted until early December and I relapsed. I can do it again. It's going to be harder because the withdrawal is a lot worse. The doses of H I've been using have really escalated and it's time to find some way to stop. I've been doing good this week. I binged on the weekend, withdrawal has been at its worst this week a total nightmare and practically cold turkey compared to the doses I was using before. Although, I've reached my goals. I'll be okay and continue to taper. I am smoking weed again and that definitely helps. With appetite and with keeping the long term picture in mind over instant gratification.

I love the high but I love weed too. I can say goodbye to it. I've been in withdrawal so many times now and often the withdrawals can be 4 or 5 days. Those are totally wasted days. I have not realized until today that if I just keep going a little longer, I'll start to feel okay. I keep weed reserved for these special occasions because I really feel a strong desire to quit.
 
GRSH, that's chill of you to say, whoever it was directed to. I am feeling like I've had enough these days. It's totally ruined my life at this point. I'm already a few days in to quitting and when it has ruined my life, what is the point of staying on it. The H really escalated my tolerance like the pills never would have - and very fast at that. I had really good H and that's when it really hooked me. I couldn't get out of bed today, it was awful but I will prevail. I just have to feel like shit for a few weeks and since I feel like shit pretty much all the time now, and how a relatively small habit for a heroin user, I should just stop.

I'm going to get through it this time. I have really had enough when there is an easy solution. Take less, and take less or preferably none of the stuff and eventually you start to feel good again. I'm tapering but the dose is so small compared to before, it's enough to take away some of the worst symptoms. I plan on continuing to taper.
 
Squeaky said:
Dam Shroomi. 400mg is a lot if oxy. It seems it would be wise for both of us to get away from 'getting high' off this stuff. Every pill I take gives me hope of more than just pain relief, then I'm disappointed when I don't feel great 30 minutes later. That seems to be driving my excessive use.
I keep hoping that if I write it down here, maybe someday I'll follow my own advice......
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One reason why I started smoking weed again. I can get high on that. I am done with getting high on this stuff. There is nothing whatsoever good in it anymore. I have a strong resolve to stop, not necessarily using completely but have it way more under control than this. No high doses or heroin just my script. I need to stop seeing this as a means to get high and I don't think that will be all that hard, because I'm not getting good highs anymore at all unless I use a lot.
 
I'm glad your aiming to feel better permanently Shroomy! That comment was to you and Squeky, amazingly strong, both of you! I'm excited to watch you succeed Shroomy! Keep up the good work and tell us all about it.

Catch ya' soon-Grsh
 
Thanks, today sucked. Another day of essentially cold turkey. I take a couple small doses 12 hours apart, now that I'm out let's hope I can score tomorrow. That last dose was like a tenth of a point. So disappointing. Wish I never tried heroin and stuck with pills but it really snuck up on me. Now my tolerance is really high. In a few days I'll feel okay. Today was better I was moving around a bit. I'm able to prepare and eat a little food.Walked the gardens eating kale and that really seemed to help.

Cold turkey is too much though. I wjll keep going with this when I have more but raise my dose, it was not my intention to do this with such low doses. I'm fine with a higher taper dose for now because I'm still making a lot of progress. I binged on the weekend and it totally fucked me over all this week has been hell, even at my normal doses the withdrawal would have been a lot I'd say. I'm feeling okay now, ratting and perpetually shaking my ankles. Just sick. It really sucks, I need to watch not to binge when I get more.

It really sucks what I'm going through, it's hell. I have no energy whatsoever without the drug. I lay in bed, slowly recuperating until I can start eating food and nourishing myself slowly back to health. If there comes a day that I am physically comfortable on this dose I will be fine with the depression. The physical part is hardest for me then getting used to having a mental illness and a mess of opiate chaos to clean up, everything has been affected. I need to stop or at least cut back controllably and keep track of it like I've been doing this week and forget about binging, it's risky. It worries me with this dope that I really could fall out. If I stuck to smaller doses during tapering it would be nice but is this ever a challenge. I'm worse of than last autumn, that's for damn sure, I need to stop this time. I've had way too much of a really good thing, that relatively very pure dope is the best all around straight up opiate I have found. I really enjoy its effects but binging on the weekend was too much. I have been punished for this, I have lived a painful life all week and I'm hoping that's enough to scare me straight. The withdrawal after binging a few days was horrid. I'm going to stay at these really low doses and I could make some serious progress but still be fucked. Have to repeat the process and then switch to pills but I'll almost be there.
 
How's it going Squeaky. Keep trying man. I am honestly giving it my best effort at the moment. I've been bedridden for 4 days now in cold turkey H wd after binging over the weekend (a really serious binge, and it has made this week absolute hell, probably doubling my withdrawal symptoms) so I'm raising my dose, at least for a couple days. I'm trying to treat myself but it's not really treating myself, dude I need to eat a healthy meal I'm withering away! That's the worst for me because I've been gaining some solid muscle mass while using. Withdrawal takes everything I've been working towards while using away from me. Since I get so sick I can't really get out of bed. Man it's so horrible for the body, that is the time when opiates have a negative impact on my health. I stop doing yoga, eating healthy and regularly, and become generally unable to take care of myself. When I am in cold turkey, and I'd say I'm about halfway through the worst of it at day 4. Man it just sucks. I really want to turn my life around and I know I can't be a reliable employee unless I stop my unaffordable physical dependency.

Man I think I'm at the point that the physical symptoms are only holding me back now. I really want off, it's so not worth it. It's not worth it at all, it's a fucking nightmare of a life and I wish I never tried that shit because I worry it might mess me up permanently. There is percocet for pain management and that is a totally different thing. I don't abuse the tamper proof oxy or percs because there really is no point in doing so, I like to use higher doses than that and also the mechanisms of tamper proofing are enough to deter me for the most part. It's when I run into a solid H connect that I totally fuck myself over, and fast. I need to stop or at least drop my tolerance by an order of magnitude or even more. I'm not giving up, I truly feel that I've hit my bottom.
 
8o
ShroomySatori said:
Man I think I'm at the point that the physical symptoms are only holding me back now. I really want off, it's so not worth it. It's not worth it at all, it's a fucking nightmare of a life and I wish I never tried that shit because I worry it might mess me up permanently. I'm not giving up, I truly feel that I've hit my bottom.
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Shroomy, 4 days is AMAZING! Paste those sentences^ on your wall, your mirror, the back of your eyelids if you can! I know chronic pain will always kick our asses, but we gotta keep our heads up and not let it win! Take it one moment, then one minute, than one hour, then one day at a time, baby steps will get you there! How are you getting through it? Do you have help? I'm here, hoping and praying that you make it through, I can't wait to see you post that the worst is over, and you did it!

Remember that anytime we quit an opiate it takes our bodies time to readjust. See, when taking opiates, your numb the pain. However, pain is part of our survival instinct, it's how we know we cut ourselves, the pain tells us so we won't bleed out. It is how we know our limits, the pain tells us so that we don't exhaust ourselves beyond repair, etc. Does this make sense to you? Knowing this is always half the battle when I do a reset with my pain meds and knock them out of my life for a week so that they will work again. Because knowing this, I understand that my body turns up my pain so that I can feel it past the meds, it keeps me safe and alive. This means that when I stop numbing myself, my pain is... oh gods there is no words! The pain IS! I have to give my body time to readjust, to turn down the volume knob on the pain receptors. When I let my body reset like this, it is so hard, but the reward is worth it. Having my pain meds work again, that is R E L I E F!

Stay strong! Keep carrying on, and stay strong, you will get better!

As always, g.r.s.h.
 
I am getting through it by sheer willpower and defeat. I feel entirely defeated by this drug. I don't even want to bother trying anymore, it never works out. I'm not sure why, I'm just quitting because I found the strength. Last time I found the strength was last September and I lasted until early December.

Thank you for your post, I don't have too much support past this community. Since, I have to keep my habit a secret. I'm not having issues continuing to taper today despite picking up more H. I am really trying hard this time, I took a bit higher dose than usual 9 hours ago but I really needed to. I haven't been eating and my back got really sore only from walking around half the day because I'm used to being in bed. I'm still tapering and dosing 12 hours apart most importantly. I'm so happy to have any dope after those horrid days. Binged on the weekend, didn't take into account what I'd need for the week. Didn't have anywhere near enough for my normal taper doses.

So I'm still fighting this. I don't think I'll be stopping the fight this time, although I'm sure I'll mess up again. I have the goal in mind this time I see no reason to have this stuff in my life. I see a long, winding road to recovery ahead of me and that's the only reason I use at all. I also use as in tapering because otherwise the post-acute symptoms are too much to bear. They are bad enough from tapering.

It has been a rough time these past weeks. I'm finally done. It's too expensive to sustain anything but doses which don't really put a dent in withdrawals that are pretty much cold turkey. It just totally sucks and this has been one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I have to recover, have a career and girlfriend again. Focus on my fun hobbies not dope. The doses I'm using are not half enough to keep me well let alone high. It's over, and I admit defeat, I accept whatever pain I have to go through to get better.

Weed helps.
 
Shroomy- I know you're a music kind of guy, why don't you grab a couple of your favorite albums, hopefully something that you can lose yourself in. Than crank that up, lose yourself in the music. I find this helps when I am taking myself off the meds, so maybe it can help with your taper and drop? I hope so! Do you like to swim? Ride a bike? Run? I think you need something a little more active than yoga, yoga needs entirely to much consideration. You need something that will demand your attention, without allowing you to think of anything else! When the thought starts-'I need.... to swim' you tell yourself (or something along those lines). I have tried the drop while laying in bed, and all I can think is 'the pills are just over there', this thought repeats so many times in my head that I have to bite my nails and chew my lip to try to not think about it, but the thought doesn't go away. If I push myself in pyhsical activity (all I can do with my bad back is swim, running is just not possible, and even walking seems to be bouncing to much) that is all encompasing it knocks those thoughts out of my head. It also exhausts me... I have to reset my pain medication tolerance often, though I haven't tried it since I changed my meds, I am thinking I will have to do it soon.

To be honest, I am a little terrified of trying it on the hydromorphone. I think it is more addicting the the oxys, though even with the hydro, I can't seem to quit the Oxycontin w/o wds. I'm thinking this weekend would be a good time to try. I will check in here in the morning and let you know how that will work.

Good luck Shroomy! Be strong!
 
Just updating that I have no opiates in the house, it is day 8 of doing absolutely nothing with my life and I am going to try to be more active soon. I did a taper but now I am completely out of opiates. I got some shatter and cannabis to help with the post-acute withdrawals which is probably just the insomnia coming back last time. I've always smoked weed to get a good sleep.

Day 8 is pretty good I mean even if it's the first day I'm 100% opiate free (no option, no opiates available) I have made a ridiculous amount of progress. My taper doses were low enough that this should be at most just the same thing over again, possibly easier. I don't get any percs for 2 weeks and I don't plan on going through post-acute withdrawals so quickly so I am getting back on those asap but after weeks of not using they might actually be effective. My tolerance really got high though compared to any time before.

How you are doing well Squeaky and thanks for the support g r s h
 
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I am doing better, I could use some support because I really think I am going to make it this time. I have no way of getting opiates for 2 weeks, but I have weed and shatter to keep a level head.
Then I get my low dose oxy's back and the pain is so bad I will start there. A reasonable dose at a low tolerance and I've never craved oxy like I obsess over H. I know it's a risk though and I've been through so much shit. I just want to work out again... managed to do 30 minutes of yoga today though and that was nice. I just want to feel better physically and I am so determined to get my life together that I think the rest will fall into place.
This drug habit is the only thing keeping me from having normal goals and ambitions, as well as a career job, and that is not a good thing. I'm a seriously done throwing my life away.

So yeah if you're around Squeaky pop in I'm trying really hard this time. My spine hurts like hell and I'm over twice as weak physically as last week. I'm a gaunt skeleton but I'll get it back.
 
Hey Shroomi. Sounds like you're making some progress. I know it's hard brother, but life is so much better every day after this one.
I'm making tiny progress each day. I had been as high as 150 mg oxy every day, now I'm down to about 90. My current goal is 60. I'm trying to get off of Lyrica and Ativan too.
It's a daily struggle, but we're getting closer.
 
I am getting more frustrated and willing to quit. I see how trapped I am if I stay here. It will be a constant cycle of relapse, recovery, of course I'll be into needles I've already shot up 4 times this year, and with the sense of defeat weighing in on my soul. So I am just going to quit now while I'm ahead and this suffering is very well earned. I should be good soon man but as soon as there are no opiates left at all I begin having panic attacks typically. I'll probably stay on my script in two weeks because how am I going to resist that and the dose is so low.
 
Man it's a catch 22 type of trap since I end up in too much pain. Then I start my script and before you know it, shooting H. The sickness is unbearable at this point, I have brought torment upon myself. I hope I learn this time. I'm not going to get an unlimited number of chances. I'm already having cravings but I need more weed and hash.
 
Shroomi you should go back to writing down your doses. Plan your day on paper and stick to it.
I should take my own advice.....
 
ShroomySatori said:
burn out we seem to be in similar situations man. I do heroin too, but I am quitting. I am in the 2nd week. Smoking weed and shatter here. Nobody knows about my habit. I really want to get working man it is hell, but I've been bedridden for over a week and I don't know if I'm ever going to get better.
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was gonna send this as a PM but your inbox is full so thought i'd just drop it here mate. \/

just saw this, fuck man i'm real sorry you're having such a shitty time. ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽
when did it get so bad? yuou seemed like you were doing a lot better when we last spoke.
have you been doing much or are you literally stuck in bed?

best wishes my man, big love
mat
 
Squeaky, I'm not taking any doses anymore - good idea though, that's what I did the first few days before I ran out.

Dude it got so bad years ago. My life is shit and I'm trying to save it before it's too late. I am completely wasting my life. When I was talking to you, I probably had dope. Now, I'm trying to quit with no prospect of going back and it has gotten so much worse without that hope, knowing whether I will be high again.

I try to walk around in the sunshine, and eat a little food. Man I was doing better until I ran out and couldn't afford to taper anymore. That was a few days ago so I'm in cold turkey withdrawal now. I still managed to do the best taper with what I had but now it's like I'm doing it all over again. This is going to take like a month at least.

edit - I'm doing great! I got some suboxone to taper down with and I've already been tapering harshly for two weeks so getting on them now after all that sick time has been phenomenal. I only have 20mg so I can't stay on them for long, but that's all I should need. I'll have to get back to my journal for the subs, and also I really should write about my feelings each day. Also, I smoked DMT twice today and the effect was really healing. I was feeling really hopeless and the DMT was like a soothing cosmic rush of bliss and assurance the first time that everything would be okay, it was literally like fucking the universe haha (DMT is such a feminine energy to me, and I am getting to know Her quite well. The second time I smoked it was also very serious but in a darker way, not as good or better than amazing sex - more like a slap in the face and it was just as valuable. Just a real wakeup call! And letting me know it wouldn't be cosmic sex every time lol. Otherwise, DMT would be mentally addictive haha.

So now that I am nearly two weeks without an opiate high, I think I'm doing really well especially considering I'm just getting on subs now (and for a short while, perhaps a couple weeks dosing every few days). I took 4mg suboxone today and my withdrawal is much lessoned. My buddy who was on subs but is totally clean now had a smoke with him and he even surprised me with some shrooms and told me to hang in there, he totally gets how bad this is and it was great talking to someone clean and a friend. I hope I don't have to go on suboxone through the medical system, since 20mg should be all I really need. I don't want to be on long term maintenance, as my real issue is physical dependency more than a proclivity for the long lost and un-reattainable (at least for long) high. I know I get cravings, but I can deal with those with cannabis and psychedelics, and some valium.
 
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