Again you hit it straight Shroomi- every time I have dropped my dose too much I got desperate and ended up using more than ever. AND all it takes is one day to reset my tolerance to the new higher dose. That's how I hot to 200 mg/day oxy.
Yes exactly man. I was doing so damn well the other week, I had so much fight in me. I was sniffing 20 milligrams every 8 hours which is, well, nothing to me. That's like 60mg oxy bro. And then like maybe I mentioned, I ran out one day cold turkey. I freaked out so hard, that within 24 hours I was back up to 2 or even 300 milligrams and I had also shot up for the first time out of sheer desperation. Fortunately, when I tried to shoot up a second time this morning it went really really poorly. I didn't get my vein on the first poke, and then I tried poking it a couple more times and realizing I was dulling the needle just gave up. The reason I shot it like a seasoned junkie the first time, was because I was down to my very last 10 milligrams and I wasn't sick. Today, I was sick and I also had a stash, so it just didn't work out. I'm lucky in a way because shooting 20mg would have given me that addictive rush. I'll never ever do it again after that shit experience today though.
It sucks so much man, here I am starting over yet again. I'm just thinking, you know, like wouldn't enduring 24 hours of cold turkey make things better? Make my taper go even better? No. I endured such Hell during those 24 hours, that I forgot I was even tapering. When I got my dope I was savage I just tore into it and railed 60mg right off the bat - what my total daily dose had been and just kept going and now, not only do I have to start over, but I had to sell some guitar equipment today that I'm really sad about in order to get the restart gram. So I cannot fuck up this time, and in order to avoid cold turkey, I am keeping my journal. I meticulously weighed how much I have left, did some calculations, and I'm set. (I don't actually have my gram yet, just the money for it, so I need to watch what little I have left because I could easily use it in a day if I wasn't being careful).
Anyways, last time I started at 20mg every 8 hours and I fucking suffered for several days before cold turkey put a halt to it. However, my tolerance was surprisingly dropping quickly. My highs were lasting longer, the pain relief was better, and on the day before cold turkey hit I actually felt a little bit of my "soul" shining; I felt natural cognitive energy, my brain wasn't being driven solely by the amount of opiates in my body. It was great to feel that and I think I'm recovering fast these days because of the amount of yoga I am doing, as well as my healthy vegetarian diet (not that I am against meat, just for me personally, the diet I have going on is absolutely phenomenal, and I really keep up with it... I drink a lot of white tea as well, and sometimes green tea... but yeah, like I'm just really really healthy in terms of diet apart from these chemical drugs, and I don't drink any alcohol whatsoever and I don't smoke anything whatsoever).
This time, I am starting at 40mg every 8 hours for the first day, just to get used to the schedule. A lot of it is getting over the compulsion to redose for me, which takes a few days. Pretty quick, my body gets used to a hit of opiate every 8 hours, and after a little while I extend that to 12 while keeping the dose the same (so my overall daily dose is the same, but I get to take a bigger hit, less frequently).
I'm just not starting at 20mg again because I'm still honestly warn out from that single day of cold turkey, the preceding days of very low dosing, and the aftermath. The entire week was just a wreck and a waste. So this time, I sold more of my stuff, and I have a little bit more to work with. I'm starting at a higher dose so that the first few days won't be so miserable (I was literally feeling suicidal last time). It's still going to be hard.
I have chosen the schedule 4am - noon - 8pm this time and I like this schedule, it's what was working before. Sometimes I will do midnight 8am 4pm, but this way, I get high when it's sunny out and for lunch, I get high in the evening when I can do something social or even just head to the mall, and I get high in the morning but I often will sleep through the 4am dose a bit... but the schedule eventually ensures that I get to bed early before I'm sick, and wake up early.
This is what I'm trying to do right now and I was so committed - I was doing so well - and I need to find that courage again. So, I am going to try my best again and make damn sure not to run out. I'm also going to stock all my oxy's and keep using H for a a long time until the dose of H I am using is very low. My body will have had a break for the oxy, and maybe it will respond better to it when I start up again.
It just sucks so much how a single day of cold turkey ruined everything and here I am starting over again. I refuse to look into methadone or suboxone because my habit is small. It's relatively small in the grand scheme of things (like yours - not to undermine it dude but if we are both around 200mg oxy, it could be worse, there is a lot of hope we're not using like a gram a day or more). I just feel like I have fucked up the pain system of my body and the last thing I need to do is introduce more drugs to it, like these synthetic opioids that help people quit. THat's great if it helps some people but if I'm going to quit I'm going to taper with H or oxy like I did last year because I made a lot of progress, and those are just the opiates my body knows well. I'm sick of throwing all these chemicals at my body - it's used to H right now, so I'm going to continue giving it H. Just less of it, a lot less.
Today I'm doing 40mg x3 which will be a relatively easy start. Same with the following day - then down to 35 and then 30. I'll be back at 20mg x3 in no time and then drop to 15, probably stay at 15mg x3 daily for a long time.
Hope you're doing well, don't give up. You are right that tolerance resets in one day, it is insane. Actually, my tolerance resets in even less time than that! It basically takes getting high with a larger dose than normal or expected once or twice for it to reset - and then some. It's insane and it has to stop, so here I am trying yet again. I am making damn sure to write everything in my journal - it's a good reminder of how much this is killing me.
Good luck bud and talk soon
I am just editing this to say I am switching it up a bit. I am starting with a 50mg dose, then 45mg, then 40, then 35, all the way down to 20 and then staying there for a while before going down to 15mg 3x daily. The reason for this is to get rid of compulsive redosing before dealing with my tolerance. I can take a satisfying dose, and want more 2 or 3 hours later or even earlier because of this effect the drug has on the reward system of the mind. I am going to make sure to deal with that first and the way I do this is by spreading my doses out so that the rewards are few and far between. However, 50mg should keep me out of physical withdrawal for the greater part of 8 hours - while, I will still experience the odd craving to redose, which I will have to ignore. Instead of starting right off the bat at 20mg, I think this is going to work out a lot better... so long as I don't run out again. However, I have more to work with and it's just not going to happen, my script is coming up too but I'm stockpiling my oxy's for when I'm done with dope in the future.
I'll just make an update in like a week and let people know how I'm doing since I am extremely serious this time.
