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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Everyone experiences pain in differently subjective ways.

The same thing happening to you may feel different to someone else.

Just remember that.

I wish you both well.
 
PainfulOne- I am so happy to hear someone else say it. If I have a choice between being hooked on opiates or committing suicide because my chronic pain is ruining my life, then isn?t a drug habit the best choice I can make. People don?t seem to get it.
They say anything is better than being hooked on pills and I should stop at all costs. Really? At ALL costs? Even if one of the costs is my own life?
Nobody seems to take suicide seriously until someone dies. Then suddenly it was a better idea to get them some help, even if that means more pills.
 
Painful one that sucks so much. I have been there being up all night screaming and crying hysteric and going to the hospital getting morphine. You should have the right amount of meds.

Just trying to make it here. I need a part time job asap. Full time might be too hard on my back and during recovery. Something chill... for weed, xanax bars, whatev for fashion and maybe some dates. I had a delayed development. I wouldn't mind working a chill job for a year doing whatev somewhere I like, making friends having a foxy girl around and just chain smokin blunts and bongs maybe a couple more piercings and definitely a tattoo I've had in mind. Sounds good to me! I can totally give myself a year of hedonism with sex and good pot and just messing around with the bit of money I make having fun. Getting ready for a career. I got this, I'm at 36th day with no opiates at all. That is great, it's hard to see the improvement as it is week by week and I still feel like shit so it's like. Well I still feel like shit. But then I remember I'm not leaving vomit stains on the carpet unable to make it to the washroom like in H withdrawals last year and still not wanting to quit at all. I don't need to rush into the corporate realm gosh no. I want part time work somewhere agreeable, and have a chill cute girl around. The girl will follow the part time work, that is what was happening last time.

I was confused about this for a while but I know what type of job I want better now. Something like a uni student would have pretty much and that suits me.

I should be able to make that happen. So I will look for some jobs now.
 
That sounds like a good idea Shroomy. If you are up for it, get out there and have a good time. Part time sounds like a real good idea.
Thanks for the comfort my friend.

Man, sorry guys. Sorry runningfox. I pretty much came through here like a hurricane today. So embarrassing.
I think Squeaky and I are in a different category of chronic pain/ injury. Our complete quality of life is dependent upon medication.
I don't think we should feel bad about it anymore squeaky. It is what it is and if people want to look upon us as "drug addicts", so be it.

I have had chronic pain since I was 16. Started with Cluster Headaches (one of the top 10 most painful conditions) that make me actually loose my vision and completely disable me. I was able to "work around those" and keep the amount of them down with diet and things. But after being just a person on the freeway, being hit at high speed from behind- I have been in a whole different level of "chronic pain"
It is bad. Real bad. I'm dealing with it the best I can. The winter just kills me. I have got to find a way to get out of here next winter. I cannot even take it again.
 
Opiates do exist for a legitimate medical reason - to deal with intractable and severe pain. Fortunately I've never experience this, and I hope to never. But from what I have gathered in discussions including this one, chronic pain can destroy a person's life as surely as anything else. In these sorts of cases, being on opiates long-term or even indefinitely can be a much better scenario than getting off of them. They're way overprescribed, and a lot of people are abusing them, but people who need them to live a semblance of a satisfying life should never feel ashamed of being on them!
 
Hard to compare people's pain levels, I have been there though painful one. My life has been falling apart ever since I hurt my back and only now almost a decade later am I beginning to sort things out. Whenever I had a full time job while I was waiting for medical care before I got fed up waiting and began H, I'd go to the hospital in the middle of the night I could not take it, and get morphine. Lost my first career job around then they pretty much bribed me not to seek legal action cause they knew it was the pain. It was horrible, it isn't as bad these days, not sure why. I still do not think I could work an 8 - 4 office job, physically, it would be too hard on my back. I'll have to think about the things I am applying for and how my pain will be affected by it.

It could get worse again, makes me nervous. I have to be cautious. I am sorry you feel that way though. I thought I was the only one with this issue and being young to have such an injury and all and it isn't even visible it is a lonely thing I find... I look healthy and fit, but my body is messed up and in pain chronically... how will I deal with this long term? Like a decade? Can't imagine really, I think it'd be worse for my health than using. I can't afford to use right now as they prescribe me a newb starter dose after years due to the phobia so I end up doing H if I want pain relief from opiates. It probably would have worked if they had slowly increased to adjust for my tolerance, and if the waiting period wasn't two years, and if it wasn't a huge disappointment of a 10 minute appointment.

The lengths I will go to keep stoned. Drove 40 minutes after midnight in the rain, stopped by the bank somehow ended up with 10 grams, an indica and hybrid split. At least the herb is good. Now I gotta stock up on xanax within a couple days and start focussing on life again. Was down to my last bud today. I've been awake for almost 24 hours I should probably smoke some more pot and sleep or tomorrow will be lazy.
 
ShroomySatori said:
It could get worse again, makes me nervous. I have to be cautious..
Click to expand...
Yeah man, it happened to me the last couple weeks after moving my neck a bit weird as I got out of bed! Lol, fucked me up so bad, I'm still in misery more or less, but yeah cannabis helps the mindframe to stay positive and gives a focus away from the necessary opiates :) Damn, you need some sleep!24 hours,lol?
 
Thank you Xorkoth. Indeed, people who need opiate medication to live some semblance of a "normal" life should not feel bad about it.
I am so tired of the judgement. My own family is the worst in that regard. I have only spoken a few sentences to them in - well, over ten years now. It is a waste of breathe trying to make them understand.

Shroomy, I know you also suffer chronic pain. Severe enough to disable your life. I also went through the same thing at my career and I also look great and healthy. Would it help if we "looked" worse? I don't think so.
I'm not comparing pain levels. Pain levels speak for themselves. They show in how disabled your life has become if nowhere else.
I have always said to you- "just do the best you can."

Sometimes, I get a reprieve from this horrific pain. The weather has a lot to do with how I'm feeling. Sometimes, I think I may be able to come off this medication but then....the horrific pain episodes hit and I realize that is not possible for me.
 
I'm always surprised when people seem to care or relate in some way.

Crx man, I was waiting for the perfect time to smoke a bowl this morning and when I saw your message I took out my bong and took a hit for ya. I mean, I just picked 10 grams what a I doing enjoying my morning without good old dope at least? Listening to my new fave peep song and grinning it's a silly song, it is so funny to me but dope too. One of the strains is sugar shack and it's so nice. Reminds me of Jack Herer a bit, piney aroma real open bud structure. The kush is dense. I took a massive rip of the pre '98 bubba, just a few minutes ago and it was great cause I waited a bit. Finding moderation in all things I can. I love how thc tolerance goes down so fast but my ability to take heavy bong rips doesn't so much, cause the way I smoke is a heavy toke just one like whenev. It's nice getting the perfect sized bowl too where anymore crumbs n you'd choke.

lol! Man I had to stay up that late cause it was family stuff and they made it so late. Then I had to grab herb or I wouldn't have any right now and be likely be stuck in traffic, and I couldn't grab herb til past midnight. I slept til 8am that's like 7 hours dude wayyyy more than I normally got. Probably cause of the xanax. Your writing is making me giggle though like I am still in misery more or less but might crack a smile after I smoke once in a while.

In my case it was good to look healthy so it would be harder to suspect anything. I'd be overly drowsy at work sometimes. I am looking forward to being more responsible. All I need are two strains of herb a bong and not too much else and I'm good so I should enjoy my stoned leisure time. Don't think I can move a much off a muscle after that toke. Good thing I had breakfast and water first.

I haven't felt relaxed in a long time. I like to have stashes of the drugs I am addicted to. I got the xanax's the valiums and the weed and that's where Im at as I detox from God -forsaken Satan. Those opiates will ruin my life in a single day at this point. It's like being tasered for a month and then confused for another one or two. Time to continue enjoying being so baked and relaxed it won't be long I woke up late.
 
Shroomy, did I read right that it is 35th day without opiates? Congrats on that if you are.

I remember you going through some real hard times last year and it is nice to see that things have brightened up a bit.
 
I got prescribed an anti-psychotic once to help me deal with my suicidal thoughts. That stuff was crazy, stronger than any opiate or benzo. It stole my personality and turned me into a zombie.
How is that not worse than a prescription for xanax and oxycodone? Either one might stop you from killing yourself. The former made me a psych patient..... the latter made me a pain sufferer and an ADDICT.
Opiates and benzos have gone miles farther towards saving my life and solving my troubles than the anti-psychotic did, but they only look at me funny when I?m getting my oxy and Ativan filled.
The system is broken.
 
Man seroquel was the worst med I've ever been on.

Something happened yesterday essentially I encountered very good Mdma and ended up taking it myself. I did a lot, and was floored by it. I do this once a year and it's always random like that.

It's the next day and my body is still calming down. My mind feels fine. I have been crying all morning but they are real tears. The level of introspection was pretty profound and I feel like I saw what a horrible person I am in ways. Just don't want it to continue happening and try to relax a little more.

My main concern is my body as that put me under extreme physical stress, I don't use it often, it was a very high dose and it's stressful enough on healthy people. I drank a lot of water and ate plenty of fruit. Life goes on. Couldn't pay me to take that stuff again for another year it's way too hardcore for that.

So today I am focussing on self care. I have cyclobenzeprine a heavy sedative so I can take that instead of more benzos as my body is very tense. That shocked my system but hey, maybe it's just what I needed. That was a serious wakeup call, there was extreme euphoria at times, but at other times I found myself uncomfortable about what was being revealed to me. I really just hope I physically recover within a couple of days. I am going to put as much effort into that as I can because today I don't feel right. I'm all out of sorts. I don't regret it but I always get the f**king worst comedowns off this shit and I have to remind myself I have 39 days so I'm in a fragile state already. I think I'm finally prepared to take it the fuck easy.
 
This was a real wakeup call. I am aware that I hurt myself yesterday, and it sucks. I don't want to be hurting myself anymore. I don't know how it happened how I came across the pure like that but it wrecks havoc on the nervous system, on everything.

I think hot yoga may have saved me. I don't feel all that depressed even though I have been crying. Due to the introspection at times. I feel extremely anxious and it's probably because I'm dehydrated and malnourished. I'll be okay. I trust that. This is something I do once a year and really enjoy, and it makes me sick of thinking of taking it again after.

Doing a lot to try and recover physically. My body is still calming down, I mean it was going haywire at times. The healthy habits I've been keeping up will help with this crash, but if I ever feel like I did a couple days ago... I think I will be quite grateful for that. I drank water and ate apples during it but there's only so much you can do with high doses like that. I have mixed emotions going on and need to chill out. Maybe smoke enough pot so that I might get hungry.

I am still counting myself 39 days clean. Definitely NOT waking up today having Mdma cravings lord no serious? I'm praying that I didn't fry my brain this time. The dose was enormous and I don't normally snort it.

Huge wakeup call and I am very glad I don't have an oxy script around the corner today.
 
All of these school shooting's (a new phenomenon in recent years) perpetrators have been on SSRI's and other psychiatric medications.
It seems to me that there is really something going on with the "opiate crisis", demonizing opiates while these other "alternatives" are WAY worse. Let's look at benzodiazepines alone, something that I also have to use a very low daily dose of -1mg clonazepam.
I went for a few days without the 1mg clonazepam and was out of my freaking mind. The withdrawal from those was WAY worse than withdrawal from morphine.

Look at this article I found here:

arrests and sudden deaths of combat veterans. Known by soldiers as “Serokill,” it is often prescribed to treat insomnia, an indication for which it is not approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. Not that another brand of antipsychotic would be preferable—a recent study in the New England Journal of Medicine reports that all drugs in this class double the risk of sudden cardiac arrest.

And when these drugs are given to large numbers of military personnel, what begins as a risk can lead to wide-scale tragedy. According to investigations by neurologist Dr. Fred Baughman, Jr., as many as 351 soldiers have died from cardiac arrest after ingesting drug cocktails containing antipsychotics and antidepressants. This phenomena is no coincidence when contrasted to a 2004 study that found only 59 non-traumatic cardiac deaths related to exercising among U.S. military recruits from 1997 to 2001.

Yet with unexplained deaths seemingly at every turn, psychiatrists continue to prescribe antipsychotics such as Seroquel in record numbers. Between 2001 and 2011, the U.S. Veterans Administration and the Defense Department spent more than $850 million on Seroquel, yet another huge profit center for the psycho-pharmaceutical industry at the expense of active-duty troops and vets." -
End of article

So yeah Squeaky, these other medications are way worse and more dangerous. I don't want to be a zombie or chemically lobotomy,
I just need to manage severe, irretractable, chronic pain. I think I will stick with what I have got. Although I need to talk to my doctor about a possible dose increase after 10-11 years of being on the same dosage of MS Contin. It has worked great up until recently, considering the crippling level of pain I am in.
 
Yeah benzo withdrawal is much worse than opiate withdrawal, it can cause you to become psychotic and will cause seizures which can be lethal. Also it lasts for a long time.

I don't think ALL of the school shootings have SSRIs involved, but certainly SSRIs (and some other medications) prescribed to kids is a bad thing. My ex's cousin got into drugs when she was 13 and her parents decided she must be depressed because there couldn't possibly be any other reason for getting into drugs, so they and a psychiatrist put her on an SSRI, can't remember which one. Within a short time she started becoming extremely depressed and began having fantasies about murder-suiciding herself and her family. Once she confided that to them they fortunately realized it was bad, and she went off them, and returned to normal.
 
You are right, maybe not ALL but 90% (proven number) of the school shooters as well as the Las Vegas shooter were on SSRI's and/ or other psychiatric medications. Most likely 100% and I say that because the facts are not released about these shooters until days/ weeks later when no one is paying attention to these stories anymore. Plus the media gets very large kick backs from these drug companies. It is incredible that they are actually allowed to have commercials that encourage the use of these drugs.

That is a really scary story about your ex's cousin and I have seen that with my friend's kid whom they put on Ritalin at a very young age. He went off it when he became of age to make his own decisions and is a normal person now. I honestly thought he was retarded. He will not forgive his parents for putting him on that and tells a horrifying take of what it was like to live as a child being on that medication for so long.

I don't know what the answer is. I wish I did, we could avoid disaster. One thing is clear- The System is broken!
 
How are you doing now Shroomy?
I am concerned about you and hope you are feeling better.

Sending love
<3
 
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