MrRoot
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2011
- Messages
- 2,121
Hi there,
Some might know me for writing every now and then here but lately I have been inactive when it comes to writing here.
I'd like to put on some brief introduction what I've used and why and what I am planning to do to get rid of my habits.
During my childhood I luckily didn't come around any mind altering substances and I say luckily because as I know myself I would have started using those as soon as I would have get introduced to those.
I did drink some booze while teenager but not ridiculous amounts (atleast in finnish standards
) but since I turned sixteen I pretty much drunk every weekend a six pack or a bit more. I used weed also when I was in high school equivalent. That continued until I went into army which is by the way mandatory here for every male unless they choose to do civilian service. Bit of an off topic but mandatory military service imho prevents wars as every politician has some relative who has to go into frontlines due mandatory military service.
During my training in army I stopped using weed and alcohol for a while and after the mandatory service I applied for peace keeping force and got in and did two trips to Afghanistan and in the latter trip the patrol car I drove hit an IED which caused my a spinal injury and my knee was damaged as well.
Due that I got introduced to pain killers and mainly oxycodone. I went through some surgeries but none helped in long term and I continued to use oxycodone again and again in escalating amounts.
I fell in love with oxycodone. It was wonderful time at the beginning since small amount made me active and bigger amounts helped me get through boring times as I could just nod in the sofa and drool while being in nearly orgastic state. Well also the side effect of staying erect even after hours of pounding was nice and I have "some" kind of an reputation within the girls in my area...
Oh well and the pain was gone too.
At the some stage bad things started to creep on. I couldn't nod even after taking 200mg of oxycodone and I needed 100mg to even function. I had to take it at first thing in the morning and lay for a half an hour in my bed until I could get up.
I was emotionally dull. Nothing normal life related things couldn't affect to me at all be them good or bad. These definately were dark times.
During some pain free phases I was free of oxycodone but I abused other drugs. Methylphenidate was one of the first drugs I used and sometimes I still dream of getting some. I also used methylphenidate to stay more active when using high amounts of oxycodone.
At one phase I used methylphenidate to get up in the morning and to keep going and then party while using it with booze. After that I would use alprazolam or other benzos to get sleep. I also used zolpidem to get some trippy feeling once in a while.
This spring I had my last surgery and the pain went away totally due miraculous surgeonwork.
I decided that now it would be time to stop using drugs totally and started tapering off from 160mg daily oxycodone habit (+recreational doses up to 250mgs). It worked well as I had help from my Dr. and during the spring I tapered out of oxycodone.
I had a minor relapse and went into inpatient rehab. It was a good experience despite the horror stories Inhad heard. Buprenorphine seemed like an optimal drug for my situation.
Not long after that I started again to use oxycodone and was so shamed and had so muh selfhatred that I couldn't even write to this site. I even started abusing benzos again.
Now I have been tapering down again and next week I will start opiate replacement therapy with buprenorphine and here it is started inpatient so I won't be able to report how I am doing before I get a stable dose and get out from there.
I am looking forward for dealing with my issues leading to my drug abuse while in ORT and can stop that too sometime in future.
I am lucky that I have never had any major problems due my drug abuse and don't have hepatitis or even used intravenously but in the end I am addict.
Some might know me for writing every now and then here but lately I have been inactive when it comes to writing here.
I'd like to put on some brief introduction what I've used and why and what I am planning to do to get rid of my habits.
During my childhood I luckily didn't come around any mind altering substances and I say luckily because as I know myself I would have started using those as soon as I would have get introduced to those.
I did drink some booze while teenager but not ridiculous amounts (atleast in finnish standards
) but since I turned sixteen I pretty much drunk every weekend a six pack or a bit more. I used weed also when I was in high school equivalent. That continued until I went into army which is by the way mandatory here for every male unless they choose to do civilian service. Bit of an off topic but mandatory military service imho prevents wars as every politician has some relative who has to go into frontlines due mandatory military service.During my training in army I stopped using weed and alcohol for a while and after the mandatory service I applied for peace keeping force and got in and did two trips to Afghanistan and in the latter trip the patrol car I drove hit an IED which caused my a spinal injury and my knee was damaged as well.
Due that I got introduced to pain killers and mainly oxycodone. I went through some surgeries but none helped in long term and I continued to use oxycodone again and again in escalating amounts.
I fell in love with oxycodone. It was wonderful time at the beginning since small amount made me active and bigger amounts helped me get through boring times as I could just nod in the sofa and drool while being in nearly orgastic state. Well also the side effect of staying erect even after hours of pounding was nice and I have "some" kind of an reputation within the girls in my area...
Oh well and the pain was gone too.
At the some stage bad things started to creep on. I couldn't nod even after taking 200mg of oxycodone and I needed 100mg to even function. I had to take it at first thing in the morning and lay for a half an hour in my bed until I could get up.
I was emotionally dull. Nothing normal life related things couldn't affect to me at all be them good or bad. These definately were dark times.
During some pain free phases I was free of oxycodone but I abused other drugs. Methylphenidate was one of the first drugs I used and sometimes I still dream of getting some. I also used methylphenidate to stay more active when using high amounts of oxycodone.
At one phase I used methylphenidate to get up in the morning and to keep going and then party while using it with booze. After that I would use alprazolam or other benzos to get sleep. I also used zolpidem to get some trippy feeling once in a while.
This spring I had my last surgery and the pain went away totally due miraculous surgeonwork.
I decided that now it would be time to stop using drugs totally and started tapering off from 160mg daily oxycodone habit (+recreational doses up to 250mgs). It worked well as I had help from my Dr. and during the spring I tapered out of oxycodone.
I had a minor relapse and went into inpatient rehab. It was a good experience despite the horror stories Inhad heard. Buprenorphine seemed like an optimal drug for my situation.
Not long after that I started again to use oxycodone and was so shamed and had so muh selfhatred that I couldn't even write to this site. I even started abusing benzos again.
Now I have been tapering down again and next week I will start opiate replacement therapy with buprenorphine and here it is started inpatient so I won't be able to report how I am doing before I get a stable dose and get out from there.
I am looking forward for dealing with my issues leading to my drug abuse while in ORT and can stop that too sometime in future.
I am lucky that I have never had any major problems due my drug abuse and don't have hepatitis or even used intravenously but in the end I am addict.
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