Hi, cj....sending positivity your way. A friend of mine has borderline pd and I’ve read up on it. (We both have bipolar, too, which is how we met.). My friend definitely struggles and her polyaddictions make her bpd symptoms worse. (I do have another friend who worked hard in therapy and she?s doing amazing)
My other BPD friend that is struggling:
Understandably, she wants to escape the daily pain of BPD and bipolar. But it makes her temper flare a lot and she gets into altercations with her fiance.
I didn’t write that in judgement...I wanted to commend you for working so hard through it all. Mental illness with depression (please remember suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem...no, the illnesses won?t go away but happiness is possible. It is).
I’m going to throw in my two cents here...take what sounds good, chuck the rest. It’s long, but I tried to think of ways to support you. You have options, that is GOOD.
-Living situation: The Salvation Army may be a resource. It?s worth looking into it. Also, research online and know where homeless shelters are NOW; some can help with transitional housing, meals, etc. I know there are pros/cons, but just being on the street may affect your Suboxone etc.
know where a methadone clinic is. Just in case. A therapist told me hope for the best, plan for the worst. This is your backup resource. Ignore this if this is unhelpful...I don?t know much about methadone clinics.
And hopefully there’s public transit...try and get the bus routes to utilize it later on.
Churches often can be a resource and supportive. I know Baptist churches often help those in need.
Ask your therapist and psychiatrist for any resources, too. My therapist had me go on meetup and I found a local, free support group and it’s awesome.
Look for one for depression and maybe there is one for BPD, too. In my bipolar group, people develop friendships and I recall one member let another crash on her couch for awhile. NAMI and DBSA will have meetings, too.
Do you benefit going to NA/AA meetings? If not, there is SMART recovery with free meetings and SoberRecovery dot com is a great site.
I think taking it day by day is best; suboxone tapering can wait, IMO. Stick to not abusing it, you got this.
State hospitals: I have heard similar things and you don?t have nearly as much control when you?re released. It, don?t write off going to the local ER if you aren?t safe. If they transfer you to state...so be it. I know BPD and depression can make you unsafe. You?re more than your illnesses, but if you?re unsafe...ER! I?ve been IP several times and it?s no party, but I?ve never regretted it.
And my psychiatrist said that being unable to take care of daily living needs is grounds for IP, you don?t have to be suicidal. If your depression prevents you from basic daily survival and self care...I?ve been admitted. I?ve always gone voluntarily.
Give DBT a chance. Tons of info on the Internet psychcentral dot come plus forums, chat and online meetings.
Meds...my friend finds an atypical antipsychotic and Lamictal help tremendously. Not med advice, just saying she finds them helpful with depressive mood stabilization and sleep. Avoid Zyprexa, IMO. My psychiatrist won?t even prescribe it to any patients due to major weight gain.
Discuss meds with psychiatrist...I?m not giving professional advice (recovered alcoholic, disabled attorney...no doctor here lol).
Filing for SSDI and SSI now is good timing with the hospital IPs. Focus heavily on the depression and you need to remain in treatment. I applied online and was approved in two months, it doesn?t always take years.
Most disability attorneys don?t get involved until the application is denied. Fee structure is the same for appeals so no need to shop around just get a firm that specializes in it.
There are firms that help with the application, I‘ve heard, so go for it if you can afford it.
It’s critical to tell your attorney about the probation violation...not legal advice but you don?t want that matter unresolved when you apply. Disclose to the attorney history etc. Confidential.
Get a flat fee on that during your free consultation 7 cups of Tea online is a resource for free, trained listeners. There are warm lines, too. And suicide hotlines. Reach out!
Journal if it helps you. It makes me worse but most like it.
ketamine infusions were excellent for me but it?s very expensive, some offer financing.
of course keep in touch here so we can support you!
Ask your mom how her day was at work, etc. you mentioned half-finished can you help at the lake house? It shows gratitude and it will boost dopamine and vit D from the sun improves mood. Clean, .whatever. Random acts of kindness. Win-win!
As part of your disability application you will need to give a name and number of someone close to you that can describe your daily life. Sounds like it will be your mom. Just FYI. No need to tell her now. It’s not a huge deal.
Mindfulness! Crucial DBT skill and feels great. I like Radical Acceptance, too. Work with your therapist, open slate is best
Try squeezing ice cubes when SH urges arise.
DBSA has an online clubhouse that is helpful. Create a toolbox of coping skills. Ask your therapist, too. Know your triggers and get therapy guidance on navigating them.
You are are not alone.
The past is gone, the future is uncertain. Stay with today...hope for the best and plan for speed bumps. Do not worry about what you cannot control. Your self care is #1.
Relationships and a girlfriend will happen in due time.
xo, Rainy
