FLA
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2011
- Messages
- 240
Sorry I haven't been posting much. My OCD is getting the better of me lately. I'm feeling a really bad resurgence of both doom and gloom thinking and compulsive behaviors. I haven't left my house in a few weeks and now I only leave my room to smoke cigarettes. I have a doc appointment tomorrow. I am very seriously considering going back on clonazepam just so I can reclaim my life back a little.
Hope you're feeling better chef! I'd say do whatever you've got to do to keep your sanity. You know the risks and benefits of benzos.
I get into funks where I don't want to leave the house much all the time but you're almost kind of shut inside with heat in the summer down here in FL.
Talk about OCD, I had it big time. It may have been compounded by the type of work I did. You have to be somewhat meticulous with database programming and the like. The SSRI may have quieted it down some. Still, sometimes when I leave the house and know I've locked the doors, I can't resist the impulse to go back and double check.
My self-talk is absolutely off-the-wall insane sometimes. I know at some level it's not who I really am. The worst one is that now that I'm retired, I've outlived my expiration date and reason to exist. It's amazing how conditioned I became to associate my self-worth with my job. I don't have any kids but I'm glad I at least have my wife and I have to stay alive to take care of my older ex-acidhead schizophrenic brother. He's as crazy as a loon, but happier than me, hardly ever worries about anything.
I think you're only about 90 minutes east of me. Give me a shout if you're ever in the neighborhood. We can go out dolphin watching or something in my boat.
Last edited: