I wish the best to you, my friend. I was on MD-ordered Suboxone 3 times and I just could not comply. I found myself doing heroin because you don't have to wait very long for the blocking effect to wear off. I always sold 'em for dope money. I purely wanted to get off heroin and all its side-effects: no money, overdosing, cops, self-hatred.
Methadone, with all its requirements, has been more successful, for me. Even though the requirements: every day dosing, drug testing, etc. are a pain in the ass, I have been mostly clean. I still drink Heinekens unless I take my Antabuse. The counseling is appreciated and I like the groups because I got to know the people. Everyone kind of hides with their bullshit as do I. But eventually, you earn your take-homes. I lost 4 of 'em when I relapsed but will get them back soon.
The problem with Suboxone occurs after the pharmacist puts them in my dope-fiend hands!
Getting off both of those drugs is a bitch. I am almost 64 so I don't mind if I stay on methadone the rest of my life. I am really tired of the bullshit that the drug life required. Fuck that.
I had one serious relapse in the past 18 months on the clinic. Because of the clinic, that relapse was better than in times past. I didn't end up losing everything: my car, apartment, my friends in AA, and my freedom. I did lose lots of money and that sets me on my ass. I am a junior in college and quite old. I don't mind it at all. I have been involved with all this heroin bullshit since I was 17.
The friends I have made are not the types of "Hey, how you doing? I need some dope. Can you help me out?" When I went to jail, those guys were NEVER there for me.
Keep your chin up, and don't die or end up in the box like everyone else does. Mikie