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Constant visuals and head pressure is making me feel nearly suicidal.

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ykim768

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 30, 2016
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25
Hi everyone, I'm in desperate need of help because I've had HPPD for 6 months and it is getting worse.I'm not sure what caused this because I took many different types of drugs (mostly cannabis, MDMA, a few grams of mushrooms, 3 tabs maximum of acid throughout 2 years of drug use) but I decided to post here because the HPPD got worse months after I took MDMA.I've abused MDMA and cannabis throughout 2015, and took MDMA for the last time in this January.One month after taking MDMA it started with a sinus pressure and seeing some visual distortions like thick visual snow and a faint double image (ghosting) of an object. It then progressed to having a pressure around my whole head, tinnitus, after-images from everything I look at (the most severe symptom), halos around object, trails in the dark, rippling lines, blotches of color appearing on the wall, and other palinopsia symptoms. Even from staying away from all drugs including alcohol and caffeine it still progressed to get worse day by day. Even from just reading a book I get after-images of the texts, and as I'm typing this I see after-images of all the text boxes and monitor. From when it started 6 months ago, I feel like it has become twice as worse now. I feel extremely hopeless and frustrated because even from staying sober my visual symptoms are still getting worse. I've read HPPD stays the same or gets better when you stop using drugs, however it is still getting worse for me. I'm in college and work part time, and the palinopsia is really affecting my ability to study and work like I used to. Right now I'm still able to drive at night without noticing much of the symptoms and somehow perform well with my studying and job, but inside of my head I'm in extreme agony and torture. I'm afraid that eventually, the worsening of symptoms will make me reach a tipping point.I've went to numerous doctors and done a lot of tests to rule out any diseases that could be causing this, and everything was normal. I don't want to take benzos or other prescription drugs that only mask the symptoms and could potentially make it worse. I'm willing to wait it out however I really need a hope that one day it will stop getting worse and actually start to go away as long as I stay sober. Did anyone have HPPD that got worse for a while then started to improve or gone away completely? I'm desperately need for advice from people who experienced the same thing (worsening of palinopsia, HPPD) and got through this. Please I beg for your help and assurance that it will stop getting worse and eventually start to go away or improve. Please help me get through this.
 
Sorry it is hard to read, I can't edit it. So in summary I had severe HPPD for 6 months and my symptoms are still getting worse especially the after-images despite staying sober. I've used cannabis a few times after I got HPPD because it somewhat alleviated my head pressure but I quit that completely as well.Is it normal for HPPD symptoms to worsen for a couple months before starting to improve or go away?Anyone been through the similar progress of symptoms as me?
 
Not wanting to scare you, but I have had these symptoms (palinopsia type HPPD) for almost three years now. The intensity was strong (as you describe) for an initial period of 3-6 months straight after the use that caused it, but settled at a weaker level afterwards at which it has fluctuated but remained overall similar. I got it from moderate over-use of 2C-B and MDMA. I have, however, continued to use drugs including MDMA and psychedelics, though infrequently, and quite a lot of cannabis and alcohol, since the symptoms began. I did try 6 months sober from everything except alcohol with no improvement. I'm considering another sober stint this time without alcohol as a last-ditch effort, but generally I have kind of learned to live with it now. Bare in mind though that I think cases like mine where symptoms don't resolve are unusual, and my continued drug use will not have helped.
 
Oh no.. so the intensity stayed around the same for you even after almost 3 years? Do you have any head pressure/sinus pressure? That is the most debilitating symptom for me I'd say even more than the visual itself.
 
Sorry this has happened to you, but there is hope. Stay sober. Your best bet is to eat healthy, exercise regularly, and get plenty of sleep. This should at least help make your symptoms less intense over time.
 
ykim768 said:
Oh no.. so the intensity stayed around the same for you even after almost 3 years? Do you have any head pressure/sinus pressure? That is the most debilitating symptom for me I'd say even more than the visual itself.
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There was an initial period of 3-6 months where the symptoms were intense, as you describe, but they settled to a weaker level after a while of no drugs other than alcohol or cannabis. Since then, the intensity has remained overall stable, periodic improvements but also periodic worsening. I don't have any head or sinus pressure though, but have experienced that after MDMA before, I imagine it will soon go. I'd say best bet is follow Clocktower's advice and see where you're at in a few months.
 
I would suggest trying high dose ascorbate therapy. 1000 mg 10-12 times per day. Easiest way is to dissolve in bottled water.
 
terarc said:
There was an initial period of 3-6 months where the symptoms were intense, as you describe, but they settled to a weaker level after a while of no drugs other than alcohol or cannabis. Since then, the intensity has remained overall stable, periodic improvements but also periodic worsening. I don't have any head or sinus pressure though, but have experienced that after MDMA before, I imagine it will soon go. I'd say best bet is follow Clocktower's advice and see where you're at in a few months.
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Already been 6 months post HPPD and my visual symptoms are still worsening, especially the afterimages. But I've smoked weed a few times when I got it, do you think this is why it kept worsening?
 
It's very hard to say. I don't think it will help. I remember when the HPPD first began, cannabis would make it SO much worse. Unbearably worse to the point that cannabis would give me flashbacks and make me feel like I was tripping or on MDMA and I would have panic attacks. I stopped cannabis for a while, and since have only smoked hashish or high CBD strains of cannabis. I developed crushing anxiety along with the HPPD so cannabis was unenjoyable anyway unless I used these milder, more relaxing forms. Since switching to these types of cannabis, I sometimes get some symptom worsening while under the influence but not much long term effect going past a couple of days after use, it certainly has nowhere near as much of an impact as it did originally. Still though, it will be best to go without it. The drug which had the most impact on it for me was alcohol, I can also no longer enjoy alcohol in the way I used to. Honestly though avoid all drugs until everything has been better for a while, that's the only way to know you're not worsening it. The only reason I carried on is because I reached a point where the HPPD was stable and didn't bother me that much any more.
 
terarc said:
It's very hard to say. I don't think it will help. I remember when the HPPD first began, cannabis would make it SO much worse. Unbearably worse to the point that cannabis would give me flashbacks and make me feel like I was tripping or on MDMA and I would have panic attacks. I stopped cannabis for a while, and since have only smoked hashish or high CBD strains of cannabis. I developed crushing anxiety along with the HPPD so cannabis was unenjoyable anyway unless I used these milder, more relaxing forms. Since switching to these types of cannabis, I sometimes get some symptom worsening while under the influence but not much long term effect going past a couple of days after use, it certainly has nowhere near as much of an impact as it did originally. Still though, it will be best to go without it. The drug which had the most impact on it for me was alcohol, I can also no longer enjoy alcohol in the way I used to. Honestly though avoid all drugs until everything has been better for a while, that's the only way to know you're not worsening it. The only reason I carried on is because I reached a point where the HPPD was stable and didn't bother me that much any more.
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Thank you so much for telling me all this, I really appreciate it.
I'm off all drugs while I go through this. So you actually saw a decrease in intensity, not just that you got used to it? At this point do you see any decrease in HPPD or has it reached a point where it doesn't get any better or worse?
 
ykim768 said:
Thank you so much for telling me all this, I really appreciate it.
I'm off all drugs while I go through this. So you actually saw a decrease in intensity, not just that you got used to it? At this point do you see any decrease in HPPD or has it reached a point where it doesn't get any better or worse?
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One thing to think about:

That visual snow is actually your brain interpreting rayleigh scatter and blank space -- I bet it is more prevalent when looking at the sky, or a solid color space.

The brain likes to fill in details -- it extrapolates as a survival mechanism.

When there is no information, it will fill it in-- hence visual snow (which everybody probably has -- they just don't see it, they filter it out).

Again,

subjects have reported the complete elimination of after images by consuming 10-12 grams of ascorbate salts (vitamin C) daily

the same level of ascorbate consumption abolished all tolerance to MDXX -- such that after 14 days of daily 20 mg insufflated X 2 -- an oral dose of 40 mg had the expected slightly over threshold activity.
 
ykim768 said:
Thank you so much for telling me all this, I really appreciate it.
I'm off all drugs while I go through this. So you actually saw a decrease in intensity, not just that you got used to it? At this point do you see any decrease in HPPD or has it reached a point where it doesn't get any better or worse?
Click to expand...

Yeah after the initial 3-6 months, the intensity decreased but has remained mostly stable since then. For a while it seemed like it was decreasing more and was almost gone but (stupidly) I took MDMA again and it came back quite strong (even though previous MDMA sessions post-HPPD had not had this effect). This was at new year and again, the intensity had lowered slightly but now seems to have settled at this decreased level, and will be temporarily worsened by drug use and improved by abstinence.
 
Im currently struggling with dp/dr atm and I go through periods lasting weeks where the head pressure is quite intense. Cardio seems to help but it can make it worse for a short period after. Try implementing some running into your daily routine and see if that helps at all.
 
terarc said:
Yeah after the initial 3-6 months, the intensity decreased but has remained mostly stable since then. For a while it seemed like it was decreasing more and was almost gone but (stupidly) I took MDMA again and it came back quite strong (even though previous MDMA sessions post-HPPD had not had this effect). This was at new year and again, the intensity had lowered slightly but now seems to have settled at this decreased level, and will be temporarily worsened by drug use and improved by abstinence.
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Did it gradually decrease or just one day you felt massive decrease in symptoms?
 
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