I get what you are saying, but my initial response was due to the provision that through removal of "egoic layers and self-imposed suffering" one becomes aware of the "love of your own spirit". You could say that the reason I do not feel univsersal love is due to my own flaws (flaws shared by many, I am not singling myself out) or I could say that perhaps such a concept as unfettered love is not a part of our reality. I look at the world, and I do not see much love there. This is not really an indictment of it, just a statistical assesment of the amount of living beings that can feel love in the way humans describe it.
One way that it could be explained that would make sense to you is that the world is, in many ways, your projection. That's not to solipsistically suggest that the world
is you, because no matter what your practices are shit can still happen. But it's your projection in the sense that your inner world tints the entire framework of the reality around you. It creates a selection bias in your experiences and perceptions. So if you're angry, you see the world as a place that's out to frustrate you; if you're cynical or depressed, you see the world as a place that won't ever deliver, etc. So when you debunk various ego layers and delusions within yourself, causing inner peace to be cultivated, that is reflected in your world as well. It's that whole saying, "Change the world by first changing yourself".
There is one deeper level to it though. The love level is not a transient ego like the others. It is a foundational state... meaning, with cultivation, it is irreplaceable by other states. You could be angry but still take love into the anger so that it becomes fair justice. You could be depressed but take love into it in order to transform it into meaningful lessons. And it's not a love that delivers a hormonal kick like infatuation, where you always feel good; rather, the love becomes something that consumes everything else, so that it is always the overriding factor. English is awkward because we only have one word for love. The love that you're referring to in your personal dismissal is not the love that I'm talking about. Transient love is not true love, in this sense. Some might call this the Love of the All. It's a love that never goes away... it consumes everything and anchors everything within it.
In other words, there is something that is Real, and it's not driven by a "you". The irony is that people who talk about objective reality aren't seeing it because they are too busy espousing it conceptually. The truth is that you are being done, it isn't doing you. The only thing that makes it seem otherwise is the intervention of a holographic self/ego. This is very deep (yet simple) and I don't expect you to believe me. And that's okay.
Whether or not that is "universal love" as a separate entity, is anyone's guess. Since everything is one and there are no separations, there is no mine or yours, or inside or outside. Love is love. If you're hung up on whether it's in your brain or delivered by god, that's an attachment and prevents simple experiencing of the love. So I would say that aspect is not important.
It becomes obvious that there's no "you" doing this, which eliminates all concept of direct control. Don't bother to try becoming enlightened. You can't make it happen even if you wanted to.
I am doing this ---> I am doing ---> I am ---> I ---> .
I feel like love isn't something that exists without being cultivated. Its a reaction, a response, not a default position. To me. I don't value unconditional love because I don't think it is really love at all. Love should be earned; I only love those I deem worthy of my love; sadly, I find it hard to love myself for many reasons.
Let me put this another way...
What is love, but connection? Is there any other useful definition? (I'm open to other ideas on this.)
In Buddhism they say that everything is empty of self, yet is all interconnected. Nothing exists independently. What it means is... the difference between you, me, and everything is perceptual. An ego that sees it as such. Debunk that, and you see the oneness. From that oneness experience, is love. Not because we are looking for love in it, but because its inherent natural (dare I say scientific) quality is love.
Because all of us have tenacious egos, you have to make love a practice, a choice in every moment. Each choice brings you closer to the ego dissolution that restores the Original Condition of loving oneness. What most people seem to agree on who understand this, is that ego doesn't necessarily go away forever, but it becomes more collaborative with the oneness/love experience. That may be most people's happy medium.
The point is... the practice is to help you live from the actual underlying reality, which is always real. You can't see it without the practice. But like I said before, does it matter if it's objectively there or not? As the witness, you are it, and until you see that you are it, you can
choose to practice it. Make sense?
Definitely a good thing. I imagine that your close conversation with the End has given you an interesting perspective on life.
Its why I insist upon seeing suicide as valid. If I come to an awareness that I can end this for myself at any time, and that I in fact might- this gives me a heightened appreciation of what I do have- because I am desperate not to end my life. I keep it up my sleeve though.
My perspective on life... I dunno. Sometimes I feel utterly insane and sometime I feel lucidly aware, but it's all taking place upon the substrate of emptiness. I have been aware of The Witness since my first near death experience -- it never leaves no matter how crazy "I" get. Even the way I word it here appears so dissociative because I haven't figured out how to navigate it linguistically (and prob never will), but there's just
one thing happening.
For me, suicidal feelings are just wanting ego death. The physical body never wants to die. It will struggle to the last. And the truth is, sickness aside, your body is just fine being a meat sack until it no longer can. If this ego would just shut up and stop trying to drag us into misery and false divisions, we would be able to handle anything that comes. But such is the process.
I know you go through a lot just as I do... I hope my posts don't come across as lecturey. I'm just trying to help. I have no other function at this point but to be of service.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
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