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  • Film & TV Moderators: ghostfreak

Films That Suck.

I actually liked Hell or High Water.

Spectral I made it 15 minutes in and deleted it. This one was not watchable because it was just so uninteresting. The characters were dull, the dialogue was pointless, and I couldn't find the beginnings of a plot.

Sully Again, I made it 15 minutes in and deleted it. The cast was good, but the plot was not interesting. I can see how a pilot might enjoy it, but to me it was liek watching paint dry.

Ghostbusters 2016: One I did hate and already mentioned. I was surprised how bad it was and googled it to find out if other people hated it. It turns out that hating this movie is a big scandal and has made headlines. Reading through the articles, I just found out why I hated it. The studio that produced it explains that the movie flopped because of a vast right wing conspiracy against it. Indeed, the director and critics alike inform us that it was actually an excellent film with a riveting plot, fantastic jokes and one liners taht are sure to become catch phrases for generations, and brilliant CGI. The only people who hated it are misogynists. I learned that I hated it because I'm a misogynist or an MRA, whatever that means. Thus, the movie was actually a brilliant remake, but my hatred of women blinded me to that fact. Never mind that I actually liked the actors and actresses in the cast. But that's how insidiously endemic misogyny works, the SJW crowd says. You can read all about why you are a misogynist if you hated it on any of the plethora of Feminist websites.

On the same lines, I realize that the only reason I hated Starwars 2000 is because I'm prejudiced against Jamaicans. Jar Jar was truly brilliant, and only racists hate Never Ending Future Technology Go Cart races. The main characters, Jar jar Blinks is based on a Jamaican.
 
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I guess since this is the "Films that Suck" thread, I should have mentioned that I don't think Hell or High Water sucks. Cream Gravy?, I agree with you about Chris Pine and Jeff Bridges. I liked almost everything about it besides the heavy-handed political crap. Definitely not top ten though...imo.
 
Blue Jay The first 20 minutes were promising, but it turned to garbage starting with the dinner scene. The film degenerated into them play acting a 30th anniversary evening together. It was full of nothing but giggling, whispering, dancing, music they listened together in the 1980s, singing, and private jokes and references. It"s fun for the couple but annoying as hell for anybody who has to watch. it's the kind of thing that when you're at a restaurant and a couple sits next to you and starts carrying on like that, you have to get up and leave. Very bad movie.
 
socko said:
Thus, the movie was actually a brilliant remake, but my hatred of women blinded me to that fact. Never mind that I actually liked the actors and actresses in the cast. But that's how insidiously endemic misogyny works, the SJW crowd says. You can read all about why you are a misogynist if you hated it on any of the plethora of Feminist websites.

On the same lines, I realize that the only reason I hated Starwars 2000 is because I'm prejudiced against Jamaicans. Jar Jar was truly brilliant, and only racists hate Never Ending Future Technology Go Cart races. The main characters, Jar jar Blinks is based on a Jamaican.
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You fucking racist, misogynistic, wasp-ass, cis, bigoted, queer-hating, freedom oppressing pig! GB: 2016 was easily the best movie of all time; it's the anthem of the next generation! 8)

I hadn't even the interest to go see Sully in the first place. What in sam heck is with all these disaster movies recently? How can you take a 5 minute emergency landing and stretch it to a 90 minute feature film?? Flight with Denzel Washington is much better I bet you. And then Deepwater Horizon and the Boston bombing movie coming out? WTF? Is Mark Wahlberg the new face of American Heroism? Kinda weird when I still see him as that teenage porn star Dirk Diggler...
 
At least Denzel Washington drank and did lots of drugs in "Flight".

I actually thought "Flight" was interesting in how it portrayed the twin stories of Denzel Washington's character, who was a "functional addict", a man who had been successful in hiding his habits, and Kelly Reilly's character, who was a street-level junkie with track marks all over her arms, living in squalor...it's like the two sides of the recreational drug use coin, the people who hide it and the people who are way passed the point of giving a shit anymore

---

Anyway, OT: the film "Alex Cross". It was on cable TV recently late at night and I watched it. HOLY SHIT THAT MOVIE WAS AWFUL. Like, literally every aspect: the acting, the writing, the story, the direction, the music, the editing...literally everything that constitutes a film, they got wrong!
 
socko said:
Ghostbusters 2016: One I did hate and already mentioned. I was surprised how bad it was and googled it to find out if other people hated it. It turns out that hating this movie is a big scandal and has made headlines. Reading through the articles, I just found out why I hated it. The studio that produced it explains that the movie flopped because of a vast right wing conspiracy against it. Indeed, the director and critics alike inform us that it was actually an excellent film with a riveting plot, fantastic jokes and one liners taht are sure to become catch phrases for generations, and brilliant CGI. The only people who hated it are misogynists. I learned that I hated it because I'm a misogynist or an MRA, whatever that means. Thus, the movie was actually a brilliant remake, but my hatred of women blinded me to that fact. Never mind that I actually liked the actors and actresses in the cast. But that's how insidiously endemic misogyny works, the SJW crowd says. You can read all about why you are a misogynist if you hated it on any of the plethora of Feminist websites.
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What an absolutely wonderful read. I think I like you. :D
 
^ I haven't even been able to bring myself to watch it, just to see how bad it actually is. It was immediately obvious to me from the first trailer it was going to be terrible and not in the "fun terrible" way that some summer movies are, just the plain old terrible that makes you cringe and weep. It was just one huge publicity stunt from the beginning that probably started out as joke at some coked up executive party in Hollywood.

Of course its Columbia, you know the ones behind the Emoji movie in 3D next year and a Barbie movie starring Amy Schumer in 2018. "A doll living in 'Barbieland' is expelled for not being perfect enough and sets off on an adventure in the real world. A Live-action feature film based on the popular line of Barbie toys". I'm already annoyed.
 
I agree. Plus I'm tired of the whole "women are funny, get over it" thing. I know women are funny, just not those women. And don't reboot a classic with a female cast and try to ram it down my throat as if to say it's anything other than a feminist ploy to out all the misogynists. I'm sure that movie is absolute garbage and the only way I'll ever see it is to find out just how horrible it really is. It'll piss me off I'm sure.

Also, in keeping with the theme of the thread. Johnny Mnemonic was a horrible pile of shit.
 
Keeping up with the Jones 2016 While Ghostbusters 2016 was terrible in a way that made it so awful that it was unwatchable, Keeping up with the Jones was a bad but fun movie. It was a spy movie comedy with some action sequences. The writers stuck to a tried and proven generic spy movie template. It was fast moving, and it had some funny scenes. The action sequences were over-choreographed in the way Jet Li and Wire Fu is overdone. It was entirely predictable. It did not have one single scene or plot device that had not already been used 100s of times before in Hollywood blockbuster movies. Having said that, it was good in the way a bad movie can be good if you don't have any expectations and don't mind the lack of originality.

Sector 2016. This stinker is a sci fi film that might have been produced for a High School student's senior film project. It looks like it was filmed with a cheap camcorder in a garage in the desert. Props and costumes were obtained from the local second hand junk shop.Writing and dialogue come across as the first thing that came into the writer's head. The actors were his buddies and his buddies' parents

Cloud Atlas It's unwatchable. It's full of chintzy special effects and dull plot lines that must tie together in the end in a way that tries to make the 3 hours that preceded it seem less meaningless, but I can't sit through it long enough to find out. Like the horrid multiple parallel plot film Crash, Cloud Atlas uses cheap, in-your-face scene transitions that are supposed to look creative but end up looking like cheap tricks.. I'm trying to figure out how many characters Tom Hanks played which is bizarre, because the only character he has played in other films is himself. About an hour and a half in, Cloud Atlas shows signs of being a sermon against racism. If you're racist, I don't know how such a badly done film will get the message across. Try Roots. Oh no! It has AgentSmith/Elrond playing the Mad Hatter with the super powers of Agent Smith.

CrashCrash is the Gold Standard for the Polished Turd. It is a two hour public service announcement against racism. If you want to see a movie to help you stop being racist, I suggest Dances with Wolves. It's bad too, but at least it's somewhat entertaining. Like Cloud Atlas, Crash uses the cheap trick of tying together several unrelated plot lines in the end.
 
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socko said:
girl with the dragon tattoo - for starters, the gratuitous use of apple products and the main character doing anything to have them. The product placement was offensive in the book and the film. the author does not seem to realize that Linux machines are what hackers prefer. then of course the main character falls in love with the author
you're referring to the American version, I think?

The guy from In Bruges was kind of annoying. he kept apologizing for being American and had other bad habits. Belgium is a weird country and I don't like movies about it.
This is just funny.

Science fiction is the most abused genre.
Truth. But if done well it's the best and timeless (e.g., Star Wars IV, V,VI (the original trilogy as released temporally) and Bladerunner
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I skip anything with a Baldwin brother (except The Usual Suspects), Stephen Seagal, Tom Cruise, Leonardo DiCaprio (including Titanic, which I found watchable once and then painful), A-List ensembles (almost always suck no matter who they are), and
Recently added: Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt (for longer), Angelina Jolie (also for awhile- she looked anorexic in Salt, which isn't easy to do on film), Jennifer Aniston except Good Girl and the Office, and obviously Arnold Schwarzenegger.
I've actually only walked out from one movie but I don't remember what it was.

tl;dr socko is very funny
 
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Requiem for a Dream - I don't understand why drug-enthusiasts love this movie. Not only is it inaccurate, but it is boring and just dreary. I like depressing films and this movie was the wrong kind of depressing.

Pulp Fiction - Most overrated movie ever IMO

Princess Bride - The "comedy for people who don't like comedies" was not funny at all. I did not laugh once.

No Country for Old Men - I actually could not even finish it, and I always finish movies.
 
RedLeader said:
Princess Bride - The "comedy for people who don't like comedies" was not funny at all. I did not laugh once.
.
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I didn't laugh either but in its defense, Cary Elwes is completely, unflinchingly hawt.
The topper is that one of people who dies looks and sounds uncannily like someone I loathe viscerally. I don't laugh but I am told I look positively glowing and blood-slaked after he dies. :D
Plus you get certain jokes because of it. The Dread Pirate Roberts, etc.
And Cary Elwes is fine! :)
 
Star Wars VII - what a muddled, plot-free pile of crud. How the hell did it get good reviews?!
 
Event Horizon I'm willing to sit through fairly bad sci-fi and this would be that. Most bad sci-fi is a story that should have lasted fifteen minutes tops, but someone said let's stretch it out over an hour and X minutes, or longer.
Event Horizon felt like it should have been either shorter or had better character development and then ran out of money and just needed to quickly end.

tl;dr It's basically Solaris, which I liked in some ways (although it was excruciatingly slow) without the character development and an abrupt ending.
 
I saw the second(? most recent anyway) Jack Reacher recently, fuck me it was complete rubbish. The whole movie had that kind of air that existing in the world does when you're super stoned - everything is really stilted and off and people just say words at each other. Tom Cruise looked like a bloated post menopausal woman too.

Silver Linings Playbook, while not being a terrible movie per se, absolutely did not deserve the praise it got. It was basically a direct to daytime tv movie with big names in it. Jennifer Lawrence was woefully miscast - supposedly a widow and looks like she only just finished high school.

Superhero/comic book movies are an entire genre that can miss me. The same tired old tropes constantly being recycled, gritty reboots and origin stories, interminable choreographed fights scenes (gives me secondhand embarrassment tbh), they exist to fill that need people have for good guys and bad guys to be neatly defined so we know who to root for & the good guys always win in the end. Utter drivel.
 
Oh and Inception was "high concept" sci fi for unimaginative people who've never read a fucking book in their life

(The rotating hotel room bit was pretty cool from a technical standpoint though)
 
^Yeah fuck Inception. Who the fuck hasn't had a dream inside a dream? Happens to me all too often... People needa take more drugs I guess and pick up an imagination at the store while they're at it.
 
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