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July Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. Fireworks and Barbecue!

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In first!

I am just so happy my brother and his girlfriend are here...I can't wait for my girlfriend to meet them. I am more than halfway through my hep c treatment so there is light at the end of the tunnel.
 
manboychef said:
In first!

I am just so happy my brother and his girlfriend are here...I can't wait for my girlfriend to meet them. I am more than halfway through my hep c treatment so there is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Congrats man! I'm rooting for you.
 
I've been having good days and bad days lately. A lot of it has to do with how I'm feeling physically...if I feel bad then it's hard for me to be positive mentally, but I'm managing.

One thing that's been consistently good for me lately is my overall anger level, though. When I left the area where I was (predominantly) using in, I was very angry, at myself and at other people. My anger dissipated and I'm very thankful for that :) (I was one of those people who'd get "opiate rage" very easily, although most of the time I'd manage to contain it)

It's strange how you never really realize how much drugs are contributing to a negative emotional state until you've abstained from them for awhile...it definitely gives perspective

Anyway, good luck mbc on your medical stuff. It's very hard to be happy when your own physiology is working against you...I know from experience. Hope you get better
 
I know what you mean about having a hard time being healthy when you feel bad. Honestly, the meds make me moody...I am generally very easy going but sometimes I have to just excuse myself from conversations. Sometimes my girlfriend can be stubborn and because of the damage I did to my memory I have a hard time making a decent argument. It is on the tip of my tongue, I know what I am saying is right, but I just cannot say it in a cogent manner.

The memory thing is what causes me the most anger. I did that to myself and it is hard to accept. I used to be so incredibly intelligent, and not just smart, but empathetic and wise. Now those memories are all mixed up and I have a hard time accessing them. It seems like the questions do not match up with the answers in my brain. I kept thinking that commonwealth meant the common wealth of the people comes first, when in reality I was thinking of collectivist ethic. I had to wait for my brother to get here to remind me because I couldn't think of the question to ask google, let alone the answer. I find that challenging sometimes. I have pretty much stopped reading because I have a hard time remembering what I read on the same page, when I used to have a near perfect memory. I guess I better learn to accept that this is one of the things I cannot change, and I have to hold onto the hope that maybe it will get better in the future.
 
Try not to worry about acceptance of your issue Zack. You will find acceptance, or rather it will find you, not by your working on "trying to accept" whatever issues you are struggling with, but but working on maintaining a healthier and healtheir lifestyle than you the one you had before you got clean.

All I am saying is that you should try not to worry about findinh acceptance, because that will end up making you focus on the fact you do not have it ATM and keep you tied up in negative thought patterns.

When you are ready, acceptance will find you. There are lots of thing you can do to speed up the process and help your acceptance find you sooner than layer, but frankly it sounds like you are doing a fair number of them already. Just keep up the awesome work my friend, youre one of the strongest people I know and Ill always respect you more than you know.

If you iwant any suggestions for exercises you can do to speed up the process shoot me a pm. You CAN effect change on this stuff my friend, in fact that is the obly way you will be able to find a meaningful acceptance of your struggles. Judging by your posts here, I never would have imagined you struggle as you do with memory issues. Change is possible, even in your case, on a neurological level, it just takes a lot of time and some hard work. That is the beautify of a good mindfulness practice, of insight meditation and loving kindness practice, that they can actually increase gray matter in your brain just by doing a vipassana/metts based type meditation for just 30 minutes a day.

However, you may find that you are not able to access old memories as you once were able to, that you have impacted your brain's ability to create new memories. None of that means you cant be successful and lead a healthy, fulfulling life. The trick is being kind and gentle with yourself, because that will set the stage for acceptance to come and find you.

As my teacher's teacher, Shinzen Young, likes to say, "love it to death." This expression signifies how you can overcome your issues, not by trying to force them or being hard on yourselr, but by working on learning to be gentle with your problems and kind in how you address them, that, in being kind and gentle with them, your problems and difficulties transform into challanges and oppertunities.

Once we are able to see our problems and difficulties in life as challanges to be met and surpassed, as oppertunities to be pursued and enjoyed, then you will be able to really start working on them. Until you are able to cultivate such a "positive" mindset, it will be very hard to accomplish much in terms of meaningful change.

So start thinking of ways to be kinder and gentler in your struggles, on how to cultivate self compassion, all so that you can, one day, love them to death.
 
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Burnt Offerings said:
I've been having good days and bad days lately. A lot of it has to do with how I'm feeling physically...if I feel bad then it's hard for me to be positive mentally, but I'm managing.

One thing that's been consistently good for me lately is my overall anger level, though. When I left the area where I was (predominantly) using in, I was very angry, at myself and at other people. My anger dissipated and I'm very thankful for that :) (I was one of those people who'd get "opiate rage" very easily, although most of the time I'd manage to contain it)

It's strange how you never really realize how much drugs are contributing to a negative emotional state until you've abstained from them for awhile...it definitely gives perspective

Anyway, good luck mbc on your medical stuff. It's very hard to be happy when your own physiology is working against you...I know from experience. Hope you get better
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man, I hated how irritable and short tempered I was on heroin. Horrible side effect. Although some I know may disagree, I don't think I have a bad temper so it's like night and day. I think a lot of it was due to the lack of proper sleep. People think heroin= lots lf sleeping but I rarely felt well rested. The sleep I've been getting is hit or miss still but getting better. Hope everyone is striving for good sleep. It's so important.
 
^ yeah I agree. "Nodding" =/= sleep, it's kind of a weird state of semi-sleep IMO. If I did enough dope I'd be "too high to sleep", actually...it wouldn't be as difficult to fall asleep as it would on some other drugs like strong stimulants, of course, but it'd still be somewhat difficult to get "real sleep" and not just nod like a mofo :)
 
Yeah nod sleep. I tend to freak out and jump in my sleep and wakeup. Or I wakeup and eat a lot of stuff in my sleep.
 
Nice work! My day began as a piece of shit and ended better than I could have imagined. Funny how thing work out like that when you put one foot after the other and, well, just do the right thing, things tend to work out for better than worse.
 
I'm still sober here as well. I recently did something very helpful to me and that was to calculate the actual number of days I've been sober from alcohol and other drugs. To me it's motivation to keep staying sober, and not use drugs. Congrats to everyone posting in this thread, and keep up the excellent work.
 
I live in a 3/4 house and stayed sober through my house manager and 4 other guys in the house drinking over the weekend. The house manager just got off drug court/probation and is getting kicked out at the end of July. So naturally, he doesnt give a fuck. Part of me doesnt care. You cant help someone who doesnt want to help themselves. But the other part of me wants to do something before someone starts doing opiates again. In the end, Ill probably just mid my own business.
 
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