Am I really "crazy."

[S3TH5150]

Lets see if I can word this right this time.
Drugs can make your mentality suffer and change your perspective on everything. So many people tell me to ease up on the things I'm doing and I really don't have a conscience at this point. I went from weed, to taking loads of benadryl just to feel different, air duster (I don't recommend) opiates, crystal, etc. Any who, I've tried seeing psychiatric and three sessions and she said I was fine. I have a bad temper, I believe I'm bipolar also. But I have bursts of just crazy shit I do, I'll settle down a little and then I'm back again. My mom says she thinks I'm mentally unstable and I need medical attention. My friends say I'm crazy but in a sense to where its like a compliment. Out of 4-5 friends, we hang out often, they say I'm probably gonna die before I graduate, it could be true. I'm not suicidal, I'm just not going to fear death. I get so twisted off of different things to get that uncomfortable and uneasy high. I do it all the time and even then I find it amusing. My family says I'm crazy, some don't contact me, the ones that do talk about me anyway. I refuse to to see attention and noe I'm off the chain these people say, what if I'm just a lost 17 year old trying to find my way even if I do some crazy drugs and crazy stuff along the way.

Sorry if thoughts are scattered, it's typical. Anyway, even if I am mentally unstable, I wouldn't go to a doctor. My social skills are decent, I've rocked interviews, I've talked my friend out of ending it all. Just because I've been around the block a few times and know things I'm not supposed to, do things out of the ordinary, mix drugs on a daily basis just to test out the fact that my cousin said don't mix oxys with liquid morphine and xans. Of course I knew it was a bad combo, but I do it. I do things people say will kill me, just to see if theyre right.

So honestly, opionated or factual whatever it may be, am I crazy because of these things, or is it just because its out of the ordinary for them and they wouldn't do it.

Apologize about the novel, gotta know what took place before hand also. I just want some ideas. Thanks.
Remove or move this need be if I'm in the wrong direction.

 

[herbavore]

You sound a lot like my youngest son and also like me at your age. We both got a lot of attention for how "crazy" or "daring" we were. I survived long enough for my frontal lobe to develop; he did not. Don't let the admiration of your peers cloud the fact that you are indeed playing with your life. Perhaps you are not consciously suicidal but to take a mix of drugs that someone knowledgeable tells you is a dangerous combination is passively suicidal. Your death would cause much pain to your family and to your friends. Being lost at 17 is more normal than not but there is a way to be lost and not self-destructive. Being lost can mean you are in the process of self-discovery. Don't cut that short.

 

[Erikmen]

Being lost at 17 is more normal than not but there is a way to be lost and not self-destructive. Being lost can mean you are in the process of self-discovery. Don't cut that short.

So true.

 

[Cdkman]

You seem to be personally gratifying your ego when u do the so called impossible and live to tell about it..id say just a normal 17 year old trying to prove how tough he is with a drug problem..just make sure u live long enough to be a fully functioning adult

 

[Man in the Dark]

I agree with the above poster you seem to be just trying to prove something. Weed an Benadryl? Not a risky situation. Just don't try to be tuff and think you can show off and take opiates and benzos. If you feel you need help drugs won't make things better. Why would you say your mentally unstable most 17 year olds are very rebellious it dosent mean you are unstable. You are just a kid man enjoy life before it gets too complicated don't make it complicated.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

I do things people say will kill me, just to see if theyre right.

Yes. That is "crazy".

 

[ATLL765]

I agree with the above poster you seem to be just trying to prove something. Weed an Benadryl? Not a risky situation. Just don't try to be tuff and think you can show off and take opiates and benzos. If you feel you need help drugs won't make things better. Why would you say your mentally unstable most 17 year olds are very rebellious it dosent mean you are unstable. You are just a kid man enjoy life before it gets too complicated don't make it complicated.

You're just a teenager. When I was that age, I was totally lost. I mean, a decade later and I'm still lost. In high school, I thought I knew everything and that I didn't have to listen to anyone because I knew better than they did. I was really condescending and felt totally superior to others. As I've gotten older, I've realized that I was a bit of a jerk and that I don't need to do or say anything as a way to prove my value or worth to those around me. It's still a bit hard to avoid pretending to be someone I'm not in order to get people to like me, respect me, or whatever, but you should focus more on what you want out of life, how you view yourself, and being the person you want to be rather than being so concerned with how everyone else views you.

 

[Moreaux]

If you think you have mental health issues then you need to openly discuss those concerns with your psychiatrist. Have you told them you think you're bipolar and cited examples as to why you think that?

Normal healthy people, including teenagers, don't continuously use drugs. I do think you have an underlying issue, though I'm not certain if it's a lack of self confidence or something else. I hope you're able to figure it out and I hope you are able to survive your drug use, as there are some combinations that are lethal and just because you survived it once doesn't mean you'll be so lucky in the future.

 

[S3TH5150]

I appreciate the feedback, if I'm just rebellious then I guess I'm just letting the opinions get to me. I'm working on myself as we speak.

 

[S3TH5150]

If you think you have mental health issues then you need to openly discuss those concerns with your psychiatrist. Have you told them you think you're bipolar and cited examples as to why you think that?

Normal healthy people, including teenagers, don't continuously use drugs. I do think you have an underlying issue, though I'm not certain if it's a lack of self confidence or something else. I hope you're able to figure it out and I hope you are able to survive your drug use, as there are some combinations that are lethal and just because you survived it once doesn't mean you'll be so lucky in the future.

I don't wanna see a doctor to be honest with you. I don't wanna be obligated to take some pill to control my emotions or actions, I like being my own person. I have been through anger management because it was court ordered (fighting at school) but honestly I got tired of hearing her ask me why I'm "mad all the time", so I just told her what she wanted to hear so I could get done with it already. Seeing a psychiatrist scares me a little, not sure if its because I'm scared of the truth, or simply just stubborn. We may never know.

 

[S3TH5150]

You sound a lot like my youngest son and also like me at your age. We both got a lot of attention for how "crazy" or "daring" we were. I survived long enough for my frontal lobe to develop; he did not. Don't let the admiration of your peers cloud the fact that you are indeed playing with your life. Perhaps you are not consciously suicidal but to take a mix of drugs that someone knowledgeable tells you is a dangerous combination is passively suicidal. Your death would cause much pain to your family and to your friends. Being lost at 17 is more normal than not but there is a way to be lost and not self-destructive. Being lost can mean you are in the process of self-discovery. Don't cut that short.

That's how I look at it also, I lost my mind soul searching. Thank you for the feedback.