Loneliness

[Jabberwocky]

I have definitely learned from others that just because one is in a relationship or is sexually active does not mean that one is necessarily not lonely. In fact, persons in long terms commited relationships can feel much more isolated, disconnected and alienated from themselves abd their loved ones than people who are single and celebate, but have managed to cultivate healthy relationships, social capital and kind, compassionate and effective systems of support.

I dont feel shame at all. About anything.

I will try again tody.

I am really proud of your CH! Keep up the good work

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I talk too much as my partner says. I am lucky, been in my relationship for eleven years. The only loneliness I can relate to is that my other half does not understand addiction. Yes he knows I have a problem with Booz and I had to give it up as a personal choice. However recovery is a process and I can't get that in his head. Yes if there wil be a lot of alcohol at an event we attend he reminds me I don't drink and I say "ok" but I say this to myself everyday. He's not an addict he doesn't understand and I can't expect him to. That is where I feel lonely.

I can understand that. Is he supportive in your choice to abstain?

 

[belfort]

I talk too much as my partner says. I am lucky, been in my relationship for eleven years. The only loneliness I can relate to is that my other half does not understand addiction. Yes he knows I have a problem with Booz and I had to give it up as a personal choice. However recovery is a process and I can't get that in his head. Yes if there wil be a lot of alcohol at an event we attend he reminds me I don't drink and I say "ok" but I say this to myself everyday. He's not an addict he doesn't understand and I can't expect him to. That is where I feel lonely.

this si what worries me about getting involved with partner that doesnt understand addiction..i see it not ending well with many arguments in between yet how likely is a relationship to work out with another adict?i see big problems there too but at least they would understand in ways..

 

[Dodger Guy LA]

I can understand that. Is he supportive in your choice to abstain?

He is more than supportive, I am so very lucky. He puts up with my former drunk ass for years, he likes this side of me. I told him no more booze 8 months ago and he always reminds me if we're gonna be somewhere the is alcohol.

 

[Dodger Guy LA]

this si what worries me about getting involved with partner that doesnt understand addiction..i see it not ending well with many arguments in between yet how likely is a relationship to work out with another adict?i see big problems there too but at least they would understand in ways..

What I meant was he isn't an addict so he will never understand. He can crack a beer and not finish it. I can't ... I was hoping i was clear in my post.
It can work as two addicts if that is what your asking. I am not sure how to reply because I am not in the situation. Mine other half is not an addict and I'm lucky because we rarely argue.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I am glad to hear you have a supportive partner dodger guy.

 

[Dusk]

I think that's why I enjoyed being on opiates so much, it gave me the desire to get out there, meet and talk with new people.

After getting clean, I have no desire to be with anyone but myself. Even my girlfriend, whom I was partially getting clean for now it seems I'm only hanging out with her as little as possible just to keep things on an even keel.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Dito, that was totally why I got into them. But after a while the opposite happened. With all the shame and guilt addiction brings, I began to isolate and avoid social engagements outside spending time with my SO. That is not how I want to live, and it has taken me a couple years and lots of (fun and at time challanging) work to get to the place I am at now where I am regularly doing social stuff on a daily basis. Discovering and getting hooked up with communities of like minded, compassionate people has been instrumental in this process.

 

[Dusk]

Glad to hear its coming back, I keep forgetting to put into account I was at firefly music fest this past weekend and am probably still lacking a fair share of serotonin after a long, and quite social weekend.


Sunday Blues!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Maybe try and get out and go for a walk or a hike. That always helps with my blue days.

 

[SterlingM.Archer]

I've been pretty social lately and feeling good because of it I think. I've been getting some of my friends to begin exercising with me and its nice to be the motivator in the group. They always talked about it but I'm all about action. So I'm going to be doing some intense training myself and training my friends. I want all my relationships to be around really positive and enriching things. So since I only have a few friends, and one is about to get the boot because she is so negative and pessimistic, I need to seek out new friends who's mindset matches mine. I'm about to embark on a journey which is only loosely mapped out at the moment. But it will certainly be an adventure and I need to surround myself with positive people.
I think its so true the saying, you are the the 5 closest people you associate with.

 

[Jabberwocky]

You are the the 5 closest people you associate with.

Absolutely! I love how you put that archer, so eloquent! I am really impressed by you, I have to say. Not sure exactly why, but I definitely am. I have a lot of respect for you brother

 

[SterlingM.Archer]

thanks, man. I really appreciate that as I respect and admire you. I can tell you are genuine and sincerely care about the members here. Not to mention you are very wise. Everyone had been very supportive and welcoming and I'm very glad to have found this support group. I haven't had many that I felt good about like this one.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yes, BL has been instrumental in my recovery in so many ways, I don't even know where to begin.

BL has been most helpful, if I had to guess, in providing me with a supportive community I can interact with whenever I need to. As in I don't really like 12 Step meetings, and that it took me years to find a support group IRL that deals explicitly with recovery.

Even then, there are only so many meetings that are available, and something I don't really feel like going to a meetings. I have found BLers so compassionate, well most in SL and elsewhere on the site, that it is so easy to just pop and in tell you guys how I'm feelings or get some help working through whatever.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yes, BL has been instrumental in my recovery in so many ways, I don't even know where to begin.

BL has been most helpful, if I had to guess, in providing me with a supportive community I can interact with whenever I need to. As in I don't really like 12 Step meetings, and that it took me years to find a support group IRL that deals explicitly with recovery.

Even then, there are only so many meetings that are available, and something I don't really feel like going to a meetings. I have found BLers so compassionate, well most in SL and elsewhere on the site, that it is so easy to just pop and in tell you guys how I'm feelings or get some help working through whatever.

 

[belfort]

I've been pretty social lately and feeling good because of it I think. I've been getting some of my friends to begin exercising with me and its nice to be the motivator in the group. They always talked about it but I'm all about action. So I'm going to be doing some intense training myself and training my friends. I want all my relationships to be around really positive and enriching things. So since I only have a few friends, and one is about to get the boot because she is so negative and pessimistic, I need to seek out new friends who's mindset matches mine. I'm about to embark on a journey which is only loosely mapped out at the moment. But it will certainly be an adventure and I need to surround myself with positive people.
I think its so true the saying, you are the the 5 closest people you associate with.

its so important to stay social and find healthy people..ive had to abandon several long time friends because they were either negative or just didnt want to do much besides drink on the back porch..getting out to bike ride or play sports with others is a good goal im trying for now..its just difficult to meet new people especially in your mid 30s..

again i cannt recommend enough that you recovering addicts in your 20s try to maintain the healthy relationships u have going right now, ditch the drug buddies AND try to meet new people!i know how easy it is to sit home and netflix or surf reddit/bluelight and just be fine with that so i get it..

 

[belfort]

Yes, BL has been instrumental in my recovery in so many ways, I don't even know where to begin.

BL has been most helpful, if I had to guess, in providing me with a supportive community I can interact with whenever I need to. As in I don't really like 12 Step meetings, and that it took me years to find a support group IRL that deals explicitly with recovery.

Even then, there are only so many meetings that are available, and something I don't really feel like going to a meetings. I have found BLers so compassionate, well most in SL and elsewhere on the site, that it is so easy to just pop and in tell you guys how I'm feelings or get some help working through whatever.

how are people you meet in NA meetings?i mean there is such a words difference between meeting/talking face to face as compared to sending PMs back and forth while being rather anonymous..ive told fellow bluelighters things i would never tell anyone in my real life so the internet helps immensely

 

[ThePharmacist4925]

If you're responsible enough/have enough free time I would get a pet. I got a dog when I got clean in 2014 and that has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. Despite relapses and tumultuous mental and physical health problems, my dog has stuck with me and is never judgmental as long as I take care of her. Makes me feel less lonely, don't get me wrong nothing can replace human connection, but having a pet helps.

 

[Jabberwocky]

^That is GREAT advice. Volunteering at the local kennel is also a great way to get this, if a pet isn't practical I mean.

how are people you meet in NA meetings?i mean there is such a words difference between meeting/talking face to face as compared to sending PMs back and forth while being rather anonymous..ive told fellow bluelighters things i would never tell anyone in my real life so the internet helps immensely

I met some nice folks, but for the most part I met people I neither identified with or enjoyed spending time around. There is a lot of good in that program, but IMHO it comes from the literature. 12 Steppers are an unreliable bunch when it comes to people I can look up to or feel safe around. Basically, if you don't want what someone has, there is only so much they can offer in terms of support, regardless of whether you met them at an NA meeting or somewhere else. I find that BL is easier to open up to people, certainly was my mainstay in early early recovery. But I now have found a support group with some people I feel extremely comfortable opening up to. So there are definitely groups out there for anyone, it is just a struggle to find a good NA group or any other type of recovery community or non-pofessional support style group.

 

[Skippwiggins]

I read through this and you did say you have been quite social lately. If you do find that you need something extra then I would try different NA/AA meetings around your area. I find they can vary from day to day and from meeting to meeting. The best meeting Ive had was just a small group of five beautiful individuals and my other best meeting was a group of 35 beautiful individuals. The comradery in NA/AA is incredible. A worldwide coming together of addicts. We can join for free, free recovery, a different approach to addiction but a shot. Some meetings are boring, going through the motions, forced, etc etc. Others are okay. And some are just plain awesome. There is nowhere else that you will meet such a wide array of individuals with the same problems that you have - except maybe bluelight! On average i go to probably five meetings a week and most of those are AA(im not an alcoholic, am an addict) . Its just a 'specific' group of people that I love. The people that have been in there for 1-8 years just have a true passion for life itself. Most in there are 10-30 years older than me but they have sage wisdom, and there are some younger addicts/alcoholics in there too. One beautiful woman my age.. lol. I go to some NA meetings too but i haven't found a meeting anywhere in any city yet that fills me with hope and lets me de-spell my sorrows/negativity any better than this group. I also have a lot of friends at the gym that I interact with and am just a 'normal' person around, and that social activity is great, but I really like getting that true first hand interaction with addicton and MY recovery. And of course I have my old/still best friends from high school that have been around the block too and are in recovery but don't really seem to be recovering - netflix and skateboarding lol. Better than drugs I suppose. But anyways you have to find a balanced social life where your needs are met and not infringed up others needs. Im still finding that balance. There is an eternal lonliness/void/ in me that some days gives me the drive to bike 25 miles and other days it leaves me numb and twisted. I'm still finding a balance in everything it seems. Each day on average is pretty good tho and getting better after I started the 12 steps(about two years after going to meetings..). I don't mean to sound like all the people at my first meeting preaching about AA/12 steps but not trying to preach and then we actually bring up how were not trying to preach but at the same time are preaching because the program truly does help us and its important that others get help. For some it fixes that damage. Im done. We all have to find our way and what works for us but just know they are meetings out there where its possible to connect on a deep soulful level. And yes there is great value in the literature, it has my addict mind down to a tee.