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Self Hatred

First, major congrats on your progress! I know it's hard to see it, but just that is enough to show you your self worth.
As far as advice, I definitely recommend EDMR since it definitely worked for me, even if I totally hated the idea of even trying. I'm not sure what kind of lifestyle you lead, but daily exercise, eating well and as many hobbies and social interactions that can possibly fit in your schedule is what kept me going. Self reflection is also very important, even if it's negative at first. This is where therapy helped me the most. I was at the 13 month mark when I started and within another 2 months, my perception of myself had drastically changed. Don't get me wrong, I still see myself as a useless piece of shit more often than I'd like, but it gets easier and easier to get over it with time and practice. I also incorporated plenty of meditation a bit later and still do it daily. Good luck on your progress and don't give up the good fight! Feel free to pm if you ever need tips or just a friendly ear(or eyes lol)
 
That's like when people suggested I try 12 Step stuff again. Despite my horrible experiences with 12 Step communities and methods, I have this perverse, persistent interest to check them out again some day (if for no other reason than to rock the boat). But, until I feel like actually returning to any of those meetings, my response is simple, like you're CH:

Fuck your couch =D
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I don't want therapy.

I am glad it worked for you though.
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Sorry man I think I completely missed that last post where you clearly stated you didn't want it. Was a long thread to read in a single setting lol. I hope it gets better for you soon. Depression sucks donkey balls.

@toothpastedog I definitely agree with the 12 steps hate. Fuck that pseudo religious bullshit
 
CH, this has been an ongoing issue for you, no? How long has it been since you had a significant period of NOT having depression?
 
Username369 said:
@toothpastedog I definitely agree with the 12 steps hate. Fuck that pseudo religious bullshit
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At one point it might have been more like hate, but these days it's just an uncomfortable feeling. The more I experience of moving on in life from the harm drug use has caused me, the more sympathy I have for folks trying to work with the steps. However, given it's character, I'll probably remain forever highly critical of a lot of that kind of vocally abstinent only approach to recovery.
 
simco said:
CH, this has been an ongoing issue for you, no? How long has it been since you had a significant period of NOT having depression?
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Only time I wasn't depressed was when I was on bupe, heroin, and/or meth.

Have been depressed since childhood.

Username369 said:
Sorry man I think I completely missed that last post where you clearly stated you didn't want it. Was a long thread to read in a single setting lol. I hope it gets better for you soon. Depression sucks donkey balls.

@toothpastedog I definitely agree with the 12 steps hate. Fuck that pseudo religious bullshit
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It's ok, thanks for the kind words.
 
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^^
I think some of us are just inherently prone to depression. I've certainly struggled with it since I was a kid, and like you I have reached a point where therapy seems completely unpalatable. Not sure what becomes of us. I just try to find small pleasures wherever I can. And I do whatever I have to to avoid feeling suicidal.

Do you find that cannabis helps at all? It does for me. Not in a huge way, but a little bit.
 
simco said:
^^
I think some of us are just inherently prone to depression. I've certainly struggled with it since I was a kid, and like you I have reached a point where therapy seems completely unpalatable. Not sure what becomes of us. I just try to find small pleasures wherever I can. And I do whatever I have to to avoid feeling suicidal.

Do you find that cannabis helps at all? It does for me. Not in a huge way, but a little bit.
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Yes of course it helps. I already dab all day though, I can't imagine smoking any more than I already do. :|

I appreciate your thoughts though man. Thank you.
 
No. I have not.

Working on acceptance.

I suspect a neurological source to the problem and believe therapy won't change that.
 
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