Finding interests after drug abuse?

[PassthatT]

Hey there everyone, a few years ago when I was 17 I started to really get into drugs having already done coke x acid and shrooms by that time i knew what they were like but I wasn't too interested in them because I was in high school but half way through my junior year I dropped out and started drinking and experimenting with Xanax and anything I could get my hands on really. This grew into a problem of poly drug abuse because I lived alone and received money for food every week but instead I'd just get by with food and buy any drugs I could get. I was taking X 5 times a month and doing a lot Xanax every weekend when drinking. I started doing coke like a ball a week or more for a while cause my close friend was dealing. I tried heroin and did that for about a month but didn't like what it did to me and how mean I was when I was coming down.
Durning this whole time I was so focused on drugs, I didn't see the kid I was dissapering. My life went way down hill all I wanted was to get high and I lost almost all my friends due to this. I lost my life, I lost who I was, everything about me was gone.
Over the past year I've stopped doing hard drugs and I've lost my interest in them and have gained control when I'm around them.

A month or two ago I had a life changing experience involving LSD and meditation and I've started to see what I did to my life and that I didn't care about anything but drugs and I don't like that. I've been trying to regain my interests but it's not as easy as I thought it would be. im still very interested in psychedelics but I don't want that to be the focus of my life.

How do you find yourself after completely losing your self to drugs?
Where did you start?


I want to know if anyone has experienced this same thing and if so how did you find who you were again?

 

[Swimmingdancer]

I am still searching for myself. Aren't most of us? But I have a good life without drugs now. I put in a lot of effort towards exploring things that brought me joy that didn't involve drugs. Like cultivating friendships, spending more time with my family, re-engaging in hobbies and interests, travel. I don't know if the goal should be to try to go back to who you were before drugs, that's not possible, but rather to build the new you. Incorporate all the wisdom you have learned from your drug use into your new identity as someone who doesn't use drugs in a way that adversely impacts your life. What has your experience taught you about yourself and what you want out of life? What things are you able to do now that you couldn't while you were using Xanax/coke/heroin/etc? Can you go on a trip? Can you move or change your environment? Can you reconnect with old friends or make new ones? Can you appreciate and be inspired by nature? Do you remember something you used to enjoy doing that has gone by the wayside? Or something you want to try but have never had the chance to do because you were busy getting high?

 

[PassthatT]

I guess I haven't thought about it in that way, I've wanted my old self so much I was just focused on that, but your right that person is gone. I have been trying to rebuild who I was but taking my knowledge and making a new me will be a much better goal. Since my realization I have been trying to determine what I want out of life and it's a tough question because there's so many choices and directions to go.

My experience has taught me a lot about who I am and what drugs can do to a human. But it also left me with a lot of confusion about who I am and I'm working through that since it was recently that I even noticed the change and when I did it was a little hard to accept but I see it now.

I guess I can do anything now that I don't have drugs controlling my life, I've really wanted to reconnect with old friends because they mean so much to me still but it's hard because i just slipped out of their lives and I never noticed but they did.
I'm trying to get to meet more people but being 21 everyone wants to party and drink when I don't have that much interest in that anymore.

Friends are the biggest thing I miss, when I was living by myself in high school and after they were my family because I had no one there for me. Telling them what happened and how I feel I guess would be a good start.

Since regaining me I've taken I huge interest in music and just writing what I have in my head cause it's always running through random things at once.

Getting the motivation is tough, since doing drugs it's hard not to want instant satisfaction from everything I do since that's how my life was based when I was using. get drugs, get high.

Thank you for your though out reply swimmer I needed another point of view and just a way to get help, it's hard to admit how you feel to people that won't understand where I'm coming from. Thank you.

 

[herbavore]

Getting the motivation is tough, since doing drugs it's hard not to want instant satisfaction from everything I do since that's how my life was based when I was using. get drugs, get high.

This is a good insight to sit with. Impatience and instant gratification is built into our modern culture even without the extra training the brain gets for that from drugs.

You are at a time in life where it is not uncommon to feel you are leaving much that has been familiar (and thus defined you to yourself) and entering a whole new epoch of life. It makes sense to feel uncertainty and even to feel somewhat lost. I am 62 and I have now gone through several periods like that in my life that at the time I failed to see were related more to age than anything else. I did a lot of psychedelics at an early age and have always felt they stood me in good stead by giving me a much larger framework than my own ego and its endless angst. It is important with psychedelics to try to integrate what you learned--you can spend a lifetime doing that!

Your idea to actually communicate to your friends where you are (and were when you slipped from their lives) is a sound one. You never know who else may have been silently going through something similar. I quit drugs before my friends did and what I found was that a few others were ready to do the same but we all unconsciously thought we would be excluded if we did (which turned out to not be true).

I'm happy to hear that you are connecting with your music. Art is a wonderful way to stay connected to yourself--to be sufficient for yourself. Anything that can engage you in the process can be such a healing force.

Traveling can be a fantastic way to start a new chapter of your life. Have you ever thought about anything of that nature?

 

[PassthatT]

You know, that makes me feel better to know it's a pretty normal thing to feel that way. It's nice to put the cause of al this more on age than on my past mistakes but I'm learning to not let my past bother me because it did teach me a lot. I'm learning to integrate my psychedelic experiences in to my life and it is very helpful but takes time!

I've reached out to a couple of them and you were actually right about one of them, he has had a tough couple years and he's getting out of a bad place. It felt really great to communicate with him again as we were very close. I'm going to continue to do this with other friends I lost touch with.

It really is a healing force! I'm learning that different ways of art are good for connecting, when I get lost in it, it makes me feel great!

I actually had the chance to go to Thailand a couple months ago and it was amazing! Such an eye opening experience. It showed me how different and how great people are all over the world. I'm trying to get into traveling more but money is an issue but it's easy to save for a trip and I have been trying to plan my next adventure with my girlfriend because she's never been out of the country.

I really appreciate your advice herbavor it's very helpful and It made me feel better about everything. Thank you for being awesome!