• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

May Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. LOVE!

Status
Not open for further replies.
withlove said:
I'm not hating them there's just so many of them all at the same time.
Like my ex bf is in a coma on life support after an accident in Cuba and might die. Some pretty big feelings that I don't even know how to process. And then being in pain and bored cuz my ankle is fucked. And then being super happy cuz I caught feels for a new guy and that's kinda fun. And then and then and then.

I'm really used to being able to completely check out from the emotional reality of life and make decisions and such from a cold removed stand point.
Emotions are exhausting.
Click to expand...

Holy shit withlove, I am so sorry to hear about your boyfriend! Please let us know if any of us here can ever do anything, if you ever need to just vent we are hear for you. I will wish him much love and kindness, as well as yourself. I cannot imagine how hard this must be on you :(
 
It's my ex from a few years back. We are still friends though and he means a great deal to me. If it was a current partner I would be wasted.
But thanks for the support. ❤️
 
withlove, sorry to hear about that. Processing that big emotions must take a lot of time and although it might feel that you don't even know where to start from I hope that giving some time will help you eventually to get a grip of them.

I know I would be tempted to use some drugs to not feel anything at all but it would eventually give an extra issue to be handled as it would be just a bad temporarily fix.

Just remember that anything you feel is normal and we are here to lessen the weight of your burden so feel free to share your thoughts.
 
Well said! There is nothing like lessoning the burden by opening up with people you feel safe talking to who won't be reactive or judgemental with you and your feelings.

I cannot begin to tell you how much this community has been a supportive influence for me in the last few weeks. I have made some shitty decisions recently, not so much just drug related, but in terms of relationships. It is hard to be alone sometimes.

But that is precisely why I love all you good people here on SL and BL, the crazies aside. I am getting better at discriminating the healthy from the unhealthy in terms of the people, friendships and relationships and what their potential influence on my life will be when it comes to folks on BL, so that is definitely a good thing. It is slow going, but it is going nonetheless. It allows me to really get the most out of my time spent on here.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Didn't take my oxycodone today so although I started a bit early it is my first day without opiates for four years! Looking forward to kick those withdrawals into the groins. Although my kit for withdrawing might do that itself.

I really had to stop earlier than what was my schedule as each drop in dose gave withdrawals for few days until I stabilized and they got worse as the percentage of the drop rose up each drop. Quick call to dr and he said he'll approve this if this is really what I want to do and he prescribed Lyrica, some betablocker, anti-diarrheal, pramipexole (for RLS), temazepam for sleep and clonazepam for anxiety and muscleconvulsions and some packs to do hydrating juice.

As the hospital I attend to is University Hospital they have all kinds of trials going on and he asked if I would like to participate to a trial in which uncomfort of withdrawals are being treated with Ambien and I decided to enter and now I am supposed to by taking half an Ambien every 8 hours.

Pharmacist had a weird look in his eyes when he read the Ambien prescription and then he also looked into the plastic pack he was handing over me and said have a happy withdrawals while rolling his eyes.
 
Nice, you have quite the ideal arscenal there, all you really need on top of that is some good healthy food, a sauna, a few good orgasms and maybe some loperamide for the runs. You got this my friend! It sucks having to taper faster than expected at the end, but if I can do it so can you :)

I am not so sure about taking zolpidem every 8hrs though, that sounds kinda shitty, but what do I know. Interesting protocol. Do you have any info on it?
 
It (Ambien) is supposed to keed cravings away.

Bbq is on and I have invited my friends for a sauna and bbq fest.

After taking Ambien I am almost lost that though of being in withdrawals so it seems to work.

I feel more social after taking that first ambien.
 
Nice! Aw, I am so pleased to hear that is working for you. Any chance you could find some or get your doctors to send me some literature or links to some abstracts on the subject? I have never heard of it before, but ut sounds pretty cool and novel, and I could actually see how it would work out well like that, zolpidem being a CNS hypnautuc and all.

Keep up the amazing work MrRoot, and olease let us know how it goes. I guess you will be too sick to drive anyways, so please just stay safe if you start doing the whole blackout tripping balls thing. . .
 
TPD, I'll ask if my dr has some literature yet available. It is his personal research on addiction but he has done a prior test with ambien to people trying to quit smoking cold turkey and if I remember the figures right 12% had reported not using nicotine containing products during 3 year control schedule and over 60% had abstained from using over 6 months but less than 3 years. 12% sounds low but when compared to ~5% who can quit with other means available it is still a lot more.

He talked about something zolpidem altering the function of frontal lobe which may or may not "turn off" sections that help people rationalize their drug use and if one has strong emotions against using but still does use it might work.

Anyhow it is now over 36h from my last 20mg dose of Oxycontin and no cravings yet. Taking 75mg of Lyrica and the pain is manageable but I had to take 0.5mg clonazepam as my legs started twitching at night.

First time in years that I used bus to get anywhere and I overheard some old ladies discussing whether I was the guy who drove 200km/h on 60km/h limit last weekend and lost my license as they had always seen me drivinginstead of using a bus :p Well atleast they didn't think I wasn't in condition to be driving.
 
I don't even get it. I was using opiates for pain, and never taking more than I was supposed to. (Though I have to lowest tolerance that doesn't build)
and now 2 weeks off them I just wanna bang some morphine. Shits weird.
I wont, I'm not even remotely close to doing anything one that but brains are stupid.
 
Brains definately do come up with weird ideas. Once during my tapering process I found out planning to "secure" all pain drugs from a pharmacy in a case of zombie invasion.
 
The obsession is a powerful thing. Took me years to get over it, and honestly I am not sure I will ever be totally "over it."
 
It truly is. Obsession gets out of hands as fast as a bepop session if you give it a chance.

I'd be happy to live with these semi withdrawalish feelings I currently have instead of going back into the loop of having my drugs end too soon and feeling a hellish withdrawals every now and then. Even if this state of being doesn't improve I'll accept it as it is as a punishment of going too deep into addiction although I hope I'll end up feeling better.

No cravings but a feeling of not being so well and energetic as usual.
 
Yea it's weird. I wouldn't call it obsession it's not that strong or all consuming more like a hmm that sounds nice.
I got other stuff to do anyways and I'm not really interested in getting high now.

i am lucky though despite becoming dependent on opiates I don't feel like I really ever went back into full on addiction to them.
 
Lyrica, caffiene, meditation, exercise and masterbation keeps me positive and energized as hell in case you couldn't tell, even in while w/ding from methadone, which I have finally begun to notice as of when I went to go take a dump this morning, but ended up merely pissing out my ass instead. . . :\ 8)



%)
 
Sounds rough. Withdrawal is a real bitch. It is few and far between but I will get a craving that is hard to shake and I will taste the sickly sweet medicine and coldness in the back of my throat that only a strong speedball can provide.

It is easy to shake it off by thinking about the consequences. Speedballs are kinda like lays chips, you can never just have one...so why break the seal?
 
Actually I am feelijg better than ever! I am at 5mg of methadone today, down from 13mg this time last week, and by June 1st I will be off it for good!

Not 100% sure if I want to still get some Suboxone as a safety net, it probably would be the smartest thing to do. I am going to call the doc my psychiatrist referred me to who can prescribe it today because I totally forgot yesterday.

I mean, shit man, the only effecsts of methadone w/d I have started experience have been a but of yawning, a slight runny nose once in a while, a tiny bit morr sweating than normal, slightly looser stools than normal and some mild insomnia. The most noticable difference I am experienceling is a huge increase in energy. I had no idea how much opioid, not just methadone but all of them, really zap away your nature energy level.

Selling my car and buying a bike was such a good idea though, the tons of biking I have to do to commute now that I don't have a car is helping more than even I realize. Not only is it helpong my body regain homeostasis faster, but it helping me metabolize the methadone out of my system even faster, making the shole detoxification process not only easier but faster too!
 
Hiya,

I'm going to start posting regular on this thread Friday or earlier because I'm coming off 3-FPM which I've been on mostly sincr November. It's caused no end of problems but I'm not going to do the self-pity or act a victim as I've brought it all on myself. So if you're all don't mind I'm going to start posting more regularly on the recovery forums again n hopefully help otherx aa well. Because I like helping others it makes me feel good about myself.

I don't think that when I went on subs I was doing it because I wanted recovery but because I was being forced off opiates by loved ones, so tried everything I could to get on with. We addicts are very manipulative n very good at lying to ourselves that we're doing all the right things (well really I can only speak for me).

I feel that I now want recovery - n I don't just mean from the various substances but the behaviours also. I need to work through this or I'll never be truly happy.

I know that once I'm off this - n the subs (currently 1.6mg) I've got to apologise to a lot of people I've hurt n done wrong to these past few years. Will try to get back who I was in 2012 with the exercising n healthy eating. I think I'm ready for this, this time <3

Evey
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top