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April Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. The Snow is Melting!

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^^ I'm so happy you have her:)
Upstate NY is beautiful. Kinda like a mini Canada lol
 
@chef... thanks for the kind words on the guitar. yes, i'm a minimalist when it comes to designing stuff. like you said, if folks want to get complex, they can throw a bunch of pedals in the chain and go nuts. but i figure it's best if each thing (including the guitar) does one thing and does it well. ok, nerd rant over.

upstate ny *is* beautiful. i have relatives in buffalo and i'm always amazed by the exposed limestone you see when you drive around there. i miss pretty stuff. the most attractive thing in my neck of the woods is the local grain elevator ;). that's not really true. some of the old farms are pretty.
 
waking up today makes 5 weeks clean for me.

thanks, everyone for helping me get here!

it must be the power of suggestion (not an actual effect of the suboxone), but ever since I started subs, in addition to being able to stay away from smack, I haven't had much interest in weed (which I used to use daily) or even booze (which I never much cared for, but in a pinch...). i have no goals about being weed or alcohol free. but it's weird...with the exception of the subs and 1 daily mg of Rx'd clonazepam, at this point my system is basically substance-free, modulo whatever crap i eat.

i feel good today. but i won't lie, i can feel myself missing dope. i just saw my dealer walk by my house. it would be so easy. but i feel on top of it for now.
 
simco said:
waking up today makes 5 weeks clean for me.

thanks, everyone for helping me get here!

it must be the power of suggestion (not an actual effect of the suboxone), but ever since I started subs, in addition to being able to stay away from smack, I haven't had much interest in weed (which I used to use daily) or even booze (which I never much cared for, but in a pinch...). i have no goals about being weed or alcohol free. but it's weird...with the exception of the subs and 1 daily mg of Rx'd clonazepam, at this point my system is basically substance-free, modulo whatever crap i eat.

i feel good today. but i won't lie, i can feel myself missing dope. i just saw my dealer walk by my house. it would be so easy. but i feel on top of it for now.
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That is soo awesome ❤️ Your doing great simco✌️
 
shutting down the computer for the night. it was good hearing from folks today.

be kind to yourselves! and let's keep the momentum going... it helps me so much knowing that i'm not as isolated as i usually feel.

peace. sim.
 
simco said:
i feel good today. but i won't lie, i can feel myself missing dope. i just saw my dealer walk by my house. it would be so easy. but i feel on top of it for now.
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You're doing great simco!!! It is so good you're honest with yourself and, more importantly even, aware of your cravings and triggers like this. It does kinda remind me of the story "Autobiography in Five Chapters,"

I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...
I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit
My eyes are open; I know where I am;
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V
I walk down another street.

Keep up the great work!
 
goodnight, everyone. today was kind of a tough one. just w cravings...usual shit. glad to put it behind me.
peace.
 
I see my doc today to see what I do for pain without opiates. Kinda nervous as I have a new pain problem causing numbness in my arms and now I'm clean the pain is worst then I thought. She's a good doctor and knows I had her cancel my oxy script so here's hoping for good non narc pain meds :)
On the bright side I slept well , the puppy slept well and it's a sunny day:)
Stay strong simco❤️
 
thanks, jane. and good luck at the doc. sending you my best. i hope you can get some relief with the doc's help. let us know how it goes.
 
I feel kinda strange today. Just kinda shaky. I had a weird dream last night. I was working at Fed EX for some reason (never worked there in my life). I kept getting tripped up like I was moving through water as I was trying to stack boxes. I kept having this sense that I was going to get into trouble if I couldn't get the work done, but the harder I tried the worse it got. Then I dreamt about being in highschool, but at the age I am now. I kept feeling like I really shouldn't be there and somehow someone would know and I would get busted.

It seems like the stranger the dream the more vividly I remember it. At least it wasn't a using dream, or a falling dream.

Sweetyjane: Just be completely honest about what you need and your doctor will fill in the gaps. Hopefully you have a good doctor... do you go to the VA.

Simco: Cravings will come and go. The best thing for it is to have a hobby and focus on your hobby for a few minutes. As you get more clean time the cravings will come and vanish very quickly. Be wary of PAWS though. It can come back in force and really mess with your emotions.
 
I have awful dreams but am doing better with them.

I am anxious today but I can do it. One day at a time.
 
I was just updating a list of Workshops and Retreats I've gone on through MARC/UCLA, and I am just so grateful. I'm such a lucky mother fucking guy to get to take advantage of such amazing opportunities as these!

http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=126#WeekendRetreat

Coming up soon! It's an amazing two nights, I absolutely loved it last year. Very low key and a lot of fun, perfect for beginners and experts alike!

Marvin Belzer is my hero!!!
 
I'm doing well here, still sober from everything.

I still do get random cravings at times but I don't give into them, and I realize that giving in would destroy all the hard work I have done to stay sober.
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
I'm doing well here, still sober from everything.

I still do get random cravings at times but I don't give into them, and I realize that giving in would destroy all the hard work I have done to stay sober.
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Isn't it crazy how the odd craving can just pop up? It always happens to me when things are going well, never when I am pissed off or feeling low.
 
Boredom and loneliness are what generally do it for me. When I'm busy it's the last thing on my mind.
 
congrats CH!

Yeah tpd: HALT. Hunger, anger, loneliness, and tiredness are the leading causes.
 
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