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April Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. The Snow is Melting!

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P0kemama said:
And, which maintenance drug is the best for depression and some chronic pain relief: suboxone, subutex, or one of the other names I see mentioned here and there on BL?
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It's more about dosage and ROA than it is the "brand/generic" names. The formulas are almost all identical. The tablets will break down and absorb slower sublingually than strips, but it's a negligible difference from what I believe.

simco said:
First time that's happened in years.
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I remember that feeling when I got that first month for the first time in years. It's a great accomplishment and I'm really proud of you man :)
 
@POkemama... Adding suboxone to the bag of tricks I have has been game changer. At first I thought it had all but solved all my problems, which of course was wrong!! But nevertheless, it's been incredibly helpful. I'm still trying to figure out my strategy with it. But for now it has me off dope, so I'm willing to go slow in monkeying with the sub dosage.

I don't *think* it makes any difference that I'm coming off heroin and you're coming off pills. Almost everyone at my suboxone clinic is cleaning up from pill habits.

And I'll also say that the suboxone interacts with my depressive symptoms profoundly. Mostly for the good. That is, if I take plenty of subs, the depression that I was dragging around for months (years, really) is so much less. But what's tricky for me is understanding the differences between my depression and my cravings for drugs. They're very tied together. Very hard to tease apart. I mention this because it's made it a bit tricky for me to sense what a good dosage of suboxone is for me. I want to manage my cravings with the subs. But I don't want to lean on subs for issues that are genuinely distinct from craving.

Sorry, this isn't making a lot of sense. I'm tired today. Gotta pack it in for the night.

Here's a good example though: I'm feeling exhausted b/c I had problems with depression all day. Worse than in a long time. But I pretty much intended for that to happen, as I'm tapering down from 16mg of suboxone to 8. Today was a bit of an experiment. Third day on 8 mg and I had only mild cravings. On the other hand, the depression ramped up from where it was when I was taking 16mg of subs.

Again, sorry for the tired rambling. @Pokemama, do feel free to hit me up with a PM if you want to talk about this stuff. I think you and I have a lot in common in these areas. I'd be happy to try to give you more detailed info.

In any case. Goodnight, everyone. Peace.
Sim
 
P0kemama said:
Toothpaste: How is the Portland job search going? Will you live with your girl?? Portland is such a cool place... one of my favorite cities. Once you get settled, you should have a BL get together at one of the many chill coffee shops there.
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Yes, I do love Portland. The trip I took to see my better half turned into a kind of shit show, so everything is kind of on hold at the moment. Don't get the wrong idea, everything is going well. Grist for the mill, right :) I'd love to have a chat with you over coffee mama, I really love the coffee in Portland for some reason (and I'm normally not a huge coffee person unless I'm in France or Italia).
 
Good to see everyone who posts here continuing to do so and continuing to move forwards in their lives and recovery. Give or take a few days (I don't really count and couldn't give exact dates) I have made it to a year benzodiazepine and opiate free. This place was a big part of my journey towards getting clean this time round so I just wanted to say thanks everyone.:)
 
Today is such a good day. I love the spring. On top of the nice weather, green leaves, cool breeze and pretty flowers, it feels like the springtime of my life on top of everything else :)
 
Awesome on the ~1 year, @Cat!

I had a good day. It's beautiful outside--took a couple nice walks. Made good progress on a guitar I'm building. Didn't do much "real" work, but...meh.

Peace, everyone.
 
Today is a great day! I'm having a wonderful week. I have such an amazing girlfriend, she's such a resilient, capable, amazing person. I really starting to realize what an incredibly lucky guy I am.
 
Another day down.

I'm having two sources of really bad moderate pain :( makes me mad but I am pulling through.
 
CATINHAT: Congratulations!!! One year clean from opiates and benzos.... I remember your posts from back then. You seemed like such a genuinely determined person... and you were!! You are such a great example of what happens when we are persistent. :D
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Another day down.

I'm having two sources of really bad moderate pain :( makes me mad but I am pulling through.
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Aw I'm sorry to hear that captain, but here is a picture of supper tonight to cheer you up:

NSFW:
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kimchi!!! and cucumbers!!!

I haven't been to an AYCE in a while %) I still feel fat as shit though
 
^^ I only tried tofu a few months ago. It's was not as bad as I thought lol I liked it but don't know how to cook it. Bbq today,nice and sunny which is awesome. Detox and cabin fever is a bad combo :)
 
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Aw, CH and TPD, you guys are making me jealous...coastal living where the food isn't always bland ;).

Meanwhile, in corn land, it was a good day. I "finished" the guitar I've been building. The quotes are there b/c I'm sure I'll monkey with it some more. But it turned out amazingly well. One step towards my completely unrealistic fantasy of starting an intrument/amplification fabrication company. Well, dare to dream.

As CH puts it, another day down.
 
My back still hurts but it's getting better and I'm not letting that take away my smile today. :)

toothpastedog said:
tofu house will make you tend to feel that way ;)
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When I go for AYCE I go all out and get a steak, bulgogi, flavored pork belly, beef tongue, rib finger meat, then about eight more plates of beef tongue %)

simco said:
Aw, CH and TPD, you guys are making me jealous...coastal living where the food isn't always bland ;).

Meanwhile, in corn land, it was a good day. I "finished" the guitar I've been building. The quotes are there b/c I'm sure I'll monkey with it some more. But it turned out amazingly well. One step towards my completely unrealistic fantasy of starting an intrument/amplification fabrication company. Well, dare to dream.

As CH puts it, another day down.
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That's a pretty awesome dream though man! I know I'd want a custom-made noise instrument (one day when I have funds for something like that). For my noise music I stick to simple things.
 
I just harvested my first two zucchini and one yellow squash today. I feel so accomplished. I could never have done this gardening had I still been using.

Sim, you should post a picture of your guitar. I would love to see it.
 
here are two pics of the guitar.

for the nerds among us, the goal i'm following is this. pare down each element in the tone chain to its bare minimum, but with the expectation that they all work together--guitar, amp, speakers. so this particular guitar (note, no volume/tone or knobs of any kind) is paired with a head and a cabinet I'm designing/building for a guitarist who is sorta trying to capture the sound that Steve Albini got during the early Big Black albums.

for now, though, she's just purrrty %).

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^^^ very nice. A good friend plays and brought me to meet uli Roth a couple years ago. I love music but can't play anything. His guitar solo was awesome. But my friend is killing himself with heroin. Such a shame with his talent so I can't be around him. Every time I see a guitar he pops in my head. I wish he would have came with me and let me help him. Hopefully soon he will be ready. He knows my cottage is a safe zone and he's welcomed anytime. But we all know you don't quit til you want to. I just hope he soon wants to❤️
Thanks for the pic It brought back s very fond memory for me. Ty:)
 
That is a beautiful guitar simco. I am a minimalist type person so I can truly appreciate the form you have chosen. I like the idea of having a dedicated amp for it. It will probably make it incredibly versatile if you hook it up to some foot pedals.

I used to spin records and write music. I used to get really nerdy with my setup.

@Sweetyjane: I am sorry to hear about your friend. This has happened to me as well. Someone I respected and admired couldn't quit and he is pretty much walking skeleton now on top of the fact every word out of his mouth is a lie. That was not the person I knew before. I do still hold out hope that he will eventually get it, but I am not going to beat myself up over his decisions.

Last night my girlfriend sweetzoe made a huge pot of collard greens. I am excited to try it today. We have a pretty awesome dynamic. I am an upstate New Yorker, and she is a southerner from Florida. We can just sit and chat for hours and it is cool learning her culture down here. I can't wait to show her syracuse. We both love the outdoors, so I want to show her some of the awesome parks around Syracuse (clark's reservation, Pratt falls, limestone creek, and especially green lakes state park {It is an incredibly deep lake that was created by a glacier's run off}). I don't think she has ever been sledding, skiing, or snowboarding. She has also been very helpful in pushing me along into treatment for my illness. For awhile there I had given up, but she makes it known how much she cares about me and I would hate to hurt it. We have both finally found someone that we can be friends and lovers with and I am realy not ready to give that up over a silly disease.
 
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