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will MDMA open my heart? did it for you at all?

Also be sure to test your stuff before doing it, be sure you are taking MDMA and not other stuff that will ruin your experience. Besides that just take a normal dose, based on your body weight, stay hydrated and just enjoy!
 
The semi-synthetic, tree sourcred safrole based MDMA from the late 1990s sure opened my heart on many occasions, but this new synthetic based MDMA failed to be worth the $350 I spent on it.

Or maybe that's a total crap explanation and all those hundreds of rolls I took back then fried my 5-HT dendrites to the extent that today I prefer methamphetamine to MDMA, which can at times be tiresome, sluggish, mild, and boring when taken in its pure powdered form with no speed or rave setting to kick the roll into high gear.
 
To the OP,

You are not far enough along in your personal self help regimen to reap the full benefits of MDMA. That will come later. On the contrary, what you need to take is about 300 ug of LSD from the darknet to break your badly wrong ego and see your soul's true ugliness in all its glory. This is step one, and it may give you a nervous breakdown, but you are currently so wrong that there is no alternative. Only LSD will work,for this person. THEN YOU MUST CHOOSE AND LEARN TO LOVE GOD FOREMOST, THEN YOURSELF, AND FINALLY YOYR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS. That is your whole problem but without tje acid, ypu don't even see it! Step 2, start smoking weed in sicial settings to learn how friends should treat each other and actually make some ALTHOUGH YOU'LL BE TERRIBLE AT THIS AT FIRST because you are currently socially CLUELESS. Step 3, acquire a modest methamphetamine habit to teach you about pleasure and give you motivation, both of which will have been destroyred by the LSD. Step 4, start taking MDMA in rave or festival settings, learn how to dance your ass off make friends like a pro, and learn great things about LOVE and EMPATHY. The MDMA will lose its magic at some point, like it does for all of us, so Step 5, maintain your positive lifestyle with meth and pot again, being careful to control their addiction potential and hopefully you will have enough cash to comfortably support your expensive lifestyle choices. It won't come cheap. A caveat, avoid the man's opiate trap. They are for escapist losers who want to die and only lead to penury, death, and fecal impactation. WE WANT YOU TO CHOOSE LIFE AND LOVE IT, not death or hate. Yes, you are a SINNER now and this regumen is obe of the few things that might help you. It must be done in that order. YOU ARE NOT YET READY FOR MDMA. It will only sugar coat your delusional, hateful thought patterns, although I know you are a product of your environment and simply didn't have a chance. Heed ny advice. This is my testimony.
 
Drugs are great until you find out they only cost you your soul. And for me and many (no, not all) others, they have caused me to not lead a normal or conventionally (in the eyes of society) successful life. But I never really wantef that anyway and new exactly what I was getting into the first time I wver bought and took drugs, 12 hits of pink perforated family acid which I would estimate to be around 300 ug per hit! Acid was, for me, a very spiritual, though unfoubtably, difficult drug.
 
Sorry for all the typos. I'm typing this text on my little smartphone, and for some reason the ed
 
the edit function won't work. Plus I'm geeked up out of my mind on ice methamphetamine, which I suspect is what the tree of life from the book of Genesis makes. That presumption is largely based on the fact that adherents to the indigenous ancient Iranian religion, Zoroastrianism, claim that the plant of theirs which makes ephedrine--a natural plant secondary product only one hydroxyl group away from being methamphetamine and also found in the chinese grass, ma huang--is the actual active ingredient of haoma, their mythological elixir essential to achieving and maintaining immortality, according to their religion's teachings. Well, if plants can self synthesize ephedrine with only sunlight, air, water, and dirt and furthermore this compound is said to be the identiry of the fabled haoma, why couldn't the tree of life make the highly tried to be controlled methamphetamine, which is so many times more effective at everything than jittery ephedrine? Of course, eating ephedra is not going to keep you alive forever, and neither will meth of course by itself anyway, but there is some evidence via DMT trip teports that our matrix controlling repitilian alien overlords and also the ancient Sumerian gods who first created human beings (intended to be used as a slave race, created by the god Anubis using another god as a sort of sacrifice to do so and is what gives us our highly sought after by the gray aliens reincarnatable souls) and had access to the tree of life in the garden of eden (this myth predates the book of genesis) both take and depend on the drug for eternal lifeforce energy AND greatly fear that we voracious humans will get our greedy little hands, ingest it, evolve / ascend / grow spiritually to be the gods we descended from, overcome death and challenge their ancient repressive hegemony of our race and planet through violent rebellious warfare. They are right. It is inevitable! Hallelujah!!! Free at last. Free at last! Thank God almighty we will be free at last! Jesus actual states at least once in the new testament that we are all gods but also implies that we are unaware of this our rightful status to ascend to. Well, isn't it time we partake of the food of the gods that Zoroastrianism avers is absolutely necessary for achieving immortality? Yes and know. In this country we have family values, and we have Adams family values. I'll opt for the latter anyday, bit I am in the minority. Your overlords are NOT looking out for our best interests--they were aghast when we got the fruit of the tree of knowledge, but hey, it made us smart enough to engineer jets, cars, tvs, cell phones, and satellite cable tv!! And they and YAHWEH have sent non stop grom Genesis to Revelations PLAGUED on humanity since our semi accidenyal conception as a race. Anyway, when only outlaws have access and the balls to take spirit drugs such as meth, shrooms, LSD, MDxx, or DMT, then well you get ppl like me, who are not easily controlled and very dangerous to the sheep herd mentality that keeping a 9 to 5 job, getting married to a member of the opposite sex, making and spending as much money as possible while squeezing every last available cent away from the bottom 90% of the socioeconomic ladder, producing and raising progeny (children) while being sleep deprived, and then dying brainwashed into thinking that drugs such as MDA, meth and marijuana are evil, whilst glued to the 24 hour Rothschild cable news propaganda networks, pay the income taxes the ruling central banks keep for themselves as the profit from the so called "debt" our countries have incurred by ceding the power to print money over to privately owned central banks such as the Federal Reserve, who now print all our cash and then LOAN it back to the government WITH intertest--that means that there is not enough money in existence to ever pay back the debt of the principal plus interest because the total debt including interest is more money that has ever even been printed! So yeah if you don't understand the conspiracy of the Lucifer worshipping Illuminati people and their secret societies such as Hillary and Bill Clinton'sTrilateral Commission, the Bush's Skull and Bones, and most importantly the lowly tools of the devil, the Freemasons. These are the ppl behind the establishment of the New World Order which President George Bush Sr. outright mentioned in his famous state of the union address in the 1990s sometime, then you're basically fucked. As for me, I dared to eat all the forbidden fruits of the gods as a form of spiritual drug yoga while amassing massive amounts of information as was possible in the academic realm and am now what ppl like me refer to as "awake." My next mission is to get this damn phd and get these new antibiotics made, tested, and on the market. It will probably take me 20 years, but we all have to get a job at some point as a matter of duty. What sinks my sails, is that Jehovah is probably coming up with the next HIV or Sika virus to punish humanity, whose Christian contingency is incapable of realizing they have based their new noble religion on the dame evil Judeo-Islamo scriptures and that their father god may not be for everyone. You see, I adore Hinduism, Taoism, and like Zorpastrianism, but the Abrahamic teligions, baby, you can keep. The fuel of this rambling, neo-beatnik off topic polemic is of course, crystal meth, and I will fight tooth and nail to the death for my right to use it even though it obviously gives me superhuman, bizarre characteristics. I know how to hide it when I'm high in public, and when I get as high as this, I secrete myself to my room or my house to be alone. They don't really mind if a few ppl like me use the drugs they sell or even invent new ones like I have here because not a lot of people are smart enough to have studied, much less learned, ORGANIC CHEMISTRY and then come up with their own pihkal or tihkal. but I could. Like I said, as long as my beloved subversive to American culture but nevertheless in the right Mexican cartrls are supplying our great country with copious quantities of good quality ice methamphetamine, I'm golden and will not make trouble. Accurate organic chemical structures and practical lab synthesis were first starting to be perfected by the Germans around 1877 with aspirin. Well, once that genie was out of the bag, there was no turning back and eventually no stopping little trained meth cooks from making it from Sudafed with a little anhydrous ammonia and lithium metal from batteries. You see, as Apollo in some incarnations and Shiva (or Shankar and Rudra in others) depending on where I was born in that incarnation, India or Greece--both of whom are gods associated with medicine and drugs--I sought this life to master this new science and it has taken me 40 years but I have come up with enough new designer drugs on this website to last the next 1000 years on to forever and I will continue to come up with more in all likelihood, but now that we have cheap and good weed and speed in this country, I don't feeyl the need to invent another MDPV, for example. We have systematically altered the pharmacophores of all the major drug molecules and it's going to take 100 years to characterize just the research chemicals we already have. You see, the immortals (in India we are referred to as Brahmins, the highest priestly caste who know themselves to be descended from gods) who ppl world mythology do not eat human food, we eat ambrosia (drug like substances) to use the Greek term. Without it, we flounder, and that was exactly the plan with the drug laws. Some people, most of them actually, cannot handle our ambrosia (a euphemism here for meth) and in fact were never before allowed to partake of it. Now they can, but they quickly perish under the influence of our heroin, lsd, and methamphetamine. That is the price we pay just so WE can get our raison d etre, the Schedule I and II drugs. Remember, we MUST have our proscribed chemicals or we won't go on living or at the least will be very depressed. Do I feel guilty about mastering organic chemical structure drug design using Sasha's methodology and adopting his worldview and unleashing bath salts onto the public, killing perhaps a couple hundred unfortunate souls? No, because it was necessary because the powers that be had managed to wrest from me the power to get MDMA, LSD, and methamphetamine in the early 2000's after the false flag Charles attack that is 9/11 and I was going to get high (right) or kill trying. I did it because I desperately needed some "juice" in my life to want to continue living, and the only way I could get any was to invent the international research chemical industry product line, starting with 2ce and the Hive. Luckily, I've never had to do actually kill anyone over drugs yet--I am far to wily for that--but don't put it past me. In this regard, I have adopted the outlaw biker mentality, and I must say I admire it greatly. I owe all the credit to the late great fellow Harvard trained scientist Sasha Shulgin for teaching me everything I know about drug design and a lot about politics. Sasha is a self proclaimed Titan, another type of immortal and one that the little people have sought to punish greatly over the eons. He taught me everything I needed to know by reading Pihkal and Tihkal till they fell apart. Drugs, my magic potions, are a matter of life or death for me, and I am willing to fight to the death for my spiritual, emotional, and intellectual power tools. I just want to feel good and healthy. WHAT IS RIGHT AND GOOD FOR ME IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. hey simply make life go from drab to extraordinary, and methamphetamine, so easy to synthesize, is the best one possible. It's actually quite safe, but you still have absolutely no business messing with it at all unless you are a titan, god, angel, vampire, Harvard undergrad, scientist, movie star, or some other type of person who really doesn't habe to adhere to a rigid, demanding schedule. And as it turns out methamphetamine is all that I really need for a long, long time to keep me happy, productive, and well, superhuman. I'm sorry that meth destroys you and your family when you touch it, but let's face it, your little kids have no businrss getting near it if it agfects them that badly. In the future and even now really the only people who will get into trouble for drugs are those indivduals who commit criminal acts because they were high. Nobody cares if you're taking or selling "2-methylamino-1-phenylpropane" (the IUPAC name for tina) as long as you act right, mind your own business, and if you do anything crazy like with me sharing all this gratuitous truth ramblings here, if it's deemed harmless and benign, as I am invariably judged by the authorities, then no one is going to bat an eyelash. Like I said, sure I want to do antiobiotic discovery, for it is my duty or dharma, but ultimately the reason that the lord of the dance destroyer preserver pot smoking deity chose to come now was to master the language of organic chemical design for himself in order to advance medicinal and recreational chemistry. That being said, I am well pleased with myself for the 10.5 year struggle it was for me to enter Augusta Prep and finally graduate with a BS in chemistry from UGA, which also happens to be one of the three genetic stop codons.
Damn right I like the life I live, cuz I went from nefative to positive!
 
To the Op,

MDMA is not some kind of magic instant happy pill. Happiness comes from telating to other prople in a purposrleful and meaningful way (hopefully including steamy sex, haha only 1/2 way joking) and most importantly exptessing one's feelings to another person who then genuinel
 
genuinely accepts--a form of love--what you were trying to express to this person and hopefully avcepts you more afterwatds as well. You ate going to want to probably find a girl to play the role of empath. It doesn't matter if you currently have ZERO guy or girl friends! You have something far more powerful: presumably real MDMA again. With said desitable drug to give away, you could probably comvince,the homecoming queen to keep ypu company snd talk to you for three hours while you're high IF you give her a free pill. Making friends is easy if you try, ESPECIALLY when you're armed with an extra pill of one of the world's MOST DESIRABLE DRUGS. Second, I'm telling you set snd setting are crucial for a peak MDMA expetience. It should only be done around a MUSICAL environment with DANCING hopefully. The comedown of an MDMA high has an ineffable, unexplainable poignant sadness to it. You do not want to end your 3 or 4 hour roll ALONE in the park with no one to TALK (MDMA makes everyone want to talk) or LISTEN to crying your eyes out because you have no friends (even though ypu could) because you have NO IDEA how to make even the most tenuous friendly connection. Are you under 14 years old? That might explain some things, but if you are you have no bisness taking MDMA yet. Ok, so let's say you are unwilling or incapable of finding even a bum downtown to talk to for three hours, high as hell, while feeling more social than you have ejver before? I have a feeling that least be surrounfef a good EDM venue is going to be put of reach here, but at least take the pill at some kind of musical event or concert like a Slayer concert or something where you can at least be around and observe a lot of people so you won't get despondent. Dancing is a good idea too. Or a house party. Just non-chalantly approach a cool or friendly or attractive looking petson and say, "Hey, will you stay with me for three hours while I roll and talk or whatnot if I give you this ecstasy pill which,you csn either take with me now or take home with you to save?" When girls here the term "free ecstasy" I promise tje tide WILL turn in your favor 9 times put of 10. What if you get the 10th time and she says no? So what, you're in a crowded, festive place, so just go ask the next chick! Just be sure to get them to agree to spend the entire time that you're going to be high with you, and make her promise not to give the pill away or sell it, which would be disrespectful to you. I could have used a guy as the example, but I have no reason to suspect your gay, but most guys you're not already friends with probably would suspect it if you walked up to him and offered to give him free X in exchange for xyz. Whatever you do, just find someone willing to listen to you talk while you"re high. You don't even have to tell them you're on drugs or offer them any if you don't want to. Anyway, MUSIC is crucial to hear on your MDMA trip even if you don't know how to carry on a conversation you can AT LEAST play yourself some loudish music with good beat on your dad's stereo. I have a feeling your younger than we think; either that or you probably fall somewhere on the autism spectrum disorder scale. In the end, MDMA is just a drug, but it is a drug that can be made much more worthwhile for any reason by doing it with a friendly person to talk to and by taking it with loud, bassheavy music with a good beat while dancing. Let us know how it goes. GOOD LUCK
 
MDMA most likely won't help in your situation, i beleive it just helps exxagerate peoples empathy/love if they already feel that way somewhat sober. Most of the "assholes" i know that take MDMA generally feel good and dont want to be bothered and often even get anoyyed by anyone else, they usually just want to bask in their own enjoyment, ive always found this really odd.
 
Seems like your brain doesn't produce seretonin at all...
Either MDMA won't stand to make you feel anything and you'll just get the speedy effects,or it'll make you feel like never before for 6-8 hours and then,probably
the next day,feeling like killing yourself...
Talk to a therapist!!!
 
Donsplum I am in the same exact position as you and I want to do mdma for the same reason. I really think it might help me. Please report back when you do it. I really want to know how it goes. I have heard that it does this for other people. I think the setting you do it in matters a lot.
 
That's really interesting. Thanks for letting me know. It seems like doing mdma with the right people is really important.
 
Donsplum I am in the same exact position as you and I want to do mdma for the same reason. I really think it might help me. Please report back when you do it. I really want to know how it goes. I have heard that it does this for other people. I think the setting you do it in matters a lot.

That's really interesting. Thanks for letting me know. It seems like doing mdma with the right people is really important.

Thanks for posting.

Will do, man. I am expecting to get it very soon, for SWIM ordered it online on the 31st. Darknet, i believe.

I have a theory that it will melt the "walls of the heart". Of course im not really sure, but i hope

i agree with the thought that doing mdma with the right people is important. ive read that talking out what comes to mind is important, but unfortunately i cannot afford that luxury, given my current temperment. not to get down on myself though, its cool.

ill definitely letcha know.
 
Be very careful.

Just because you are getting the MDMA or something that supposedly is being marketed as MDMA, this does not mean that you have to take it, or take it now. Also, get a test kit and test the powder/pill.

Be very careful with it, and stay safe.

I agree that you should see a therapist for your issues, or even a counselor. Look around until you find one that you like.

If you want to open up your heart chakra look into meditation, and breathing exercises, and some cardio-vascular exercise as well. Good luck.
 
Thanks for posting.

Will do, man. I am expecting to get it very soon, for SWIM ordered it online on the 31st. Darknet, i believe.

I have a theory that it will melt the "walls of the heart". Of course im not really sure, but i hope

i agree with the thought that doing mdma with the right people is important. ive read that talking out what comes to mind is important, but unfortunately i cannot afford that luxury, given my current temperment. not to get down on myself though, its cool.

ill definitely letcha know.

Who are you planning on taking it with? It seems like taking it with people who would be open to talking to you, and you want to get to know, is the key, and taking it in a good atmosphere. I also think it's important for the people you take it with to be on mdma too. You want to be able to make the most of your experience to have it actually be life changing.

I agree with the other people though that you should be careful, you need to make sure it's actually mdma and not laced with anything else, and that it's the actual dose it says it is. I heard on a podcast that the dose of mdma that works best for people with PTSD is 75 mg. I don't know if you have PTSD, but they think that 75 mg works the best because people are able to recall their traumatic memories, think about it, and then re-work it into something less anxiety provoking at that dose. At higher doses, they are too high to actually think about their life and memories. So that's just something to keep in mind. I don't know if it applies to you at all. If you are interested in learning more, I recommend listening to the psychedelic salon podcast, episode487 "mainstreaming psychedelics".

Personally, I don't have PTSD, what I have is extreme social anxiety, and a belief that others don't actually like me, and won't like me if they actually get to know me. I think that this happened to me because of experiences during my childhood and early teen years. So it's not exactly PTSD, but it's related.

Anyway, I hope you ordered good mdma, not some shady stuff, and that it works for you. Good Luck.
 
So did you get the MDMA? Have you taken it yet? Any updates?
'

soon, my friend, very soon. i have been scammed many times in my pursuit of attaining said compound. i hope this time will not be a farce.

thank you for the post two posts above, but i have no interest in keeping the dosage low. im going to make it quite high.

all i hope for, is that my capacity to give and recieve love is increased to the highest capacity. i hope a larger dose will do that.

it simply seems that my heart chakra is shut tight. ive read and believe that mdma can open it up wide.

if it works, it works, if it doesnt, it doesnt. i hope for the former and dread the latter. either way, its okay.
 
MAPS has posted a protocol for PTSD treatment with MDMA. I think it's worth a look if you want to seriously use MDMA as a therapeutic tool. One dose of MDMA can equal a decade of therapy in some cases...

I did just that, and it helped me a lot. I must emphasise that the setting is very important. I do it alone, and meditate over trauma.

My experience is that I'm able to eat more in the afterglow. I'm less depress/anxious/suicidal. But it's not because of MDMA alone, it's because I use it in self therapy (but I also get professional help), and the PTSD symptoms decreases a mot in the afterglow. They eventually come back, but never as strong as before last time I rolled. Long term tendency over last year is steadily getting better and better, even if I still have ups and downs.

The difficult thing with trauma therapy, particularly in PTSD patients who has experienced trauma in relationships, is that they have huge difficulties trusting enough in the therapist (or any other person) to open up and talk about the tauma. Often these patients arw in the healt care systems without the right PTSD diagnosis, because they feel too bad about the trauma to even mention it, or even think about it.

When I was in trauma therapy I spoke to several other patients that first stated that they didn't really have any trauma, so they disagreed with the suggestion. Later they could mentioned being held at gun point by family member, being beaten up when already severely damaged from other violence/accidents, emotional neglect as children, sexual abuse (but not using the words that identifies it as abuse/rape), or forcibly held under water by parent. And it's mentioned like it's a negligible or just a cool story, with little emotion showing. In fact, it's told with lack of emotion.

MDMA can definitely help trauma patients, but it must be a part of a bigger plan, even if done alone. I would not work on my trauma together with others partying, but I do see a therapist while still having a good afterglow. I'm always able to benefit more from the therapeutic treatment, I can adress experiences I normally avoid. My therapist always clutch the notebook hard when I open up more, even if he doesn't know I use MDMA. Without the MDMA I wouldn't have been able to tell about my memories, or even think of the trauma. Now I'm able to share, cry and heal.
 
So did you get the MDMA? Have you taken it yet? Any updates?

if you ever come back mate, here is your reply.... to the first time I tried.

I took an unmeasured amount. it was from 50mg to 150mg. I barely felt anything to be honest. though at times I felt like I was turning super saiyan bc of the eyes rolling back. but anyways, it didn't help, at all. still have a tiny capacity for love. I didn't feel any euphoria so ill attribute it to that. if I felt euphoria and it didn't help, then id be confused. but I barely felt anything, so we'll see.

I'm going to go on a 220mg dose next time I try. actually measured. I will repost when I do. should do it within a week.

"The irony about emotional walls is that new love heals old pain. It was from not being loved enough that we built the walls in the first place. So the only thing that can really heal that feeling is new love."

mdma is that 'new love'.
 
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