skodeo
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2016
- Messages
- 256
G'day ladies and gents,
Well, I took the initial dive and joined after years of scouring archives for various info. Now it's time for me to tell my story.
Where do I begin?
Well, I'm corresponding today in hopes of receiving some support for battling my Loperamide addiction. I started off many moons ago popping various pills which eventually lead to a full on methadone addiction (120mg) for a number of years which landed me in the 4 month treatment center just outside Austin, TX. After leaving there I entered a sober house in Austin and within two weeks I was popping about 30 capsules of headshop kratom at $40 each. After 3 months(late July 2012) I packed up my stuff and drove 2,000+ miles back to the Pacific Northwest to start anew eventually as a IV heroin user with a dash of meth on the side (never liked speed at first, but it went well with H).
Fast forward and I moved to the U.S. Virgin Islands (June-2014) in hopes of relocating to drop my dope habit. A couple months before this excursion I was browsing online (most likely this very site) and became introduced to the notion that Lope would help ease my heroin withdrawal. Upon primary experimentation with a dose of 100-150mg I came to find near relief from WDs. Anyway, while living in the USVI I picked up a mean coke/crack habit (while in the midst of WDs from H/Lope) and after 3 months I called my folks and broke down and gave them the gist of what had befallen me and begged for another chance at inpatient treatment. I then landed in Nor Cal for a month's stay in a Napa Valley rehab and when I got out I felt back to my normal self!
I entered a sober living house in Marin, just outside of San Fransico, and it wasn't long before I was walking to the store to snag some Loperamide(October-2014)....Hence, the true beginning to my tale of woe. This is when I began using solely Lope (occasionally alcohol) for fun. I quickly gained to normal dose of 400mg, taking it every other day.
To me, in the first few months while using every other day, I found that it would put my mind at ease. [[[I suffer horrible social anxiety which I can mask on my own without drugs, if that makes sense...I'll feel anxiety-ridden inside, but I won't project it on the outside. I may come across as this silly, confident, and outgoing guy, but inside I'm exacerbating ALL my energy to mirror the complete opposite. This is why I turned to drugs at 16.]]] Loperamide I DID INDEED find recreational! However, it feels like a crackheaded drunk of an opiate. When I megadose, the usual 400mg, made me feel warm, itchy, outgoing, inspired, energy boosted....BUT also weak in my extremities (to the point where when I started working I couldn't even lift heavier objects-anyone else have this??), I occasionally shake, and with one hell of a vision fuck that I really can't compare to anything else. During those "halcyon" days (if you could even call them that) when I started abusing Lope to get high and not at a little lower of a dose like I did to manage my WDs I would seriously find myself nodding out at certain times and waking up with a lovely itch constantly through my nights(these effects didn't last long). I kept my dosing regimen to every other day because I'd still be high the next morning with effects subsiding around late midday of day two and back to anxiety town by nightfall. I'd then wake on the second day in initial withdrawal (after a month or so which progressively got worse) and walk my ass to a store and jack another two 96 ct boxes or a 200 ct box to slam down with chocolate/strawberry milk or a smoothie from the produce department.
So, after 3 months in Marin in a sober house I moved in with my gf up north for another two months(late January-2015), continuing my cycle of 400mg every other day. At the end of those 2 months I still hadn't found a job and I bought some speed with my tax return and, in short, went psychotic for the first time without IV heroin to balance things like the old days. I am lucky I didn't get arrested while running all over town for 24 hrs thinking the cops were out to get me. I voluntarily committed myself in the psych ward for a few days to plan my next step...at this point my parents and my gf were done with me and not only was I coming down from meth, but I didn't have my Lope for days and was WDing.
I worked things out with my girl and had her come and get me, 6 days off Lope and not feeling all that bad considering I wanted to die a few days prior. I SHOULD have stopped with the Lope then, but NOPE! Same thing, 400mg every 2 days. I soon ended up in another sober house and quickly found a job(early April-2015). Here is where things changed. I worked as a cashier and stocker and of course I have to be social to do a good job. Now I found myself dosing EVERY DAY in excess of 600mg(rarely, usually the 400+ mg mark). This is when I noticed that my strength was severely hindered while lifting heavier objects. Sometimes it was a struggle to even walk. MY eyesight seemed constantly semi-bulred when I actually would focus to take note of it. Also, I began to have trouble sleeping. If I took the lope too late in the day I had an energy blast throughout the night even though I had a feeling of tiredness. I would only half sleep.
Ok, this is dragging on so let me get down to it (thanks to those who dared to read this far-you're my new friend forever and ever and I appreciate you-honestly, I do). I've had two more jobs since then, I'm still dosing every day....rarely every other day, but now the WDs seem to catch up at the 18-24 hr mark and my mindset refuses me to partake in such pain. At this new job(starting mid Feb. of 2016), in another grocery store, I first tried to make an attempt, cold turkey, to stop Lope before getting officially hired. I was planning to join this site then when I was 3 days into WDs and actually in pretty good spirits considering. However, I slipped. When I started I found that my megadose wouldn't cut it since I need my strength to lift shit all day long. Since the first few days of the job I've been sticking to a lower 200 to no more than 300 mg dose....Usually just a 96 ct bottle daily (192 mg) since I found that this range is the max I can take and expect my body to function normal enough when it comes to my strength issues.
I have a bad feeling that Lope is eventually going to catch up with me...I have been using it recreationally now for a good year and a half straight consistently, the last year of that being a daily occurrence. I am actually a pretty healthy individual, I eat decent enough and drink on average a good 3/4 gallon of water a day. I don't want my heart to stop or my kidneys to give out. Let me be the first to admit that I can't even use the toilet without fear of clogging it 99.869% of the time. My shit is so large I have to bag it and toss it in the trash!!! (Don't judge, being honest here and I'm kinda laughing to myself). I'm a skinny dude, but my belly is always bloated from, what I can only assume, is an excessively backed up digestive tract. Couple that with the fact that I steal my Lope which is risky as an every day occurrence and makes me feel guilty as fuck, just laying in wait for the ax to drop.
Moving forward, last week I made the decision to buy kratom to wean myself off this damn Lope-dope. I ordered 6 oz online from a reputable Reddit approved vendor which arrived two days ago and I began implementing. HOWEVER, WHAT THE FUCK???? This kratom wouldn't even remotely touch my withdrawal symptoms!!! I'm consuming about 5-12 grams at a time and I get relief for an hour, maybe two tops. Next thing I know it feels like I'm back in full on WDs. I redose kratom, redose, redose. I can barely stomach this shit. THIS IS ONLY MY SECOND DAY off Lope. I feel broken, helpless, bummed. So what did I do about 2 hours ago??? You guessed it, I went and got a box of 96 Lopes and down the hatch they went. I procured a second bottle for tomorrow as well since I work. I got up at 4am today for work and after the kratom I still couldn't manage to go in (plus, I walk two miles there and two miles home). I'm in a sober house still, this is all a big secret under wraps
....only you and I know my true story now. What say you??
Well, I took the initial dive and joined after years of scouring archives for various info. Now it's time for me to tell my story.
Where do I begin?
Well, I'm corresponding today in hopes of receiving some support for battling my Loperamide addiction. I started off many moons ago popping various pills which eventually lead to a full on methadone addiction (120mg) for a number of years which landed me in the 4 month treatment center just outside Austin, TX. After leaving there I entered a sober house in Austin and within two weeks I was popping about 30 capsules of headshop kratom at $40 each. After 3 months(late July 2012) I packed up my stuff and drove 2,000+ miles back to the Pacific Northwest to start anew eventually as a IV heroin user with a dash of meth on the side (never liked speed at first, but it went well with H).
Fast forward and I moved to the U.S. Virgin Islands (June-2014) in hopes of relocating to drop my dope habit. A couple months before this excursion I was browsing online (most likely this very site) and became introduced to the notion that Lope would help ease my heroin withdrawal. Upon primary experimentation with a dose of 100-150mg I came to find near relief from WDs. Anyway, while living in the USVI I picked up a mean coke/crack habit (while in the midst of WDs from H/Lope) and after 3 months I called my folks and broke down and gave them the gist of what had befallen me and begged for another chance at inpatient treatment. I then landed in Nor Cal for a month's stay in a Napa Valley rehab and when I got out I felt back to my normal self!
I entered a sober living house in Marin, just outside of San Fransico, and it wasn't long before I was walking to the store to snag some Loperamide(October-2014)....Hence, the true beginning to my tale of woe. This is when I began using solely Lope (occasionally alcohol) for fun. I quickly gained to normal dose of 400mg, taking it every other day.
To me, in the first few months while using every other day, I found that it would put my mind at ease. [[[I suffer horrible social anxiety which I can mask on my own without drugs, if that makes sense...I'll feel anxiety-ridden inside, but I won't project it on the outside. I may come across as this silly, confident, and outgoing guy, but inside I'm exacerbating ALL my energy to mirror the complete opposite. This is why I turned to drugs at 16.]]] Loperamide I DID INDEED find recreational! However, it feels like a crackheaded drunk of an opiate. When I megadose, the usual 400mg, made me feel warm, itchy, outgoing, inspired, energy boosted....BUT also weak in my extremities (to the point where when I started working I couldn't even lift heavier objects-anyone else have this??), I occasionally shake, and with one hell of a vision fuck that I really can't compare to anything else. During those "halcyon" days (if you could even call them that) when I started abusing Lope to get high and not at a little lower of a dose like I did to manage my WDs I would seriously find myself nodding out at certain times and waking up with a lovely itch constantly through my nights(these effects didn't last long). I kept my dosing regimen to every other day because I'd still be high the next morning with effects subsiding around late midday of day two and back to anxiety town by nightfall. I'd then wake on the second day in initial withdrawal (after a month or so which progressively got worse) and walk my ass to a store and jack another two 96 ct boxes or a 200 ct box to slam down with chocolate/strawberry milk or a smoothie from the produce department.
So, after 3 months in Marin in a sober house I moved in with my gf up north for another two months(late January-2015), continuing my cycle of 400mg every other day. At the end of those 2 months I still hadn't found a job and I bought some speed with my tax return and, in short, went psychotic for the first time without IV heroin to balance things like the old days. I am lucky I didn't get arrested while running all over town for 24 hrs thinking the cops were out to get me. I voluntarily committed myself in the psych ward for a few days to plan my next step...at this point my parents and my gf were done with me and not only was I coming down from meth, but I didn't have my Lope for days and was WDing.
I worked things out with my girl and had her come and get me, 6 days off Lope and not feeling all that bad considering I wanted to die a few days prior. I SHOULD have stopped with the Lope then, but NOPE! Same thing, 400mg every 2 days. I soon ended up in another sober house and quickly found a job(early April-2015). Here is where things changed. I worked as a cashier and stocker and of course I have to be social to do a good job. Now I found myself dosing EVERY DAY in excess of 600mg(rarely, usually the 400+ mg mark). This is when I noticed that my strength was severely hindered while lifting heavier objects. Sometimes it was a struggle to even walk. MY eyesight seemed constantly semi-bulred when I actually would focus to take note of it. Also, I began to have trouble sleeping. If I took the lope too late in the day I had an energy blast throughout the night even though I had a feeling of tiredness. I would only half sleep.
Ok, this is dragging on so let me get down to it (thanks to those who dared to read this far-you're my new friend forever and ever and I appreciate you-honestly, I do). I've had two more jobs since then, I'm still dosing every day....rarely every other day, but now the WDs seem to catch up at the 18-24 hr mark and my mindset refuses me to partake in such pain. At this new job(starting mid Feb. of 2016), in another grocery store, I first tried to make an attempt, cold turkey, to stop Lope before getting officially hired. I was planning to join this site then when I was 3 days into WDs and actually in pretty good spirits considering. However, I slipped. When I started I found that my megadose wouldn't cut it since I need my strength to lift shit all day long. Since the first few days of the job I've been sticking to a lower 200 to no more than 300 mg dose....Usually just a 96 ct bottle daily (192 mg) since I found that this range is the max I can take and expect my body to function normal enough when it comes to my strength issues.
I have a bad feeling that Lope is eventually going to catch up with me...I have been using it recreationally now for a good year and a half straight consistently, the last year of that being a daily occurrence. I am actually a pretty healthy individual, I eat decent enough and drink on average a good 3/4 gallon of water a day. I don't want my heart to stop or my kidneys to give out. Let me be the first to admit that I can't even use the toilet without fear of clogging it 99.869% of the time. My shit is so large I have to bag it and toss it in the trash!!! (Don't judge, being honest here and I'm kinda laughing to myself). I'm a skinny dude, but my belly is always bloated from, what I can only assume, is an excessively backed up digestive tract. Couple that with the fact that I steal my Lope which is risky as an every day occurrence and makes me feel guilty as fuck, just laying in wait for the ax to drop.
Moving forward, last week I made the decision to buy kratom to wean myself off this damn Lope-dope. I ordered 6 oz online from a reputable Reddit approved vendor which arrived two days ago and I began implementing. HOWEVER, WHAT THE FUCK???? This kratom wouldn't even remotely touch my withdrawal symptoms!!! I'm consuming about 5-12 grams at a time and I get relief for an hour, maybe two tops. Next thing I know it feels like I'm back in full on WDs. I redose kratom, redose, redose. I can barely stomach this shit. THIS IS ONLY MY SECOND DAY off Lope. I feel broken, helpless, bummed. So what did I do about 2 hours ago??? You guessed it, I went and got a box of 96 Lopes and down the hatch they went. I procured a second bottle for tomorrow as well since I work. I got up at 4am today for work and after the kratom I still couldn't manage to go in (plus, I walk two miles there and two miles home). I'm in a sober house still, this is all a big secret under wraps
....only you and I know my true story now. What say you??
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