Misc The (LOPERAMIDE) diaries...

[skodeo]

I've been horrible at maintaining this thread. I know. Bear with me.

 

[xivixive]

best of luck in whatever you do skodeo.

this thread is one of the best examples of why you should not abuse opiates. from an HR point of view, if this thread was shown in highschool and we spent a day or two really discussing it, that would prevent more people from becoming addicts than whatever it is they do now to try to stop kids from using drugs.

life isn't fun. so you use opiates. but then they are not fun. and your body chemistry is permanantly altered. so now you have a shit life and an addiction to deal with....

again - best of luck skodeo.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I've been horrible at maintaining this thread. I know. Bear with me.

Please try to avoid shoplifting. It is literally just a matter of time until you get busted. I guarentee if you continue with that kind of practice you will get caught sooner or later regardless of the precautions you take.

 

[skodeo]

Please try to avoid shoplifting. It is literally just a matter of time until you get busted. I guarentee if you continue with that kind of practice you will get caught sooner or later regardless of the precautions you take.

I wholeheartedly agree with you there. I have a a good paying job now so technically I COULD be buying it...but it would add up quick and leave me without enough cash to pay bills. If I were to be spending that much cash then I'd simply just go back to doing heroin or other opiates that have less health risks associated with them and make me feel 10 times more of a high. It's simply too easy to snag it off the shelf. That's my dilemma though. Each time I have to reup I feel sick to my stomach and think "today's the day I get caught and I will not be able to do this ever again at this store." If I got busted then I'd be even more paranoid heading elsewhere to get them. My town is quite small and without my main lope store there are two others...one I RARELY go to because I know they have loss prevention employees in plain clothes that are either acting like customers while looking out for people like me or manning the CCTV, keeping an eye out.
Besides the possible heath issues, being a lope thief is my main motivator to stop all this nonsense and end my addiction. I just don't know if I can even MANAGE to be sober. when it comes down to brass tacks..I've been high so long. What a decade+ it has been.

 

[skodeo]

best of luck in whatever you do skodeo.

this thread is one of the best examples of why you should not abuse opiates. from an HR point of view, if this thread was shown in highschool and we spent a day or two really discussing it, that would prevent more people from becoming addicts than whatever it is they do now to try to stop kids from using drugs.

life isn't fun. so you use opiates. but then they are not fun. and your body chemistry is permanantly altered. so now you have a shit life and an addiction to deal with....

again - best of luck skodeo.

Amen. My story is an outstanding one pertaining to the progression of an opiate addict. Hell, this thread has merely been a small piece of my story. I've been in way too many detrimental situations thanks to my addiction that I NEVER dreamed I would be. For years I managed to do pills like a "gentleman" off and on...my initial road to a full blown addict was a slllooooowwwww one. I could pick up and walk away from my drug use without consequence for years and years. It took a long while until the day I found myself experiencing actual opiate withdrawals (thanks to a heavy methadone habit---I had finally found and secured an all-too-reliable dealer).
One morning I awoke early after a night out partying with my old college friend in his hometown, about 3 days after my last methadone dose, to a restlessness unlike anything I've ever known (at the time I compared it to beer bonging a full pot of coffee) coupled with a hangover from the previous night's binge drinking. MY body aching like I was a 90 year old man who spent the entire previous day performing excruciatingly hard labor. Full blown anxiety/depression wrapped nicely in hot/cold sweats. The inability to go back to sleep even though I only obtained a couple hours rest. Those symptoms merely being the tip of the iceberg.
It was in that very moment I thought to myself,
"So, this is what withdrawal is like, huh? Fuck."
I had finally crossed the line. Since then there has been no coming back. I wish the unassuming were aware of my path, with the ability to completely dissect it, and what I've become. Heed my story. That's partially why I am here, so others may learn from what I've been through and think twice, nay...thrice, before snacking on those first few vicodin like I did. To think thrice before they decide to turn to loperamide for opiate WD relief.

If I've helped even a single soul with this thread then I haven't become an addict in vain.



*DEEP s i g h.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I wholeheartedly agree with you there. I have a a good paying job now so technically I COULD be buying it...but it would add up quick and leave me without enough cash to pay bills. If I were to be spending that much cash then I'd simply just go back to doing heroin or other opiates that have less health risks associated with them and make me feel 10 times more of a high. It's simply too easy to snag it off the shelf. That's my dilemma though. Each time I have to reup I feel sick to my stomach and think "today's the day I get caught and I will not be able to do this ever again at this store." If I got busted then I'd be even more paranoid heading elsewhere to get them. My town is quite small and without my main lope store there are two others...one I RARELY go to because I know they have loss prevention employees in plain clothes that are either acting like customers while looking out for people like me or manning the CCTV, keeping an eye out.
Besides the possible heath issues, being a lope thief is my main motivator to stop all this nonsense and end my addiction. I just don't know if I can even MANAGE to be sober. when it comes down to brass tacks..I've been high so long. What a decade+ it has been.

How about your getting on buprenophine or methadone. It seems clear you're benefit from legal access to this kind of powerful medications. Used properly they could manage your cravings, keep you out of trouble, and allow you to stabilize without having to spend so much money on illegal or quasi-legal opioid substances.

Give it a thought. You're an ideal candidate. Lemme know if you want any help with this kinda thing. I was finally able to find recovery through a methadone clinic, and I also have tried buprenorphine, so I can give you a lot of support with feedback from that kind of thing.

 

[keeping]

It was in that very moment I thought to myself,
"So, this is what withdrawal is like, huh? Fuck."

One morning you wake up sick and you’re an addict. (Junky, Prologue, p. xxxviii)
--- William S. Burroughs,

 

[Runningfox]

That's a good quote, Keeping.
I wonder what percentage of addicts are like myself: what I call the Accidental Addict....
This is someone who never intended to misuse/ get high/ do wrong by, a substance but as the quote states they simply awake to illness one day n realize all they Did differently was NOT use their usual substance.
(*I don't think this only occurs with Prescribed medication either; I've seen it happen to folks with alcohol for example )

Wouldn't it be awesome to know the TRUE and Real statistics on such matters???

 

[keeping]

That's a good quote, Keeping.
I wonder what percentage of addicts are like myself: what I call the Accidental Addict....

do tell Runningfox!
i would have thought most accidental addicts (at least in the US) are a product of BigPharma pushing painkillers for minor ailments?
is your story different?
i for one just barreled straight into opiates because i wanted an addiction - i was getting over a horrible separation and losing ssomeone very precious
i neeeded something heavy duty to take my mind off it - and heroin just seemed like the logical choice (also helped stop my panic attacks).

fyi: heroin and /or fent nearly killed me and gave me brain damage so i am in no way advocating heroin for anything.

 

[Runningfox]

(Sorry about your brain.)

No my story isn't any dif from your run-down regarding scripts. It was 07-08 before The Epidemic ... I had an illness which a prompt surgery would have cured but instead I was fed bottle after bottle of 120 count vicodin for something like 7 months. Sometimes the doc would get nervous n switch it to tramadol.

Jesus -- of course narcotic being a band aid for the pain, never addressed the problem and eventually I was hemmoraging . (Not from the pills. From the illness). So at long last in month 7 I had the surgery.
Couple weeks recovering and magic! The underlying pain was gone. So I woke up one day and didn't take any painkillers.

Oh God.
The suffering was horrid. I had never experienced clinical Anxiety before ending that use of tramadol. What a terrible feeling. .... shudder at the memory.

Now years later it all makes sense ; body was physically addicted to the meds. . . Vicodin alone I think may have been easier to quit . Tramadol has some serotonin action which made leaving that one alone total Hell.

And now I've struggled ever since , not on a daily basis but when I have something that REALLY physically hurts. It's like my natural defenses to pain are gone now n the body immediately Wants opiates to block the pain.

Mostly I never get any.
One in a while, maybe a shot (medically) if I'm sick enough or injured enough. NEVER EVER do I get any narcotic meds prescribed anymore.

Here's where I'm no dif from any other addict : having become dependent then addicted then withdrawn off and stayed away..... My life's "changed" somehow . It's sadder now. All things are harder to take, harder to deal with.... (I'm also not young anymore. Past 40).

I'm fortunate that I was never tempted by the harder drugs. I'm certain I would have had a terrible addiction to them, had I ever tried one.

Today it's small amounts of gabapentin for migraines n fms (I have effectively cut my dose down to 1200-1800 mg / day. Down from 4800-5g). I have some tianeptine but use it rather sparingly, for pain. It makes me feel pukey.

I hope you're in a lil better place now, Keeping; I can't really imagine seeking out an addiction. But I do understand "wanting the pain to stop", regardless what kind of pain you suffer . Stay good.
Weekends coming. Be safe.

 

[DogLover123757]

(Sorry about your brain.)

No my story isn't any dif from your run-down regarding scripts. It was 07-08 before The Epidemic ... I had an illness which a prompt surgery would have cured but instead I was fed bottle after bottle of 120 count vicodin for something like 7 months. Sometimes the doc would get nervous n switch it to tramadol.

Jesus -- of course narcotic being a band aid for the pain, never addressed the problem and eventually I was hemmoraging . (Not from the pills. From the illness). So at long last in month 7 I had the surgery.
Couple weeks recovering and magic! The underlying pain was gone. So I woke up one day and didn't take any painkillers.

Oh God.
The suffering was horrid. I had never experienced clinical Anxiety before ending that use of tramadol. What a terrible feeling. .... shudder at the memory.

Now years later it all makes sense ; body was physically addicted to the meds. . . Vicodin alone I think may have been easier to quit . Tramadol has some serotonin action which made leaving that one alone total Hell.

And now I've struggled ever since , not on a daily basis but when I have something that REALLY physically hurts. It's like my natural defenses to pain are gone now n the body immediately Wants opiates to block the pain.

Mostly I never get any.
One in a while, maybe a shot (medically) if I'm sick enough or injured enough. NEVER EVER do I get any narcotic meds prescribed anymore.

Here's where I'm no dif from any other addict : having become dependent then addicted then withdrawn off and stayed away..... My life's "changed" somehow . It's sadder now. All things are harder to take, harder to deal with.... (I'm also not young anymore. Past 40).

I'm fortunate that I was never tempted by the harder drugs. I'm certain I would have had a terrible addiction to them, had I ever tried one.

Today it's small amounts of gabapentin for migraines n fms (I have effectively cut my dose down to 1200-1800 mg / day. Down from 4800-5g). I have some tianeptine but use it rather sparingly, for pain. It makes me feel pukey.

I hope you're in a lil better place now, Keeping; I can't really imagine seeking out an addiction. But I do understand "wanting the pain to stop", regardless what kind of pain you suffer . Stay good.
Weekends coming. Be safe.

Hello just wanted to say be extremely careful with the Tianeptine. There is some discussion about Tia in this thread. It is very addicting and it will grab ahold of you rather quickly. If you just use it sparingly here and there, it would be best to just dump it and get rid of it. Tianeptine withdrawal is a serious hell that is worse than pills in my opinion. Maybe you know all this already but just wanted to say be very careful with it’s use.

 

[Runningfox]

^^^^ thanks Doglover
A couple other members here have made the same statements as you. I did try taking it daily (the tianeptine in capsule form ) and I had a couple of issues....

1) the moreish feeling.... even tho I couldn't really discern much 'effect' but a bit of pain relief at the time; still my mind or body kept saying "dose again. Dose higher. Have s'mooooooore."

2) stomach issues. Normally I have IBS-D . this daily Tia took my belly in the opposite direction but toooooo far that way. Fox-No-Go-Potty. It wasn't fun.

So I reordered some just to keep around in times of severe pain n use as a painkiller. I realize that would be "off label " use if this were prescribed; but oh well. I'm kinda on my own for health care.... I am my own Provider.

Trust me I felt yucky enuf from my attempts at daily use, that I don't even feel an affinity for the stuff. It's just here, "in case" ..... kinda like ya keep Tylenol for pains n fevers. I barely use any.

I thank you for the concern.
I did also order some phenibut in capsule form. This I have not opened yet or tried. There hasn't been any need ; the reason I got IT was because in lowering my gabapentin use (*I was taking huge amounts n it was no longer working for neuropathy / headaches but I was reaping all the side effects-yuck ) .... I thought I may need a substitute or something for withdrawals should I suffer any
Well..... all told, I think I went Thru the little withdrawal when I dropped my doses of gabapentin really quickly. (And this all occurred when I didn't have the tia or phenibut delivered yet).
I suffered a couple days of massive vertigo, esp at night. Added severe body aches (meaning worse than my normal, labelled as Fibromyalgia, aches n pains) and I had complete loss of appetite as well as some pukey times. ..... didn't matter. I was making progress going lower on gabapentin n refused to cotton to the body's demand I raise it back up.

I'm doing all right.
Some mood troubles; likely seasonal/ holiday-related, as these pop up every year bout this time.
I have One major life event going on that's stressing me n causing major anxiety. Times like this ohhhhhh lordy relief would feel nice---- but I KNOW better than to dabble around in substances for that kinda "help ".

I kinda think of my issues as regular life stressors; I should be able to cope without abusing anything (or abusing mySELF).

hope everyone's well.
Anybody got big weekend plans?

 

[BrokedownPalace]

Please try to avoid shoplifting. It is literally just a matter of time until you get busted. I guarentee if you continue with that kind of practice you will get caught sooner or later regardless of the precautions you take.

That's the truth. I did over four years in prison, got out Nov. 2016 then moved to Florida and managed to stay out of trouble until I got knocked off for stealing from Walmart. Twice. 30 days in jail for that stupidity was almost more painful than the 4.5 years in prison.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Sorry to hear that BrokedownPalace. I came really, really close on a number of occasions at one point in my life. I'm really glad I was able to notice what was going on and not fuck up in that situation. Since it's been a lot easier to just get my shit together and realize the same thing - except I was able to avoid the month (or more) in jail for it.

 

[Nether Animal]

Yeah high dose tianeptine is a beast.

That it fucking is, although I can't discount the fact that I subsisted on it for over six months straight and never ONCE thought of heading to the city to score, that's after a straight seven year run (give or take). I was also more productive than I have ever been on any other substance, but the biggest mistake I ever made was ordering the bigger quantities. Once I had access, I upped the dose and then found myself waking up at like 3am every night sick as a dog needing a dose. Then there were the days when I had to wait for the package... lots of stressful afternoons waiting for the UPS truck. Part of me says "Let's get back to that" though, as strange as it sounds.

Hope all is well Skodeo, I was out on my ass for a few nights this Summer and it's not joke, let alone if you have a habit to maintain.

 

[Runningfox]

How's it going skodeo?

 

[Runningfox]

It's been about a month.
I'm worried bout you skodeo. I worry those stores may have caught on and hit ya wit some charges. Hope to God NOT. .... maybe you're in a rehab or just have not had access to the web.

I'm thinkin of you.

 

[MDPV_Psychosis]

I'd say pretty much all of us have the same worries.

Not that it'll offer much relief but it's normal for Skodeo to have long periods of inactivity at bluelight. He usually posts for a few days then isn't around for weeks/months.

Hope your doing well Skodeo.

 

[Runningfox]

Prayers for his safety n wellness....

 

[Bananananas]

Skodei just want to say I can really relate...I actually tried to get into a sober living house (Oxford) last week but was denied because I recently started back on suboxone. I had been off sub for over 4 months but wasn't able to adjust, had a tremor the entire time, couldn't get lower on my dose of lope (24mg/day for those 4 months), still had cravings. I had a stint with tianeptine which really helped a lot. When I get off sub next time I will be sure o have a pan in place with tianeptine. Anyway, interestingly, I was not able to stop lope after sub induction....had pretty intense diarrhea, so 4mg sub doesn't have nearly as much strength in the peripheral opiate receptors as lope. I was able to stabilize after taking 6-12 mg of lope/day which is definitely better than 24, but sub is not the best substitute for high dose lope.

Just FYI this is against Oxford House charter as well as the law. A sober living facility cannot deny or control medication prescribed by a physician. I spent a good deal of time 22 months to be exact in an Oxford House and was the current president when we were actually sued because someone was told they couldn't reside their due to their being on MMT.