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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 4)

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13756]Is this thread still alive ?
I'm in my second month. First few weeks were bad, didn't go to school, couldn't concentrate on anything, felt super numb. Then I started to get better, the fog started to clear. I was just getting headaches. Then went back to being foggy and unclear. This is where i am at now. Some days are good some aren't.[/QUOTE]


The thread is still alive. Almost 4 months in. It seems to fluctuate quite a bit. Had a rough day at work today when i felt somewhat freaked out. For me, this is really stressful at times. Dealing with the feelings of unreality and trying to keeping up the facade really is hard work. I work part time, 4 hours a day but sometimes i think i'm not going to keep that up. Some days are better than others. I exercise almost daily, eat pretty healthy and trying to maintain as 'normal' life as possible. I must believe it's goin' to get better with time because this is not livin', its coping.
 
Hello bluelighters I am also, sadly, a victim of the magical drug MDMA and fall under the category of an ignorant abuser. I took a lot of MDMA too often and basically it had thrown me into your typical LTC. I have been at this stage for a long time but kept using MDMA not knowing it was the cause of my not so well being. Anyways I am not here to sulk or pout because I know without a doubt that I will recover given enough time. (Which could be years unfortunately). I am here for information. I have recently been doing pretty well on my symptoms until about three or four weeks ago when I completely cut out caffeine from my diet. This action makes it so I am completely non dependent on anything....no drugs of any kind now. Since cutting out the caffeine my symptoms have spiked and I feel the old anxiety from square one creep back in here and there. I am wondering if I am experiencing a type of withdrawal from dropping caffeine and if I should keep toughing it out. Do you think caffeine is detrimental to recovering from an LTC and effects it or am I just having random flashbacks of severe anxiety. Thoughts are appreciated:)
 
Is this thread still alive ?
I'm in my second month. First few weeks were bad, didn't go to school, couldn't concentrate on anything, felt super numb. Then I started to get better, the fog started to clear. I was just getting headaches. Then went back to being foggy and unclear. This is where i am at now. Some days are good some aren't.
.

I have heard many a stories of success! But seeing you are at the two month mark indicates you have a long way to go. Nearly every person I have talked to who has beaten their LTC fought with it for at least eight months. Many it took them into the years category, 2-3 unfortunately. That being said they all did beat it and it does become easier to cope with I am living proof of that. Although I have not won yet life has become manageable and many parts of it are very enjoyable again. I am only at the eight month mark which seems long but I know when I look back on this later in life it will have just been a speed bump. You are going to get better have faith in it.
Also the symptoms come and go in waves you will have good weeks and you will have bad weeks that's how it works I am not really sure why....eventually the good will outweigh the bad:)
 
Hello bluelighters I am also, sadly, a victim of the magical drug MDMA and fall under the category of an ignorant abuser. I took a lot of MDMA too often and basically it had thrown me into your typical LTC. I have been at this stage for a long time but kept using MDMA not knowing it was the cause of my not so well being. Anyways I am not here to sulk or pout because I know without a doubt that I will recover given enough time. (Which could be years unfortunately). I am here for information. I have recently been doing pretty well on my symptoms until about three or four weeks ago when I completely cut out caffeine from my diet. This action makes it so I am completely non dependent on anything....no drugs of any kind now. Since cutting out the caffeine my symptoms have spiked and I feel the old anxiety from square one creep back in here and there. I am wondering if I am experiencing a type of withdrawal from dropping caffeine and if I should keep toughing it out. Do you think caffeine is detrimental to recovering from an LTC and effects it or am I just having random flashbacks of severe anxiety. Thoughts are appreciated:)


I would stay away from caffeine not saying it hurts but better to be safe as possible with the recovery process I'm on 3 and a half months and haven't taken caffeine since It began. You could just be having a set back and it has nothing to do with the caffeine which has happened to me where I got random anxiety. But I would give it about a month or 2 no caffeine and see how you feel. Whenever I was getting my anxiety I took 5htp and it seemed to help but I don't take it every day only when the anxiety happens which hasn't happened in about a month.
 
Managed to feel somewhat normal for a bit today and yet again I felt that wave of panic creeping on me again before I managed to slam it down.

It was defintely thought driven, as I was basically testing myself to see if I could still experience it. This is stupid I know but it's very difficult to stop these introspective thoughts to see if I still feel the same sensations. It's the first time for a while that I managed to come out of the derealisation that's been weighing over me for some months now.

Having said that. I coped with it extremely well and the panic doesn't scare me anymore. If anything these short waves of panic are more of an annoyance because it makes my body too alert/jumpy and I feel less relaxed in situations where I should be.

I'm spending less and less time on here now and I'm more focused on accepting this for what it is and worrying less about become 'normal' again. I've no doubt I will eventually come through but it definitely helps to just try and get on with life like it never happened.

Hope everyone else is doing well.
 
Managed to feel somewhat normal for a bit today and yet again I felt that wave of panic creeping on me again before I managed to slam it down.

It was defintely thought driven, as I was basically testing myself to see if I could still experience it. This is stupid I know but it's very difficult to stop these introspective thoughts to see if I still feel the same sensations. It's the first time for a while that I managed to come out of the derealisation that's been weighing over me for some months now.

Having said that. I coped with it extremely well and the panic doesn't scare me anymore. If anything these short waves of panic are more of an annoyance because it makes my body too alert/jumpy and I feel less relaxed in situations where I should be.

I'm spending less and less time on here now and I'm more focused on accepting this for what it is and worrying less about become 'normal' again. I've no doubt I will eventually come through but it definitely helps to just try and get on with life like it never happened.

Hope everyone else is doing well.


Hell yea man glad to hear your doing a bit better even if its one thing at a time. I did that to myself yesterday reading earlier posts I think I wont get anxiety and then if I read something bad then I'm fucked for the day but iv put it in my head again that ill get better so I'm a bit better now. Keep it up.
 
This is kind of a long shot but anyone reading this and having trouble with their long term come down or just needs a friend I live in LA if anyone wants to meet up and do something better than sitting at home and dwelling. I promise I'm not a creep haha. Just trying to support and get supported. I'm trying not be on here as much but ill check back once a month message me.
 
I'm in the process of titrating my SSRI's. I might not quit them altogether, but they are doing more harm than good in some areas which, believe it or not, is a good thing. I take a 0.5 clonazepam twice a week or so. A fraction of what I used to take. Benzo withdrawal is horrible. You will have panic attacks. Hyperthermia. Flu. You will cry for no reason. Dream about suicide for no reason. THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

Visual snow is constant. Going to have to accept that it might be a lifelong symptom.

Brain fog intermittent. But my overall cognition has come in leaps & bounds. 2 years ago it would have taken me 3x as long to type this. My ability for mental math/vocabulary has come an awfully long way, also. I was told by mental health professionals that it would help my case that I'm a musician & composer. If you are reading this, keep your brain active. I know, it's hard. But have conversations. Hold eye contact. Read. Hold your focus, even when it's painful. You hold the power to rebuild your damaged neural pathways.

21 months.
 
Now on 10 months of brain zaps after a serious drug binge at a festival.... I'd say they're like 90% gone now and only really get them late in the day when I'm really tired during the week and when I dart my eyes across to the right... I was really stupid enough to abuse again September last year when in ibiza so that definatley slowed down the healing process, sometimes they have to flare up and get worse before they get better and seems to happen every 2-3 weeks... It's been a long road so far but will get there eventually so everyone else hang on in there !!! Any ex ltc'ers gone back to abusing after they recovered ? Was just wondering! Cheers
 
Any ex ltc'ers gone back to abusing after they recovered ? Was just wondering! Cheers

No way! I have consumed again, but no more than a single dose (~140mg), and waiting at least a month (but more, most of the times) between doses.
 
hey guys going through a tough time right now with anxiety for no reason. I'm coming up to 4 months right now in 2 to 3 weeks and for the first 3 months I only had a couple anxiety attacks and that was from coming on here and reading something bad. Now for the last week or 2 my anxiety has been shit. It hasn't been an all day thing but randomly I can feel it coming it doesn't turn to a full attack but it just lingers. Anyone else get this or had this happen hoping this is just a step in the healing process really don't want to turn to anti anxiety meds. I can deal with all other symptoms just need to know how the anxiety symptoms part works out of all of it and if anyone has a random bad couple of weeks of anxiety?


Thanks to all god bless.
 
hey guys going through a tough time right now with anxiety for no reason. I'm coming up to 4 months right now in 2 to 3 weeks and for the first 3 months I only had a couple anxiety attacks and that was from coming on here and reading something bad. Now for the last week or 2 my anxiety has been shit. It hasn't been an all day thing but randomly I can feel it coming it doesn't turn to a full attack but it just lingers. Anyone else get this or had this happen hoping this is just a step in the healing process really don't want to turn to anti anxiety meds. I can deal with all other symptoms just need to know how the anxiety symptoms part works out of all of it and if anyone has a random bad couple of weeks of anxiety?


Thanks to all god bless.
I've definitely felt the lingering anxiety. I've never been one for meditation until now but it really does help subdue the anxiety for me. Whenever I feel it coming on I focus on my breathing and try not to let it take hold. I actually had a psychologist tell me that when you focus on controlling your anxiety in this way it can actually diminish the synapses in your brain that are related to anxiety although I imagine it would take a long time. I definitely wouldn't do meds I have heard horror stories about the withdrawals.
 
I don really know where to start considering this is my first time posting I this site. Anyways here it goes...

About a year and a half ago, at Snowglobe do be exact I overdosed on mdma. It all happened the last night of the festival, when I had taken a 250mg green Heineken. It started out with extreme anxiety, bizarre but warming hallucinations of past memory's, and an unwelcoming rush of fatigue/sleepiness. I was unable to open my eyes while the laser lights from zedds set would trigger flickers in my head (almost like brain zaps) and my body temperature would spike while being cold at the same time. This lasted for about an hour or his entire set. Me being an idiot and easily influenced by my friends, I chose to binge drink later that night... Probably a bad idea

The months following Snowglobe consisted of constant anxiety attacks and feelings of depersonalization. This was also accompanied by constant brain zaps throughout the day and more than shitty dreams and terrible sleeping cycles. This lasted roughly 3-4 months

Coming into 6 months after Snowglobe, I was left with extreme fatigue thoughout all of summer as well as deep deep depression that was nearly unmanageable. Thankfully I girlfriend to who was able to understand and guide me through the hard times. I ended seeing a therapist around this time who told me I had seratonin syndrome from the incident and could of nearly died. (great news to hear btw)

Anyways these symptoms of depression have persisted all the way up until now and am able to go in and out of a passive suicidal mind set in a matter of seconds. I'm seeing a psychologists who has put me on Zoloft, (which made me hypomanic) and am now on seroquel 75mg. It's helped I would say a lot but not to where I would like to be. The scariest thing for me now is the depression swinging up and down the throughout the day despite the meds I am on. I don't think I have seen progress in my mental health the last 6 months, maybe it's because of all the stress my girlfriend and I have been going through.

The reason I'm writing this is to help others who have sufferered from the same predicament as I; but my main concern is how much longer is this going to take? And if there is anything to do in order to speed up this healing process so I can feel like me again!? It's been 1.5 years and want to feel normal again
 
Gday guys.

I normally come here when I'm in a rut and seriously battling, so thought I'd pop in to share some brighter news.

I'm exactly 5 months to the day since my 950mg overdose, and I can tell things are starting to turn. I can get through days of work without feeling the urge to crawl under my desk and cry. I can hold coherent conversations with those in the office. I've gone from having 2 beers and thinking I was going to die for a week, to now having a bottle of wine over an evening and feeling great - even the hangover feels normal.

It's baby steps I know - I still have days where anxiety comes from nowhere and depression is crippling, but instead of that being a 7 days a week thing, I'm probably only having 3-4 bad days a week, with a couple of days of feeling emotional blankness, and a day where much of it is really happy.

My symptoms (tinnitus, floaters, overheating, sweating) are all still there and they can trigger anxiety/depression, but if I can distract myself from those symptoms it helps enormously.

Keep going guys - I'm certain I'll be back on these boards in tears at some stage over the coming months, but I now truly believe that there is an end in sight.
 
Had a rough day today. I suffered a minor panic attack at work which was really embarrassing. I had lingering anxiety thought out most of the day and was managing to control it until my co worker started reading a really horrible news story out loud (I really hope it was a fake story) and I just kinda lost it. Thankfully another coworker who suffers from an anxiety disorder himself knew what to do and took me out side to calm me down. I know its normal to have set backs but its hard since i thought I had made so much progress. This was some of the worst anxiety I have felt since the first week after my roll.
 
Hi guys.

I haven't posted here for a long time because I have closed the chapter for myself. My LTC started in 08-2014 (while my abuse was in 2012, (I took probably 20x XTC in 1 year). Anyway, at the moment I'm almost 2 year in and I can say I have recovered for 90%. No more doom thoughts, no more depression, no more random anxiety. I do have some social anxiety still, but I have this from my youth aswell. No brain fog, etc etc. I can even smoke weed now without getting super anxious. Now I just feel relaxed again like before my LTC. The moment you realise that nothing really has changed (the world outside), but only your perception, you will start to recover. Just give it alot of time, and DO NOT use (hard)drugs anymore until your fully recovered.. I will let you guys know when I feel 100% recovered. :) Any questions are also welcome.
 
Hi guys.

I haven't posted here for a long time because I have closed the chapter for myself. My LTC started in 08-2014 (while my abuse was in 2012, (I took probably 20x XTC in 1 year). Anyway, at the moment I'm almost 2 year in and I can say I have recovered for 90%. No more doom thoughts, no more depression, no more random anxiety. I do have some social anxiety still, but I have this from my youth aswell. No brain fog, etc etc. I can even smoke weed now without getting super anxious. Now I just feel relaxed again like before my LTC. The moment you realise that nothing really has changed (the world outside), but only your perception, you will start to recover. Just give it alot of time, and DO NOT use (hard)drugs anymore until your fully recovered.. I will let you guys know when I feel 100% recovered. :) Any questions are also welcome.

Glad to hear you're feeling better man, gives me some hope at least!

I have a few questions if you don't mind answering them?
-Did you have DP/DR? if so, did this leave gradually or just disappear at some point quickly?
-How bad did you feel at your worst stage?
-Did you have any visual problems? e.g. visual snow, floaters etc
-At what point did you feel like you were making improvements?

I'm kinda struggling atm and could do with some advice. Im almost at 5 months and although I've made some slight improvements and I'm better than months 1 and 2, I'm struggling to see any real progress. My DP/DR is still wrecking my life, depression comes and goes, anxiety is all over the place, feel fatigued, a few visual problems - visual snow, mild afterimages, floaters, car headlights look really bright etc. I'm doing everything to possibly aid recovery and I was positive for the last few months but now that im approaching 5 months, I'm just getting really bored of working so hard at it. The visual stuff bothers me quite a bit and keep thinking its going to ruin my life, but if I could get out of this DP/DR state then Id be happy. Any advice would be appreciated.
 
Longterm Comedown

Glad to hear you're feeling better man, gives me some hope at least!

I have a few questions if you don't mind answering them?
-Did you have DP/DR? if so, did this leave gradually or just disappear at some point quickly?
-How bad did you feel at your worst stage?
-Did you have any visual problems? e.g. visual snow, floaters etc
-At what point did you feel like you were making improvements?

I'm kinda struggling atm and could do with some advice. Im almost at 5 months and although I've made some slight improvements and I'm better than months 1 and 2, I'm struggling to see any real progress. My DP/DR is still wrecking my life, depression comes and goes, anxiety is all over the place, feel fatigued, a few visual problems - visual snow, mild afterimages, floaters, car headlights look really bright etc. I'm doing everything to possibly aid recovery and I was positive for the last few months but now that im approaching 5 months, I'm just getting really bored of working so hard at it. The visual stuff bothers me quite a bit and keep thinking its going to ruin my life, but if I could get out of this DP/DR state then Id be happy. Any advice would be appreciated.


Ill answer some of those questions for you.

Im at a a year and a half of recovery, and only struggle with the deep depression and some anxiety a this point; I'm currently taking seroquel to ease these last few lingering symptoms of my ltc.
-As far as the DP/DR goes, it should only last for a few more months, if that. Mine only stuck around for about 6 months, but everyones ltc seems to be different.
-Even up to a year and a half later there are days that I think are worse than the initial first months of of my comedown, my symptoms just come in what can be a bipolar shit storm.
-There are going to be good days and days that are worse than the last; its a process of taking two steps forward and one step back or so what Ive experienced up until now. There are some days that i feel have never changed, but you have to remind yourself that its the depression and anxiety talking; if you don't think you've made any progress after 5 months then you are fooling yourself and so is your brain. My word of advice is don't listen to anything that shit tells you.
-I had eye floaters that only stuck around for a few months months but seemed to dissipate quicker than most people experience.
-If you pay close attention to how you feel week by week or every two weeks, you can see an ever so slight change in your emotions or symptoms. What i recommend to speed your recovery is an anti-psychotic such as an SSRI or a mood stabilizer which is what i've had to resort to. Its a long road to recovery but remaining positive is the best advice I can give you, I also recommend being around people who are sympathetic and understanding towards your situation.
As fruity as this sounds, everyone on this forum is here for each other. Vent any of your problems on here and don't fight them, Ive come to learn exposing them is much more beneficial when you start to loose hope.
 
I am at like nine and half months in to my recovery and feel pretty dang good!!! I have some remaining light anxiety but DP dr is gone for good I feel like which feels amazing hahahahaha. The main symptom that remains I stupid floaters and visual snow it seems it hasn't improved at all. The good news is is that it doesn't bother me at all I don't notice it unless I think about it. People you will get better! I have had many many days where I felt as if the world around me was fake and detached. I have felt as if I was going die, as if I couldn't get oxygen into my lungs. I have felt like there was a constant sandbag on my head and a brain fog that made it so I couldn't quite think clearly and like I had to fight through mud just to keep up in simple conversation. All those feelings are gone now and happiness plus joy of life took their place. Agreeing with the post above I think the support of my amazing fiancé through and her understanding everything really helped me out on dark days:)
 
Glad to hear you're feeling better man, gives me some hope at least!

I have a few questions if you don't mind answering them?
-Did you have DP/DR? if so, did this leave gradually or just disappear at some point quickly?
-How bad did you feel at your worst stage?
-Did you have any visual problems? e.g. visual snow, floaters etc
-At what point did you feel like you were making improvements?

I'm kinda struggling atm and could do with some advice. Im almost at 5 months and although I've made some slight improvements and I'm better than months 1 and 2, I'm struggling to see any real progress. My DP/DR is still wrecking my life, depression comes and goes, anxiety is all over the place, feel fatigued, a few visual problems - visual snow, mild afterimages, floaters, car headlights look really bright etc. I'm doing everything to possibly aid recovery and I was positive for the last few months but now that im approaching 5 months, I'm just getting really bored of working so hard at it. The visual stuff bothers me quite a bit and keep thinking its going to ruin my life, but if I could get out of this DP/DR state then Id be happy. Any advice would be appreciated.

Hey sorry to hear you have to deal with these symptoms.

- I did have alot of DP/DR in the first 6-12 months, after that it became less and less. Now I have it never anymore (after almost 2years).
- At my worst stage, which was pretty much the first 3 months, I felt constantly very depressed and anxious. Even thought about suicide a few times, (I could still relate that I shouldn't do it, but it did pop up sometimes). After those 3 months it started to get better very slowly. Also sometimes i felt pretty good and then sometimes really shit again.
- Yes, I do have visual problems, they have never gone away. But it doesn't really bother me. Except when I look to a bright sky I see all this lightning points, that's the only thing that's kind of annoying.
- I felt like I was making improvements when I met a nice girl when I was 1 year into my LTC. I felt genuinely happy when we did fun stuff togethet etc. Since then it started to go upwards.

My advice to you would be, just do the regular stuff (eat well, sleep well, excersice etc), stay positive, have faith, NO drugs. It will get better, when I was 5 months in I felt like total shit still. It was constantly on my mind, now I barely even think about this LTC anymore. The balance of all those complex neurotransmitters is disturbed when a LTC starts, to bring back this balance, ull need a lot of patience and work. It can take anywhere from 6 to 24 months on average. If I hear you u might need some more time aswell, but it will get better! Good luck on your recovery!

Edit: Oh to add on I also started some medication since dec 2015. Lexapro (escitalopram), its an SSRI, I have a feeling it also gave me a little extra push to be recovered. So if u really feel lost maybe ask ur doctor for Escitalopram. It does help a little bit I think.
 
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