• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

February Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. Valentines Day Coming Soon!

Status
Not open for further replies.
Burnt: I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You are right, even if we aren't good friends with someone, having someone that young lose his life to addiction is just so sad.
 
I relapsed last night after being sober for about 3 months :(

I feel pretty bad about it. I guess the silver lining is that the experience wasn't even that great. It was a relief to have a break from my brain.. but feeling numb and fuzzy just isn't as enticing as it used to be. Life's been tough this past year.. but at least this reminded me I'm better off without it.
 
I'm sorry for your loss burnt that's really a bummer.

@captian- that's amazing! Gooooood job %)=D

I just got my 90 days yesterday :) at 91 today :)

<3
EXjg
 
^
Congratulations EXJg. I knew you could do this.
I hope your the relationship with you father at home is better.
Wish you well! :)

custard said:
I relapsed last night after being sober for about 3 months :(

I feel pretty bad about it. I guess the silver lining is that the experience wasn't even that great. It was a relief to have a break from my brain.. but feeling numb and fuzzy just isn't as enticing as it used to be. Life's been tough this past year.. but at least this reminded me I'm better off without it.
Click to expand...

Hey Custard, I'm sorry about that. It happens.
That's part of the process. It has happened to me so many times.
It did not prevent me or any of us from getting further.

Start over and you'll soon be as stronger and even more confident.
Don't give up. Keep moving forward.
Good luck!
Erik
 
custard said:
I relapsed last night after being sober for about 3 months :(

I feel pretty bad about it. I guess the silver lining is that the experience wasn't even that great. It was a relief to have a break from my brain.. but feeling numb and fuzzy just isn't as enticing as it used to be. Life's been tough this past year.. but at least this reminded me I'm better off without it.
Click to expand...

Don't beat yourself up over it... Look at it as a learning experience.
 
I am making a go at a kick.

I had to have surgery from shooting coke. It was pretty rough. Several attempts on my life recently.

I just want out this ghetto. This place, these people, this lifestyle. I just got too much history here.

I ain't never been so grateful as I was yesterday. I had seizure after seizure coming off opiates mainly heroin and oxymorphone. I used delsym for the first 3 days of withdrawals. Took 2mgs of subs yesterday and today.

I am wondering if I can take lopermide for the shit being on suboxone strips. I got like 20 mgs to my name and ain't trying to cop no more or go to a doctor. Got a follow up with a two doctors, my regular and my surgeon.

I am wondering if it would be wise to ask for comfort meds as tramadol is what I am getting and that lowers my seizure threashold. My regular doctor used to rx me any pain pill I want and well I all want is codeine for pain. It is shitty to have broken so many bones. My stomach, back, and arms is what bothers me the most.

I just wondering what to do to deal with pawds?

Either way I am determined to get out of this sinkhole as things are not going well. I suppose I got a good gf but I been so crazy lately she left for a day or two. There is a malcious woman I refused to have sex with her is calling every chick I been with a whore. She bought a burner phone and used my name and sent bs texts to herself.

I just trying to duck this drama cuz I never been unfaithful to anyone but I have been with 3 or 4 women in 4 months. I could go back to another chick but I really feel like the one I been with is a keeper. I dunno what love is but I know what a catch is. I just need to chill with the sex cuz thats an addiction in itself. So is pimping and dope dealing.

I suppose I am trying to just chill with the people closest to me.

Any advice? I think I am love with this chick and she moved most her stuff in here. She and I both been detoxing more or less by choice. I know I don't have another kick in me and went for a clean wash as much as I can stand. I really don't know how to deal with the diarhea but I think now that I was able to eat today I might stop shitting fluid.

Anyways I am hanging in there and it was best no one was there to see how bad of seizures I got. I see other people get sick and it doesn't even seem to compare. I sure got access to any substance around and far away but still that has done me no good.

As far as my drug history I was given drugs by family before I knew what they were. I never spoke to anyone about the abuse I experienced because only a few family members did not abuse me.

I only have one irl friend I can confide in and our lives are so similar but its like he went throught what I been through ten years ago and followed in his footsteps. He mentored me when were criminals, on the pimp game, the dope game, and coming to terms with sobriety and change. I suppose it sucks that I can't get out there cuz its a drive but we speak on the phone almost daily and have been friends almost half my life.

I really am trying to find a place to stay out of town. I just ain't trying to get shot, relapse, or lose my shit. I would ditch my relationship if I got to. Me staying off opiates and cocaine is the most important thing to me. I am going to get a 3 month fill on my rxs which are klonpin, lyrica, zanaflex, and promethazine.

Really I am just glad to be alive and not puking or sezing. I know this is some incoherent shit but I am trying to figure out how to say so much. It is like my mind runs so fast and I think about so many things at once and I can't shut it down. I know benzos ain't good to be on and well I have seizures without them. I have severe chronic pain and stomach problems and heroin is my doc.

I just don't want to die. I have had so many close calls with death. I have had at least 10 hits put out on me. I never did anything to deserve this. This is just a shitty place and it was over woman and turf. I have been laying low for 3 years and shit is still crazy.

I suppose my other problem is woman. I got 3 women at least throwing themselves at me. I really am scared to leave the house but don't want to be here. I got a month of probation left so I am scared to fight or defend myself. I don't want to carry a gun and would rather carry smaller legal weapons and just run like hell.

I am scared to leave the house. I am scared to be here too. I don't know how it got this bad. Even with serious protection that runs most people serious money its not chill. If something happened to me, there would be a massacre whether or not I want it to.

The violence is getting to be too much. I never was scared to die until I remembered how beautiful life is. I just want a fresh start and a job that is honest. I can't find honest work but I can easily find work in very well paying proffesions that are not exactly legal and I got people more than happy to put me on it. I could use the protection that comes along with it. I can only pull so many favors.

I got someone threatening to grass me up and this is a catch 22 cuz if I was to drop this one thing it would be over for them but I don't want blood on my hands. I can get a plane ticket out of here and maybe a couple grand in cash and maybe I could pay of some credit cards but I can't afford to stay in a motel for long if I don't work.

I think if I relocate social services is where I need to start and then vocational rehab. I got disablitly but I want to work. My college education doesn't help. I always worked manual labor under the table. I am skilled in gunsmithing, construction, carpentrey, and cooking. I really don't want to wash dishes because of the harsh chemicals and well there is just too much drugs and alcohol in those occupations. I am thinking I should get a certificate in something and fork lift oppurator is like 2 weeks. Gunsmithing is a good trade for me but it would take a bit longer and I don't know how long I can ride of some credit cards and maybe 2k cash.

I am willing to work and pay for place to live but with the meds I am drug treatment is not a vialble option.
 
Congrats CH on your 16 months! That's sooo awesome :)
I'm at day 94 today :) went and got my 90 day tag from HA (heroin anonymous)

Goodbye Feburary!
<3
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top