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February Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. Valentines Day Coming Soon!

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Holy shit long 48ish hours that involved not one but two incidents after my wonderful fifth step experience. One of which ended with me taking my little sister to her first AA meeting and her seeming like she is really ready to admit she has a problem with alcohol. I will type more later but I gotta nap, here is a brief rundown:

But this is just such the strange thing about the universe and why I think it has a plan to it:

1. An old ex I had difficult issues (who now has 10 months clean) with restarts controlled contact the day I started writing my 4th step after NC for months. I wanted to slowly restart contact, but was giving her the decision of when to do so.

2. Two weeks later she contacts me again to check up on me the day before I give my 5th step.
3. I give my 2nd 5th step and feel great, go home to see family.
4. Mom is drugged in vacation in Mexico, I am only sober one to deal with it. Mom is okay today but I had to deal with multiple parties in Mexico to coordinate care. I am fucking super serene during all of this.
5. Little sister has total meltdown/bottoms out/says she cannot stop drinking, I am only one present (besides kids who I help care for).
6. Ask little sister to go to a meeting with me today (which was this morning)
7. Contact old female classmate who has 8 years sober and also has two kids. She drops everything to go to meeting with us.
8. Sister ends up seeming to get the message at AA and decides she wants to try it and admits she is an alcoholic who cannot stop drinking, leaves meeting feeling committed, with a schedule, book and numbers. She stays and talks to the women after the meeting (huge sign of commitment, most just want to flee. She is willing to step out of comfort zone and ask for help)



Wow, Wow, Wow.... these are the things that show me the universe does have a plan. If I hadn't done my 5th step who knows if I would have been able to respond so properly, if my 5th step hadn't been planned that day I wouldn't have visited home. If it had been my first 5th step (when I only had a few months clean) compared to my 2nd with almost two years sober I would not have known what to do. Lots of my 5th had to deal with forgiving ex and letting go of some anger, likely wouldn't have been possible if I hadn't known she still cared for me (not talking in a love sense right now) which made it so empowering.

Who would have guessed a few years ago that this fucking drunk, junkie, cokehead would be the only holding and healing the family during several crises. Only reason this is possible is because I am sober and I am only sober due to the program. Don't give a fuck what anybody else thinks about it, shit works for me!

Crazy thing is, I don't want to fucking drink or use over this. I just want a nap, which is what I am going to take.
 
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^ exactly. That's the only thing that gets me through the roughest days. Hope you're day got a little better for you.

At day 73 today :) doing overall good. I just got back home from going out to seaside, oregon. It's the oregon coast. Went Sunday morning spent the night and most of the day today there. It was fucking beautiful and amazing. Me and my best friend went to the beach and swung on swings and got to look up at see soo SOO many stars it was beautiful and a moment I'm never going to forget, and I'm never going to forget how I felt at that moment. It was just like out of a movie haha it made me kinda be like oh yeah this is why I'm not using and why I don't want to use any more. It was a nice moment to say the least.
Yeah I'm doing pretty damn good right now %)
<3
EXjg
 
Emotions are so weird. They kinda suck. Right after I write I'm doing good I start having a really bad anxiety attack :-/
 
Emotions are so weird. They kinda suck. Right after I write I'm doing good I start having a really bad anxiety attack :-/

I go through panic/anxiety attacks several times a day now, primarily because of situations I don't like. But I am dealing with it, and you know what? We're stronger for it! <3

Tomorrow is going to be HELL for me!!! I'm so scared!! Wish me luck everyone!

what's going on junkiegirl? Want to talk about it?
 
I go through panic/anxiety attacks several times a day now, primarily because of situations I don't like. But I am dealing with it, and you know what? We're stronger for it! <3

Tomorrow is going to be HELL for me!!! I'm so scared!! Wish me luck everyone!

what's going on junkiegirl? Want to talk about it?

Yeah panic and anxiety attacks are a part of my daily life they always have but they are just a lot more frequent and intense since getting clean and losing my mom.

Sorry you're day tomorrow is not going to be good. I'm wishing you luck and totally sending you good feels. Do you wanna talk about it?
Even when I'm down I can for the most part always still feel good feelings for others. Maybe that's a good thing. I dunno.
I'm going to my first grief/trauma therapy appointment tomorrow. Sigh. Maybe I'm anxious about that? I don't know.

There's not much to talk about just same shit with me always. Can't sleep, craving, missing my mom, having flashbacks of her death. I feel like it's always the same shit with me. I feel like it's all I talk about. I feel like people are sick of hearing it so I haven't been talking about it nearly as much. I don't know. I just feel so hollow and like I'm missing apart of myself. I am pushing everything away and making myself numb.
I'm not really having an anxiety attack anymore just numb again.

<3
EXjg
 
I'm going to rehab in the next days, I've never ever had one single fucking valentines Days with a loved one since I was born, and it really sucks, I know it maybe sounds ridicule or immature but want it or not, is something kind of special thing for me...
Idk, just wanna say that.
Hope everybodys going fine with the recovery.
 
 
Hey Phactor, I know what you mean about being able to hold things together during sobriety. I know it's nothing like what you've been going thru, but my car got towed last week overnight for parking too close to a corner. Ordinarily this is the kind of unexpected crisis that would have sent me into a tailspin. We all know the feeling of, "Ok, ok…I'll be fine once I have a little drink to settle my nerves, then I'll deal with this situation." I was able to deal with it rationally and methodically without resorting to that and was able to retrieve my car on the same day, saving myself an additional forty bucks in storage fees.

Exjg, LOVE the Oregon coast! Have a great time! I had a friend who was on the U. of O. faculty (sadly, he lives in Ohio now) and I used to go out to Newport with him when I'd visit Oregon. We'd drink ourselves silly at the Rogue Brewery (my friend has since gotten a wakeup call about his own drinking when he was hospitalized for acute pancreatitis) and then walk around either the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum doing drunken imitations of Jack Palance (the actor who used to host the TV show) or walk around the aquarium and talk about how delicious the sea life in there must be. I enjoyed the colorful vibe of Newport. Seems like the kind of town where when walking along the waterfront you might get clubbed unconscious and then wake up on a ship miles out to sea, lol. I saw a documentary on the Shanghai Tunnels underneath Portland and would like to take the tour next time I'm out in that part of the world.

Sxh, I hope you're time in rehab is successful. I've been twice. Managed to stop drugs, but kept drinking after each time. Guess I wasn't ready and should have saved my money. I was going to go back for round three, but bad news about the damage I've done to myself by drinking from the doctor has kept me on the straight and narrow. Good luck! Oh, and this will be my first V-Day unattached to anyone but I'm not going to ruminate about it. Keeping myself busy and active so I don't have time to be all morose and depressed about life!

Guess I'm experience a touch of PAWS. Been really irritable lately. I was completely antisocial at an AA meeting last night. I probably shouldn't have even gone (I hate bringing negativity into a meeting - you never know if that could trigger someone), but I'm going out to an oyster bar with some friends tonight and knew I probably won't make tonight's meeting so I went anyway.
 
I'm going to rehab in the next days, I've never ever had one single fucking valentines Days with a loved one since I was born, and it really sucks, I know it maybe sounds ridicule or immature but want it or not, is something kind of special thing for me...
Idk, just wanna say that.
Hope everybodys going fine with the recovery.

Loving yourself counts. <3

Best of luck.
 
Almost to 6 weeks free from opiates!! I've celebrated my birthday in the last week and have continued to recover well!I can only hope the same for all of you! Life seems like its getting better and better. Feeling grateful to be doing so well!
 
Almost to 6 weeks free from opiates!! I've celebrated my birthday in the last week and have continued to recover well!I can only hope the same for all of you! Life seems like its getting better and better. Feeling grateful to be doing so well!

congrats on your 6 weeks :)
 
Weekend got off to a shaky start. Had using/drinking thoughts after an unpleasant text message conversation with an ex girlfriend. Compensated the rest of the weekend with kayaking, attending a Sierra Club/Florida Trail Association bonfire and cycling about 30 miles yesterday. Slowly making up for all the years I gave away to alcohol and drugs.
 
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