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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Relapsed - Now I am addicted to BENZOS,PHENIBUT,AND OPIATES.

Hey Wow, glad to see you back on here and updating us all with how you are doing!

I hope you start feeling better soon and can kick it this time because we can all tell that you really want to. Keep strong!! Everyone is with you!!

Sending love from the UK!! :)
 
Thanks everyone -
I am doing a little better - I have taken about 3 grams of kratom and .5 of xanax this morning and it has helped me a little bit with my withdrawals.
Hopefully, the worst is over - I think the first 2 days were pretty bad, this morning I woke up with alot of anxiety and sneezing uncontrollable amounts of times.
I have going to try to do a small quick taper with kratom and take xanax as needed for the anxiety and then taper off xanax - I have about 20 xanax 1mg and an a little under an 1oz of kratom.
I don't plan on using all the kratom or xanax - Just when times get real bad - I am trying to get over this before my next probation appointment which is on the 2nd, and my court date is on the 4th.
My court date will decide my fate if I have to end up doing 18 months in county jail.
Thanks for the love and support everyone. God speed.
 
Good luck with your detox and good luck with probation/court. Lightning speed my man.
 
Been there man. The detox was brutal. Best of luck to you friend. It won't be easy but it'll be way worth it.
 
omg. what the hell are you doing to yourself? Please stop! Get yourself checked into rehab before you have to check yourself into the ER. please understand that if you get yourself any deeper, it will be extremely hard to get out if even possible. The problem with checking yourself into rehab is that they will cut you off cold turkey and if you go cold turkey, you will die! taper everything down slowly, so you don't feel the withdrawal as much. have a friend monitor your progress so you don't relapse. don't tell anyone else. If you tell people and end up in rehab or jail, that is the end of you because they will cut you cold turkey! Always remember this! If you are alive, you still have the power to change everything. I hope you get better man and if you're still alive, please post again. Do not dig yourself further into the grave! You are just asking for trouble!

EDIT: based on the drugs and dosages that you have provided, it is my opinion that you cannot quit cold turkey! I repeat! Do not go cold turkey!!
 
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Taper off of xanax and see an addiction specialist. Bluelight is not a phd. Go see a doctor and get on subutex or suboxone chances are if you rely on bluelight to quit you will not succeed
 
So here's a little up date;
I folding into WDs and did heroin IV for a day - It set me back and I feel like the WDs have started over again.
I am scared because I keep having to re-dose on xanax or I start having acute anxiety and restlessness (non-opiate kind).
The WDs have been sweating, stomach cramps, anxiety, and that over all feel like hell feeling.
I have about an ounce of kratom - HORRIBLE QUALITY so it has not done much on helping me, just helps with skin crawling feeling for a short amount of time.

Here is the BIG ISSUE at hand - I have been staying at my girlfriends house 2 hours away from where my probation is - My PO keeps showing up at my old roommates house
I was staying at and she's been helpful saying I have not been home at the times she shows up - But she has been trying to actually SEE me at the house multiple times,
and I do not live there anymore. Anyways, She apparently showed up with morning with another officer asking if I was there and my ex-roommate said that he's just staying the night
at his girlfriends.
My appointment is tomorrow with her and I am so scared she is going to lock me up. Usually, if they bring a second officer with them at home visits - it's normally NOT a good sign.
I am hoping all goes well - if not I will be WD in jail off xanax and opiates. The WD from xanax is what's the scary part for me. The phenibut WD were pretty bad and I still don't feel right to this day
and I have not used it for over a week now.

I will keep you all up to date - If I don't respond by tomorrow night - I am in jail.
 
UPDATE:
So I failed my drug test -
Positive for Opiates and Benzos............
 
Does that mean you are going inside? Or maybe you can get help now? Wherever you end up I wish you well seriously, I hope you get your life back on track.
 
Well, Since this is my first drug test I failed since I have been on probation she is making get set up with TASC which is Intense Outpatient (class 3 hours a day , 3 days a week).
I also had my probation moved to another city due to the fact I moved in with my girlfriend.
I have been IVing ALOT of heroin and taking xanax the past 2 days.
I feel like I lost hope and I have no will power.. I am trying to find a detox center to go to.
The problem is, detox will just help me get over withdrawals but that's it.
I have no insurance and can not afford a longer term program.
The only free long term treatment programs out here are literally work camps, which I refuse to go to.
I will do my last of my heroin tomorrow and try to kick at home - but if it gets too intense I will go to the hospital.
Every detox place I call never have beds available and it's first come first serve.
I just don't even want to live anymore..

sorry guys
 
Hey listen, you don't need to say sorry to us!

It sounds like you have made some positive changes - getting your probation changed so you aren't worrying about not being at your address is a start! And moving in with your girlfriend giving you some stability.

How is your girlfriend through all this? She obviously loves you very much to stand by you and let you move into her place. Is she not a motivation to stop?

I wish we could all help you feel less "lost" and stop your thoughts about not wanting to live anymore. You have more than some people have - a roof over their head and a girlfriend who loves you. You aren't down and out like some but I know it's how you feel as an individual, I'm just trying to draw some positives to help you see that your life is still worth living.

You've done this at the beginning of the year so you know what's involved and you know you can do it. Just be careful stopping everything at once so you don't end up really poorly, can you taper the Xanax? Start thinking ahead about what went wrong last time and how you can keep yourself busy and avoid the cycle repeating itself.

Best of luck anyway - I've got my fingers and toes crossed for you!

:)
 
Well its been another week, how's it going?
Well after reading the last few posts I think if you can avoid going to jail try and get on suboxone, and taper from there once you taper the subs, you need to find a doctor who will give you Valium and a taper plan, benzo withdrawal is no joke and most doctors around here seem to realize that (except the one who cut off my kpins after 6 months lol)
 
Brother it is all in our mind. I personally sadly am just addicted. I move from pot to pills to pot and this cycle is lesser use to be acid shrioms, xtc, cocaine, then heroine. Xanax percocet. Not quite in that order lol. But ODING from shooting heroin and popping xanax, buddy revived me then a week later ODD again same friend shooting coke and heroine. Never again after the next day of not even being able to keep water down and feeling like death have I shot up. Year later relapsed smoked h off tinfoil with different guy. This shit was so strong smoking bot shooting I would take a hit pass out instantly, wake up take a hit pass out again lol, and so on. And ever since never touched a hard drug. But even now I have my valium kolonopin gaba and percs. The struggle is once you develop an addictive personality I think you have to keep really bus threw life for a while or have an extreme breakthrough to say fuck you to your old personality
 
Hey guys... I used to go on this site when I used drugs... I'm a recovering addict with 3 years clean. If I can do it you can do it. First go to detox.. Best way so you don't withdraw and when your uncomfortable they can treat you in a minute instead of suffering at home. Second go to rehab if you can't go to inpatient go to outpatient.. If you can't go to rehab then you must make AA, NA, OPA, HA meetings. It's not as bad as anyone thinks if you've never been. Ps if you go to outpatient I strongly urge you still make meetings. I'm just telling you how I got clean and how I'm not waking up everyday hating myself for what I've done and being ashamed of my past... Waking up not sweating and scrambling to get change together and waiting hrs for a dealer to come through. I'm FREE. It's the best freedom you could ever ask for. And I've been through it all I promise you. The rooms (meetings) are actually really fun. You meet great friends and you get used to it and it becomes a lifestyle . We are not squares. Stop sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and go get clean. If you can't go to detox or rehab... Go into a meeting raise your hand and say I Need Help. A group of people will come to you. And take he suggestions seriously they're written for a reason! Do 90 in 90. Stick with your own sex. Get a sponsor right away. My sponsor changed my life. Msge me if you need more motivation!!! Or help.. We help our own!!! You can do this.. I believe in you !
 
Xan is completely right. Never F*** around with benzos. You can slip into a coma if you drink with it and you can get a seizure in a matter of 2 days of getting off of it without a dr. My friend was "fine" when u got off benzos for 3 weeks then had a severe seizure. His third one and the Drs say one more and he gets brain damage. They're surprised he didn't slip into a coma or die. I wanna highlight with respect what xan said because it's very smart!!!! Except for the Valium part.. That's just substituting benzos. It's the same thing. 2 options: For opiates... Go to pain mgmt dr and yes get on Subs.. You can stop the opiates right away and even if you use you won't feel is because subs block your receptors. You can be addicted to subs so don't be on them more than a month or 2.. Taper off with dr and then go on vivatrol! Best thing I've ever done.. Shots in the butt or pills. Did it for 3 months . It blocks your receptors too so you can't relapse you won't feel it. You can be on that as long as you feel necessary. Benzos need to be tapered off... You can go to a detox and they will give you a synthetic substitute for Xanax that helps you so much!!!! And they will give you other meds for withdrawal. Voila you walk out a week later clean. Second option.. Detox for opiates too.. They'll give u methadone and then your off but follow up and get vivatrol. Hope that helped.
 
hey,
Thanks for all the comments, some were very nice, some were just plain nonsense....but all that wrote i thank you. I currently am still on xanax and adderall, lower doses and i got a promotion at my job. I have no felonies, dont plan on it. I dont have any drug dealers anymore, due to my choice, and life is a lot better. I am happy every morning, dont wake up hungover cuz the drink is out of the question now. I am taking life more seriously cuz i only got one. But honestly thanks for all the replies, i didnt know people cared about somebody they never met. Thank you, and now i am off to another day of work! Stay healthy you all! Oh I went to the Porter Robinson concert.....in chicago on oct 5th 2016.....lifechanging...... just a music reference.......have a great day everybody
 
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