I dreamed last night that I found some dope and used. It was not a dream when I woke up this am gear was out and I had used a tiny bit whatever I found only snorted as I had thrown everything out. It was like a dream I was in this room and found an old bindle. What a grip. Anyways my story is junkie for years haven't taken a break since this summer when I did an ibogaine flood that only lasted two weeks but I was very ill when I returned home from Mexico, it was a crazy trip and I lost some time during but had to return home too early due to family matters. So I wasn't able to focus on an aftercare plan. This time I have an appointment set up with an addiction specialist but it's Wednesday, I just decided to put it down this weekend sick and tired of being sick and tired. How far back did I reset? All the way? I will not be defeated, I want this, I'm cleaning out my house today. I need encouragement and I'm fine with honesty. Thanks and hello to all with the courage to be here and help others.
So I made it four days then
- Thread starter Pucman
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Your doing great.. you may feal some withdrawls, but maybe not.
The part of our brain that is addicted is stronger than the conscious mind. If we find ourselfs in a situation, where there is no problem the subconscious needs solved to use, then the chances we will use are EXTREMELY high and pretty much a certainty if we are newly clean and have not had any treatment to heal from our condition.
http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/687452-The-Brain-and-Addiction
As you have already figured out its a real good idea to clean all our drugs and gear out ahead of a detox. Its also a good idea to clean contacts and numbers out of the phone.
Nice work on the detox
.. your doing great!! Don't beat yourself over this. Put in the same position pretty much everyone would have done the same thing.
If you get sick again you will make it through. I would just look at this as a great lesson. It just shows clearly how powerful that part of the mind is. It also shows pretty clearly that we need to actively avoid all situations where we have the opertunity to use with no effort or trouble.
If your cleaning out the house and find more it wouldn't surprise me at if it was also consumed. Addiction is just wacked like that.
Once again congratulations on the detox. Keep pushing. If something like this happens and we end up useing there is no need to be hard on ourselfs of feal any guilt or shame as its not warented.. does us no good and drives us to use. Just need to pick ourselfs up, dust ourselves off, examine our recovery aproach and change it as needed to prevent this from happening in the future and keep moving forward.
The part of our brain that is addicted is stronger than the conscious mind. If we find ourselfs in a situation, where there is no problem the subconscious needs solved to use, then the chances we will use are EXTREMELY high and pretty much a certainty if we are newly clean and have not had any treatment to heal from our condition.
http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/687452-The-Brain-and-Addiction
As you have already figured out its a real good idea to clean all our drugs and gear out ahead of a detox. Its also a good idea to clean contacts and numbers out of the phone.
Nice work on the detox
.. your doing great!! Don't beat yourself over this. Put in the same position pretty much everyone would have done the same thing.If you get sick again you will make it through. I would just look at this as a great lesson. It just shows clearly how powerful that part of the mind is. It also shows pretty clearly that we need to actively avoid all situations where we have the opertunity to use with no effort or trouble.
If your cleaning out the house and find more it wouldn't surprise me at if it was also consumed. Addiction is just wacked like that.
Once again congratulations on the detox. Keep pushing. If something like this happens and we end up useing there is no need to be hard on ourselfs of feal any guilt or shame as its not warented.. does us no good and drives us to use. Just need to pick ourselfs up, dust ourselves off, examine our recovery aproach and change it as needed to prevent this from happening in the future and keep moving forward.
Thanks Neversick, it is crazy that my mind new exactly where relief was even though I didn't. I did a thorough clean and there was nothing left except my narcan shots which I did hold onto. My son and I did some graffiti work on a storm trooper helmet today and that was some serious fun. I'm feeling pretty good all things considered. We will see what the night brings and that dreaded morning hour fudge up. Back to trading first thing in the am
Well I am sick again, that little screw up did take me backwards a few days. I'm not giving up and not giving in. How frustrating this is. I thought I had made it through the initial sickness but I'm back in the midst I barely got my kid off to school and slept all morning. These days are going to be hard now that I'm in the midst of wds again and must work and take care of life. Will keep all posted as this has become a good part of my recovery. Thanks to all who are so strong here.
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The human mind is crazy. I was in a scooter accident years back and received a decent concussion. I usually have a very hard time remembering phone numbers due to a neuro diversity. I was abroad with a very good friend. I had to get air lifted to a better hospital because they thought I had a broken neck (I did not thank god). So the Drs wanted to contact my family and let them know what was up. My friend new that I could hardly recall numbers and laughed when they started asking me. To everyone's surprise I was not only able to provide them with a contact number, but I also was able to effortlessly and instantly recall and communicate seemingly every phone number I had ever dialed or heard. I guess they thought this was so amusing that by the time the helicopter got there I had given them hundreds of numbers. lol.. I wonder what else they took the opportunity to ask. This hints to me that a clear organized record of everything may be locked away in all of us.
I think some day the human mind may merge and we could have access to all of it. I have a hypothesis that schizophrenia may be an evolutionary attempt at this.
At least your able to sleep. A little bit and your through again. Here is some good info on PAWS and how to deal with it if you experience it.
PAWS LINKS
Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki
Exercise and Brain Neurotransmission
Neurobiology of Exercise
Aerobic Exercise
Exercise 4 Health, Mental Health, and Addiction vs. The Endorphin Factory
Exercise 4 Health, Mental Health, and Addiction vs. I worked all that out
exercise and sleep
Chemicals and supplements to recover from opiate addiction
Diet & Neurogenesis
it is a powerful thing to keep our thoughts positive and here are some threads many of us use to help us do this.
Good things about being off drugs/getting sober
Share Something Positive from Your Day vs. It's All Around You
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 4 Infinite Chances in an Amazing World
Daily Personal Affirmations Log Vs IM THE SHIT & NOT a piece a.. not playing me. NOPE
Managing depressive thinking
Here is the mindfulness thread.
Anhedonia MEGA Thread
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manboychef
Bluelighter
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Hey man I have been in your shoes a number of times. Home detoxes are tough because life doesn't stop. You have to reboot your entire life. Its like one day waking up from very restless sleep, looking at the haggard barely recognizable reflection in the mirror, and saying to yourself "what the fuck how could I do this to myself again."
In this situation you have to congratulate yourself for not following up with what your addict brain wants you to do. You had the desire to stop yourself from making the same mistake again. Build on that. Realize you are stronger than you know.
Now for some practical advice: You may want to see a doctor about some sort of long term plan on staying off the opiates. This is very hard because of how this drug uniquely entrances those that fall victim to her sway. You are going to need help fighting this. You can do it on your own, but it is much better with help.
In this situation you have to congratulate yourself for not following up with what your addict brain wants you to do. You had the desire to stop yourself from making the same mistake again. Build on that. Realize you are stronger than you know.
Now for some practical advice: You may want to see a doctor about some sort of long term plan on staying off the opiates. This is very hard because of how this drug uniquely entrances those that fall victim to her sway. You are going to need help fighting this. You can do it on your own, but it is much better with help.
Had an appointment today but Dr cancelled due to emergency. Addiction is a beast, home detox is just the beginning this I know. I wish I had the time to just take two weeks to do nothing. There is a grey period and I'm stuck in traffic through thick fog. I tried to get out for a hike today but it started to rain as soon as I got my motivation up. This darkness has to give. I have been able to sleep some broken it may be and not uninterrupted but the malaise is grinding me down mentally. I'm taking vitamins but no other comfort meds, I really think exercise has to be key. Another day passes.
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Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
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