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Confess Your Drug Sins Here, 1 at a time.

I have been using dope on this run for about 6 years started on the 5s then the ocs ( those were the best!!) Then to the perk 30s then the dope...however i can honestly say besides from material things and family that i have lost...the devil never got my soul i have respect i use drugs everyday but i would never hurt take advantage or rob anybody..i served my country proudly and did 2 tours in iraq and kuwait...so just cause i am an addict doesnt make me a low life junky, i truly still help old ladies across the street and i shine bright in a dark room...i will slap any low life drug dealer that talks or treats me with disrespect after all the cash i give him but hey they deserve it....make your money homey,,,but stay loyal and remember who pays your rent for you,,,,.my point to this venting is just cause i use drugs i never lost my respect for others and i never will been married 10 years and my wife loves me. I struggle with addiction not with being an asshole....end vent....
 
i went to a work function drunk. i drove there and then left and drove to my shift and somehow no one knew or at least no one called me out on it then or since.
 
driving drunk and doing it to get to a place where my BOSS was, pretty dangerous AND stupid. wasn't even a mandatory event! i just wanted the free food. also here in Oregon they can give you a DUI and revoke your license even with a .01 BAC. it's a dumb no tolerance rule. back when I lived in VT I blew .085 and got off with a warning because i easily passed the field sobriety test.

i typically follow the 1 hour rule and sit in my car to sober up before i drive if I am not at home. Driving fucked up is super fucked up and I do recognize that. I always wait 2 hour after smoking pot to drive because I hate dealing with other stoned drivers on the road and refuse to be one of them.
 
^ lol.. indeed, stoned drivers are difficult to deal with.

I could never drive if I had smoked pot. Not because I didn't want, but literally because I simply couldn't.
I would mix dreams with reality and it would was quite messy, not to mention slow.
 
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When I first trid weed I felt I was inside a cartoon show. Up to this date I regret exaggerating every drug I've ever tried. That has always been a problem.
 
Thanks. Its been the first and last day I have ever taken so shouldn't be too tricky. Have given up nearly everything else worth giving up in my time, got practice!
 
I ripped of some of my mates in high school selling them a stick of marahuanilla instead of real weed. Then I went and bought real weed for myself.
Funny thing is they said it was good gear...wtf?
 
Hey you, yeah....YOU. I know what you're going through. And I will tell you how it ends. I am a 25 year old girl and I spent the last 7 years on and off of any type of narcotics. I'm free...let me tell you how this feels. First, let me warn you.
Getting on drugs will give you the single most difficult, painful, soul-crushing experience in your life....soon or later. You've never experienced completely LOSING yourself and all form of life and hope like you will if you take for just one more day. Because one more day is just a precursor to an endless number of one more days. I know you don't believe me....I know you think you have control....I know you've heard that before....but you don't....and you won't. Because if you take for one more day thinking you can stop tomorrow....tomorrow never comes. Because why would you wake up and choose to stop taking when you could just choose to do it "one more time"....to feel good today instead of bad. You won't. Don't tell me you will.
You might find yourself 7 years later and talking to your sister about how she gets the same high, happy, "all is good in the world" feeling without any drugs, as I do with them....and not be able to for one micro-second wrap your head around that idea or remember what that was like, or if you have even experienced that before. Because in the blink of an eye....you lose control....and you forget. And you look back and all you can remember is being unhappy without drugs...we can't seem to remember any joy we actually did feel...that's because the drug will refrain to give you any reason to let go of it.
So here I was....7 years later....after endless nights of crying and asking God to help me stop...but waking up the next day to choose to take something because why wouldn't you choose happiness if it came in an easy to take form? You would. And then it wears off and at night you find yourself crying and feeling the weighted blanket of shame covering your eyes all over again. But you live to quit another day. Tomorrow? Keep telling yourself that.

After talking with my sister about her joy and me not being able to fathom feeling it without drugs....I came to the end....I decided that I will never stop if I don't just do it NOW and choose to never look back. Am I ready? No. We will never be ready.
I needed to remember how that felt....it really was possible to feel joy and happiness like I do now without habitually taking something right before? I don't get it and it made my brain hurt and my heart ache that I couldn't grasp this. I really am not normal anymore.

So I stopped. Cold turkey.
I just decided that I am going to suffer....because if I don't feel the pain I need to feel from 7 years of drug use than I will never be terrified enough of returning. So I did...I didn't occupy my mind with other things to get it off of the withdrawals, no....I took it all in. Every restless leg jerk at 4am, every anxiety-ridden thought, every tear. And I just prepared myself for the worst....and somehow....that made it easier....
But cut to 6 days later. In the past withdrawals took about 3 days and on the third day it was either the worst and gone the next day or already gone completely. I think it's because in my mind I always had that blanket of drugs to run back to because I never fully committed myself to stopping for good.
But not this time....it's day 6 and for the past few days I gradually began feeling nothing.....just....nothing. And by nothing you're probably thinking...that doesn't sound all that bad. We hear in songs all of the time about feeling nothing and it somehow sounds attractive almost. But no...it's not. It's not at all what you imagine it to be like.
Imagine opening up your eyes in the morning to a feeling of complete apathy towards life. You have absolutely no desire and no motivation to get up. You look out of your window and all you can see is death...decay...surrounding and in everything. You feel no life. Nothing. Nothing except this hollow, empty, hungry feeling in your chest and gut that is driving you to the point of insanity.
Insanity? No....that's not actually all that attractive either.
I had NO idea who I was anymore...I didn't just feel nothing....I WAS nothing. There was not an ounce of life or juice or anything inside of me worth going on and worth fighting for. Why did I fight? I had no other choice. I decided drugs were not an option. And honestly....at this point....the only desire stronger than the idea of taking something to make this all go away....was the desire to just die.
And stop fighting.
But I just decided that wasn't an option either.
So on day 6....I lost all hope. I thought that I lost all hope on day 4.....but day 6 was a reminder that I did have a shred of hope still hiding in me somewhere on day 4. Now I have found out what it's like to ACTUALLY lose all hope.
Withdrawals are lasting too long this time and not even a shred of happiness has entered my lifeless being in the past 6 days. My brain just stopped producing ANY good chemicals. The brain heals right? Well when the spirit is broken....you'll start to lose faith in that too.
I just accepted that this was it for me. I am probably going to feel this for the rest of my life. And it's not that I'm okay with it....but I guess I just developed this coping mechanism in the past 6 days of suffering.... that was that, I accept this. I hate it. I hate me. But I'll go on. I gave myself no other choices.
I went to bed on day 6 feeling COMPLETE hopelessness.....really and truly weighing the idea that is it worth living anymore.....I had absolutely no idea that I would wake up the next morning and feel that first BURST of joy inside of my chest. It was more powerful and satisfying than I ever imagined it to be. I began waking up each day....deciding to get up and take a bath, get dressed, do whatever....simply because the idea of doing that made me feel good. I never ever imagined that I would feel this way or get to know what this feels like again after completely losing myself to drugs. But I did.
I truly believe that sometimes with withdrawals we need to hit COMPLETE rock bottom before there's no where else to go but up. So if you are feeling absolutely hopeless and like "will this ever end if so....when".....well, if you're as far down as you can possibly go, than probably tomorrow.
But you have to hit that.
The worse that you feel, the closer you are. And just know...you won't encounter anything that you really can't handle. We as humans developed a way of coping with anything. You will survive. So lose hope. But at the same time...don't.
Don't listen to anybody's stories online about how it took them weeks or months to recover....
It's all about how quickly you hit that rock bottom. So that you can fly again. And you might not be able to remember what that feels like....but you will. And just in time. Not a second too late.
It's worth it.
 
Biggest problem was not asking help when I needed most. Patience was always a challenge.
 
Once stole 3.5oz of Methoxetamine from a dealers house in Plymouth. What proceeds is a very very trippy night. (and month afterwards!).

:D
 
Driving on benzos when I can hardly stand, I swear I drive better then I walk though lmao
 
I stole $40 from one of my kids piggy banks during a heavy binge. I let him believe that one of his siblings or friends must have done it.
 
broke into dealers house. got a dab as big as my hand, some good bud, and a nice bong tho lmao
 
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