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January Getting/Staying Clean v. Sober for the New Year

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Does anyone have any tips/advice on how to deal with the chills and the skin crawling??

It's manageable at the moment but very uncomfortable.

Other than that, I am feeling SUPER positive about the future and looking forward to all of the things I will be able to do when I am not spending every dime on an addiction!

Stay strong guys!! I never thought I would ever even make it this far, but with all of your stories, I am determined to make it!
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Today was so hard for me.
Click to expand...

That sucks, Cap'n. I had a terrible beginning to my day last Wednesday, but it ended in the most fantastic way....stay strong, and you know we are here for you always.
<3 One second, one minute, one hour, one day, one week, at a time. <3 Yesterday is done, today is my present, tomorrow is going to be alright. Life can turn in the most beautiful and amazing direction when least expected. Keep motivated and strong! However difficult things seem, as you know- this, too, will pass....
 
sweetzoe said:
That sucks, Cap'n. I had a terrible beginning to my day last Wednesday, but it ended in the most fantastic way....stay strong, and you know we are here for you always.
<3 One second, one minute, one hour, one day, one week, at a time. <3 Yesterday is done, today is my present, tomorrow is going to be alright. Life can turn in the most beautiful and amazing direction when least expected. Keep motivated and strong! However difficult things seem, as you know- this, too, will pass....
Click to expand...

thank you :)

today is going to be stressful but at least I got some good quality coffee :D
 
coffee is life! Basically, I have a cup of regular in the morning, then I have to switch to decaf. If I keep drinking regular I overdo my housework and gardening and then crash.
 
I have a mug in which I drink my coffee that says 'I wish this was a beer', That would only be true in the evenings. Coffee is just too good man.
 
when I was a chef and had to work all day everyday....I would drink coffee all day, unless I was drinking a beer on the cook's line. I still wonder why my liver is so fucked up :p
 
Sigh.. how long is this not sleeping shit gonna last? My brain needs the sleep so bad it's ridiculous.
I was struggling so intense and bad mentally yesterday I couldn't handle calling the doctor to make an appointment like I wanted. I really don't even want to get on a sleeping pill. I just don't know what else to do but that. I feel like I have tried everything, well besides the prescription sleep pills. Even tried taking some melatonin last night and noooope.
Starting day 3 today of no sleep.
And it's just not off to a good start, I'm feel like I'm gonna have another day in bed not having the energy or the mental stability to get up out of bed and accomplish the many many many things I need to do.
It's hard to be positive when it's been this long with no sleep, and knowing that I have gotten about 11 hours in the last week.
I just wanna sleep so bad, is that really too much to ask for?
:-/
 
Ambien works pretty well. That's what I take. If you rely on it entirely for sleep, well that's not good obviously, but I can and will fall asleep without taking it (if I'm tired enough).

I'm prescribed 10 mgs a night and I've taken it for about a year now. I stopped taking it entirely when I was using heroin because I was getting the greatest sleep of my life at that time. I always loved that about opiates, how I could stay awake if I so chose to but I could also fall asleep if I wanted. (sigh)
 
Ugh I know. I miss it too buuut I don't need to dwell on that right now at all.
A few people have told me to try ambien. Guess I just need to ACTUALLY call my doctor today.
Things have been really hard to do lately, my emotions and mental stuff is just so intense.
 
I have a very healthy fear of Ambien because I am one of those people that are apparently capable of walking around and doing things with no conscious awareness.I've tried it twice, once at full strength and once at half strength and had this experience both times. My suggestion for anyone trying this sleep medication for the first time would be to make sure someone is there to monitor what you do. I know this does not happen to everyone but the consequences can be pretty serious if it does. (In my case it was comical--the first time I was on an overnight flight from Australia and I ended up on a completely different part of the plane, shoe-less! My shoes were not at my original seat either so apparently I had been wandering around the plane sampling seats like Goldilocks. The second time I had a whole phone conversation with my son that I had no recollection of.)
 
Ambien definitely has some strange effects on certain people. Sleepwalking and sleep cooking/fucking/driving/whatever are pretty common. Zolpidem can initiate some really powerful hallicinations in some people, though...I know one veteran drug addict who has taken many drugs, including strong ones like LSD and 2C-E, and he claims that the drug which made him have the most strong, terrifying hallucinations was zolpidem. When I first started taking it, it had the effects of a mild hallucinogen, with morphing images, breathing walls and all that...I still get that effect if I stop taking it for a while and my tolerance goes down.

Most of the time it just gets me good & calm, and ready to sleep. The GABA-A action is definitely the highlight. You can get that from Xanax or a variety of other drugs, though. If I were given the choice between 1 mg Xanax once daily before bed, or 10 mgs Ambien once daily before bed, I'd probably go with the Xanax honestly (although I understand if you've had a Xanax addiction it's probably not the best choice...Xanax is just one drug I've never found to be particularly addictive or recreational). Xanax seems not to have the wide side effect profile that Ambien has for some users, although I tolerate Ambien well...the only side effect I get regularly is hazy memory of the time I'm on Ambien, but since I'm usually in bed what I don't remember fully is sending stupid text messages to random people :)
 
Best of luck to you CH. You've overcame so much. You got this.

Got my 4 year clean coin last night. Was a wonderful moment and made all the struggles In the past year worth it.
 
aw CH I'm soo sorry. I hope more than anything you start feeling better. Sending you some good and loving vibes man <3

Serotonin, that's so awesome! Congrats!

Burnt, yeah I don't know if I could control myself with the Xanax. It's a nice thought but not really a reality for me atm. I think I'm gonna see if I can just give the ambien a try.
 
Congrats to everyone, It is refreshing in a sense to see so many opposites. On one side we have people who are logging over a year clean and are happy with themselves and the other people who (at the time of posting) were 3 days into heroin withdrawal. This is great because this is what recovering addicts truly need and there is a lack of; success stories.

The line at the clinic is full of people saying they feel every drop in milligrams, how our Sunday take homes are weak and they get sick during the night. I dont fully understand how individual experiences can vary so much, it is literally a challenge for me to take my methadone on Sundays as i forget. This started happening when i was at 90 and just didnt care about it because the dose was high but this sunday i woke up sick on Monday, i think i dont even really know what "sick" is anymore, but this always happens. I think that its about positive thinking and now that i dont even think about opiates i dont think about my methadone, other then on the drive to work, and since i dont work on sunday and i dont go to the clinic i do not take my methadone as its not associated with my actual life lol.

Is it strange that when i stopped shooting up i couldnt remember the day, the first time i quit or this recent time? I cant remember the day i stopped taking my subs the first time i got clean and i wonder if i will remember the day of 0mg on methadone. That i probably will because i planned it out down to the week, by march 6th they should drop me down to 3mg the bottom limit for the clinic. I have been there since sometime in november of 2014, like i said i dont know when exactly and i dont care. That seemed like a shock to my counselor... that and my lack of desire for take homes and official tapers ;)
 
One Week free of opiates!!

Today I feel okay, nothing to really bitch about lol Just always feel cold, slight aches.

I am surviving and just keep reminding myself of all the great things I can accomplish and experience when I'm not spending all my time finding a pill.

Telling some close friends (who do not use) about my problem really lifted some weight off my back and made me realize that I do have some support.

It was very tough and emotional to openly admit to them but I think in the end it was worth it.

I just keep telling myself everyday "I know better. I deserve better. So I'm doing better"

Much love to you all
 
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