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December Getting/Staying Clean and Sober Thread v. Happy Holidays!

Hey happy december everyone! I have always been a winter person. Been having a weird couple of days...my ex called to make amends with me. It just brought a whole lot of the mental garbage I have been sorting and throwing away to the forefront of my mind. I think I handled it well. Instead of rehashing what she did, or bringing up the impact she had on my life...i just forgave her.

The silver lining of that phonecall was I got to speak to my son. I may be on the otherside of the country but I can still reach out and make his life a little better. I told my dad (he still lives in syracuse) to call and go pick up my son on the weekends so he can play with my nephews (they are all six). He said he was lonely and wants more playdates so I am doing the only thing I can to make that happen. We also talked about what he wanted for christmas (which I promptly went out and bought) and I am also painting him a picture of a aligator for his room...he is fascinated with nature. Man it felt so good to hear is voice and it was the longest I have talked to him in about a year. I also brought up having him down for summers, the way I went to my dad's for summers. My ex said she would think about it (which means no) but I have a trick up my sleeve. My bro has a retired lawyer friend that worked in father's rights for most of his career. My brother (a legal aide) and the lawyer are putting together a request for me to be able to enforce my father's rights..one of which is to split the time.

I have another piece of good news. I have always been in good shape (other than when I was skeletal going into rehab) but they put me on seroquel in rehab and there wasn't much physical activity. I ended up getting up to 224lbs. I have finally gotten below the 180 mark (which is when I can start weight training again). I hated the way I looked when I was overweight. Now I am getting the point to where I feel almost like that old womanizing fox I used to be (minus the womanizing which I know now is wrong). To all people just starting out...if you can dream it you can do it. Just stopping the drugs is only the first step in a journey that you choose the destination...Be kind to yourself and work hard (physically, and mentally) and you will be back to where you want to be. It may take some time, but as you know any progress in the right direction is amazing.

CH. I hope you are doing well. I have written and deleted a thousand texts to you because I want to say the most perfect thing...but I realize there is no perfect thing to say...the only thing I can be to help you is a friend, and a sympathetic ear.

stargazer: Thank you so much for helping me get through those difficult feelings. It seems we both have a lot in common when it comes to crazy exes.
 
Hey manboy that's great about your son I'm very happy to hear that. I hate it when people use their kids to punish each other that's your boy and it's great you got to talk to him and he knows you love him!
Also I don't know everything your wife has done t you but have read some and it was pretty spiteful shit but you forgiving her is the only way you can make any relationship with your son go forward. So forgiving her isn't about her it's for your piece of mind. Isn't it amazing the grown up shit we do when we aren't wrapped up in our selfish addictive states?
 
I have a really good feeling about this month, and I'm really looking forward to January. I've no longer need to take any sleeping medication, and have somehow started to get 4-6hrs of sleep every night! Big deal for me. I'm going to try and get one of my vipassana teachers to sponsor a trip to Myanmar for a month of silent meditation in January, and if not I'll just go to Spirit Rock not to far from me. So you can see what I'm excited about! And my new diet with almost no animal products is going really well, and I feel as just as healthy as when I was an undergrad at the height of my personal health.

In a nutshell, I am happy. Life is not fair. Life is not easy. But I am grounded and happy.

p.s. I too love winter. Very much the warm blooded person. Apparently I have a slightly higher standing body temperature ("warm blood") compared to most people, so I really miss the cold winter and snow, even the wind and ice, of New England. I hope I get to take a trip somewhere cold soon. Maybe I should go to Insight in Mass for my retreat. In any case, I'm just happy its down to 40-50f at night here in LA.
 
Struggling with being happy today.

I'm realizing it's OK to feel bad, and at least I'm feeling genuine emotions.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Struggling with being happy today.

I'm realizing it's OK to feel bad, and at least I'm feeling genuine emotions.
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You know captain when I came out of PAWS I was satisfied with just feeling anything again so I hear where you are coming from. Nothing worse then that empty soul has been sucked from your body numbness!
 
If I can make it to Dec 27 without using I will have one year clean.
 
Get2Think said:
If I can make it to Dec 27 without using I will have one year clean.
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congrats! that is an awesome milestone. Don't think about it too much and it will come faster than you know. I don't measure in years or months. I just look at each day individually....its like "did I do well today? yep. Okay now to work on tommorrow"
 
Get2Think said:
If I can make it to Dec 27 without using I will have one year clean.
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Remarkable,that is absolutely incredible! Can you imagine a year ago thinking you'd be coming u on a year sober? I love reading shit like this and though I don't know you am very proud of your accomplishment!
 
I have a date on friday with a girl i used to work with. I never dated her when we worked together because I have a no girls from work policy. I am actually pretty nervous even though I know I am handsome, witty, and a pretty damn good catch if I do say so myself....but the shit that my ex did is always on my mind. Once that kind of stuff happens to you, it will always be on the table as a possibility of happening again. I guess I need to learn to accept that I can offer my trust willingly without holding back. I have gone on many dates but it usually ends the same way anymore....I never call back because I am too scared of offering a piece of myself and having it trampled on like my ex did.

This will be my first date since july...wish me luck folks. I am taking her to a thai restaurant that I have heard good things about. We have a lot in common, however I am much smarter than her (which I really find a turn off)...jeez there I go again finding reasons to say not, instead of why not. I need a pep talk!

CH: I understand your struggle. It has taken me a better part of a year to remember how to smile and feel joy. It has taken me just as long to accept that I am an okay person and that I deserve the things in my life. I am hoping you know that you are a good person and you deserve great things in your life...and if you are struggling hard, let me help carry the load because I have get up and go to spare enough for all of us.

I also learned something about my disease in the last week. I gotta stop overdoing it in the yard. I end up getting very sick and having headaches the next day. I gotta accept I am no longer supermanboychef and I can't work and work and work. I literally did four hours of heavy yard work two days ago, and the next day I laid in bed and slept all day. I guess its time to take breaks and find something I enjoy doing that isn't such physical labor. I should start writing music again.

And to all my fellow bluelighters that are making that step away from addiction and towards recovery...I am right there with you! If you need some cheering up, hit me up!
 
I was getting kind of depressed thinking about the holidays. I know 12 step isn't everyone's cup of tea, but now that I've found meetings I like, it has improved my life for the most part. Alcoholism wrecked my marriage and left me basically friendless, so I am glad to have my AA family. I've even met a couple of fellow Jews in AA and am bringing latkes to this upcoming Sunday's meeting since it will be the first night of Hanukkah. And even if I don't believe in the holiday itself, at least I have a place for food and fellowship on Christmas Day. Otherwise I know the temptation to slip into an alcohol-induced oblivion will rear it's ugly head. And even if I don't go to AA, I can always call my Jewish friends from AA for the traditional Jewish Christmas Dinner (Chinese) and a movie.
 
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aihfl said:
I was getting kind of depressed thinking about the holidays. I know 12 step isn't everyone's cup of tea, but now that I've found meetings I like, it has improved my life for the most part. Alcoholism wrecked my marriage and left me basically friendless, so I am glad to have my AA family. I've even met a couple of fellow Jews in AA and am bringing latkes to this upcoming Sunday's meeting since it will be the first night of Hanukkah. And even if I don't believe in the holiday itself, at least I have a place for food and fellowship on Christmas Day itself since my post-marriage Christian gf made some cutting remarks about me not believing in Christmas and told me I was not welcome at her house (I bought her an expensive Murano glass vase from Venice that I think will go to someone more deserving). Otherwise I know the temptation to slip into an alcohol-induced oblivion will rear it's ugly head. And even if I don't go to AA, I can always call my Jewish friends from AA for the traditional Jewish Christmas Dinner (Chinese) and a movie.
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I have a friend who is Jewish and has many years clean, they are a huge inspiration to me.
 
Afhi if you are in orlando area, I would be happy to meet up and hit a meeting on christmas with you. I hate christmas...growing up in abusive household ruined it for me...and this is definitely one day that I really need some fellowship. Check your PMS,
 
aihfl said:
I was getting kind of depressed thinking about the holidays. I know 12 step isn't everyone's cup of tea, but now that I've found meetings I like, it has improved my life for the most part. Alcoholism wrecked my marriage and left me basically friendless, so I am glad to have my AA family. I've even met a couple of fellow Jews in AA and am bringing latkes to this upcoming Sunday's meeting since it will be the first night of Hanukkah. And even if I don't believe in the holiday itself, at least I have a place for food and fellowship on Christmas Day itself since my post-marriage Christian gf made some cutting remarks about me not believing in Christmas and told me I was not welcome at her house (I bought her an expensive Murano glass vase from Venice that I think will go to someone more deserving). Otherwise I know the temptation to slip into an alcohol-induced oblivion will rear it's ugly head. And even if I don't go to AA, I can always call my Jewish friends from AA for the traditional Jewish Christmas Dinner (Chinese) and a movie.
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Stop tell lies... That is not what I said!
 
manboychef said:
Afhi if you are in orlando area, I would be happy to meet up and hit a meeting on christmas with you. I hate christmas...growing up in abusive household ruined it for me...and this is definitely one day that I really need some fellowship. Check your PMS,
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Hey MBC, I sent you a text this evening so you have my phone number. It's in the 615 area code. I'm not working Christmas (I honestly was hoping I was so I would have something to keep myself preoccupied). I am planning to hang at my AA homegroup in South Orlando. You are welcome to join me. Christmas is on a Friday so there'll be a 10am meeting and a 5:30pm meeting, but they'll be open from 10am to 10pm.

Also, one of my best friends from the atheist/agnostic AA group is Jewish, so maybe we could do a Jewish Christmas Dinner (Chinese) as well. I will ask her what her plans are at our meeting Sunday.
 
Greetings, happy December y'all. I'm very new here, so my apologies in advance if I'm not posting correctly. I did read the rules, and think I'm doing it correctly. Anyways, I'm trying to beat a n 8+ year stent with opiods, pills... I shattered my ankle years ago and really got hooked then. Roxy 30's are my DOC, and snorting them is my preferred method. I finally went to the clinic and dosed with 20 mg methdaone yesterday. I'm still badly craving a pull, but haven't done one yet. I want to be sober, but my life seems better when its fuzzy. I hope I'm in the right place for support. Good luck to y'all and congrats to those who are taking this long road one day at a time :)
 
Gozlinchick said:
I want to be sober, but my life seems better when its fuzzy.
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Hi Gozlinchick and welcome. I've been a raging alcoholic since about 2008. I thought the same way you did until one day I found myself alone and nearly broke. As one of my hardcore friends in AA likes to say, "There's no situation in the world that can't be made worse with a drink." I found out the hard way he's absolutely right. I hope you decide to choose sobriety and yes, you are absolutely in the right place for support, but an internet forum alone is not going to cut it. I'm a big believer in 12 step but I don't cram it down peoples' throats, but you might want to try finding a NA meeting in your area. You will get the support you need at the moment you need it instead of waiting around here for someone to post a reply.
 
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aihfl said:
I was getting kind of depressed thinking about the holidays. I know 12 step isn't everyone's cup of tea, but now that I've found meetings I like, it has improved my life for the most part. Alcoholism wrecked my marriage and left me basically friendless, so I am glad to have my AA family. I've even met a couple of fellow Jews in AA and am bringing latkes to this upcoming Sunday's meeting since it will be the first night of Hanukkah. And even if I don't believe in the holiday itself, at least I have a place for food and fellowship on Christmas Day. Otherwise I know the temptation to slip into an alcohol-induced oblivion will rear it's ugly head. And even if I don't go to AA, I can always call my Jewish friends from AA for the traditional Jewish Christmas Dinner (Chinese) and a movie.
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Good for you! There are some really good people in the rooms you just need to be careful because there are also some predators. what I mean by that is from time to time you will get people going to the meetings looking to find hook ups and drag others down. but IME there are many more genuinely caring people that want their sobriety and care about others sobriety as well. When I was in Salvation Army rehab in Wilmington DE I had an awesome xmas hitting multiple meetings. Also MBC is a very knowledgeable person and IMHO you can't go wrong with him as a meeting buddy!
 
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