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December Getting/Staying Clean and Sober Thread v. Happy Holidays!

^^that is some funny shit Captain. That's not really a younger you is it?
 
Burnt Offerings said:
How do people deal with the psychological addiction to opiates?

I'm approaching 10 days without opiates and the last vestiges of the physical withdrawal are pretty much gone, and they weren't that bad to begin with (compared to what other people have dealt with...if anything I just kept myself running on self-loathing for putting myself in the position of being a dopesick druggie...too much "white trash pride", as a friend of mine puts it). Yeah I felt like crap, but I'm used to feeling like crap just because of my own physiology. So that's pretty much concluded.

The psychological addiction is intense, though. I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I'm not out there banging dope is because I don't have access where I'm currently living. I never believed it before I started IVing but there's a perverse fascination with that particular ROA...I find myself fantasizing about drawing up that golden liquid into a rig, registering the vein and watching the drug get stained crimson with blood, before pressing the plunger down and *boom* It's actually really disturbing and I've never really dealt with it before. It's partially about the rush, which is a big part of the appeal, but not entirely about the high that results from shooting. I smoke more than I shoot (the smoking ROA being part of my "treatment" for my own insomnia, which usually involved a combination of cannabis, a few hits of heroin & zolpidem...shooting always got me too high for real sleep, oddly enough) but there's no fetish involved in smoking for me, although the thought of a few hits of acrid tar vapor makes me practically salivate at the moment.

It's odd because shooting always made me feel bad on a "spiritual level" but I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! :(8(
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You get used with time. For me it was mostly related to the sadness it brought me, the nothingness. Feeling no motivation to go do simplest things like work, shower, going out or simply having fun.

It's a lonely process as some of the closest people you have around you have no clue of what is going on and how difficult things can be. They don't get it and I'm often too tired to try to explain. It's something only some us can.

With time I suppose your endorphin gets back and you start doing things, exercises and these feelings will ease up.
Find something you like to do. Have patience and perseverance and time will reward you for your efforts.

We relearn how to appreciate small moments of joy and our vulnerabilities turn into strength as we've been exposed too much and somehow we become stronger. Get a notion of what you don't want to do again and so on.

I remember feeling happy for the first time on my own. The feeling scared the hell out me. I knew it was not going to last for long but I realized it was possible to regain happiness at some point. This was my hope, it is my hope until this date.

Moments like this make you value life as you can share them freely with those around you. And the fear we were so used to start to disappear. Things get into place but there will be always the memories versus the present moments and challenges you've gone through. That's what makes it worth a while for me.

Good luck! <3
 
Well said Erikmen. Persist....always perist. Any your preseverence will bear fruit right when you think your done. My experiece right now is not good. Im clear headed and sober but this fog is over me. Its surely stronger than me but i gotta preserve thru it cause i know how joy feels too and thats my reward. I only feel it shortly and i def dont experience joy that much and havent for 20 yrs and im coming off the worst life up to date. I thought nothing could touch 1992 for me but it has. I haventvbeen perfect thru this but ive survived and like goes on and its alsmways progress not perfection for me. Asvmy great friend just reminded me, ive cone a long way and i have. But this year scarred my physically but also mentally. Things will never be the same after this year, espically with my mom but new challenges approach and if i do the right thing, joy will preval. I know it couldvbe worse. I love when people tell me that. Im like no shit, of course. But i thinkbthings could be better. I would think 2016 will be better so thats what im going with. The feeling of being under the influence screams at me daily. For whatever substance. So ive adoped prayer which i never did and ibfind peace with it and i do vippassana meditation, i have tools now. My problem is using them. So anyway, great post Erikmen.
 
manboychef said:
I made it through christmas. Sweetzoe gave me some insight on talking to my son that was surely needed. I have a lot of respect of that woman. Very intelligent...and beautiful.
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Aww, thanks chef! I mean yes, I feel intelligent, and I am a hottie ? , but it's nice to hear, especially from you!! **blushing**
I'm glad I helped to put things into perspective last night. You really helped me with my relapse the other day. I had quite a few people on here encourage me and let me know I can and will come back from the slip (thanks for the kind words y'all)... but really your brutal honesty helped me to take the better road of the two diverging roads that lay ahead of me: the road where I said, F the clinic- I've got this great new connect with dope that's good enough that I felt a rush despite my low* dose ( good enough also that a friend on 170mgs felt this shit) or I could take the other road, which is the one I chose, to keep the sober life and put that spoon into the dishwasher, not the bedside drawer. And for that I am thankful.

#bakershandsmatter ???
 
Captain.Heroin said:
The cannabinoid wd is kicking my ass still.

I can do this though; one hour at a time.
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Getting off pot kicked my ass for the first 3 weeks. Aches and pains, my chronic (lol) back pain came back with a vengeance, couldn't sleep right, migraines, twitching, shakes... It can be rough especially if you were dabbing as much and as often as I was. Wish you the best CH ... You got this brotha

Blesséd be,

vk
 
I'm happy to hear you found the courage to stop the cannabis CH, sleeping becomes hard as hell. Do you take a sleep aid?
 
Getting off pot isn't easy and I think with all these concentrates we are going to see a much more frequent incidence of both addiction and severe withdrawal. It is being studied more frequently and believe me we are noticing it in the addiction treatment/social work field.


So I am doing pretty good. I have been talking to a girl I really like and two days ago she tells me she broke up with her boyfriend. I have a feeling this is because she is trying to get with me. Not sure how I feel about all of this to be honest. On the one hand I want to, but on the other it is me causing damage, even unintentionally.

Also, survived a family xmas party. Upon arrival, I immediately see two cousins go into the bathroom to either blow some lines or do a drug deal (they are both addicts). Fucking threw me off big time and it was really difficult for a good hour or two. That one part of your brain immediately fires, the one that says "I can get something right now". Thankfully its very brief for me nowadays but it still has an impact. I had to go call my sponsor and then just chilled out with my niece for awhile. There was tons of drinking which usually doesn't bother me, but in that current state it really did.

But I survived, am still clean and am living another day. Life is good!
 
Good job Phactor. My family get together was gonna be the same so i went over to a friends and it was really chill. No drinking or drugging and lots of kids. Very Cheistmasy. Sorry, spelling. I just cant snap out of it. Dark cloud is hovering over me. Its not my bipolar cause thats being medicated and fine. Its just....dread. I feel better when i pray and have set up a little shrine to the virgin Mary. I had a vision if her and felt warmth and peace so im really leaning hard on that. Im told this will pass but idk. I guess it will. Scary part is since im without a car my meetings have dropped. Im still talking to my spinser everyday and getting rides when i can i just feel my program getting stale. I realky in kinda purgatory. I dont wanna drink or use but i dont wanna go to meeting either so idk. Just keep going one day after another. Life goes on. Im coming to the end of the absolute worst year of my life. I almost died twice and lost my mom but im still breathing so well see. 2016 gotts be better, its just gotta be. But not ony scar from mom but i have a huge scar on my belly and ostomy bag and pain to remind me of this summer and being in icu for a month and the whole experience scarred me big time mentally. Anyway, good job phactor on calling spinser and keep going CH. you git this man!! Yall take care
 
Hopping in forum..
Day 2 taper..
Just Norco 10mg twice a day..x 2 years in comb with Tramadol many days until a month ago.

Small dose but been happily sober 25 years, car accident and you know the story.. Really rocked with depression now..
The small Norco dose just has sucked the joy out of my life. Can't figure it..

Was huge opioid (iv and oral) and alcoholic from young age, but got sober at 30..
Wish me luck..
 
vegaskukichyo said:
Getting off pot kicked my ass for the first 3 weeks. Aches and pains, my chronic (lol) back pain came back with a vengeance, couldn't sleep right, migraines, twitching, shakes... It can be rough especially if you were dabbing as much and as often as I was. Wish you the best CH ... You got this brotha

Blesséd be,

vk
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I never knew coming off pot can be that difficult. I have heard about the nightmares and anxiety but it almost sounds like benzo withdrawal!!! Did you use daily? and for how long? My younger brother is struggling massively with a heavy dual-addiction to meth and pot and I am trying to understand what he is going through a little bit better. I have never been addicted to either and have only used them a handful of times. My poisons are/were opiates and benzos.

He recently went to a rehab and had been clean off the meth for 2 weeks beforehand and was still smoking pot. The rehab lets people in with pot in their system, but no other drugs. Apparently he went completely nuts and was in and out of the mental ward every other day to see psychologists, psychiatrists etc, and it was all due to nightmares and pot withdrawal. On day 14 he checked himself out. He couldn't take it. Now he's back on both and worse than the couple of weeks before rehab. it's real sad to watch. 5 years younger than me. poor kid.
 
I get extreme mood swings without cannabis.

It's like the psychological withdrawal from heroin.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I get extreme mood swings without cannabis.

It's like the psychological withdrawal from heroin.
Click to expand...

Ah I get it. Wow that's rough. For me the mood swings were time-limited in Heroin withdrawal. Sounds like with pot it can go on for quite a while. Makes sense why my brother was doing it so tough off it.
 
It is rough man.

It doesn't help I have been doing excellent concentrates for years. :(

I am trying every minute to be happy.
 
closeau said:
Well said Erikmen. Persist....always perist. Any your preseverence will bear fruit right when you think your done. My experiece right now is not good. Im clear headed and sober but this fog is over me. Its surely stronger than me but i gotta preserve thru it cause i know how joy feels too and thats my reward. I only feel it shortly and i def dont experience joy that much and havent for 20 yrs and im coming off the worst life up to date. I thought nothing could touch 1992 for me but it has. I haventvbeen perfect thru this but ive survived and like goes on and its alsmways progress not perfection for me. Asvmy great friend just reminded me, ive cone a long way and i have. But this year scarred my physically but also mentally. Things will never be the same after this year, espically with my mom but new challenges approach and if i do the right thing, joy will preval. I know it couldvbe worse. I love when people tell me that. Im like no shit, of course. But i thinkbthings could be better. I would think 2016 will be better so thats what im going with. The feeling of being under the influence screams at me daily. For whatever substance. So ive adoped prayer which i never did and ibfind peace with it and i do vippassana meditation, i have tools now. My problem is using them. So anyway, great post Erikmen.
Click to expand...

Thanks closeau. I am also hoping that 2016 will be a better year.
 
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