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November Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. Thankful for Sobriety!

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Day two off heroin. Up with hope, down with dope! Tired of living that double life. It's exhausting.
 
welcome petevenkmann and Mf_Mayhem and congratulations to both of you. it really is exhausting, isn't it? good for you :)

i am almost at 2 weeks clean, not quite. even though my insomnia is still horrible and i am exhausted, i am also starting to feel more energized and a wee bit stronger. still getting frequent panic attacks and anxiety sweats, but gradually learning how to self-soothe again. finally took out the pillow and meditated today for 5 minutes. i was scared to do it but i am glad i did. one day at a time.
 
custard said:
welcome petevenkmann and Mf_Mayhem and congratulations to both of you. it really is exhausting, isn't it? good for you :)

i am almost at 2 weeks clean, not quite. even though my insomnia is still horrible and i am exhausted, i am also starting to feel more energized and a wee bit stronger. still getting frequent panic attacks and anxiety sweats, but gradually learning how to self-soothe again. finally took out the pillow and meditated today for 5 minutes. i was scared to do it but i am glad i did. one day at a time.
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Really inspirational post, thanks for sharing :)

you're doing great!
 
petevenkmann said:
Hi everyone. I've lurked around blue light for so long and now I'm finally ready to post. Last night I took my last oxy's before bed and am ready to start living sober. Right now I'm scared of what things will look like in my life, isn't that awful? I have a beautiful family to live for. I'm not sure how bad withdrawal is going to be. I have gabapentin, suboxone, and benzo's if I need them. Right now I'm gonna play it by ear. I've been on opiates for about 5 years. I'm a chronic pain patient for my back, however I don't think I truly needed all the meds they would prescribe to me, I gladly took them though. I'm an addict, I now realize & accept that, but I don't have to accept this addiction anymore. Anyway, I hope to gain some support & hopefully I can be supportive to someone else in the future.
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This is one of the hardest things to do. The addict brain will throw so many reasons why you should continue, and during withdrawals it works overtime. Just keep at it, and no matter what, don't use. Call someone instead, because cravings don't last too long.

@custard: Meditation really helps me. I have anxiety problems and sometimes just taking that little break from thinking about all the things I am afraid of really helps me. Keep up the amazing work and just know that you are almost out of the tunnel and can start breathing deep again.

Yep the greens were escarole and great northern beans that have been simmered in stock I made from root vegetables and hunks of fatback and procuitto...and sitting right next to that is southern style cornbread. I am a yankee, but I do love to please my guests that are from the south. I also made a fresh cranberry compote out of shallot, apricot jam, fresh rosemary, white wine, and ginger. People went nuts for that. Cooking really saved my ass the last few days...if I had been alone I don't know if I could have resisted the temptation to get drunk or high.
 
Custard thanks for replying. I know all too well about anxiety, I get panic attacks & feel like I'm gonna pass out. Matter of fact I started to have one last night when I hit 25 hrs since my last oxy, I had to talk myself out of it. It's the first one I've had since I started abusing oxy. I think one of the reasons I was so hooked is that it took my anxiety away. I'm an extremely anxious person.

I ended up taking 2mg sub last night, 26 hrs after my last dose, & I only have 2 pills so I'm gonna try like heck to do a quick taper.I know a lot of people don't recommend it, I really don't have many other options right now.

Manboychef thanks for your advice. I wish I had someone to call during cravings but I dont. My hubby doesn't understand how addiction works, he thinks once I stop taking pills I'll be ok, you & I know that's not how it works. I guess you all may see me here a good bit!

Any advice on how to take this sub? Like I said I only have 2 & took a quarter piece last night. I'm feeling okay now except my back is freaking killing me. Thanks and I appreciate all the responses.
 
What's up sober crew.. I now have 6 months completely drug and alcohol free after 17yrs of heroin, methadone and benzo addiction. My friends, family and wife kind of had an intervention for me after I started selling dope again and then subsequently overdosed. The first 2 months were extremely difficult due to the methadone and clonazapam(been on for the better part of the last 12yrs) withdrawal. I had uncontrollable hand tremors, would forget how to talk and always felt tired but wired and anxious at the same time. I have been feeling a lot better physically and now get 4-6 hrs of sleep a night but lately I have been feeling extremely withdrawn and lonely. My relationship with my wife isn't so well at the moment(unofficially seperated) and I live in a sober house. I just feel like I don't belong anywhere.. I have been working 50-60hrs a week just because I don't know what else to do with myself(also because I find validation in money). Overall I am happy and love being sober but I have this lurking emptiness. I have a sponser and I work the program but these feelings still persists. Is this normal? I know about PAWS and I have all the symptoms. Could this be the cause of my meloncholly brainfog? Sorry about the long paragraph.. I'm on my phone and can't seem to break it into paragraphs.
 
Hey somnilicious, congrats on 6 months sober. I can only pray that I get to that point. That's awesome. I'm sorry you're feeling so empty . I'm new here so I'm sure someone else can offer more info for you, but it definitely sounds like PAWS & from what I've read it doesn't last forever. Hang in there, it's great that you're staying busy working. Keep it up.
 
do you have my number somni? What sober living house you located at? If it is in the area I would be glad to meet you up for a meeting...there are some pretty good NA and AA in orlando.
 
somnilicious said:
What's up sober crew.. I now have 6 months completely drug and alcohol free after 17yrs of heroin, methadone and benzo addiction. My friends, family and wife kind of had an intervention for me after I started selling dope again and then subsequently overdosed. The first 2 months were extremely difficult due to the methadone and clonazapam(been on for the better part of the last 12yrs) withdrawal. I had uncontrollable hand tremors, would forget how to talk and always felt tired but wired and anxious at the same time. I have been feeling a lot better physically and now get 4-6 hrs of sleep a night but lately I have been feeling extremely withdrawn and lonely. My relationship with my wife isn't so well at the moment(unofficially seperated) and I live in a sober house. I just feel like I don't belong anywhere.. I have been working 50-60hrs a week just because I don't know what else to do with myself(also because I find validation in money). Overall I am happy and love being sober but I have this lurking emptiness. I have a sponser and I work the program but these feelings still persists. Is this normal? I know about PAWS and I have all the symptoms. Could this be the cause of my meloncholly brainfog? Sorry about the long paragraph.. I'm on my phone and can't seem to break it into paragraphs.
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You would probably benefit from some activities and hobbies you enjoy. Pick up a good book, writing my own book as well as reading is really what got me back into loving life. :)

Exercise and physical activity are also musts.

There's other things I would recommend too, but start with these.
 
^ =D

I had some pretty "major" things happen this month.. I handled these in a way, that I wager, pleasantly surprised those closest to me.

I can't express the degree or nature of my transformation and its impossible to convey my gratitude about it. <3
 
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