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November Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. Thankful for Sobriety!

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Hey Rio, don't beat your self up for it! We're all human plus we're addicts. Whenever I relapsed it was pure addict slapstick. Most important thing is to stay away from drugs now. You will only experience minor withdrawal symptoms if any at all, and it will be your mind most of the time. Keep up the good fight!
 
To everyone still in the first yard of Sobriety/getting clean, keep going. Just a little tiny bit at a time. It gets better, that I promise.

I am very grateful for my sobriety for so many reasons...but the biggest reason is to be 100% present for my daughter. It's way to long of a story but to get to "this" me, has been hard won, but oh so worth it.

I am grateful that my issues with anxiety/panic are addressed. The amount of gratitude of I have for that has no words.
 
I can really relate to this. It's bizarre - I have no idea if this will change, since I haven't gone over four weeks clean in over a year (pathetic I know), but in the early days I feel lonely even when I'm with friends, unless I'm literally the life of the party I feel like I'm just a burden, and even when I am on form and am the life of the party I later on feel like I was just being fake, and then when I'm on my own I feel even more lonely & depressed. its miserable and I don't know how to stop it - other than using heroin.

I can be with a roomful of friends and still feel not there (sober or not). Some friends no I feel ok though and I'll generally enjoy my time with them. Certain drugs just give me flashbacks too, it's annoying really... I re-do them randomly in hopes of simply making new better flashbacks (not really working...) When I'm sober I'm more in control though. I don't really see drug use as a bad thing unless you're abusing them to escape or if they interfere with your "normal" life. I never tried heroin, not really interested in having some new addiction (with all the withdrawals and all :S), but I understand where you're coming from!

You can always start by just changing your environment too, it's never too late. Positive places and surroundings (people?) can make a difference. Like the "rat park" experiment.
 
I am at one week sober now. Have slept horribly all week, immune system still down, but at least no panic attacks today. I also cleaned for 3 hours today (pt job) which was a good workout and attempted to cook and eat a filling/healthy dinner so hopefully I sleep okay.

One day at a time indeed. For some reason reading that sentence gave me goosebumps. Suppose it really resonated.
 
Even though you are all strangers to me and I can only read your typed words.. I also wanted to add it feels good to rejoin this community. This is such a difficult yet healing thing for all of us. Good to feel the solidarity.
 
Keep at it custard, the rewards far outshine how you feel now. Before you know it you will be doing barenaked handstands down at the train station just to impress all the homeless dudes that never thought you would make it. You will truly have strength and be okay with who you are!
 
^Well said...I was just on my way to do the above in front of the judge that told me I'd never complete probation successfully lol.

Custard, I'm really glad you're back too. We're all in it w you. Good job on showing up for life (w going to your job, making dinner, etc), not easy.
 
Just completed probation today. I am now a law abiding citizen! Stargazer we can be off probation buddies!
 
Day 15. The restlessness has subsided significantly, thank God.

Now Im dealing with these awful side effects of the Wellbutrin. The last few days I have just been snapping at everyone, getting so pissed off at things that I used to not blink an eye at. I called my dr and she prescribed me Vistaril 3x a day as needed. I just went and picked it up. My sweet boyfriend drove me to go get it and some lady was in line after she got her scripts in the drive-thru and spent probably 2 min just fucking around before moving so we could pick up my script.

I started going off "What is wrong with people like that?? Like what the fuck? Pull over to the side if you wanna fuck around people have shit to do!"
My bf was like "baby calm down.."
My reply- "SHUT UP!" followed by tears and "oh my god im so sorry... see? what is WRONG with me?"

Ugh.
 
Thanks, guys. Your support really means a lot.

I tend to be really hard on myself, have a tendency to create what my therapist calls 'moving goalposts' - ie. as soon as I accomplish something I move onto the next problem without pausing to feel good about what I have done.

I suppose 'showing up for life' is a tougher task right now than I (and probably some of you) give myself credit for. Still haven't slept properly.. but at least I am surviving. Sometimes that's all you can do, I guess.

Congratulations to you guys too - Stargazer, manboychief, Captain.Heroin, msox12... I don't know any of your stories really, but you have my support and camaraderie.
 
Even though thanksgiving is an extremely emotionally painful day for me I made it through. I can say that coming to the sober living forum was very helpful. Some of you know my situation with my ex...thanksgiving was the day she poisoned me with adderal which made my panic disorder go nuts...which led me to want to go to hospital.....ehh if you want the synopsis just PM me.

I cooked an amazing meal for those I love and support me and they kept me from dwelling on the fact I lost my son and almost ended up in jail five years ago because my ex is a liar. The most important thing is I didn't use!

CH:Things getting any better? U never text me and I love talking to you.

Msox: One of the best things and worst things about recovery-"you feel everything, but you also feel everything" for the first time in a long time. Be grateful you have a good man/woman by your side to help keep it in perspective. I was a near suicidal wreck when I was going through early PAWS. Thank the lord I was in rehab and always had someone to talk to.

When I read this thread I have a sense of pride welling up inside of me. I have watched from the october thread through today and I see very real progress in everyone and it makes me want to work that much harder to stay sober. So I tip my hat to you all my fellow bluelighters!

here are some pictures of me getting dressed up a little for company and the company that came over to keep me sane8) (of course everything from scratch, and some food and fresh herbs out of my garden, along with some of my roses I grew for my centerpieces)
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I also wanted to extend a special thank you to stargazer for helping me put things in perspective and help me not to use though I really had it on my mind. You are truly one of god's gifts, and I hope you know how much it meant to me to get that emotional garbage out that was littering my side of the street.
 
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Manboy-- Woo Hoo!!!! Great job on being off of probation!!!

Great pictures....and look at you looking like the smooth operator! You look great. :)

Having your beautiful family, that loves and supports you, is what its all about it. An hey...is that greens at the end-escarole? Roses are beautiful! I know that are far from easy to grow too You are very welcome manboy. I'm here for you anytime you need to talk.
 
Hi everyone. I've lurked around blue light for so long and now I'm finally ready to post. Last night I took my last oxy's before bed and am ready to start living sober. Right now I'm scared of what things will look like in my life, isn't that awful? I have a beautiful family to live for. I'm not sure how bad withdrawal is going to be. I have gabapentin, suboxone, and benzo's if I need them. Right now I'm gonna play it by ear. I've been on opiates for about 5 years. I'm a chronic pain patient for my back, however I don't think I truly needed all the meds they would prescribe to me, I gladly took them though. I'm an addict, I now realize & accept that, but I don't have to accept this addiction anymore. Anyway, I hope to gain some support & hopefully I can be supportive to someone else in the future.
 
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