Delirium fevered reality

[Gauze]

4 months in jail, just out. 28 with 10 years of living chronically intoxicated because I felt more comfortable drunk( &! At as such maddening state of delirium & panic in the morning)Co-Benzo addiction has raised his nightmare to hellish proportions. Not wishing to write so extreme on my first post but, I believe there is now no return to "normalcy" without hitting he GABA A. Uncomfortable, nervous, panic attacks , paranoid, nightmares and on & on. I would think any wet brain would dumb somebody but not destruct the mind with such bizarre horror.

Is there a line I crossed? Are my options only suicide, living with this double edged blade or tripping with a permanent madness. With 4+mg Alprazolam/clonazapapam or / & two 40s my spirit begins to wake free only to be chained by Bacchus in the morn paying a heavy toll.

Taking 4000+ mg gabapentin & around 260 mg baclofen in the day. not hitting the button. I...is this my doomed fate?

(edit) Wanted to add that I smoked what was thought to be methamphetamine ( moderately experienced) which I do not think it was coz it sent me into a disturbing bad trip. May have contributed.

 

[Tanner Blaze]

It's never too late to return to normal, people do it every day. The real challenge is to stay clean. Im not sure what you got locked up for, but booze, benzos, meth,etc... are not good if you have an addictive personality like myself. You should alsways check your source and test your stuff before you smoke it if you can.