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Suicide attempts from failed attempts to quit opiates/opioids. [Currently on BUPE]

S

snikrepj

Greenlighter
Joined
May 28, 2014
Messages
4
Okay, let me start this off by stating that I'm 18 years old and have been fed heroin grade opioids from a parent. I'm not going to mention which one as it isn't important, any Mother or Father should protect their child from this shit (Percosettes/Methadone) etc since I was 12 years old and was not warned about withdrawal symptoms from taking them everyday, I just figured at the time as any ignorant child would "Hey, this came from a doctor so it can't be bad right?" I later found out about withdrawals at around 14/15 years old and wasn't too happy about it, but I couldn't stop. At 16 years old the opioids stopped as my parent's doctor stopped giving them to him and I was in deep shit, and I knew that a "friend" of mine could get heroin, so began the worst year of my life. I started banging heroin daily until about 9 months ago, so I was about 17 and 1/2 and had used heroin for a year. I went to pain management and fell for another scandal because, once again I trusted my doctor without due research, if I had known what Suboxone is like to come off of, I would've just tried to get off with hydros, but they're not an option right now as they're going for ridiculous prices these days and the Suboxone is free. How do I come off of this shit and change my lifestyle, I tried cold turkey and made it a week and still felt like killing myself (I've attempted suicide many times, whether it be by taking a huge shot and 8 somas and 8 bars or (When I was still ignorant about prescription medicine) I tried to kill myself with Tylenol, which just resulted in massive stomache pain(anyone who's ever overdose on this type of shit before will know what I mean)). I'm so young and dropped out at 15 to do this shit, I want to go back to school but I know that I can't go because I run out of my Suboxone early all the time and withdrawals at school is not an option.

TLDR;
I take 8mg strips, sometimes 2 a day or 1 and 1/2 a day, how do I escape this living hell.

If you took the time to read I appreciate it, thank you.
 
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Im sorry your parents are POS cuz that is what they are and unfortunatky the only way to get off the merry go round is cold turkey or taper like any opiate.

If the suboxone is free i suggest doing a nice taper all the way down to .25mg if you hsve enough and are disciplined enough

Im sorry you were put in this oosituin by your parents it is didgusting words cant even describe.

But stay positive. You started young and have many years left so get off the shit and go live a productive sober life. Maybe you should become a drug counselor or something like that. Get clean and help others lol idk im just spitballin to try and get ya to be positive thst doesnt have to be your life forever and you can turn this experience into something positive.

I hope othets respond as ykur situation is really not your fault, and you pretty much had no shot since you were handed dangerously abd addictive opiates as a youth who really knew no better. Age 12 is no joke it aint like a 16/17 yr yer old.

I feel for you but in a sense im happy that you didnt start at age 18, 20, 25 you already see how nasty addiction is and you can fix this mess in which your parents created for you

PM AT ANY TIME, and i mean it for advice, to bullshit, or need questions answered no matter how silly you may find them.

I, like others are hear for you. Stick around read, and take the advice from the awesome members here. I like others have been and are still in your shoes.
 
I took the time to read this. And I am really sorry for what you have been through. I don't have any profound advice, but I did notice one thing - you say that you are constantly running out of subs early. I am on Subs, also was started out at 16mgs, also after a big heroin habit, and I have found that 4mgs holds me just as well as the 16mg. Less side effects. So effectively you could stretch your supply out four times as long, and maybe this would just make the quality of your life go up a little, you know?

It may also make coming off the subs a little easier. I don't know for sure because I have yet to detox from Subs. Try to go down to 8 mgs for a couple days, then 12, then 10, then 8, then 6...stop at 4. Frankly, I went straight from 16 to 8 to 4. And I felt nothing.

I hope that helps a little? Maybe it could at least get you back in school so you can feel productive. I wish you the best, I really do. I have a little girl and I just CANNOT IMAGINE ever giving her drugs. I just don't understand it.
 
I'm only 16 and I've been doing heroin for close to a year now, I started IVing about 5 months ago. Three weeks ago I overdosed for the first time, I was basically choking on my own vomit and I felt like I was falling asleep it was the worst feeling in the best way possible. After being so sick my head was pounding and I just wanted to end it all. After attempting, a friend had driven me to the hospital to basically save my life. I was in the hospital for a little less than a week while I was getting through WDs and I was put in a youth facility for the mentally ill. I got out yesterday, and I start my 12 step program in two days. I don't feel any better and I just want to start using again but I'm scared shitless. I wanna start suboxone but I don't want to go from addictive substance to the next, you know?
 
Do not go to suboxone unearthlyn. If you have already detoxed from the opiates than it will be little help for you. Right now what you need is a program (which you are getting) a psychiatrist (to prescribe medications that will help you fight the reasons you were using to begin with) and a change in your friends/ habits.

You can do this. I once was in your shoes, and I wish I had never done suboxone replacement therapy.

@snikerepj. Suboxone is a tough one to kick. You have to taper down over a long period of time. This will ony make the withdrawals easier, it will not stop them. Make sure you are in a sober environment (ie. away from the parent that is giving you drugs) and start seeing an addiction counselor. You are young enough to bounce back from this, and you have already made the most important step in recovery...admitting you have an addiction problem. Suboxone doctors generally don't understand how potent and life changing bupenorphine is. They prescribe in too high a dose nine times out of ten because they have been fed a bunch of pro suboxone propaganda. I would highly suggest doing what dognasher says and going down to 4mg a day. you will be uncomfortable for a couple days, but you will not notice much change. 2mg after breakfast, and 2mg after dinner. That is what you need. Go to your GP and explain to him what is going on. Most general practice doctors understand the dangers of suboxone, and understand the withdrawal profile much better than suboxone doctors. He/she might be able to put you on a regimen of comfort meds (clonidine, valium, zofran etc) in a dosing schedule to help mitigate your withdrawals. It will not completely get rid of them, but will definitely help you withdrawal easier. Look up the thomas recipe. It has a list of supplements that will help you feel better as you withdrawal.

For both you and unearthlyn. This is only beating the dependence to opiates. You still have a long and hard road ahead of you to beat the addiction. Addiction is the cravings, and the desire to use. It is completely different than dependence. I would suggest going to an inpatient rehab so you can learn the skills needed to cope without chemicals, how to best beat the PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome), and how to enjoy life again. Personally AA and NA seems to cult-like for me, however it may be helpful for you to stay clean. Even though I don't go to meetings regularly I still stay in touch with my sponsor because he has more clean time than I do, and helps when I have questions or I just need someone that understands me to talk to.

Goodluck. Consider me on your team and you can pm me anytime you wish. Even if you are deep in withdrawals and just need a kind word, I am here for you.

PS: always clean out your inbox as a greenlighter because you can only hold one private message at a time and people may be trying to PM you.
 
yeah, to clarify - I got on Suboxone after FIVE YEARS of heroin addiction. Five years, man. It was basically that or death. It's not to be taken likely. The above post by manboychef
is pretty spot on.

I tried rehabs, I tried abstinence, I tried Vivitrol, EVERYTHING. This was my last ditch before Methadone. It was not a decision I took lightly.

I would really try everything else before you get on maintenance, but that's your decision.
 
You are absolutely right Dognasher. If you are stuck in the cycle of addiction for longer than a few years and you have developed a dependence then subutex/suboxone is a good idea because it will help you get your life to a manageable place that will be easier to detox in.

Most people that need suboxone are in full on crisis mode, and about to lose everything and really just need the stability it provides.

You and unearthlyn are young. Do as dognasher says and try everything else you can and keep trying to quit before you go on maintenance.
 
everytime i come off bupe i feel like killing myself, thats how bad it makes me feel.
never tried it tho
 
So weird, there's another thread just like this ... Ill tell you the same thing I posted there

Man you're not alone. I am 23 and have been struggling with opiates forever it seems ... Got addicted mentally at 15-16.. Vicodin, Percocet etc. at 18 started shooting heroin. Got on methadone at 21 and been on since, tapering incredibly slowly.i know how hopeless it can seem. How it seems like society doesn't understand and hates you for it, thinking you're having fun and partying when really it's torture. But we are young, I run into guys twice my age still dealing with this shit. We have a whole long lifetime in front of us.

And cliches aside, the one reason I never followed through with killing myself was the thought that I didn't want to end it like that. Leaving everyone to think of me as a junkie. Never being happy, just ending it sad. We all have th chance to be happy. Just takes courage to change in ways we don't want to.

Hit me up PM style, ill try to check more often than I usually do
 
Please don't give up. There is a life for you. I recommend reading about meditation and spiritual healing. Nothing religious. Eckhart Tolle is a great place to start, tons of videos on YouTube, some about addiction.

My opinion is that we are looking for a generic form of what we can fill our selves with through waking up spiritually. We can become aware of a healing and peaceful space that is always within us. That's the light we are looking for in substances in my opinion.

Our culture is just very empty and unhealthy. This isn't your fault, but you can change your course and make an impact in this world.

Feel free to PM me as well.
 
Wow.. Pretty speechless I got any support, I'm not used to that when discussing my heroin addiction.

For anyone who cares for an update on my situation, here it is.
I'm currently on a very slow taper.. I'm decreasing my dose by 10% every 15 days as recommended by many specialists and am currently down to 2mgs a day and feeling pretty normal.. Still the onslaught of problems that come with being an opioid addict I feel immensely better about myself and to anyone, particularly young people struggling with this disease I just want to say that I definitely know where you're coming from, but coming to realize that you can live without this shit and starting to actually take steps towards that goal is mentally rewarding and better for your happiness altogether. Any small victory is major in this game, and you can't ever give up, because your life is at stake. And I've still got loads of work to do, continue my life that's been put on hold due to these substances. It's so helpful to talk to people in your exact situation.. Again, thanks everyone for the kind words and hopefully I can get sober soon :)
 
That is so wonderful to hear! Kudos and congratulations and I am wishing you continued success and best wishes.
 
Ya bud u shouldn't need that much subs less is deff more with them. That will help u w/ the running out problem too so it is a win/win....I had 1-3bundle a day habit , clinic recommended 16mg....because of course they would.....I am more than straight taking only 4mg...I agree tho w/ the above posters that if u can avoid subs please do that, I wish I never got on them. I relapsed & thought I should to prevent further relapse but relapse is a real part of recovery for a lot of ppl. If I go any lower than the dose I'm on now I'm calling for opiates (successfully idk how, lowered to 1/2mg) & after 4 years of trying to stay away from that shit it is very disheartening To see your addict self return.....I had the false impression subs would help cure my addict brain but they do not. 4 yrs later feels like I wasted the 4yrs. They will help keep u away from shit but try to get off subs n u will realize what a mistake it is. Only saying this because I wish I had received this message when I was considering subs....Good on you though mane for having the awareness getting clean this early when most ppl r just starting to get fucked up, takes balls man. It sucks @ first but u will get used to it...we only have 1 life make it count right? I'm 24...started getting clean @ 19 was an early bloomer like u. We don't want to be 40 dealing w/ this shit (apologies to 40 yr olds, but it did help me seeing the older Crowd in meetings to show me the life I didn't want)
 
Yes yes... Listen to these guys. If you're fed up and the shit is free do the damn taper. Don't be afraid to take big steps down. Discipline yourself.
 
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When I was in hell, I never knew about methadone - today, I do. It's the key to get out, I promise you that. No WD no pain nothing just get to a clinic and get on MMT (methadone maintenance treatment) and you can either stay on it or taper off. Without methadone I worry for your chances.
 
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