Relapsed After Three Months.......

[Roachmon95]

In June of this year I was out into a rehab center for opiate abuse. Long story short, I was put on zubsolv and attended out patient for quite sometime. I managed to stay clean from all opiates besides the bupe since I was checked in. Yesterday marked one month of me being clean from all opiates including the zubsolv, and I foolishly relapsed. I took about 1.5 mg of buprenorphine and a vivazen shot (which contains kratom). Today I feel ashamed, and like I let myself down hardcore. If I start using drugs again I wont have a roof over my head, and my parents will probably disown me. I just need some support. I planned on never abusing any form of opiate again in my life.

 

[dognasher]

I certainly don't want to seem cavalier about your relapse, but relapse is part of recovery, I believe. To a point. Give yourself a break. Stop now before it gets worse. Every day is a second chance. You sound aware of your actions and aware of the risks.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Get some therapy or attend meetings.

 

[mahi]

The real cure although always avoided at all costs, feel the pain of your decisions. Once you own them and take responsibility for your decisions things can really change. No roof? how a bout adding no money? Sleep on a few couches till they tell you to move on and then what? see yourself in a homeless shelter? No you don't because if you did your desire to avoid that would be much higher. In the back of your head you believe or know someone will come to your rescue. When you have only yourself to figure out the mess the answers become much clearer. This isn't tough love, just taking responsibility for your actions and the outcomes of those actions. No different than someone who foolishly blows his money and when in need they know someone will give them money, again to get out of a jam. Think that person will sit down and write a budget and start to handle money better? not likely. Only when they feel the outcome in its full glory does the light bulb go off to change. One day, eventually there will be no parachutes and between now and then will be a lot of wasted time you look back on and regret.

 

[stillkickin]

I certainly don't want to seem cavalier about your relapse, but relapse is part of recovery, I believe. To a point. Give yourself a break. Stop now before it gets worse. Every day is a second chance. You sound aware of your actions and aware of the risks.

I can't help but agree with this sentiment. I've yet to know anyone that had a solid addiction kick it perfectly, myself included. Definitely time to pick yourself back up, make amends with yourself for your transgressions, and start again. A big part is if this was contained to a single occurrence, you won't have a major hit to how you're feeling physically, which is huge imho.

 

[Want to quit]

Congratulations... being clean for a month is a big deal, you can be proud of yourself for sure.
put that one time slip behind you..keep moving forward.
our past does not equal our future.
keep up the good work!

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

The way I would choose to look at this situation is like this....

Just how much does this relapse really change?
What does this relapse prevent you from doing in your recovery that you want to do?
Are the extreme feelings of anger at yourself a reasonable way to respond to the impact this single instance of using is going to have on your life?
Is it however a normal and common response?
Why is the relapse making you feel like this?
Is the using more likely to have a negative impact on you or is your emotional response more likely to?
Are these emotions going to help you in your recovery or hold you back?
If you are serious about your recovery will the act of having used hold you back?
Is it possible to take a positive from this and change your outlook in a way that will increase your chances of recovery in the long run?

Now...for me, and I'm guessing many other people, the responses would go something like this:

In practical terms, pretty much nothing.
In practical terms, pretty much nothing.
In light of the above two responses, no of course it isn't.
Yes, I would wager most people fighting addiction probably feel like this at some point. I know I have.
Probably because you are in a very emotionally vulnerable place and full of confusing, negative and enraging feelings/beliefs about your experience of addiction and your actions during it. On top of this you have probably been part of some sort of societal system-be it some sort of philosophy of addiction you have been encouraged to adhere to under threat of never getting well if you don't or simply the wider cultural zeitgeist-that is telling you that you will always be this way, reinforcing those beliefs.
For me it's my emotional response to having used (be it positive or negative) that will make me use again. The future is not fixed or necessarily determined by the events of the past, there's a human response in between that is the driving factor.
Negative emotions can help me in my recovery if I examine the causes and implications of them, but simply feeling terrible without examination is a fast track to using again.
I don't see any good reason why it should do, I make the decision as to how I respond to the events of the past. I am not an automaton with a predetermined response and it is up to me whether something has a positive or negative impact in the long run.
Of course.




Just my outlook.