Age at the time of experience: 20
Weight: 80kg
Gender: male
PROLOGUE
It has been a few years since my first experience with LSD. Since then I've done it a numerous times, along with LSZ and other similar compounds. But none of them have been as terrifying as the first. I was a beginner when it came to psychoactives in general - I had drunk alcohol a dozen times, smoked some weed; so it comes as no surprise that I was not prepared for what I decided to do. I did research the pharmacology behind LSD and figured that it was safe, read the subjective effects from Wiki and decided "heck, it'd be interesting to try". I was not looking for a spiritual or enlightening experience, I just wanted to have fun. Now I should mention that I have always been a lone drug user, except for alcohol, so this experience was mostly alone.
Here comes the interesting part. I had finally obtained LSD and decided that I'd try it on a Thursday as that was my last day of university for the week. I was and still am a what you would call a high functioning person - I'm a chemist, at that time I was studying in a university and my GPA was 5.0. I ran with the bad crowd though. I had shady friends and so, as it happened, I ran in with a couple of thugs on Wednesday, the day before. Without going into much detail, it was frightening. I'm a completely non-violent, rather shy, friendly, good-wishing person, so for me it was a disaster. They even came kicking at my door in the night, whilst I sat in the darkness holding a knife, shaking. The next day at the uni was alright, everything was good except the loads of anxiety from the event day before. I was somewhat scared to go home, because I thought they might be waiting for me as they knew where I lived. Thankfully they were drunk and may have not even remembered the whole ordeal, but I didn't know that at the time.
THE EXPERIENCE
Lectures ended at 2pm, so as soon as I got home I decided that I would go along with my plan and try alleviate the anxiety with a hit of LSD, to try and wind down and have some fun. Famous last words, eh? For me they were. Knowing that the effects last up to 10 hours and usually are accompanied by inability to sleep I decided it was best to take it as soon possible, as I usually go to bed early (10-11pm) and I had an appointment for 9am the next day. So at 2:30pm I place the 250µg blotter (obtained from a reliable source, so I'm positive that the dosage is correct) under my tongue. Now you might be thinking "250? for the first time?". I've always had the tendency to push the limit - I always drink a lot when I drink, get very high when I do etc. So I continue surfing the net and chatting online for about an hour. By 3:30pm (T+1:00) I start feeling faint euphoria, like something good is happening. I decide that the acid is working and think that I'm in for a good time, so I quickly get dressed and go to the nearby store to pick up some chips and other things to enjoy while being high. How naive, huh? The trip took no longer than 20 mins and on my way home I notice that something's off: the ground is a bit wobbly, colors are clearer and the world has that weird "off" feel.
When I get back, I feel mostly sober. Something odd here and there, but nothing substantial. Now I don't know if the walking sped up the pace things were going at, but after getting home things start progressing very fast. About 10 minutes after getting home (T+1:30) I try to surf the net, read and chat as before, but I find it more difficult. I start noticing some visual effects and tend to just space out, thinking. My train of thought often de-rails, takes weird turns and is overall really odd...
And then BOOM! The next thing I remember is about 4:30pm (T+2:00). I'm sitting in the corner of the window behind the curtains, peeking out cautiously, looking if somebody suspicious is coming. I'm overwhelmed by paranoia. I am completely and utterly oblivious to the fact that I had taken something. I'm so consumed by the fear, anxiety and paranoia that I don't even question my mental state - never did it occur to me that I was intoxicated or anything of the sorts. I am confused. I don't know what's happening, all I know is that somebody is coming for me and they want to kill me. The thugs from yesterday, someone else - it doesn't matter; somebody is out there looking for me. Every passing car and even worse a person I see scares me to death. On top of that, everything is morphing, melting and changing shapes in weird ways; the holes on wooden boards on the walls morph and "open-up" when focused at, revealing bottomless abyss behind them.
Time goes by, it's now around 6pm (T+3:30) and no change is in sight. All this time I have not touched a piece of food, barely drank any water. I go to the toilet. I don't know WHY I'm going, it's like automated exercise - I just do it. I relieve myself, all the while not even knowing why I do it and WHAT it even is what I'm doing. Nothing makes sense. Every connection to the real world has been cut. I look around the kitchen on my way back and try to remember what all the devices are for and what that place is used for, all in vain. I don't understand who I am, what I'm doing and what is going around me. I try to look for answers in the computer. As I open the browser, suddenly a picture of a harmless and friendly-looking stoner holding a joint, who is being aimed at by 3 fat cops, appears. It resonates with me somewhat, as I have always been not-so-in-favor of the War on People. So I focus on that for a moment and actually feel a relief. Not after long though, I forget all about that and go back to being insane.
By now it's 9pm (T+6:30) and things are looking brighter. I have remembered that I had taken LSD; by now I remember why I need to go to the toilet, I eat something, drink some water. The severe confusiong is still there along with the paranoia and fear. I'm still terrified of my future and being tired from fearing every footstep I hear, I vigorously search for options on how to stop this madness. I'm still not sure if what I fear (the thugs) is real or just my intoxicated paranoia. I go out for a walk. I come back shortly though, because every person that goes by seems to have that cunning and evil grin. I can't be around anyone. I want to fall asleep, but also I'm afraid to. I take a big shot of whiskey, probably around 100ml. Nevermind not feeling the taste, I don't feel a slight hint of the alcohol in my system after some time. By this time, 10pm (T+7:30), I'm lost. What do I do? How do I end this? I pray to god, ask for forgiveness, even though I'm far from being religious. I state that I have learned my lesson and I want to have my mind and life back. No answer.
Around this time, 10pm, after having exhausted every possibility of feeling any better, I decide I have had enough. I've never had any really close friends, so I call one woman, whom I had something going on with for some time, and ask if I could come over for just a little bit, saying that I need company and admitting that I feel really unwell. She agrees, reminding me that the next day is also a work day for her. So I come over and it's a disaster. I can't form a sentence. By now I know what's going on with me and I just want to end it, but I can't put it into words. The only thing I can put across is something like "I took LSD... I don't feel good... I'm scared... something's weird...". As a strongly anti-drug person, you can imagine the unpleasant surprise the whole ordeal took her by. After her unwilling to co-operate and just being in horror, I decide it's best I leave. By now it's about 11pm (T+8:30) and things are getting brighter and brighter. Walking home, I feel the chilly wind and embrace the quirky wave-like visuals. The letters on my phone screen dance around, morph, words go in waves. I think it's pretty cool and find some relief in that. Home, I decide that things are going to be ok and if by this time nobody came for me, I'm going to live to see another day, so I try going to sleep.
But sleep is nowhere to be seen. I toss and turn until about 12pm (T+9:30), by which time I start panicking that I need to be up by at least 8am and I usually need at least 8 hours of sleep. I decide to watch some series on my laptop in bed to get my mind off the problems. I put on Breaking Bad. But sadly, I can't follow the story. The faces of the actors take bizarre shapes and are unrecognizable, their words make no sense. Half the time I don't even hear what they're saying; their mouths move, but nothing comes out. The next hours are a blur. I try listening to music, search for some calming music on Youtube; try a thousand things to induce sleep to no avail. By 4am (T+13:30) I still get visuals and am fairly intoxicated. The struggle to fall asleep continues until around 7am, when I finally fall asleep. I sleep until 8am, so one hour. Upon waking up, I feel surprisingly well. I'm not exhausted, I'm sober and I feel alright both mentally and physically. I tend to my responsibilities for the day without any problems whatsoever and even stay up until 3am with my friend drinking some whiskey.
EPILOGUE
What did I learn from this? Whew... The obvious, I learned to respect psychedelics. They're not a drug that one should take in order to have fun and get fucked up, or to chill. They're a tool given to us, which when used wisely can provide enlightenment. Also I learned the fragility of the human mind. I experienced profound paranoia, fear and even death itself in some sense. I experienced insanity. It's hard to put into words what that taught me, but it's something very important. It also opened my eyes to a whole lot of different possibilities and the fact that things may not be as they seem. I partially give credit to LSD for the realizations about life I've had since then. And for the advancements in my mental illnesses. I realized how pointless life is. Not in a pitiful or sad way, no, in a completely logical and neutral way.
I've had experiences with psychedelics a dozen times since this. It's now been years since my last trip, and most of it has faded for me. It feels like it wasn't even me back then. I've grown numb and indifferent, but perhaps this would go to the Mental Health section now, so I'll stop here.
Oh and by the way, the woman I sought my last resort from told me that she would not talk to me after the whole ordeal. So that ended our relationship. It was for the best, as the person was completely incompassionate and lacked understanding.
Weight: 80kg
Gender: male
PROLOGUE
It has been a few years since my first experience with LSD. Since then I've done it a numerous times, along with LSZ and other similar compounds. But none of them have been as terrifying as the first. I was a beginner when it came to psychoactives in general - I had drunk alcohol a dozen times, smoked some weed; so it comes as no surprise that I was not prepared for what I decided to do. I did research the pharmacology behind LSD and figured that it was safe, read the subjective effects from Wiki and decided "heck, it'd be interesting to try". I was not looking for a spiritual or enlightening experience, I just wanted to have fun. Now I should mention that I have always been a lone drug user, except for alcohol, so this experience was mostly alone.
Here comes the interesting part. I had finally obtained LSD and decided that I'd try it on a Thursday as that was my last day of university for the week. I was and still am a what you would call a high functioning person - I'm a chemist, at that time I was studying in a university and my GPA was 5.0. I ran with the bad crowd though. I had shady friends and so, as it happened, I ran in with a couple of thugs on Wednesday, the day before. Without going into much detail, it was frightening. I'm a completely non-violent, rather shy, friendly, good-wishing person, so for me it was a disaster. They even came kicking at my door in the night, whilst I sat in the darkness holding a knife, shaking. The next day at the uni was alright, everything was good except the loads of anxiety from the event day before. I was somewhat scared to go home, because I thought they might be waiting for me as they knew where I lived. Thankfully they were drunk and may have not even remembered the whole ordeal, but I didn't know that at the time.
THE EXPERIENCE
Lectures ended at 2pm, so as soon as I got home I decided that I would go along with my plan and try alleviate the anxiety with a hit of LSD, to try and wind down and have some fun. Famous last words, eh? For me they were. Knowing that the effects last up to 10 hours and usually are accompanied by inability to sleep I decided it was best to take it as soon possible, as I usually go to bed early (10-11pm) and I had an appointment for 9am the next day. So at 2:30pm I place the 250µg blotter (obtained from a reliable source, so I'm positive that the dosage is correct) under my tongue. Now you might be thinking "250? for the first time?". I've always had the tendency to push the limit - I always drink a lot when I drink, get very high when I do etc. So I continue surfing the net and chatting online for about an hour. By 3:30pm (T+1:00) I start feeling faint euphoria, like something good is happening. I decide that the acid is working and think that I'm in for a good time, so I quickly get dressed and go to the nearby store to pick up some chips and other things to enjoy while being high. How naive, huh? The trip took no longer than 20 mins and on my way home I notice that something's off: the ground is a bit wobbly, colors are clearer and the world has that weird "off" feel.
When I get back, I feel mostly sober. Something odd here and there, but nothing substantial. Now I don't know if the walking sped up the pace things were going at, but after getting home things start progressing very fast. About 10 minutes after getting home (T+1:30) I try to surf the net, read and chat as before, but I find it more difficult. I start noticing some visual effects and tend to just space out, thinking. My train of thought often de-rails, takes weird turns and is overall really odd...
And then BOOM! The next thing I remember is about 4:30pm (T+2:00). I'm sitting in the corner of the window behind the curtains, peeking out cautiously, looking if somebody suspicious is coming. I'm overwhelmed by paranoia. I am completely and utterly oblivious to the fact that I had taken something. I'm so consumed by the fear, anxiety and paranoia that I don't even question my mental state - never did it occur to me that I was intoxicated or anything of the sorts. I am confused. I don't know what's happening, all I know is that somebody is coming for me and they want to kill me. The thugs from yesterday, someone else - it doesn't matter; somebody is out there looking for me. Every passing car and even worse a person I see scares me to death. On top of that, everything is morphing, melting and changing shapes in weird ways; the holes on wooden boards on the walls morph and "open-up" when focused at, revealing bottomless abyss behind them.
Time goes by, it's now around 6pm (T+3:30) and no change is in sight. All this time I have not touched a piece of food, barely drank any water. I go to the toilet. I don't know WHY I'm going, it's like automated exercise - I just do it. I relieve myself, all the while not even knowing why I do it and WHAT it even is what I'm doing. Nothing makes sense. Every connection to the real world has been cut. I look around the kitchen on my way back and try to remember what all the devices are for and what that place is used for, all in vain. I don't understand who I am, what I'm doing and what is going around me. I try to look for answers in the computer. As I open the browser, suddenly a picture of a harmless and friendly-looking stoner holding a joint, who is being aimed at by 3 fat cops, appears. It resonates with me somewhat, as I have always been not-so-in-favor of the War on People. So I focus on that for a moment and actually feel a relief. Not after long though, I forget all about that and go back to being insane.
By now it's 9pm (T+6:30) and things are looking brighter. I have remembered that I had taken LSD; by now I remember why I need to go to the toilet, I eat something, drink some water. The severe confusiong is still there along with the paranoia and fear. I'm still terrified of my future and being tired from fearing every footstep I hear, I vigorously search for options on how to stop this madness. I'm still not sure if what I fear (the thugs) is real or just my intoxicated paranoia. I go out for a walk. I come back shortly though, because every person that goes by seems to have that cunning and evil grin. I can't be around anyone. I want to fall asleep, but also I'm afraid to. I take a big shot of whiskey, probably around 100ml. Nevermind not feeling the taste, I don't feel a slight hint of the alcohol in my system after some time. By this time, 10pm (T+7:30), I'm lost. What do I do? How do I end this? I pray to god, ask for forgiveness, even though I'm far from being religious. I state that I have learned my lesson and I want to have my mind and life back. No answer.
Around this time, 10pm, after having exhausted every possibility of feeling any better, I decide I have had enough. I've never had any really close friends, so I call one woman, whom I had something going on with for some time, and ask if I could come over for just a little bit, saying that I need company and admitting that I feel really unwell. She agrees, reminding me that the next day is also a work day for her. So I come over and it's a disaster. I can't form a sentence. By now I know what's going on with me and I just want to end it, but I can't put it into words. The only thing I can put across is something like "I took LSD... I don't feel good... I'm scared... something's weird...". As a strongly anti-drug person, you can imagine the unpleasant surprise the whole ordeal took her by. After her unwilling to co-operate and just being in horror, I decide it's best I leave. By now it's about 11pm (T+8:30) and things are getting brighter and brighter. Walking home, I feel the chilly wind and embrace the quirky wave-like visuals. The letters on my phone screen dance around, morph, words go in waves. I think it's pretty cool and find some relief in that. Home, I decide that things are going to be ok and if by this time nobody came for me, I'm going to live to see another day, so I try going to sleep.
But sleep is nowhere to be seen. I toss and turn until about 12pm (T+9:30), by which time I start panicking that I need to be up by at least 8am and I usually need at least 8 hours of sleep. I decide to watch some series on my laptop in bed to get my mind off the problems. I put on Breaking Bad. But sadly, I can't follow the story. The faces of the actors take bizarre shapes and are unrecognizable, their words make no sense. Half the time I don't even hear what they're saying; their mouths move, but nothing comes out. The next hours are a blur. I try listening to music, search for some calming music on Youtube; try a thousand things to induce sleep to no avail. By 4am (T+13:30) I still get visuals and am fairly intoxicated. The struggle to fall asleep continues until around 7am, when I finally fall asleep. I sleep until 8am, so one hour. Upon waking up, I feel surprisingly well. I'm not exhausted, I'm sober and I feel alright both mentally and physically. I tend to my responsibilities for the day without any problems whatsoever and even stay up until 3am with my friend drinking some whiskey.
EPILOGUE
What did I learn from this? Whew... The obvious, I learned to respect psychedelics. They're not a drug that one should take in order to have fun and get fucked up, or to chill. They're a tool given to us, which when used wisely can provide enlightenment. Also I learned the fragility of the human mind. I experienced profound paranoia, fear and even death itself in some sense. I experienced insanity. It's hard to put into words what that taught me, but it's something very important. It also opened my eyes to a whole lot of different possibilities and the fact that things may not be as they seem. I partially give credit to LSD for the realizations about life I've had since then. And for the advancements in my mental illnesses. I realized how pointless life is. Not in a pitiful or sad way, no, in a completely logical and neutral way.
I've had experiences with psychedelics a dozen times since this. It's now been years since my last trip, and most of it has faded for me. It feels like it wasn't even me back then. I've grown numb and indifferent, but perhaps this would go to the Mental Health section now, so I'll stop here.
Oh and by the way, the woman I sought my last resort from told me that she would not talk to me after the whole ordeal. So that ended our relationship. It was for the best, as the person was completely incompassionate and lacked understanding.
