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September Getting/Staying Sober/Clean Thread v. Bundle Up, it's about to get cold!!!

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Yeah!!! This month I will get sober 100%, no alcohol, no cannabis, no MXE, no benzos, no psychs, even cafeine! :)

I promise to myself with this words!! Im not going to fail.

pd: here in the mediterranean sea, Is storming a lot! 8o but is hot as hell...
 
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Shit, I am ready for the cold. Worst allergies in a long long time.

My life is very very good right now, I do feel a sense of loss due to me finally accepting that I will not get a relationship I wanted back but it is what it is. To be honest, with all of the use and craziness I did in early recovery, I am lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life.

This summer has seen me grow in many many ways, most of the experiences were good, some difficult. Two people passed away that I know, broke up with the girlfriend yes, but I also got a new job in a place where I have wanted to live for a long time, finished 9 credit hours in 10 weeks, helped some fellow recovering addicts. I am very excited to move as I do not like the suburbs. I don't think I could ever live in the Burbs again but who knows.

I have my home group tonight, I started working on step 12 today, worked out and am going to try to clean. My current work place is not happy that I am leaving so they are not calling me in to work but whatever. I am good with that.

1 year, 3 months and 23 days clean!
 
Note: Posted this in Aug thread, but didn't realize the Sept thread 'til now.

Too much cocaine. Started about 4 months ago and so far have consumed about 50g of "mostly social/partially diesel" cocaine. I can go two or three days and then somehow I convince myself that it's ok to do it again. Need to cut that out. Need to go back to weed and psychedelics. Let's see how this goes.

Considering cutting out caffeine and nicotine as well.

I miss having an open heart. I resist so much now.
 
August was really good to me I hope for the same in September
 
I've been on Suboxone for one week, I have been clean from EVERYTHING, booze and weed included, for two weeks! I feel wonderful. I have run five miles every day for the past 10 days. Two weeks ago I was ready to kill myself from depression. I am slowly putting everything back together and I feel full of hope for the first time! I do have some sciatica that is killing me softly, though, and not being able to take anything sucks, but it forces me to manage pain the right way, with stretching, anti inflammatory meds, and exercise. For once I feel part of the world, not outside looking it. Much love to all of you while you fight the good fight!
 
Completed my 12 step last night, I ended up writing on it all day and then went over it with my sponsor. Now times to start again!

It took me around a year and four months to complete my first go around and I can tell I only scratched the surface. That is why we do them over and over again. I am not going to start right away, but I think I will start working a first step again when I move.

It has been a tremendous journey so far, the steps really helped me deal with my past and ensure that I try not to commit the same mistakes clean. Stopping the drugs is so minuscule to me now compared to what I have done and gone through clean. That being said,

"Every clean day is a successful day" - Basic Text of NA

I really had to focus on just not using, going to meetings and asking for help my first few months. So if that is where you are at, just do not use. That is all you have to do at first. Some people get stuck on not using and being miserable... I will not lie, recovery is a lot of fucking work and it can be painful but it is so worth it.
 
Hey phactor!! It is so great to see you so excited about your recovery. You haave built such a solid foundation for yourself. I hope you are "sponsoring " people at your meetings, because other people need to see how recovery can work in their lives
it is also appreciAtive that although 12 steps are your path, you share with us without shaming us for not choosing the same path.
It is working for you because you make it work
congrats on your clean time. People that say clean time doesn't matter,usually don't have any
 
^ I've never completed the 12 steps. I believe it must be a great feeling to get through all of those.
Congratulations! :)

totach said:
August was really good to me I hope for the same in September
Click to expand...

Me too.
 
I posted this in the other thread but it got changed to this one, so just going to paste it here. This is solely for opioid, particularly buprenorphine dependents, past, present.


I was curious of other people's in this threads opinions on coming off of buprenorphine, particularly after having been on it for several years minimum. I imagine my plan, which I've so far been doing fairly well, though not perfect on, is tapering down to very lose dose, as to make the transition as hopefully easy as possible, BUT I have been on 'some' kind of opioid now for roughly a decade all together, mainly a few years of H, and about 6 or so years of straight bupe use, though I used to insufflate and do 4-8mg or more per day, whereas now I do maybe 0.5mg total sublingually. I literally take a strip of Suboxone, and fold it and use scissors and break it into tiny 1/32ths and take one of those at a time, 2-3 times per day, but I do know I need to start doing once per day and lower the dose, then every other day, especially since I am very nearing the last of my script and I am not going to pay the high price for this shit again, NOT again, it's a waste of money.

Anyways, the fact my brain has had opioids in it for so long is what I think it going to fuck me over, plus it's always the lack or no sleep, no energy, depression, anxiety, craving, those are the symptoms that cause me to relapse, not the physical stuff, I can handle that though obviously that is no cake walk by any means. And to make things better, I have to do a nice fun repeated benzo taper off benzos, again, after I get myself off the bupe which is my main goal at this point.

So, advice/experiences?
 
Yesterday I had a couple glases of wine, 3 rum drinks and a feew joints, maybe I fail, but I dont feel really bad for it because we had a lot of fun having dinner some meat cooking on a very hot stone.

So I thing is better to change that, sober when Im alone, and only alcohol and weed on a social situations, doing this I dont get bad feelings about the usage.
 
Imtryin said:
Hey phactor!! It is so great to see you so excited about your recovery. You haave built such a solid foundation for yourself. I hope you are "sponsoring " people at your meetings, because other people need to see how recovery can work in their lives
it is also appreciAtive that although 12 steps are your path, you share with us without shaming us for not choosing the same path.
It is working for you because you make it work
congrats on your clean time. People that say clean time doesn't matter,usually don't have any
Click to expand...

Thanks, I am not sponsoring yet because I have not been asked. This is for two reasons:

I think this is for two reasons,

1. NA is very weak in my particular suburb, I actually have started going back to AA (I used to hate AA for stupid reasons) a little bit more often because there are simply more meetings.

2. The people in recovery out here are not really on the same education level as me. I am not bragging, but people often have to ask me to tone down my vocabulary because people tend to be unable to understand what I am saying.

My sponsor also tells me that I am likely too busy with everything going on right now with school and work. I also will point out that I am not a Christian at meetings (I don't go out of my way too of course) and most of those in recovery in my immediate area are Christians. That likely plays a role.

When I move into the city in Decemberish, I imagine I will take on some sponsees (if asked of course). AA (and NA) is very very strong in Chicago and very diverse, full of all types of people. My ex's sponsor is a Doctor for example.

I plan on getting a new sponsor when I move to Chicago, I love my sponsor but its time for me to find someone new. I wouldn't mind finding one that is a little bit like me personally. My current sponsor is the polar opposite of me in some ways (very religious, conservative) but that doesn't matter when it comes to recovery. I am actually thinking of switching primarily over to AA when I move. AA in Chicago is more "open" then NA is here.

Anyways, people that push the steps on other's are often just so convinced that because it worked for them, it must work for others. Addiction makes us very self-centered and it can be difficult for people to understand that different people recover in different ways. So most of them are trying to help. Other's are just assholes basically. Whatever they are, just ignore them. The steps and meetings will be there if you ever want to give them a try.

One of the main principles of the 12 steps is "attraction rather then promotion"... essentially, we have found we bring people in not by speaking, but by action and example.
 
I'm still having awful nightmares but they don't seem to bother me as much now.

Going through rough times but at least I have my 10 months :)

phactor I sent a PM your way, hope to hear back from you soon
 
phactor said:
Anyways, people that push the steps on other's are often just so convinced that because it worked for them, it must work for others. Addiction makes us very self-centered and it can be difficult for people to understand that different people recover in different ways. So most of them are trying to help. Other's are just assholes basically. Whatever they are, just ignore them. The steps and meetings will be there if you ever want to give them a try.
Click to expand...

I can relate to that pretty much. Some people don't understand it's a process and it works differently for each one.

I sometimes suggest AA meetings to some of us who are recovering and I often hear that people don't like AA because of the high power you have to 'believe' in. How does that work for you?
 
In Sf there are agnostics and freethinkers meetings. Yet, with Step 3 one can believe in whatever their own personal understanding is. (just to chime in ime)

I'm doing okay, have my usual pain (was offered narcotics from surgeon yesterday, but declined. Still is tempting, not going to lie). I'm able to function better clean and sober verses using opiates for pain. I'm dating someone that works with maps and takes acid which is totally fine. He's out at an arena now working with folks experiencing bad trips. I almost went along. Not sure if I will at some point, but I do know I'll never go back to any hard drugs. Just for today. :)

Grateful to be able to live my life again without begin controlled by a substance. It truly IS freeing. <3
 
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^ Congratulations Smoky! Declining narcotics from a surgeon is one experience I don't wanna go through. Great strength and willpower I must say! :)

I often question myself if smoking weeds or having LSD would jeopardize my recovery. So far I'm not risking. I'm not comfortable in doing. Say I get into a bad trip and relapse on benzo. And from benzo directly to opiates.

I feel safe where I am now. Like you said never go back to any hard drugs. Not today!!

I'm almost 7 months totally sober!! :D I'm now feeling much more relaxed nowadays. I really hope this feeling continues feeding my hope. My heart sign does not function for some reason, so I'm sending you all this one:

Like CH says much love to everyone! My heart sign doesn't function (??) so I'm sending you all this one
❤ ​
 
It's cool reading about people going through this. I'm sober now too and it almost feels like each weeks gets better still. Brain is healing and body is going back to my normal self. Guess it took awhile to get to this point so it takes awhile to get back to normal.
 
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