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September Getting/Staying Sober/Clean Thread v. Bundle Up, it's about to get cold!!!

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Thanks CH! I've been forcing myself to get up early every day and get moving. Meeting with a staffing company this morning about a part time gig while I still search for a job in my field. Have a great day, everyone.
 
Really missing my ex today for some reason. Its strange, I vacillate between accepting it, being glad we are broke up to being pissed off at her for "using" me and can occasionally be angry at the treatment centers she went through for being so rigid (aka cut off everything and everyone outside of those in outpatient and recovery home.) I guess it really irks me that she could possibly consider our relationship as a "negative" thing or a hinderance, but that is just my self centeredness.

At the end of the day, it is for the best. I do really like being in a relationship, its nice to be able to express love and care for another individual. Maybe something will happen for me again eventually.

Got a date for my move, which is November 14th. I start work on Monday as well! Pretty nervous but also excited. I am just really feeling ready to leave the suburb where I go to school.

1 year, 4 months and 9 days clean for me!
 
phactor said:
Really missing my ex today for some reason. Its strange, I vacillate between accepting it, being glad we are broke up to being pissed off at her for "using" me and can occasionally be angry at the treatment centers she went through for being so rigid (aka cut off everything and everyone outside of those in outpatient and recovery home.) I guess it really irks me that she could possibly consider our relationship as a "negative" thing or a hinderance, but that is just my self centeredness.

At the end of the day, it is for the best. I do really like being in a relationship, its nice to be able to express love and care for another individual. Maybe something will happen for me again eventually.

Got a date for my move, which is November 14th. I start work on Monday as well! Pretty nervous but also excited. I am just really feeling ready to leave the suburb where I go to school.

1 year, 4 months and 9 days clean for me!
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First of all congrats for your successful recovery! :)

IMO when we separate we often go through these same feelings and sometimes we wish things could have been different.

It's one of these life events that take a long time to settle and at the meantime you've tend to pass through different phases.

After all she's part of your history and you are part of hers. These treatments tend to make you take decisions but I think she'll miss you a lot eventually. Very hard to imagine the contrary.

Good luck with your new job!! :)
Erik
 
im 2 days clean and starting to feel better after my relapse a couple nights ago. i had made it 22 days before that and honestly had an amazing 22 days. i didnt even have a bad day 2 days ago, something just clicked in me and i ran into someone with a few pills for a good price and before i knew it I was high. my justification was that the day after was going to be busy, and i had a buy day that day and deserved a "little break"

ive been on a similar cycle for months. ill make like 3 weeks and relapse once and start over again. even though i havent gone back to every day use, i know that using just once is a problem for me and something i cant do.

in the 22 days i recently had, i was meditating, working out daily, ended up getting a new job, was productive creatively, and held down my side hustle/second income. i think under it all i am afraid of reality and afraid of succeeding in reality. ive been escaping some how, mostly with opiates, for 12 years now with a couple clean years thrown in. i havent gone to the doctors recently though. its pretty easy for me to get a script (chronic pain); for the past 18 months id go get a script, plow through it in a week long binge, and have 3 weeks clean. now i just binge for a day a month but i am so sick and tired of it, i feel like it has more control over me now than it did when i was using every day

today i am choosing to live in reality though
 
2 months without drugs or alcohol today. :) I've started doing zazen meditation regularly and I have found that to help with cravings.
 
Change it to one hour at a time and keep it up! It will get better.
 
Went to a great meeting last night. Going to another this morning. Hope everyone is having a good weekend.
 
Good to see your enthusiasm about quitting.
Wish you good luck and persistence!
:)
 
I'll be 60 days off opiates as of October 12th, but I'm heading home soon where I have lots of sources.. I really hope I can stay away.
 
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