September Getting/Staying Sober/Clean Thread v. Bundle Up, it's about to get cold!!!

[Erikmen]

Oh yes. It takes a lot of time. Even healthy there are plenty of emotional issues to go through and the constant endorphin recovery process. It seemed endless to me for the first 3-6 months. It's slowly getting better. But it takes a lot of work!

I know we are supposed to live one day at a time, but I wish I'd feel better much faster. With all the changes, exercises, hobbies, work etc, etc I feel much better now compared to 2 months ago, but I sense I'm not quite there yet.

 

[nygiants1313]

Oh yes. It takes a lot of time. Even healthy there are plenty of emotional issues to go through and the constant endorphin recovery process. It seemed endless to me for the first 3-6 months. It's slowly getting better. But it takes a lot of work!

I know we are supposed to live one day at a time, but I wish I'd feel better much faster. With all the changes, exercises, hobbies, work etc, etc I feel much better now compared to 2 months ago, but I sense I'm not quite there yet.

Hey you may not ne "there yet" but hey your 2 months closer. Just think there is no going back soon and thatvday you wake upnand are "there" ull feel Amazing.

2 months is an unbelievable feat and id give up sex for 2 years to be able to get 2 months. Dont sell yourself short. You are close my friend dont let addiction make you think otherwise.

 

[Smoky]

^ Congratulations Smoky! Declining narcotics from a surgeon is one experience I don't wanna go through. Great strength and willpower I must say!

I often question myself if smoking weeds or having LSD would jeopardize my recovery. So far I'm not risking. I'm not comfortable in doing. Say I get into a bad trip and relapse on benzo. And from benzo directly to opiates.

I feel safe where I am now. Like you said never go back to any hard drugs. Not today!!

I'm almost 7 months totally sober!! :D I'm now feeling much more relaxed nowadays. I really hope this feeling continues feeding my hope. My heart sign does not function for some reason, so I'm sending you all this one:

Like CH says much love to everyone! My heart sign doesn't function (??) so I'm sending you all this one

❤ ​

Yeah, I hear ya - I am not either. I might take some mind altering drugs for emdr but probably won't smoke weed as I used to ALOT in college. Even though the receptors are not the same, one never knows. At least for me.

Congrats Erikmen on upcoming 7! I had no idea you had that much time already. Awesome! Keep it up! I feel safe now as well, which is not a feeling I am accustomed to most of my life.

 

[tripnotyzm]

Tomorrow commences my attempt to boot heroin.
Kinds of nervous when i think about the few days that are to come.. I will be assisted with codeine & some diazepam, but i have no idea whether or not it is going to take away the weird feelings and let me sleep..
I need to sleep. Without h i am finding it nearly impossible to get a nights sleep

 

[somnilicious]

I haven't been on this site in a while and don't expect anyone to remember me but I am living in a large sober community here in lovely Daytona Beach Fl.
I have 105 days clean from a 17yr heroin, methadone, benzo, addiction. I feel extremely grateful to be where I'm at.. It was getting pretty rough there for a while. I had absolutely no energy or motivation. I was confuesed, often slightly depressed and I always felt brain dead and sluggish with fits of anxiety and bad insomnia.. In other words PAWS...
I had been going to the gym and weakly attempting to workout when I happened to stumble on some steroids. Being the addict that I am started a cycle. Since that decision all of my PAWS symptoms hace disappeared. I have energy, confidence, depression is gone... My mind feels clear, anxiety gone... I am extremely surprised with the psychological effects of this stuff and it has only been a week and a half so I don't even really have the massive muscle gains yet. I work in competitive sales and my numbers have more than doubled in a weeks time..
This is all fantastic but I am left wondering about what will happen when I end the cycle... I also feel a bit guilty because I am supposed to be working an honest program and i haven't exactly told my sponser I started taking roids...
I am on step 4 again because I had to start over when I moved here from Orlando and got a new sponser... My last fourth step revealed that I was very driven by fear, feelings of less than, poor self image, low self esteem and inadiquacy... Most likely why I used heroin... This stuff has really made me feel like the person I have always wanted to be.. Is this all going to quickly turn on me like the dope did? Sorry for the rambling.. I guess I should have made my own posts for these questions.. Gonna go work on my 4th step. My sponser has been riding me about starting it. He's always asking me how long I want to be sick.
Feels great to have 105 under my belt... Lovin' sober life.

 

[tripnotyzm]

Be careful somnilicious. Its great to hear this cycle has erased the leftover feelings that were lingering around from your past addictions.. but it might not be the best solution for you in the long run. You cant use forever and if you do use for a long period of time, like any substance, you are going to have to pick up the pieces afterwards.
I dont have much experience in that particular field so ill leave it up to somebody else to give you some advice.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Tomorrow commences my attempt to boot heroin.
Kinds of nervous when i think about the few days that are to come.. I will be assisted with codeine & some diazepam, but i have no idea whether or not it is going to take away the weird feelings and let me sleep..
I need to sleep. Without h i am finding it nearly impossible to get a nights sleep

Good luck man.

 

[Erikmen]

Hey you may not ne "there yet" but hey your 2 months closer. Just think there is no going back soon and thatvday you wake upnand are "there" ull feel Amazing.

2 months is an unbelievable feat and id give up sex for 2 years to be able to get 2 months. Dont sell yourself short. You are close my friend dont let addiction make you think otherwise.

Thanks a lot nygiants!!

Yeah, I hear ya - I am not either. I might take some mind altering drugs for emdr but probably won't smoke weed as I used to ALOT in college. Even though the receptors are not the same, one never knows. At least for me.

Congrats Erikmen on upcoming 7! I had no idea you had that much time already. Awesome! Keep it up! I feel safe now as well, which is not a feeling I am accustomed to most of my life.

I know Smoky! I don't mind being accustomed to this feeling at all!

 

[CfZrx]

I am going to try to stop smoking weed. Today is day 1. I just feel a bit like a fish out of water Hi Erik! Congrats!

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I am going to try to stop smoking weed. Today is day 1. I just feel a bit like a fish out of water Hi Erik! Congrats!

Good luck man!

This is something I don't think I could do easily. Especially where I live. Keep us posted and much

 

[CfZrx]

Good luck man!

Thanks H! It got very hard to deal with around 6PM. I went to Grocery Outlet to see about some junk-food, but when I got there, I couldn't relax and focus so I just grabbed some healthy chips and unsweetened flax milk. I noticed my driving was shitty, and I can see it will be a challenge to be nice sometimes without my usual thc buzz...I almost caved and took a lil puff, but said fuck it,I'm gonna do this.

 

[Erikmen]

I am going to try to stop smoking weed. Today is day 1. I just feel a bit like a fish out of water Hi Erik! Congrats!

Thanks CfZrx! Congrats man. I hope you're adapting well to your treatment.

 

[tripnotyzm]

**day two no heroin**

feeling kind of mostly good today, after taking some phenibut in the way early hours of this morning..
im mostly feeling nothing. no real urges to go and pickup some dope.. just sort of lingering through the day.
i wish it was always this simple...!!!!

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Another day down. Very stressed out, but things seemingly are going as well as they can be. I hope everyone else is having a productive and safe day. Much to everyone

 

[Erikmen]

^Thanks CH. Hope you feel better.

**day two no heroin**

feeling kind of mostly good today, after taking some phenibut in the way early hours of this morning..
im mostly feeling nothing. no real urges to go and pickup some dope.. just sort of lingering through the day.
i wish it was always this simple...!!!!

Congrats Tripnotyzm!! Keep it up.

 

[w01fg4ng]

So I forgot when my clean date was exactly but it was about 2 years ago that I stopped my heroin and benzo habits. So I'm calling it 2 years right now that I haven't used heroin at the least.

Anyway, in these two years I have had exactly one attempt to relapse on heroin which luckily did not happen. I feel pretty good these days and don't really think about using but I'm trying to stay reasonable with knowing that I can relapse anytime if my mind wonders too far...I did relapse on xanax a couple times but it wasn't anywhere near the usage when I was abusing. I don't think you could say my relapse was abuse at all actually, so is that a relapse? I get confused sometimes, but trying to stay reasonable.


Anyway, all is well here and I have my two years off dope!!! :D

 

[Erikmen]

It was really great to hear that. It gives me hope! Great achievement indeed w01fg4ng!!

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Another day down

much to you all

and CONGRATS to wolfgang on their 2 years!!! so impressive. I can't wait to get my 1 year in about 1 and a half months from today :D

 

[w01fg4ng]

Thanks guys! And grats on approaching 1 year Captain! You know you can make it one day at a time!

Some days are more difficult than others for sure, but I like to remind myself that even on the most difficult days when I feel completely hopeless that I still have more control over my happiness than I had when I was using. Sure the first couple days of a relapse might be fun and make me forget my troubles for that time but then what? Then I'm in a worse mental state than anything the "normal/sober" world could throw at me. I like to remind myself of that deep despair when I was using to keep myself on track on the "bad" days.

I think that my addictive personality plays a huge roll in my behavior, but I currently have control over my behavior at two years clean of heroin (at least MUCH more than I did when I was using). It does feel good to have control over my behavior. I feel like I have my life back, a slightly different one but a happy one nonetheless

 

[phactor]

I haven't been on this site in a while and don't expect anyone to remember me but I am living in a large sober community here in lovely Daytona Beach Fl.
I have 105 days clean from a 17yr heroin, methadone, benzo, addiction. I feel extremely grateful to be where I'm at.. It was getting pretty rough there for a while. I had absolutely no energy or motivation. I was confuesed, often slightly depressed and I always felt brain dead and sluggish with fits of anxiety and bad insomnia.. In other words PAWS...
I had been going to the gym and weakly attempting to workout when I happened to stumble on some steroids. Being the addict that I am started a cycle. Since that decision all of my PAWS symptoms hace disappeared. I have energy, confidence, depression is gone... My mind feels clear, anxiety gone... I am extremely surprised with the psychological effects of this stuff and it has only been a week and a half so I don't even really have the massive muscle gains yet. I work in competitive sales and my numbers have more than doubled in a weeks time..
This is all fantastic but I am left wondering about what will happen when I end the cycle... I also feel a bit guilty because I am supposed to be working an honest program and i haven't exactly told my sponser I started taking roids...
I am on step 4 again because I had to start over when I moved here from Orlando and got a new sponser... My last fourth step revealed that I was very driven by fear, feelings of less than, poor self image, low self esteem and inadiquacy... Most likely why I used heroin... This stuff has really made me feel like the person I have always wanted to be.. Is this all going to quickly turn on me like the dope did? Sorry for the rambling.. I guess I should have made my own posts for these questions.. Gonna go work on my 4th step. My sponser has been riding me about starting it. He's always asking me how long I want to be sick.
Feels great to have 105 under my belt... Lovin' sober life.

I personally do not feel that steroids really cause any emotional changes in me. However, I do here often that certain compounds produce feel good effects for some. Keep working on your fourth step.

However, If I were you, I'd say that running a cycle this early in your recovery would be pretty questionable. Especially if you used needles. Also, this kick that you are feeling will lessen and unless you want to start a blast and cruise (you shouldn't IMO) then you are going to have to PCT.

You did your research, have an AI, PCT meds etc right?

1 year, 4 months and 2 days clean for me!