So ill first start off by saying that i dont have a time table or anything, as I wasn't even expecting to go on a journey. I wouldnt say this was a trip in the typical sense, but rather a really interesting experience that i feel has expanded my mind. Im sorry if it doesnt fit the typical trip report format but to me theres nothing typical about this so...
The time right now is 5:39 am, I am in my college dorm and I recently came back into the reality we all think we share. I dont even know what happened or how to describe it from my own perception the way my brain was functioning, but i can essentially recall most of what an observer would. Or so i think.
So, first day of college, fucked up my schedule, bad. So i have meeting with the Vice dean in about less than two and a half hours to try and fix everything. Well, in the hopes of actually getting some rest for a 7am arousal, I took 2x10mg ambien i had left over from an ER visit when i was awake for over 120 hours. (Story for another day?)
I took them around 930pm and was attempting to get to sleep by 10:30, it wasnt untill i had failed the simple task of sleeping for about 5 hours i decided i was bored of this damn bed. I looked at the clock and it was around 3:30, however, with no real rhyme of reason i thought i had fallen asleep. I have no idea why, i have an incredible strong mind that has a crippling fear of losing control or grasp on reality. But for some reason I just knew it was a dream. I, to my understanding grabbed my kindle and my water bottle and went out into the common room of my floor to try and read and relax, without arousing my normally sleeping roommate. Bless that mans soul. Why i didnt chose to just turn on a light in my room, i have no idea, after all, every fiber of my being was telling me i was in dream. As i walked down the hall to the common area, I felt a sense of detachment (as in a weird ego deathy type of way, but much milder) and delusion. By the time I got to the couch and sat down i figured it was a lucid dream because of these effects, along with an odd dis attachment from my senses (I felt the floor beneath my feet but it wasnt me feeling it, and i had trouble keeping balance but it wasnt my mind that was dealing with it) whilst still able to think somewhat linearly and control my movements and perception as if i was awake. I said fuck the kindle, I VERY rarely dream, and when i do it's never lucid, so i wanted to explore my dream world...
I wandered down to the first floor common area where there's a large TV; i think from the moment i left the couch that that was my destination, even if i didnt know it. So down a few stairs (this felt very weird), and around a few corners i went, I was impressed with how accurately my mind had constructed this dream world, id only been in the dorms a few days but this illusion was pretty damn identical. I got the TV and just stood in front of it, i had this idea, for some reason, that since i was lucid dreaming i could use a blank TV screen as a canvas for whatever imagery or dreams i wanted to conjure up.
I have no idea how long i stood there just starting at a blank tv screen with a waterbottle and kindle in hand. Glad no one saw me, actually, im glad i never encountered a person during this, I dont know how i would have perceived an autonomous entity while under the impression the world around me was entirely of my own mind. I dont remember if i ever succeeded in seeing anything through that black screen, but suddenly i was awake. I was half way up the stairs back to my room and i just got slapped in the face with reality. I didnt remember how i got there, to my knowledge i was in my bed dreaming about standing in front of a tv, the next moment i was awake in the stair well. It took a second, but having the kindle and waterbottle with me helped me to piece it together. I was pretty panicked at first but rationalized everything and calm down when i chalked it all up to the ambien. From that point on i havnt been able to stop thinking about a few reoccurring thoughts i had during the "trip". Whats truly real? Why is a dream any less real than "reality" if your mind truely believes something to be true, then for all intents and purposes it is. Why are you so confident that you're awake and sane right now, for all you know youre in a coma. After all, when you're in a (non lucid)dream you rarely realize its a dream, or have any reason to doubt the world your in is real. Its only when something poses too strong of conflict with a preconception of normality you held that you wake up. Why do you think you wake up right before you die in a dream? It's a defense mechanism because when dreaming, thats your current reality, and if your mind thinks you die in it, its theorized you body would take the ques and follow suit. Well thats a theory anyways, sound familiar? Look up solipsism, or just watch the matrix, which ive somehow never done.
I got off topic. But that's the whole experience, and remember its SUBJECTIVE, i technically dont know if i actually ever did go down to that TV or not, my upwards direction upon "awaking" in the stairwell just supports that theory. But who fucking knows, maybe i havnt even woken up yet...
The time right now is 5:39 am, I am in my college dorm and I recently came back into the reality we all think we share. I dont even know what happened or how to describe it from my own perception the way my brain was functioning, but i can essentially recall most of what an observer would. Or so i think.
So, first day of college, fucked up my schedule, bad. So i have meeting with the Vice dean in about less than two and a half hours to try and fix everything. Well, in the hopes of actually getting some rest for a 7am arousal, I took 2x10mg ambien i had left over from an ER visit when i was awake for over 120 hours. (Story for another day?)
I took them around 930pm and was attempting to get to sleep by 10:30, it wasnt untill i had failed the simple task of sleeping for about 5 hours i decided i was bored of this damn bed. I looked at the clock and it was around 3:30, however, with no real rhyme of reason i thought i had fallen asleep. I have no idea why, i have an incredible strong mind that has a crippling fear of losing control or grasp on reality. But for some reason I just knew it was a dream. I, to my understanding grabbed my kindle and my water bottle and went out into the common room of my floor to try and read and relax, without arousing my normally sleeping roommate. Bless that mans soul. Why i didnt chose to just turn on a light in my room, i have no idea, after all, every fiber of my being was telling me i was in dream. As i walked down the hall to the common area, I felt a sense of detachment (as in a weird ego deathy type of way, but much milder) and delusion. By the time I got to the couch and sat down i figured it was a lucid dream because of these effects, along with an odd dis attachment from my senses (I felt the floor beneath my feet but it wasnt me feeling it, and i had trouble keeping balance but it wasnt my mind that was dealing with it) whilst still able to think somewhat linearly and control my movements and perception as if i was awake. I said fuck the kindle, I VERY rarely dream, and when i do it's never lucid, so i wanted to explore my dream world...
I wandered down to the first floor common area where there's a large TV; i think from the moment i left the couch that that was my destination, even if i didnt know it. So down a few stairs (this felt very weird), and around a few corners i went, I was impressed with how accurately my mind had constructed this dream world, id only been in the dorms a few days but this illusion was pretty damn identical. I got the TV and just stood in front of it, i had this idea, for some reason, that since i was lucid dreaming i could use a blank TV screen as a canvas for whatever imagery or dreams i wanted to conjure up.
I have no idea how long i stood there just starting at a blank tv screen with a waterbottle and kindle in hand. Glad no one saw me, actually, im glad i never encountered a person during this, I dont know how i would have perceived an autonomous entity while under the impression the world around me was entirely of my own mind. I dont remember if i ever succeeded in seeing anything through that black screen, but suddenly i was awake. I was half way up the stairs back to my room and i just got slapped in the face with reality. I didnt remember how i got there, to my knowledge i was in my bed dreaming about standing in front of a tv, the next moment i was awake in the stair well. It took a second, but having the kindle and waterbottle with me helped me to piece it together. I was pretty panicked at first but rationalized everything and calm down when i chalked it all up to the ambien. From that point on i havnt been able to stop thinking about a few reoccurring thoughts i had during the "trip". Whats truly real? Why is a dream any less real than "reality" if your mind truely believes something to be true, then for all intents and purposes it is. Why are you so confident that you're awake and sane right now, for all you know youre in a coma. After all, when you're in a (non lucid)dream you rarely realize its a dream, or have any reason to doubt the world your in is real. Its only when something poses too strong of conflict with a preconception of normality you held that you wake up. Why do you think you wake up right before you die in a dream? It's a defense mechanism because when dreaming, thats your current reality, and if your mind thinks you die in it, its theorized you body would take the ques and follow suit. Well thats a theory anyways, sound familiar? Look up solipsism, or just watch the matrix, which ive somehow never done.
I got off topic. But that's the whole experience, and remember its SUBJECTIVE, i technically dont know if i actually ever did go down to that TV or not, my upwards direction upon "awaking" in the stairwell just supports that theory. But who fucking knows, maybe i havnt even woken up yet...