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Why do you fear change?

ForEverAfter

Ex-Bluelighter
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Jan 16, 2012
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(if it is dissected completely) I think I fear change - strangely - because I fear I might get stuck and not be able to change back.

Why do you fear change?
 
if the universe is in a constant state of flux then can anything ever get stuck? if its constantly arising and passing away like the flame of a candle?

i fear change because i am comfortable with what is familiar to me. there is a level of conditioning where i am used to and somewhat unconsciously repeat deep rooted patterns of behavior/thought/reaction. i see surrendering to change as bringing a level of peace and harmony with the nature of life.
 
no you can't get stuck. that's why it's strange.
and you sort of want to get stuck. to stop changing.
but we need to change. it's a weird relationship.

i mean real change - not theoretical change - though.
 
It's pretty fascinating to watch little kids and the various ways they respond to change. It is always the idea of change that is the hardest, rather than the actual change (though this can be difficult as well). I was one of those completely (and inexplicably) anxious kids that suffered a lot of fear over change. According to my parents I grew terrified when even the doorbell rang as it signaled a change in the family's routine. I did not like to go places, meet new people, even our family getting a new car made me uneasy. On the other hand my sister thrived on new situations. I have two sons. My older son was shy but extremely confident. He welcomed change and still does today as a young man. My younger son was more like I had been as a very young child, terrified of change, but outwardly less shy than his brother. When I look for commonality in our natures I can see that both my sister and my older son are less emotional people than my younger son and myself--perhaps this knowledge that you will experience new emotions (the most uncontrollable aspect of being human) might have something to do with the level of fear?

Because I was who I was as a child, I began a lifelong battle against my own fear and anxiety starting when I was about 13. I have made it my mission to confront and try to understand the workings of this aspect of my nature. What I have found is that I will always carry a certain amount of fear when it comes to change but that I can push through it. It is incredible to what extent humans sometimes prefer the familiar (no matter how painful) to the unknown (people in abusive relationships, longtime prisoners etc). Rationally I am able to see this and to want to change this in myself but emotionally I still carry fear.

My mother is someone that does not seem to possess one iota of fear about the unknown and she is also affectionately dubbed the queen of denial in our family. Do these two things relate? I think so. When I am faced with the unknown, my imagination serves up the worst possible outcomes first and then I reel myself back in. My mother on the other hand would immediately imagine the best possible outcome. (When she had a very aggressive cancer 11 years ago she was given 20% odds of survival, 80% not surviving. I was devastated but she said, "Why would I assume I will not be in the 20%? Someone has to be in that group!")

Last thought: pushing the envelope around one's own "comfort zone" may be the scariest thing a person can do but don't you find that it is also the most profoundly rewarding?
 
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i don't fear change, i fear uncertainty. i fear not having enough answers for all the questions facing me.
 
I fear change... that's why I don't like progressivism. I'm afraid of anyone who wants to mess with my guns, meat, freedom, or religion. And I fear for the future of those things.
 
Physical changes can threaten the animal body. We have primal instincts that want to keep things in a comfort zone so that we can minimize danger and threats. Familiarity is less stressful, expends less energy, and promotes well being in the basic sense. There is still physical danger in the world, but most of these primal instincts are now re-honed toward mental activity in the modern world.

Change is threatening when you're attached to a concept. The truth is that change is always happening, no matter what, even if you think it isn't because your concept is insulating you from reality.
 
I'm not sure I fear change outside of participation in modern society. If I lived a nomadic or tribal lifestyle I don't think the thought would even occur to me. I fear change in modern society because the way it's set up means I have much to lose, and once you slip down the ladder its much harder to get back to where you were. Class structure and all that jazz is something we're all enculturated into as we develop.. you ask children in the Western world what they fear the most and its rejection/not being included socially.

Our whole Western enterprise is built out of fear of change. We're shit at embracing change. In other societies and cultures it's usually built into the philosophy or religion.
 
Because the outcome of change is uncertain, and therefore unknown, and people fear that which they do not know. (Theory)
 
^ that's true but often when it comes to change there's at least some idea of the expected outcome. It's like chess, the movement of a piece can have a number of outcomes and it's possible to see all possible outcomes just by looking at where the other pieces stand so there's a greater sense of control than if we were just playing chess in the dark. on the other hand, short-term outcomes are typically more deterministic than long-term outcomes. i think often we are making changes that we don't even acknowledge as real, effective change but that still have a profound effect on the long-term outcome of our lives.
 
I feel this way often. My logic is only slightly different in that I fear change because it implies weakness in my former state. It also allows for me to be molded by the world instead of existing in it. I feel that I should resist change to keep my self worth.
 
I guess it makes me feel like I lost something .
Knowing that something in my life is soon going to be a memory....
I hold on to those... each one has its own energy. Like it's own vibe . A way it makes me feel. When I know something in my life is going to be a memory soon I get anxious, I fill myself up with the energy of this , soon to be memory , everything I experienced , I embrace the feeling it gives me , and in a way I say goodbye..
and when the change happens, I get this terrible empty feeling . No matter what happens in life , whatever I fill my life with , there is always ME left to deal with at the end . It's a very "raw" feeling.
I seem to adapt well though.
I have been in a state of mind where the comfort zone WAS change ,like being on the road. At some point in my life CHANGE was when things STOPPED changing. I was afraid to deal with myself . Maybe that's why I fear change.. because I fear myself.. That's kinda weird.. haha
 
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